One thing they need to improve about Heaven: the waiting times for appointments is absurd.

You have to wait enough when you're alive! Sure - English people love queuing and waiting in general, but not everyone can live up to a stereotype!

It sure is nice to have a small nose around your surroundings or maybe read a few pages in a magazine, but this was getting out of hand.

After half an hour I felt like converting to an emo.

After a whole hour I felt like just traipsing up to God and asking him what kind of service did he think this was.

After an hour and exactly seven minutes three seconds I was called in.

Giving everyone my best smouldering glare, I entered God's office.

"Ah, Inferno! Its good to see you! Have you been enjoying Heaven?" God said with his usual inviting smile.

"To quote Hamlet act III scene III line 92, no," I replied.

"What is the matter?" God pried, spreading his hands. "I assure you, if you have any queries or troubles you can say. I'll make sure I make it right."

I fidgeted for a moment before proceeding. "Your waiting times are ridiculous. Over one hour. One whole bloody hour I'll never get back! Sat in a chair, being blinded by the white everything and being glared at by your rather unpleasant secretary. Wasted, gone. Poof."

"My boy, I do apologise. The man preceding you was quite a whiner. He dragged on and on. Thankfully, I achieved in helping him. Do not despair. This is Heaven, you have all the time in the world. Now, what is this appointment about."

Scowling with supreme vehemence, I stuffed my hands in my pockets. "Alex made me promise I would see ya. He didn't seem too pleased to go back to Hell. Has Satan got to him yet?"

"I can safely say Alex is alive. He had friends there, remember? He's camping out, protected by a whole establishment of murderers. From what I've seen, he's got a new hair cut, changed his normal attire; for now he's fine."

I nodded slowly. "Why the Hell did he want to come here so much? My curiosity has finally gotten the better of me."

"That is a question I've been puzzling over myself," God said with a small sigh. "Whilst you were in Purgatory, I looked through his records." He paused, looking at me.

"And? Do I have to wait for an hour here too?"

"Don't sass me, boy! It's not very nice!"

"Sorry, mate. I'll keep that in mind," I said, tugging at my tie. "But seriously. The tension is killing me here. Just tell me."

"Alex has a child," God began gravely - excuse that awful pun - "Well, had one. Anthony Matthew Miles was an accident. Alex and the mother weren't married. They weren't even dating as a matter of fact. However, Alex raised a query at court, and got some papers stating he could keep the child."

My eyes narrowed. Briefly, I remembered when I was first assigned Alex. I had checked in to his funeral, and saw a woman stamp viciously on his grave. Had that been the mother of his child?

"Alex loved that child, he really did. But he wasn't a good father, and he denied any help from the mother or any woman he had a few shenanigans with. On Anthony's first day of school, Alex was a little drunk. But he still drove his child to school. Alas, they crashed, and Anthony died. Alex was sentenced for reckless and drunk driving but he managed to get himself out of it. I'm guessing he just wants to be with his son."

For once, I was rendered speechless. "Ain't that naughty. The little buggar has a heart."

"A flawed one at that. The majority of people throughout the realms of the undead all believe Alex practically murdered his own child, even if it was accidental. He's in Hell for a reason. He's corrupted, irresponsible, dangerous. Anthony is happy now. He's got a foster family and a life, even if he is dead. He knows barely anything about his old parents; I believe everything is for the best." God said.

"Alex may be corrupted, irresponsible and dangerous, but he's also stubborn. I'm the one who's had to deal with him first hand over the last few months, and everything we have been through is for this child. He just wants a second chance," I argued. God just shook his head. "Mate, I'm actually standing up for 'im. That has to mean something."

"The lad is happy now. Anthony's bright, he's happy."

"But Alex is not. I believe the old sod can change, but only if you give him a chance. He actually helped me a week ago. Helped me! That has to mean something, right? He's as unpleasant as a whiffy fart, but he's grown on me." I felt rather disgusted at myself for standing up for him, but you had to have some sympathy, right?

"A no is a no," God said, voice growing sterner. Uh oh. I may be getting on God's bad side. "And that is final."