And so it was I left God's palace with haste, waving goodbye with wide eyes and hoping he wouldn't unleash angels on me or anything.

I needed a plan of action.

Or, I could go back to my awesome new place and have a coffee.

No. I needed a plan of action.

I decided to see if I could track down Anthony. I just hoped he wasn't as mean and hypocritical as his father.

With as much cunning as frolicking fox, I approached someone random on the street. "Do you know if there's a phone book round here or something? I need to find someone."

The person looked up, and I got a third degree burn.

Not literally, mind, but this woman was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes on.

I think I melted into the floor.

I could've made a bench out of my erection.

"Um." I said, trying to make words come out of my rapidly constricting throat. Had my tie turned into a snake or something? Was a noose placed around my neck?

"Hello." The stunning person said politely, confusion quirking her eyebrows as she looked me up and down. "May I help you?"

Yes please.

"Well, I was, erm, looking for someone. I was wondering if there was like, a directory around here someone. Or, to be very useful, a big book with where everyone lives. Not that I'm a stalker or anything! I'm just looking for a child. And NOT in a pedo way. I swear!" I babbled, mentally whacking my head against some concrete to try and lose my last remaining braincells. The buggars had let me down.

Her interest in me was diminishing faster than the optimism about Brexit. I tugged at my collar nervously.

"I seriously just need to find this boy. It's for my friend. It's a VERY long story - one that would probably bore you to death - but it's very important. I'm a good person, honestly." My voice had reached a pleading crescendo.

What. Am. I. Doing.
Why. Am. I. So. Pitiful.
So. Glad. These. Trousers. Are. Baggy.

"There's usually some guardian angels out and about. Didn't you get a proper briefing? You should've been told about that..." Her tone turned suspicious.

"Again, a very long story. Longer than, um, a long thing... What do these guardian angel things look like?" I paused, and put on my charm. "Though I'm sure I'm already looking right at one."

"Look, whoever you are, I suggest you be quiet. I'm married, and that husband is dead and in this place with me. Just think of the stereotype, and you'll find an angel." She scowled.

Eek!

"Thank you for your time. It was most enjoyable and informative." Timidly, I gave a wave and scarpered.

"Angels... Angels..." I murmured under my breath, looking around and trying to detect one of them. How hard could it be? "Wings!"

Sure enough, they were very cliche (like the rest of this life after death thing, to be honest). They were dressed in white (surprise, surprise) and had wings. Also, they had clipboards and had the words 'ask me for help!' Adorned above them in a halo.

"Hey! Hey there!" I said as I jogged (ha, like I would jog) - walked over to the gaggle of them, hoping my smile was indeed inviting. "I need help!"

"Well, you've come to the right people! Ask us anything and we are guaranteed to answer!" One of them said with polished mirth.

This is beginning to feel like a Disney movie. I was half expecting Cinderella to run out of a palace, or to see Elsa ice skating.

And yes, Disney was available in Hell. Everyone loves Disney!

"I was looking for a boy. Anthony. Possibly with the last name of Miles? I promise it's for good intentions. There's not a bad bone in me! Well, kind of."

"You're Inferno, aren't you? God told us about you! You must be brave, going through all that! No wonder you were allowed to pass into Heaven!" One of the angels said.

Modestly, I flailed my hands. Finally, someone who saw my great potential! "Oh, it was nothing. And you know what would make my tale even better? Knowing where this child is and performing more good deeds."

"Of course dear. He lives at 3rd Ethereal Street, Bread Avenue, past Crucifix Cross and past the church!"

Nice place names. I bet the guy who came up with them gave himself a mighty back on the back.

"Cheers. See you around."

"You're welcome!" The group said in unison before carrying on, gliding across the ground with grace and aiding the next straggler they could find.

Shoving my hands in my pocket, repeating the place in my head, and trying to get the woman out of my perverted mind, I strolled in and out of the bright avenues, going on a mission to find Anthony.