To say Ava got a few minutes of sleep would be an overstatement. She spent her night in a cloudy haze, a peculiar mix of awake but asleep. In her foggy state, her dreams and her thoughts ran rampant all night. Earlier she had felt that she had no time or space to be able to take a breath and think through everything. She had been wishing for that feeling all night, begging to have anything but time and space to think about all of her dilemmas.

There was the issue of becoming a pirate. There was the issue of her father. There was the issue of killing a man that she hadn't fully dealt with. Oh, and lest she forget, her sister and Cooker were an item when she was younger which she would have never seen coming in a million lengths. All of the thoughts bounced around her head in a loop. Fear building up in her chest for every minute she spent tossing and turning. She could end up failing the test to become a pirate and be back at square one. If she did make it, there was only a matter of time before she was discovered and when that happened Ava wasn't sure she wouldn't be skinned alive.

She dreamt of her chambermaid pushing her off a cliff, the cliff more specifically. It was a dream she had been having the whole journey down Elox. It was one she knew well, the begging and the screaming not to be pushed off. A new nightmare arose that night though, it was of her father standing alone in a pitch-black room. She began to walk towards him but all around him, flames began to rise. Ava looked down at the flames to see faces and hands within it, reaching out and yelling at her father. Some of the faces were ones she recognized, townspeople from her home in Aubermasse, travelers she had encountered throughout her journeys, and some of the women aboard the ship. She couldn't make out what they were yelling at him, the only thing clear from their voices was the agony carried with each unintelligible word. Her father showed no signs of a reaction, staring off into the distance. Cold and calculated, like she remembered him. A rage began to fill up inside her, she began yelling at him as well. Ava ran towards him, pulling out her blade and ready to attack but the flames burned her when she tried to get through.

She had awoken from the nightmare with a start, heart racing and eyes darting around the room. It was still taking her time to adjust to being on the lower deck, no light at night to help her see. Her heart began to calm down but her thoughts hadn't. Why was that her dream? Why was she trying to kill her father? The rage she felt inside her though was familiar, it was what she had felt for sixteen years. Her father and her mother would often cast her aside, ignored her opinions or thoughts, and constantly chastised and punished her. It was part of the reason it was so easy to run away, she never belonged at home.

To everyone Umbar Vaith interacted with, he was the pinnacle of charisma and power but to his family, he was not the warm man everyone thought he was. Ava had gotten the shit end of the stick for sure but he wasn't much better off than any of his children or his wife. He was impatient, often yelling or ridiculing someone when something was done incorrectly. He was rude, not worried about crushing someone's feelings, disguising it as the truth. And lastly, he was scary. When Ava was nine, she had brought back a few friends she had made in the city, all four had no last names. They played in the garden for hours until it was supper time and they had to go home. Ava was brought to her father's chambers and admonished for doing such a brash thing as bringing peasants to the Aubermasse Estate. She was confined to her room for four cycles, just long enough to miss the celebration of her 10th commencement anniversary. A party was thrown in her honor, in the garden right below her window but she wasn't allowed to attend. She spent the sun watching her family and the great houses from all-around Elox play and feast together. When her punishment was over he brought her back to his chambers and explained if Ava were to ever make the same mistake that Lord Vaith would have no choice but to arrest both the children and the parents for violating the law and trespassing onto a noble estate.

Ava should have seen it sooner. All of the books she had been reading talked about the evil inherent within the noble class, her father wasn't the exception. His cruel tricks towards his family were nothing compared to the devastation he had probably caused throughout Baethos. She committed herself to read about it. That would be her next objective. Understand who she really was, where she really came from. She felt stupid. She felt like an absolute idiot, walking around the whole time in blissful ignorance. How did everyone around her seem to know about him except his daughter? How indoctrinated was she?

These thoughts ran through her head until she fell asleep again. This time, another nightmare. It was her and the man she had killed. It was the scene in front of her again. Nothing was different, she saw Morgana drop, Tuni go after her, Tuni get attacked and then Ava sank the knife into the man, twice. When she woke up from that nightmare, it wasn't fear that was running through her. It was guilt, that man probably had a family. Pushing past the guilt, there was nothing. No regret, no disgust, no sadness. Shock? Sure. Ava did not think she had it in her. Confusion? Absolutely. But nothing else.

Ava didn't understand why she wasn't repulsed. Theo had said she was affected by it but it took a while to set in. But it had been two suns and Theo said it only took her one. What if it never set in, did that make her a freak?

She reached under her hammock and pulled out her dagger from it's hiding place. She twisted it around in her hand, looking at the blade. Perfectly sharp and clean, no indicators that it had been the death of someone only 48 hours prior. She found herself aimlessly tracing the pattern on the hilt of the dagger and thinking back to Theo. Keeping this secret was going to be hard. Theo and Ava had honest conversations, they were surface level most of the time but Ava stuck as close to the truth as possible. The Vaith name carrying the weight that it did meant that she would now have to filter everything she said, double back and check her story was airtight, and try to steer the conversation away from family and hometowns. Just until it was the right time to tell Theo and the crew, the time would come where she would have a place on this ship and no one would want harm to come to her. Or, she would fail at being a pirate and her identity wouldn't even matter because she would be dropped off in some random city along their route. Only time would tell.

She saw the sun begin to peek through the entrance to the lower decks. There was no point in going back to sleep, not when the nightmares were likely to keep coming. She put her dagger away and sat on the hammock, staring at the wall. It was only a little while until she could go see Theo, even for a little bit. She missed their nightly talks and Ava, as she had been doing, pushed down analyzing her emotions about any further. Focus on being a pirate. Focus on flying under the radar, she told herself.

It felt like forever before she was able to get up and leave her room. She got tired of waiting and ended up going to the infirmary. From her many nights spent in the infirmary at the beginning of time there, she knew Tuni woke up early. She walked across the deck and into Tuni's room, the beds laid out and empty. Morgana was not in there.

"Where is she?" Ava asked, a little panicked. Had something happened overnight?

"She's so stubborn," Tuni shook her head, "Insisted she stay in our room. Hurt herself getting there and has spent 12 hours sleeping off the effort."

Ava peeked into the open door leading to their shared chambers. She saw a figure sleeping in the bed. Other than Tuni in the infirmary and Morgana sleeping in her room, there was no one else with them.

"How is she doing though? Is she making good progress?" Ava asked.

"Aye, I reckon she'll be just fine in a while. She's fought off any infection for now so we'll hope it stays that way. She's sleeping a lot but that is normal," Tuni replied to shake any concerns Ava had.

"Can I see her once she wakes up?"

"Oh of course love," Tuni answered, "I'm sure she'd love to see you. How have you been? I have been so caught up with Morgana I never got a chance to sit down with you."

"It's nothing to worry about," Ava offered a smile, "I've been busy with my own thoughts so I'm sure I wouldn't have made the greatest conversation partner."

"Any of those thoughts something you want to share?" Tuni asked, wanting to help Ava through whatever it was she was alluding too.

"Nothing important," Ava lied. She wished she could just tell Tuni, the woman who's kind eyes had helped her on her first morning on the ship. The woman who had made her feel welcome and secure and helped her through being sick.

Ava sat down in a chair that was strewn out around the infirmary and began to strike up a light conversation with the healer. Tuni recounted her previous sun and talked all about the different potions and remedies she used on her significant other sleeping in the other room. Tuni steered the conversation as far from Theo as possible. A relief for Ava who also found it odd, it was unlike the healer not to at least mention their captain in conversation. The assembly did not even come up which lead Ava to believe Tuni was cross with Theo. Was everyone on the ship as angry with the captain as Cooker was? Ava felt even worse for rejecting Theo the night before, she probably had no one to speak to.

"I'm running out of my pearl ointment, it numbs the pain in whatever area you apply it. They don't sell it on any mainlands, supposed to be for official hospital use only but I can get it by the crate in Niveal," Tuni held up a jar of white cream that shone like a pearl catching the light.

A smile was plastered on Ava's face at the mention of Niveal, "I've always wanted to go. I've heard so much about it. Is it as lawless and wild as people say?"

Ava had always studied Niveal. In her politics class, they always analyzed difficult political situations, how they happened, and what solutions worked for it. Niveal was never solved. It was a highly debated topic at the important dinners she was allowed to attend. If anyone wanted to have an interesting conversation, they would bring up Niveal. Despite the political turmoil going on, making people with money often frequented Niveal and brought back grand stories of its illicit activities.

"I've found that people often make it out to be chaotic from the second you land. It's not. It's quite beautiful. The port and the city center are usually quite chaotic because of all the vendors but once you get into the districts it calms down a bit and you are easily left to your illegal activity." Tuni explained, "Careful with your money though. The stories about Niveal burning a hole in your pocket are always true."

Ava was going to shoot off a retort about how it wouldn't be a problem given she had about 3 silvers left when they heard a grumble from the room. Tuni practically jumped out of her chair and went to go check on her girlfriend. Ava heard whispers for a few minutes, a back and forth between them. Tuni was presumably checking in with the injured vanguard leader and making sure everything was in order. After a few minutes, Tuni invited her inside the room to speak with Morgana.

Morgana was laying in bed with her silver hair taken out of its normal braid. She was propped up in bed with a pillow behind her and a loose white killigrew shirt on. She looked tired but better than Ava expected someone to look two suns after they had been stabbed. Ava sat in the wooden chair next to the bed, Tuni's usual sitting place since Morgana had been injured. Morgana flashed her a classic wide Morgana grin.

"How are you feeling?" Ava asked, unsure of what else to say.

"Could be better but I also could be worse. Could be dead by now but I'm not," Morgana admitted, "Thank you, Red. For saving me and Fortune..."

"Of course. I'm a pirate now," Ava joked, "gotta have your back."

"I'm serious. I owe you my life, Ava. You saved us," Morgana reached over as best she could and patted Ava on the knee, "You killed your first person... How are you holding up?"

Ava just shrugged. She had just spent most of the night thinking about it, she felt no need to rehash it. No need to be told that it'll hit her eventually and she should just let herself feel. There was nothing to feel. She was shocked in the moment, horrified. But it had passed and those feelings hadn't returned. Ava already felt on thin ice because of her background, she didn't need something else to separate her from the other pirates.

"I am the leader of the vanguard, Red. I've watched hundreds of people go through their first kill. It's okay if you're not okay," Morgana tried to get through to Ava, to get her to talk.

"I am okay though, that is the problem," Ava admitted.

Morgana stayed silent for a bit and Ava regretted saying anything.

"So, like, you feel fine. Just maybe a little bit of leftover shock. Some residual guilt but nothing else?" Morgana asked.

Ava nodded. It was as if Morgana had a transcript of her internal monologue. Either that or she had experience with people and their different forms of coping.

"Aye," Morgana chuckled a bit then groaned bringing a hand to her side, "you were born for the vanguard, it's what I've been saying this whole time."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"For my first kill, I felt guilty for a little bit. Shocked. Grossed out. That was about it. I kept waiting and waiting for the dread, the tears, the disgust. It never hit me. Never told anyone about the way I felt. Acted solemn for a few suns to avoid questions. I didn't realize I wasn't alone until I joined this crew. We tend to talk about feelings here, as much as I hate it, and this topic comes up from time to time. I've learned since then to talk about it for myself. All of that to say, most of the gals on the vanguard felt the same way when they first killed. It's macabre to say but only a certain type of person can be on the vanguard." Morgana explained.

"But Theo was on the vanguard. She was the leader of one. She told me she felt something her first time," Ava pointed out.

"Aye, Theo is a big softie. Not all of them affect her but it gets hard sometimes," Morgana shrugged, "She's got grit. She knows how to work through it, she's an exception. Don't get it twisted either, Red, some of the people you kill will affect you. You won't ride this wave of invincibility forever."

Leave it to Morgana to always make everything sound more ominous than it needed to be. Ava got more out of the conversation than she was expecting though, which was a bonus. She hadn't finished the process of being able to justify her feelings and actions about the murder she had committed but it was nice to know that Ava was not alone. The thought of being on the vanguard was also thrilling. She remembered back to that moment when the battle began before she had gotten turned off from the bloody scene in front of her, the awe she had felt. She wanted to do that.

"Enough about me," Ava tried to steer the conversation elsewhere, "Think you'll be back on your feet for Niveal?"

"The question isn't whether I'd be ready, it is a question of whether Tuni is ready to let me out into the world again," Morgana laughed, making the same mistake again of hurting her side in the process.

"You're too funny for your own good," Ava chuckled, poking fun of the wounded soldier.

"Point is, I probably will not be allowed off the ship. If that is the case I need you to do me a favor," Morgana stated.

Ava laughed a little bit. The last person she expected Morgana to trust with a favor was her, someone who was the most recent addition to the ship, "Sure. Whatever you need. But fair warning I do not know anything about Niveal or where to get anything."

"You being a newcomer to Niveal is precisely why I need you. First-timers never go too hard. One sun during every visit to Niveal Theo, Xyra and I go shopping. Sometimes other people come. I'm going to give you a list, I need you to go shopping with them and get me what I need," Morgana did not state it as a question, it was a command.

Ava was not looking forward to that, having to spend a whole sun with Theo and Xyra. Two of the most important people on the ship. She didn't understand why it fell on her and not on literally anyone else Morgana knows.

"Why me?"

"Theo cannot be trusted when she is on Niveal. The attention she gets from everyone there gets to her head. She gets drunks and spends money and she would forget about my list and spend my money. Xyra is worse than Tuni when it comes to saving money so I would get zero things on my list if I gave it to her. You, my dear Red, need my vote if you want to become a pirate so it falls on you," Morgana said, trying not to laugh.

"You just said you owe me your life. I can trade that in for a vote," Ava reminded, half-joking, "But I'll do it."

Ava wanted an excuse to be around Theo if she was being honest. Also, Xyra started to be nicer and warmer to her so some time around her couldn't hurt. Ava needed to try and form friendships with everyone on the crew if she wanted to stick around. They wouldn't vote her out if she was their friend. Plus, this favor meant Morgana trusted her, and Ava did not want to entirely mess up that opportunity.

"Great, once we land, come by and I'll get you that list," Morgana smiled and Tuni appeared in the doorway.

"Theo is here to see you," Tuni said, with a tight smile, "I'll send her in once you're done with Ava."

"I'm done," Ava said standing up. Theo walked into the room and smiled at both of them, holding her hat in her hands.

"Ava, hello. Good Morning. Xyra is in my quarters and she's been briefed on your assignment. Once you're ready, you can go over there and she'll be ready to explain it all to you," Theo said warmly as if the previous night had never happened.

Ava said her goodbyes to all of them and made her way to the captain's quarters. She might as well have gotten started on her morning. She walked into the open door and Xyra noticed her straightaway.

"Morning, ready for your assignment?" Xyra wasted no time.

"Aye," Ava said.

Xyra grabbed a sign and nailed it to the door and then motioned Ava to follow. They made their way into the deck.

"You are being assigned to carpentry. You'll be there for three suns. If Evana likes you she'll keep you for another three suns. The three suns will keep renewing until she's made a decision to keep you on her team or that you are not right for it. Any questions?" Xyra finished.

Of course, Ava had questions. She had a million questions. What would she be doing? Was it okay if she didn't have any previous experience? What if she cut off a body part? They were quickly approaching the carpentry room and Ava was trying to find the right question to ask.

"Who am I working with? What are their names and some facts about them?" Ava landed on.

"You are so fucking weird. That is what you ask?" Xyra shook her head.

"You're wasting time, please Xyra," Ava prodded. Admittedly, it was silly to ask but Ava wanted to know about the people she was going to spend time working with.

"Evana is from Efriti. She's been with us since the beginning. She's the head carpenter and she is usually very down to business. Then you have Skins. She's been with us for half a length. She's technically not even a pirate. Hasn't been sworn in on pirate island yet but she's been voted in. Not sure where she is from though, I wasn't there when she was vetted," Xyra droned on, being more helpful than Ava thought she would be, "Chubs is from Dove Island. She is very skinny, that is the whole point of the name but she hates people pointing it out so don't say anything about it. Then there is Rita, she's Chub's best friend. From Elox and always fighting with Chubs. It's annoying, don't get involved."

"Why not?" Ava asked.

"Sometimes Ava it's best to just do, not ask," Xyra sighed and stopped in front of their destination. "Good luck."

Xyra had turned around and left just as quickly as she had come to drop Ava off. Ava recalled the information that she was told so that the faces would stick to the names once they had introduced themselves. She was excited about her first official assignment. She drew in a deep breath before walking in, hoping that she would ace it in carpentry and find an easy fit on the ship.

                                                                                                ------------

Theo had woken up in the morning and paced around her room trying to get the nerves to go visit Morgana. With all of the crew angry with her, she didn't want to face Morgana and Tuni too. Xyra walked in as she was pacing.

"What's with you?" Xyra asked.

"Nervous. Have to go see Morgana and I haven't yet," Theo explained.

"Just go. It won't be that bad. I went to go see her last night and she didn't seem mad," Xyra tried to assure Theo.

"She didn't?" Theo was surprised. Morgana always loved a bit of drama.

"No, but Tuni was... So, best to just get in there talk to Morgana and get out. Tuni's scary when she's angry."

"Aye, she is," Theo said, "Fuck. Alright, I guess I'll go. I need you to do a few things for me. Write a sign that says I am not here right now but if they need me, just to find me. Also that I'll be back soon. Something along those lines, I don't care. And then Ava is supposed to come by at some point. She's training in carpentry. Just take her down there and explain the training process again."

Xyra nodded and set behind the desk and began to shuffle papers around, trying to find a blank one to write on. Theo stood in the middle of the room, unmoving and Xyra looked up from the papers.

"Go."

Theo huffed and turned on her heel, walking out. She made her way straight across the deck and to Tuni's. Walking in, she saw Tuni in her usual spot. She looked up when Theo walked in and her neutral expression turned sour.

"Good morning, Tuni. I've come to see Morgana," she said.

"Took you long enough. She's in there with someone. You'll have to wait," Tuni said. To be honest, Tuni had never been mad at Theo before. Theo had seen Tuni mad but Theo was never on the receiving end of it. This was a different side of Tuni, not the usually warm motherly Tuni she was used to.

"You wanna talk about it?" Theo tried, "Say what's bothering you so I can work on fixing it."

"I have nothing to say to you right now, Captain," Tuni stood up and made her way to her room, speaking with Morgana about Theo's presence.

Theo took off her hat and held it in her hands, gripping it tightly. She heard a few voices coming from the room, when she stepped in she saw Ava and smiled at her. They greeted each other but Ava made her way out of the room fairly quickly. It was just her and Morgana, who was sitting up in the bed with the help of some pillows. Theo walked over to where Ava had been sitting and took a seat.

"Sorry I haven't been by," Theo started. She wanted to get that apology out before anything else, she really was sorry.

"No need to worry. Sounds like you've been busy doing damage control," Morgana teased.

"You've heard what happened then?" Theo asked, hand coming up to rub her neck.

"Aye, hard not to hear of your sins when everyone that's come in to see me has talked about it. Tuni has been the worst of all," Morgana admitted and Theo winced at that.

Having the crew be mad at her was one thing, but having Tuni as a part of that group was another. Tuni was like Rose, she usually did not meddle in the dramatic affairs of the ship. She liked to be neutral for the most part, offering a shoulder to cry on for all parties involved. Theo crossed a line with Tuni like never before and Theo was at a loss for where to even begin making up for it.

"And you're not angry?" Theo asked to confirm. This was not adding up, Morgana loved any excuse to be dramatic and hold a grudge.

"Nah," Morgana said, "I don't have the energy right now to be angry. Plus, I don't give a fuck about you lying to us. If it was what was best for the crew, then fine by me. I know I am at the center of danger a lot but that doesn't mean I want to die. Not scared of it but not something I am actively seeking. So when you say you were trying to protect us, I believe you. Plus, Vaith? We'd be going into it with one ship? Fuck no. You did the right thing, mate. You're fucked now. Fucked beyond compare but it was the right hill to die on."

Theo laughed and shook her head. Morgana was blunt, that much was a fact. Theo felt a tiny sliver of her guilt fade away. At least there was one other person on the ship that didn't abhor her. Morgana was right though, Theo was fucked. She suspected that the wall being put up by her crew would not come down anytime soon and as of that moment she had two people on her side, Morgana and Xyra.

"So, tell me then. How did the great Morgana end up being injured on the battlefield?" Theo asked, crossing one leg over the other.

"Fuck if I know, Cap. One second I was fighting and the next I felt a stab and I'm out like a light. Fucker hit me with the hilt of his blade. I was off, I don't know how or why," Morgana dropped the joking demeanor she usually had. She was concerned.

Theo would have been concerned if she didn't know what it was like to be a fighter. There were just some bad fights. Morgana would likely take this as a lesson and train \ harder than ever before but to Theo, Morgana was no less of a fighter than she was before she got hurt.

"We all have some suns where we are off our game... Sometimes those suns happen to be training suns and sometimes they happen to be fights. Don't beat yourself up over it, Mor. You're still the best fighter I got," Theo tried to cheer her up. Going through recovery and not being able to be out with the crew was making Morgana glum already, Theo didn't want to add to her pile of sadness.

"Aye, guess so," Morgana brushed it off and Theo knew she didn't take any of what was said to heart, "Oi, since Tuni probably wants me to stay on bed rest for Niveal, Ava is going with you to the shopping district."

"She's agreed to that?" Theo asked, surprised. Ava did not seem in any mood to spend time with Theo last night if the awkward exchange in the library was any indication.

"Aye, why do you ask?"

"Last night I asked her to come by my room just to talk, you know, how we have been. She said no, that she was going to head to bed soon. It was bullshit, she's a terrible liar. She was just blowing me off so I assumed she was upset with me too," Theo reasoned.

"She hasn't mentioned you so I wouldn't know," Morgana reported.

"Oh," Theo was hoping that Morgana could provide some insight on their newest recruit.

"Aw, is someone hurt that their special friend won't come to play with them," Morgana faked a frown.

Theo laughed and stood up, putting her hand over Morgana's side, "I have a powerful slap and I'm not afraid to use it."

"I'm just speaking from observation. Seems like you've got a thing for the rich girl," Morgana teased.

"I do not," Theo said, removing her hand from threatening Morgana.

"Mhm. Whatever you say. You forget I've known you for a while," Morgana said and it was true. Morgana had been close with Theo for as long as she had been on the ship.

"I have not forgotten. I'll be back for lunch," Theo said and made her way to the doorway, wanting to leave the conversation as quickly as she could. She walked out after telling Tuni that she would be bringing their lunch.

Theo did not like Ava, Ava was simply a breath of fresh air. She liked to talk with someone so different. Theo rolled her eyes and scoffed to herself as she made her way back into her quarters.