tw: descriptions of a panic attack in first half of chapter

you chose:
b) ignore it

* * *

Wooyoung stared at the phone in his hand, biting his lip so hard it nearly bled. The device continued to ring, heightening his anxiety with every second that passed.

Jongho's call had caught him off-guard, yet Wooyoung would've picked it up if he were anywhere else. But Seonghwa was right there, standing only a couple inches away. He was so quiet Wooyoung couldn't even hear him breathe.

The call finally stopped, and the screen faded to black. Guilt shot through Wooyoung like a dozen bullets as he shoved the phone into back pocket, hoping with all his heart that Jongho wouldn't be mad at him for what he'd just done.

"Why didn't you pick up?"

Seonghwa's voice alarmed Wooyoung even when he'd been aware of the older man's presence the entire time.

Wooyoung swallowed thickly, staring right ahead to avoid locking eyes with Seonghwa, who was undoubtedly still watching him. "Ah, well, I just don't feel like talking to anyone on the phone right now."

"But, you'd been texting him before, right?" Goosebumps scattered across Wooyoung's back at how close Seonghwa had gotten, the low, whispery timbre of his voice filling his senses like perfume. "Jongho, right? Your friend from uni?"

Wooyoung froze. God, this was just like the incident that happened in his room all over again. Seonghwa wasn't touching him, but he was there. Lips beside Wooyoung's ear, body heat igniting the surface of his skin.

He felt cornered, stuck -- like Seonghwa had chained him under some spell.

Wooyoung inhaled a shaky, uneven breath. Saccharine lemon filled the heated atmosphere like incense.

He flinched, heart leaping to his throat as he felt Seonghwa's warm fingers sliding into his palms, intertwining them. Oh my god.

Wooyoung flipped himself around, his sudden movement taking the older man aback. Using that to his advantage, Wooyoung stepped away, finally able to breathe properly again.

Seonghwa took a step forward, only for the younger to raise his hand, stopping him. "Wooyoung -- "

"Please, don't come closer," Wooyoung said, hands pushing through his hair and scratching his neck. His head was spinning, pounding with a million racing thoughts, and hell, he felt as if his heart was about to splatter. He didn't want to be here anymore. "Just -- just stay where you are. Please."

His gaze was downcast, preventing him from being able to see the look on Seonghwa's face. Was he sad, angry, or annoyed? Wooyoung couldn't tell, but at that point in time he didn't give a shit.

"...Are you okay, Woo?" Seonghwa respected his request, but they were still close. Too close. His gentle voice wormed its way into the younger's storming thoughts. "You aren't acting like yourself."

Wooyoung stepped back and coughed, his chest feeling too tight to bear. He was stressed, so fucking stressed. With him possibly getting drugged, to Jongho almost dying, to now feeling caged under Seonghwa's grip -- the man who he'd allowed to kiss him -- he felt like he'd throw up due to all the pressure. And it terrified him, because he didn't want it to happen again.

Slender, calloused fingers held Wooyoung's chin, pivoting his face upwards. Warmth sizzled his skin once Seonghwa's gaze connected with his, dread pooling in his stomach.

The older man's eyes were hooded, surveying the contours of his face with a calmness that was nothing short of worrying.

Wooyoung grabbed his hand and pushed it off, the man's blazing touches sticking to his face like glue. "Don't t-touch me."

He despised how he just couldn't seem to react the way he wanted around Seonghwa. He'd never been one to stutter so much or get red in the face around others, but everything decided to change as soon as he got here. And he was fucking sick of it.

Seonghwa's gaze was hard, but the grip he suddenly had on Wooyoung's shoulder was even firmer.

Instantly Wooyoung flinched like he'd been stung. "I said don't fucking touch me!"

Seonghwa grabbed his wrists, and then Wooyoung was struggling in his hold, flailing about, even resorting to shouting. But it barely deterred the older, not when he'd already had Wooyoung shoved against the door, mercilessly pinning his arms above his head.

"Let me go!" Wooyoung roared.

"Calm down," Seonghwa commanded. His face was so close, their bodies pressing together. "You're having a panic attack. Please, just take a deep breath."

Hot tears stung the corners of Wooyoung's eyes. His knees felt weak, like he was going to collapse any moment from now.

"Take deep breaths, dear," Seonghwa repeated, tone encouraging. "Inhale, exhale. I'm here, and you're here too. You're alive, and you're okay. I'm going to keep you safe."

Spilled blood staining a faux fur rug, a scattered vase sticking to its surface smeared behind Wooyoung's eyelids the second he shut them. He shook his head to rid it of that image, shuddering as Seonghwa's soft breaths fanned his face.

The blond slowly released his fists, but as soon as he did, Wooyoung stumbled, his legs giving way. The older caught him on time, their lips almost touching.

Wooyoung slipped himself away. "Don't kiss me. I'm not your boyfriend."

"...What?"

Wooyoung looked up, butterflies puncturing his stomach like daggers at the sight of Seonghwa's stoic face. "Jongho... he told me you said you're my boyfriend."

If Seonghwa's face had been unreadable before, now it was utterly inscrutable. The look in his eyes chilled Wooyoung more than Winter's coldest nights.

Wooyoung gulped, but he couldn't stop now. He needed to get his thoughts, everything, off his chest. "Why did you tell him we're dating when we aren't?"

"I can assure you, I never said that."

Wooyoung's jaw clenched, but he was relieved. Even when he felt there was a chance Seonghwa was lying, he decided to let it go. "Okay."

Seonghwa took his hand, thumb smoothing over his knuckles. Shivers raced down Wooyoung's spine. "You never objected to me kissing you."

For what seemed like the hundredth time that night, Wooyoung moved away. "I'm sorry, but I never meant for that to happen. I don't know what came over me."

A heavy silence fell on them, only rivalled by the faint voices coming from the inside of the apartment.

Wooyoung rubbed his clammy hands over his sweatpants. "If you would just forget everything that happened, I'd gladly appreciate it."

Seonghwa never replied, and his quietness made Wooyoung all the more anxious. Unable to take it anymore, he turned around, wanting to head back inside only for the older to grab his arm, stopping him in his tracks.

"I thought you were interested in me."

Wooyoung's heart skipped a beat at Seonghwa's smouldering gaze, confusion welling up inside his body. He hated the hold Seonghwa had over him, the way he left him a blushing, speechless mess every damn time they came in contact. And what frustrated him the most was the fact that he had no idea why he was being like this.

"I'm not, I'm sorry," Wooyoung answered, removing his hand. And this time, Seonghwa let him go. Feeling the blond's stare burning through his skull, he finally entered the complex and headed up the stairs, hoping Seonghwa wouldn't follow him.

He pulled out his phone as soon as he stepped into the kitchen, the device vibrating with incoming texts just as he'd switched it on.

- jongho🐻
i guess you're probably asleep rn
sorry if i disturbed you

- jongho🐻
i was just worried about you, wooyoung
guess i'll see you tomorrow

Wooyoung bit his lip, guilt swallowing him whole.

- wooyoung
i'm so sorry for not picking up
got caught up in something

Jongho's reply was instantaneous.

- jongho🐻
was it because of one of your roommates?
or...seonghwa?

Wooyoung breath hitched, and he touched his neck.

- wooyoung
no
but it's nothing to get worried about

- jongho🐻
you sure?

The hairs on Wooyoung's arms stood on end, and his shoulders tensed. That creepy sensation of being watched was back in full force again.

- wooyoung
yeah

Someone was now breathing down his neck.

"Boo!"

Wooyoung jumped, his phone sliding out his fingers. But a hand caught it in time, bright laughter filling the previously noiseless kitchen.

"Oh my god. I scared you," San giggled, smile wide and dimples digging deep into his cheeks.

Wooyoung scratched his neck, ears red hot with anger that failed to fizzle out despite San soon passing him his phone. "Why..." He swallowed, voice heavy with emotion, "why would you do that?"

San continued smiling. It was obvious he didnt take what he'd done all too seriously. "You were just standing there, and I thought it would've been fun to give you a scare! And it was, right?"

Mingi walked into the kitchen right then, but he went ignored by Wooyoung.

The teen kept rubbing at his neck, trembling fingers carving harsh strokes into the inflamed area until it began to hurt.

"Are you okay?" San questioned, his smile erased. "Shit... you're bleeding."

All it took was the black haired male touching him to send Wooyoung off the rails. In less than a second, he had San slammed against the counter, the older's head bumping into the cabinets.

"W-Wooyoung!" San gasped, but Wooyoung wasn't listening. He had San's neck in his hands, his grip so tight the older's face turned purple.

He violently shook San like paper, his mind racing and black spots dancing around his vision. "Don't fucking touch me!"

A fist, hard and heavy, bludgeoned into Wooyoung's side at that moment, throwing him to the floor. He saw white, head pulsing with so much heat he feared like he'd blow up.

Mingi stood above him as San struggled to breathe, fists clenched and ready to strike once again.

"No," San rasped, coughing whilst pushing the taller way. "Y-You have to -- to leave him alone. You can't hit him."

Wooyoung had his hands slapped over his ears as he rocked back and forth, scooting away as San crouched next to him. His eyes and cheeks were swimming with tears, but at least, at least his brain was empty now.

Voices hissed above and around him like menacing snakes, but Wooyoung couldn't hear them. He couldn't hear anything, too lost in the bottomless abyss of his inner mind to care about reality.

Something held him, and he felt himself rise, but he hadn't known what had caused it. He didn't know what was going on, but his hands remained where they were on his ears, eager to block out the rest of the world.

He soon felt a bed below him, pillows tucked under his head, and that was where he laid until he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Wooyoung awoke the next morning with no recollection whatsoever of what he'd done last night.

After he'd showered and gotten dressed, he realized he had a small gash on the right side of his neck, and he wondered where it came from. He didn't dwell too much on it though, deciding on just closing it up with a simple bandaid before leaving to the kitchen to get breakfast.

He spotted Seonghwa by the island first, setting the plates, and then Yeosang with Whiskers on his lap. Hongjoong was also there, but he looked mad.

"Slept well?" Seonghwa asked with a calm smile.

Wooyoung remembered the older kissing him before he fell asleep, but he hoped Seonghwa wouldn't ever mention it again. "Yeah, I guess."

Seonghwa was still looking at him though, like he'd expected some other answer.

Wooyoung cleared his throat, the awkward atmosphere eating him alive.

"Are you gonna take a seat, or are you gonna keep standing there like that one Robert Pattinson meme," Yeosang voiced out, laughing softly at the younger's frozen body language.

"Uh, yeah." Wooyoung sat down, but then stood up again. "I-I should help with the food -- "

"Sit your ass down." It was Hongjoong who spoke this time, and unlike the other times Wooyoung had seen him, he looked particularly furious. The friendly air he almost always carried with him was gone, his boiling gaze shattering every bit of Wooyoung's confidence.

Hongjoong's fucking scary when mad, Yeosang's words about the redhead replayed in Wooyoung's head as he sat back down.

'Yikes', Yeosang mouthed, but even that wasn't enough to cheer him up.

Wooyoung chewed his lip, nervous at the patronising way Hongjoong kept watching him. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you didn't," Seonghwa said, placing a plate of small sandwiches before him. Wooyoung noticed his were triangular, in comparison to the others' plainly shaped ones.

Who does he think he is? My mother? Wooyoung played with his fingers as Seonghwa poured him a glass of orange juice, another thing he hadn't done for the others. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Mingi showed up, and so did Yunho. But San was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's San?" Wooyoung quietly asked Yeosang when the others were occupied in conversation. The dark haired male just shrugged, not being of much help.

He took a bite of his sandwich, too distracted with his thoughts to notice the weird taste of the meat.

"That is so unsanitary," Mingi snidely commented when Yeosang began feeding his cat some of the meat from his own sandwich. "Seonghwa, please tell him to stop."

"What? I ran out of cat food," Yeosang replied, defending himself. Seonghwa looked too tired to engage himself in their argument.

"Then buy new ones."

"I will, actually. This evening," Yeosang answered. "If you don't believe me you can always come along to see if I kept my promise or not."

Mingi scowled, already done with his sandwiches. "Not interested."

"Ex-actly."

"Shut the fuck up," Hongjoong snapped, promptly leaving the kitchen.

This finally seemed to shut Yeosang and Mingi up, leaving the kitchen in this cold, unbreakable silence.

Wooyoung couldn't finish his food that morning.

Seonghwa ended up driving him to his university after he got ready, avoiding any and all questions regarding San's disappearance.

And to make matters worse, Wooyoung had read the text messages sent between him and Jongho on the way to his first class, leaving him further confused about all that'd taken place last night.

Apparently Jongho had gotten in an accident, and Seonghwa had called him his boyfriend, but each time Wooyoung tried to rack his brain for that specific moment, he came back empty-handed. Which meant he'd had a lapse in memory.

Which meant it'd happened again.

But this time around, there was nothing he'd do about it. There was nothing he could do. He was away from his parents, and if he needed to keep pretending that everything was alright to keep himself as far as he could from those people, then so be it.

* * *

"I still think you should've rested for today, and showed up tomorrow," Wooyoung told Jongho that afternoon in the campus cafeteria, wincing at the state the younger boy was in.

He didn't look horrible, but he had dark bags underneath his eyes, which were still obvious despite the bangs framing his face. Even his skin looked paler than usual, a peach bandaid plastered on his left cheek.

"I feel fine, don't worry," Jongho laughed, his gummy smile on display as he adjusted his oversized blue hoodie. He looked far too cheerful for someone who'd nearly died less than two days ago. "Jinah said the same thing, but I can't afford to miss any more classes."

"You look like you're in pain," Wooyoung stated.

"I'm strong," Jongho assured, sipping his coffee. "I feel better already just by talking to you."

Wooyoung stopped eating, and blinked. He hadn't expected that. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Jongho answered, smile widening at how adorable the older looked all confused and shy. "I mean, we are friends, aren't we?"

"I guess."

"You guess?" Jongho mirrored, faking a betrayed expression.

"You're so dramatic," Wooyoung chuckled, amused when the younger wiped at his eyes, acting like he was bawling. "Seriously."

"Well, before I decided to major in film, I did a lil' bit of acting on the side," Jongho said.

"Why'd you stop?"

"I decided I liked seeing people's acting more than my own, and I also had stage fright, so I changed my dream. I had a lot of dreams, though. One even involved getting a spider to bite me so I'd become Spiderman," Jongho smiled at the memory. "But that just ended in a near-death experience, and a speedy hospital visit with a very pissed off Mr Choi."

"Good god," Wooyoung chuckled in disbelief. "You're insane."

"I know," Jongho nodded. "Kid me was a total dumbass. But at least now I've got cool stories to tell, even if they're at my expense. But still."

Wooyoung grinned, the redhead's words entertaining him so much he forgot about everything that'd bothered him thus far. Only Jongho could do that.

"You okay?" Jongho asked after a while.

"Mhm." Wooyoung slurped his ice blue slushie through a straw. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Jongho stared at him, worry visible in his brown eyes.

"What?"

"Is everything okay at that apartment?"

Wooyoung stopped drinking his slushie. "...Yeah. Everything's fine."

He knew he sounded less than convincing, and that Jongho probably didn't believe him, but he really didn't want to talk about where he lived right now. That was only going to ruin his mood.

Fortunately, Jongho didn't press further, but his next words sent his anxiety skyrocketing through the roof. "I didn't tell you this before, but I'd tailed after San and some other guy with red hair that night I almost died. Dumb move, I know."

"What?" Wooyoung's eyes widened. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I wanted to find out if they were up to no good."

"And did you?"

Jongho's expression darkened. "I didn't. But I saw that weird guy who'd called himself your boyfriend in the backseat. He had his arm out and did this move and -- and then some van came for me out of nowhere."

Wooyoung hated the knowing look Jongho gave him. "...You think he had something to do with the attack?"

"I don't have enough evidence, couldn't even get a good look at the van's license plate or who'd driven it," the younger continued, "but everything in me's pointing to him. Does anyone living with you drive a van?"

Wooyoung absently played with his straw as he tried his best not to freak out. "...No. No one does."

Jongho sighed, raking his fingers through his strawberry red hair, As he did so, his sleeve rolled down, exposing the bandage wrapped around his forearm. It reminded Wooyoung of Yunho's, and it was just as painful to see.

"I know you're probably thinking I'm being annoying, but I..." Jongho paused, eyes conveying a multitude of emotions Wooyoung couldn't read. "Just be careful, okay?"

"Okay, mom," Wooyoung teased, hoping it'd relieve the tension in the air.

The younger male rolled his eyes. "Sure, let's go with that. I also got something for you."

Wooyoung's brows knitted. "What?"

Jongho zipped open his bag, and pulled out a medium-sized Welsh Corgi plushie, passing it over to Wooyoung. He laughed at the shocked expression the older wore.

"Wait -- is this for real?" Wooyoung inquired. His lips parted, eyes large like they couldn't believe what they were seeing.

"Yep," Jongho giggled, patting the soft plush. "The first one got messed up due to what'd happened, so I got you another one. You like it?"

"I really do." And Wooyoung wholly meant it.

"Good, because it would've been quite awkward if you didn't."

"I love it so much," Wooyoung spoke, recalling those treasured memories he'd had with his old plushies as a kid, how they'd keep him warm and help fight off his nightmares. Holding that plushie rekindled all the warmth and safety he'd felt back then, making him emotional.

He slid his arm over the table and squeezed the younger's hand. "Thanks so much, Jongho."

Jongho's cheeks glowed pink. "Uh, you're welcome. I guess."

"Why are you acting so awkward?" Wooyoung questioned, already hugging the plushie close to his chest.

"What do you mean? This is just me acting as myself. Jongho.exe being Jongho.exe," the taller boy replied, pretending he was some malfunctioning robot.

Wooyoung only shook his head, laughing at Jongho's antics. He was happy.

* * *

Yeosang pulled up at the campus' parking lot late that afternoon in San's ford, nonplussed by Wooyoung's surprise at seeing him there.

"San told me I could come for you," Yeosang said once Wooyoung had entered through the passenger side and buckled up his seatbelt. "Seonghwa has no idea since he's still at work, and Mingi's unavailable since he went to get his van fixed."

Wooyoung stared at the delicate-faced man, the older not noticing until he'd driven into the road. "Mingi has a van?"

"Mhm," Yeosang answered, making a U-turn. "The guy never brings it around though, so I rarely get to see it. What? Is there something I'm missing here?"

"No," Wooyoung breathed, feeling his heart race wildly beneath his chest. He searched his bag for his phone, irritated at the way his hands shook.

- wooyoung
hey, jongho
can you describe how that van looked?
that is, if you can??

"Uhm, is San okay?" He asked as he waited for the younger's response.

"Oh, San?" Yeosang spared him a quick glance. "He's fine. Apparently his neck hurts like shit, but he's okay overall."

"Oh." Wooyoung felt Yeosang's stare digging holes into his face. "What?"

"You...seriously aren't aware of anything, are you?"

"What?"

"Nothing," Yeosang sang, his eyes now focused on the road.

- jongho🐻
uh
black, rather large. looked like the bmw type but thats all i got

- wooyoung
oh

- jongho🐻
did you find anything?

- wooyoung
not sure

"Hey, Yeosang?" Wooyoung spoke up.

"Hm?"

"If Mingi brings his van around and I'm not there, can you take a pic and send it to me? I'll give you my number."

Yeosang narrowed his eyes. "What for?"

Shit, Wooyoung didn't think that far. "Uh... I'm thinking of getting a van myself sometime in the future, yeah. I bet Mingi's looks cool, so I want to base mine off it. Don't tell him though. That'll be really awkward."

Thankfully, Yeosang didn't look that suspicious of him anymore. "Sure. Whatever. Hey, do you wanna go cat food shopping with me?"

And that was how Wooyoung found himself shopping with Yeosang, realizing the guy was rather interesting to be around in that fresh, orthodox way. He was kinda like Jongho like that, a lovely bundle of dry sarcasm that entertained the hell out of Wooyoung when he least expected it.

"You told me earlier you're looking for work," Yeosang said as they left the supermarket after buying all the cat food he'd need.

"Yeah, I did." Wooyoung looked at the fuzzy lavender sunset, enamoured by its beauty.

"I think there may be a spot available for you. It's a weekend thing."

"Really? Thanks," Wooyoung smiled.

"No problem. And, if you don't like it, you can quit anytime. Just like you're allowed to stop living with us if you aren't comfortable anymore. I hope you know that."

Wooyoung shoved his hands into his jeans, sighing. "I really can't afford to leave now."

Yeosang patted his back. "Look, I have no idea what you went through that made you willingly come to this place, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you. Even if it's just a little bit."

"Wow."

"Yes, wow," Yeosang chuckled. Wooyoung found his low voice rather calming. "And that's why I'm giving you this piece of advice."

He stepped closer, a somber look overtaking his dark eyes. "If a chance to leave ever arises, take it. No matter what."

His cryptic words left Wooyoung worried. "What do you mean by that?"

"Don't overthink it, kid," Yeosang smiled, walking to San's car parked in the distance. Of course, Wooyoung followed after him.

"Why does everybody keep calling me that?"

"Simple: 'Cause you look like one."

"No, I don't."

* * *

The apartment was deathly silent when Wooyoung arrived with Yeosang, that he thought at first they must've all went to sleep. But then again, it was only just past eight.

Yeosang could barely utter another word before Seonghwa appeared from the hallway, carrying an air of darkness around him even more than usual.

"Where did you go with him?" He barked, digging a finger into Yeosang's chest so forcefully it nearly caused him to lose his footing.

"Chill," Yeosang said, returning Seonghwa's blazing stare with as much intensity. "In case you didn't already see the bags, we fucking went shopping. What? You thought I'd kidnap him and take him from you? Is that it?"

Seonghwa slapped him across the face. Hard.

"Don't you dare take him anywhere alone with you ever again!" Seonghwa yelled, but Yeosang just laughed, enraging him further.

San rushed in to hold Yeosang, but the man yanked his arm away. Vivid pink marred half his face.

"I-It was my idea," San declared, voice incredibly hoarse. "I -- I didn't bring Wooyoung home because of what had happened to me..."

"Then Yeosang should've brought him straight home," Seonghwa pressed.

"He's not your kid," Yeosang hissed. "He's not yours to control!"

Seonghwa grabbed him by the hair, to Wooyoung's utmost horror.

what does wooyoung do next?

a) react verbally

b) react physically

***

a/n: this chapter was baaad, sorry. thoughts?