My cries this time around weren't ones of fear. These were a gushing relief, making me forget all the pain I'd ever felt. My free hand covered my mouth as I held back a mixture of a laugh, scream and vomit. Yes, it was as disgusting as you think.

My baby's first sounds were filling my ears, repairing every part of me that had been hurt. Vivienne vibrated in her seat next to me, buzzing with excitement. She peered over again and rested her head on my hand, laughing.

"What?" I asked, laughing along with her.

"It's a fucking boy." She grinned at me.

We both looked ridiculous, laughing at such an inappropriate time. I was at the stage of beyond laughing where you just become a pulsating mess, gasping for air.

A boy. My boy. My son!

I made a human!
_____________\\___________

In the gentle light of our hospital room, Guac and I were finally at peace. The soft sound of our breathing dampened the noise of my heart rate monitor. The door opened slowly, Chrissie Mullen sneaking in like a fairy. On her toes, she waved and closed the door, making her way towards me.

"Oh, Lucy, I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you." She rested a bunch of white roses on my bed and kissed my forehead.

"I couldn't have done it without Viv. Does Roger know?" I whispered, looking over at Guac.

"He said he'll ring the hospital when he has the chance. Oh, sweetheart, he was so proud of you. I didn't tell him the sex, either. That can be your job."

Eyes fluttered open next to me and a croaking "ahh" echoed through the room.

"You can hold him if you want. You're legally his nanna, after all."

"I think I'll skip the nanna name."

"Bomma? It's Flemish for grandmother. It's what I used to call grandma Cassa."

Chrissie nodded her approval of her name and walked around my bed. Born 2 months early, Guacamole Baby was tiny. He had blonde, downy hair and nearly invisible eyebrows. His face was round, with a soft redness in his cheeks and a nose I had a gut feeling that would turn out just like Roger's. With a hint of caution, Chrissie slid her hands under his lower back and neck and slowly lifted him up to her chest. For a moment she freezes and her dark eyes met the thunderous grey of Guac's and she burst into tears.

"Oh god Lucy. He's gorgeous." She sat down on the bed again, holding him as if he could shatter. I watched them and glanced at the white clock on the wall.

"In about fifteen minutes, he'll be 9 hours old." I whispered, running my thumb over the soft wool of his little beanie. No doubt Rog will have him in tiger stripe leather pants in no time. Lord help me when he does.

The door crept open, revealing a crack of violent light.

"I smuggled in the good shit." Vivienne announced, holding up a brown paper bag. The aroma of hot chips and gravy flooded the room. We sat together and indulged in our feast while I waited for the phone to ring. I had one hand holding Guac to my chest, the other grabbing chips.

"You got any names yet?" Vivienne asked, stabbing her food. I looked down at my baby.

"I got one. I'm just not sure. When Rog calls, I'll see what he thinks."

I slid my little finger into Guac's hand and he gripped it. His tiny fingers barely wrapped around mine. I kissed the top of his head, whispered that I loved him, and let him go back to sleep.

Roger didn't call.