CHAPTER SEVEN:
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS

"Hey, Aunt May! Yeah, I'm good- listen, can I stay the night with Mr. Stark? No no, nothings wrong we're just working on something and— yeah yeah, okay, no don't worry. Take care, love you," Peter hung up and looked at Tony, "Well that went well."

Tony sighed and looked Peter dead in the eye, "I have no idea how you get into these situations, but please stop trying to give me a heart attack Pete."

Peter laughed nervously, "It's not on purpose!"

"I sure hope it's not!"

Lucifer, who was sitting on the couch with Clint's sleeping figure next to her, looked at them with a raised eyebrow, "Nothing is coincidental."

"This is!" Peter insisted but the devil had a hard time believing that. Just to stop him from getting any louder she nodded and muttered a quiet, "Sure."

The youngling relaxed after that and picked up his backpack with a huff, "Imma go to the guest room—"

"—it's your room, Pete—"

"—I'll be back!" And with that he left, leaving Tony, Lucifer, and a sleeping Clint behind.

The rest of the Avengers had called it a night and left after they had their pizzas. Only Clint was left and that's because he lives in the vents.

"So," Tony started, "How much of the bible is true?"

Lucifer rolled her eyes, "Well I can't say all of it seeing as they referred to me as a he and here I am as a she."

Tony nodded.

"But besides that, I guess it's mostly true. I have no love for humans and no interest in what they do as long as the ones who deserve it get their punishment. I'm not here singing lies in your ears to commit sins and blah blah blah, that's all you and I would be very happy if you'd stop blaming me for every little thing," she then got a thoughtful expression, "But the younger generation is amusing. They have no faith in anything and disregard The Devil and God just the same, not to mention their fixation with death. It's hilarious."

The billionaire laughed, "Tell me about it."

(In his room, Peter was watching montero)

━━━━༒━━━━

Morning found them having breakfast as normal people do. Lucifer was given her own room across the hall from Peter and thanks to Pepper she now had some clothes her size. Not that it was a problem before, but she still appreciated Pepper's thoughtfulness.

Breakfast was nothing fancy, Stark had gotten up at ten and attempted to make pancakes but he was kicked out when he started a fire and Pepper swiftly took over, making simple but fluffy pancakes for a big village.

Lucifer joined them and after poking the pancakes mistrustfully, she cut a piece of it carefully and ate it. Tony watched with amusement as she froze before putting a larger piece in her mouth. Between Peter and Lucifer, the pancakes were done in record time.

Thank god Steve was out with Bucky and Thor was back on Asgard, or else no amount of pancakes could satisfy them.

"So Forks, we have a big glaring issue here," Tony started after they were done eating, "First, We need to find a way to fix this whole you thing. Second, Underoos has classes, thankfully they decided to summon the devil near the end of the week. So we need to figure out a way for you to be near him and not fall from a portal in the middle of physics or something."

Lucifer nodded and tilted her head while she thought of a solution, "The whole me thing, as you've kindly put it, will take time and I need to talk to some of my minions," She ignored Tony mouthing 'minion' with a confused expression and turned to Peter who has been silently listening to them, "Do you have a History class or something?"

━━━━༒━━━━

Steve was proud of his adaptability. He became a supersoldier and adapted to the lifestyle quickly, he woke up 70 years in the future and went with it with little hitch, easily adapting to his current situation and going back to his role of soldier, now with new people and technology and basically new everything. So it wasn't a shock to him when he found himself on the couch with their friendly devil, watching 'What We Do in the Shadows'.

"What is this about?" Lucifer asked as she watched a vampire couple fight over a hat.

"The hat is cursed, but the dude doesn't want to throw it away," Steve explained as they got stuck in traffic.

Lucifer huffed, "Why would you wanna keep a cursed hat?" the couple on the screen went into a club of sorts, "Even I don't keep cursed hats around, bad for the hair."

Steve nodded, "Yeah, but this other dude loves this hat so he doesn't wanna throw it away to brag about it."

"Now that's more reasonable," She watched with humor as the bad luck began to get worse.

"Are you watching WWDS?" Peter walked in and despite the number of empty seats, went and sat between Lucifer and Steve, "I love this show!"

"Aren't you a little young to be watching this?" Steve asked.

"Mr. Rogers, sir, no one really cares about the ratings anymore. They're more of a formality really, a little 'I warned you but do whatever you want' thing."

Steve looked at him for a few seconds before shrugging and going back to watching.

Peter sighed wishfully, "I wish vampires were real, can you imagine how cool it would be if you were friends with one? Or even better, being one!"

The devil looked at him oddly, "What do you mean if they were real? You do know that they are real, right?"

Both Steve and Peter turned to her, shocked, "What?"

"You didn't know?"

"How were we supposed to know!" Peter said before he tucked his feet under him and leaned towards Lucifer with wide eyes, "Are they really real?"

"Yes."

"Can we see one?"

"Peter-" Steve tried to gain some control over this situation before it could get out of hand, but Peter had a goal in mind and nothing would stop him from getting to it.

"Yes, I need to warn them beforehand but if they haven't been killed in the past months, we can go for a visit."

"Ms. Lucifer, you're so cool."

As if sensing that his place as the kid's idol was in danger, Tony walked in with a juice box in his hand, "Who's cool and why?"

Peter accepted the juice box, "Ms. Lucifer is taking me to see some of her vampire friends."

"That's nice," Tony said absentmindedly as he watched what was happening on screen, wondering if he should turn it off and scold the other adults and the kid himself about watching these kinds of stuff, when the words finally registered, "Wait what?!"

Steve sighed. Why is he the only one with adaptability?

━━━━༒━━━━

The vampire fight went for some time, and Tony finally ended it with a 'I'll think about it.' While it wasn't a yes, it wasn't a no and Peter celebrated it by watching another episode of What We Do in the Shadows and listing the questions he was going to ask the friendly vampire in his head.

Meanwhile, Tony informed Lucifer of Peter's history teacher, Julius Dell, and his address. Lucifer had previously informed him of his plan to give the teacher a ticket to the Bahamas, making him believe he had won it for some stupid reason. Tony only agreed when he was convinced Lucifer wouldn't do anything bad to the guy or anyone else.

Lucifer left to inform the man quickly before the spell could pull her back and Tony went back to where Steve and Peter were, only to find the kid passed out snoring. With a sigh, he picked up the light teenager and carried him to his room, tucking him in and turning off the lights.

He didn't get far before he heard someone falling down and Peter's scream. Hopefully, Lucifer got rid of Dell before being pulled back.

━━━━༒━━━━

Hiiii!
Sorry for the long wait, my update schedule is fucked up and im trying to fix it (;'༎ຶД༎ຶ')

Love ya and stay safe!