Ava and Theo's conversation had been cut short by the woman who sat on her lap. An icy feeling set over Ava's chest when she saw Theo's arms wrap around the person on her lap. Jealously? Over what? Theo could barely even be called Ava's friend. She had no right to the captain. Plus, she wasn't even interested in Theo because Ava was not a nox. As far as she knew anyway. She had never been with a man further than a kiss, she had never been interested in a man, she had never even imagined a future where she was with a man.

Ava had thought for lengths that she wasn't interested in men because around her were just assholes and bastards. She thought her negative feelings towards ending up with a man were just rebellious thoughts aimed at angering her parents. But as she spent more time in the real world she was beginning to think she was building lies up in her head. Maybe it was about time that Ava had started to consider a possibility where maybe she was a nox or something along those lines. Or maybe she would continue to push the confusing thoughts away. It was easier to ignore the tightness in her chest when she thought about these things than to give in and explore those feelings.

Theo had been gone for a while and she didn't know what the hold up was. Ava thought that Theo did not partake in the brothel business but apparently that was untrue. She had been sitting alone on the couches, sipping on different drinks as the trays came around to her. Oceane had gone off into one of the rooms, Tuni had met up with an old friend and they were lost in conversation. The others, she had no idea where they had gone off to. They would stop by and then get whisked away to somewhere else. She was about three glasses of wine into solitude when a very nicely built man walked past her.

He had no shirt on. His chest was defined and his arms looked like a lot of work had gone into them. He had a nice face to look at and Ava did her best to whistle him over. It ended up going embarrassingly bad but the man got the hint and came over. He sat down on the couch next to Ava and smiled a charming smile at her.

Ava returned the smile, "I have a question."

"And for someone as pretty as you, I hope to have an answer," the man cooed at her, trying his best to charm her.

Ava ignored the comment, "How much would it cost for you to sit here and talk with me so I don't look like a sad and sorry sulker in the corner?"

The man laughed and scooted a little closer to Ava, "I charge one gold an hour and you can do whatever you want with me."

Ava blushed a little at the suggestion but she shook her head, "Talking is all I need. I'll give you ten gold if you just sit here and make me seem interesting and laugh at every few things I say."

"My boss won't be happy with me just lounging around..." the man admitted but he looked a little distressed to be passing up so much gold, "would you want to go into a room? We can talk there."

Ava hesitated. She didn't mind being in a room if it meant she was to be out of the eyesight of everyone. She didn't want the pirates in her group to pity her and feel like they had to come over and comfort her. However, she also had less than pleasant experiences when it came to being alone with men. The two attacks she had been through weighed on her mind.

"Alright," Ava obliged, also wanting to be able to share her money with someone who looked like they needed it, "but don't try anything. I have a dagger and I have been known to use it from time to time."

Ava tried to seem threatening but it did not come off that way. The man laughed as he helped her to her feet. He led her to an empty room on the first floor. As she went to the room she caught Cooker's gaze who sent her a questioning look. Ava shrugged her shoulders and went inside the room. The door shut behind her and the room looked clean and fresh, different than what she had expected.

"Not to be direct but we usually ask for payment upfront," the man said, "You don't have to do the full ten gold, the standard rate is okay. I would more than happy to not have sex with you for one gold."

Ava reached into her pocket and pulled out a handful of gold and set it on the small dresser in the room. She didn't count but there was far more than ten gold. Now she saw the appeal Theo found in giving her money away. The man looked shocked at the amount of money she had laid out but did not object.

"What's your name?" Ava asked.

"Zeal," he answered, "and yours?"

"Ava."

"Nice to meet you, Ava," he said with a smile. His charming demeanor from earlier had worn off and it was replaced with a friendly one.

He dragged the two chairs that were gathered around the fireplace towards the window and set them down. He took a seat and Ava did too. She peered out the window to see that the building they were on was high up on a hill. They were overlooking the whole street below them and Ava had just realized how far they had trekked away from the port. She saw the water glimmering against the moonlight far away.

"It's beautiful here," Ava commented.

Zeal smiled and watched the scenery outside alongside Ava, "This room has the nicest view out of all of them. You're with The Captain's crew?"

"Aye," Ava said and watched as the people scurried along the street in front of the window, "Just started."

"You've got quite a bit of money for just starting," Zeal pointed out and Ava looked down at her pouch.

"I didn't even do anything for this, they just gave it to me so I could have fun in Niveal," Ava admitted. Stupid considering Zeal could overpower her and steal her unearned money.

"Are they accepting applications?" Zeal joked.

Ava laughed at the man and went quiet. She had paid lots of gold for a conversation but she couldn't find it in her to start one. Zeal would have to take the lead if he felt uncomfortable. Ava was spent and she couldn't wait until they stopped for the night. It had been fun and she would have rather been with this group than anywhere else but it seemed like they had unlimited stamina.

Zeal piped up after a while, "If you don't mind me asking. Why is it that you are only looking for a conversation and not anything else?"

Ava tried to come up with a reason but there was not one. She was relaxed, in a nice room, with a nice looking man, and she had money to pay for the service. It wasn't that she didn't want to have sex, she had been ready for lengths. There was not a single reason why she shouldn't have tried to have sex that very night. After a few more minutes of silence and thinking, Ava had made up her mind.

"I've never done anything with anyone before so I guess I am a bit nervous," she lied, "But I guess now is as good a time as any."

Zeal laughed a little before realizing that Ava was serious. He searched her face hoping for some answers to her sudden change of heart but Ava was giving nothing away. Ava looked at Zeal, hopeful that he would understand what she meant without having to say the words.

"Um," Zeal stood up and held his hand out towards Ava, "Come with me then."

Ava took his hand when she stood up and was taken to the bed. She looked up at him and he sat her on the bed, "You just tell me what to do and I'll do it."

For the first time since she had met Zeal, his confidence seemed to waver. He looked down on Ava with uncertainty, "Why have you never done it?"

"I wasn't somewhere where I could. It never came up," Ava admitted. It was the truth.

"How old are you?" Zeal asked, trying to make sure Ava wasn't underage. She did not look like it but Zeal wanted to be careful.

"16," Ava replied, not looking forward to getting the typical response she got when people found out she was unlaid at 16, "before you react to that, I know, that's old. I know this is weird. There is too much of a backstory that comes along with any of the questions you are going to ask next so I won't be answering. If you don't want to, that is okay, I'm not trying to get you to do something you aren't comfortable with. You can keep the gold."

"No," Zeal said calmly, a stark contrast to the out of breath Ava who had just winded herself up, "No more questions."

He took her hands and placed them on his stomach. She began to feel the muscles under his skins and ran her hands around his torso. Zeal said nothing, his presence was comforting to her. He had kind eyes and a warm smile and Ava was glad she had picked someone who seemed understanding for her first time. It wasn't that she held any value in her lack of partners. The first time to her always seemed overrated and overdramatic. She was just relieved it wasn't with a rough asshole.

"I'm going to kiss you now, okay?" Zeal said and leaned down.

Ava nodded and that was all the approval he needed. He cupped her cheek in his hand and kissed her. Ava craned her head upwards to meet him halfway. It was a nice kiss, probably nicer than any of the ones she had had before but there was nothing else. Her sisters had spoken about butterflies and tingly feelings in their chest and elsewhere.

Ava felt nothing. Zeal's lips were nice and soft and it was fun but there was nothing more to it. She hadn't felt the spark she had been hoping for, as with every time before that. Maybe people were just speaking in metaphors. Or maybe everyone thought they had to feel that way and so they just repeated what they had heard in hopes of fitting in. She felt herself getting laid onto the bed and Zeal was over her, lips never leaving hers.

Ava decided to do her part and she lifted her arms and wrapped them over his shoulder pulling him in as close as she could. Her legs slipped open and he slotted himself between them. One arm held him up and the other came to rest on her thigh. This was the most compromising position she had ever been in and it wasn't even that bad. She felt his hand on her thigh and her stomach jolted a little bit, the wrong kind of jolt. No spark, more like a tightness. She ignored the feeling and allowed him to keep kissing her.

Zeal moved away from her lips and began to leave a trail of kisses down her neck. As he did that, he moved his hand to the waistband of her pants. Ava had heard enough from others to know what was coming next and she suddenly felt panicked. Realization of what was about to happen dawned on her and she quickly pushed at his shoulders.

"I need a minute!" Ava spurted out.

Zeal quickly pulled back and looked at the redhead laying on the bed. He stood in front of the bed awkwardly, wondering what he had done, "I'm sorry, Ava."

"It's not you. I just need a minute. It was going a bit too fast," Ava said. She would be ready to go; she just needed a second to breathe.

"Maybe we shouldn't do anything right now," Zeal offered, "If it's about making the best use of your money you can have it all back."

Ava was touched that Zeal was so understanding but it was not about the money. Ava couldn't verbalize the compilation of emotions their small make-out session had surfaced, "It's not the money, Zeal. I have more than enough. Please keep it."

Ava hadn't moved from her spot on the bed. Opting to lay down and stare at the ceiling instead of looking at Zeal. Zeal dragged a chair over from the window and sat in front of the bed.

"Then what is it?" he asked.

"I'm sure you do not want to hear about my problems," Ava laughed. There wasn't any humor behind the laugh, it was dry.

"I once let someone hand feed me a three-course meal while completely naked for two gold. I'm sure I can listen to your problems for what you have just given me," Zeal promised, "What is the matter?"

"I don't want to have sex with you," Ava finally admitted.

Zeal tilted his head and chuckled, "What was wrong? I don't want to sound cocky but I am not used to negative reactions so I could use some feedback."

"That is exactly it. I'm sure you are great at it and a lot of people like it-"

"A lot of people,"

"Precisely. Why don't I want it? Why don't I get the same reaction that others talk about? Is it all just talk and we are lying to ourselves?" Ava rambled. She was aware she was on the precipice of a rant and she tried reeling it in, "Is sex good for you?"

"Yes, great," Zeal provided, "Sometimes I enjoy it more than other times. It depends on how attracted I am to that person."

"But I think you are attractive," Ava countered.

"Do you though?"

"Aye," Ava defended, "I think your face is cute and you've got a nice body."

Zeal smiled at Ava and shook his head, "When you put your hands on me earlier. What was going through your mind?"

"That your skin was warm for not having a shirt on..." Ava said, unsure of why that was the question she was asked.

"Most people who I sleep with cannot get their hands off of me. They think I am so attractive they want to touch every inch of my body. They comment on it, they ogle, they compliment. They want to pin me on the bed and go wild. That is what I mean when I say attraction. You can't take your eyes off of the person and they give you this feeling in your stomach of need," Zeal tried explaining.

"Definitely none of that," Ava muttered. What was wrong with her?

"It's okay to not be attracted to anyone. Some people aren't," Zeal said and Ava laid back down and covered her face with her hands.

But, she had been attracted to someone in that way Zeal had described. The other night when Theo had only her undershirt on and Ava was able to see under the many layers for the first time. Ava had felt an urge inside her she did not understand. Her blood went cold. This could not be possible.

It wasn't until the tears were dripping down her face that she realized she was crying. Before she knew it she was sobbing. So much so that she had to sit up to even catch her breath. Zeal wasted no time in getting up. Ava was scared she had frightened him away but he approached the bed. He got in and pulled Ava to him, wrapping his arms comfortingly around her. Ava did not hold back, even though she wished she could have. The sobs ripped through her chest and she could not control it. It felt like the hundredth time she had broken down in such a short amount of time. It was like her whole life she had lived without emotion but now at any moment, they could escape.

She had been taught that to be a nox was to be grotesque and horrid. It was unnatural is what she was taught and she had so firmly believed it for so long. She sobbed as she remembered the scared little girl hiding the truth that she didn't like any of the boys the way her friends did. Ever since she could remember, it was the topic of conversation. With friends, with family, with siblings. It was always about boys, about stolen kisses in the gardens, about torrid affairs with groundskeepers. Part of the reason she lost her friends was that she could no longer keep up with feigning interest. As her friends started to see boys, kiss them, and get frisky she couldn't keep up.

Every aspect of her life revolved around her expected attraction to men. Her future had depended on it. Ava had learned since then. She had run away and she had rid herself of that philosophy that a union between a man and a woman was the only way. Why hadn't she stopped to think it could apply to herself? It was then that Ava remembered her sister. Her sister had broken Baethean law and had something Ava didn't fully understand going on with Cooker. It was more common than she had ever been made to believe. For the first time in her 16 lengths since being birthed, Ava allowed herself to consider a possibility in which she would not end up with a man.

Ava calmed down. It took a bit but she got there. Zeal had been diligently rubbing her back the whole time. Even after all that time, she couldn't begin to formulate the words to explain anything to Zeal.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Zeal said sincerely.

Ava patted his arm reassuringly, "You didn't say anything to upset me. You've helped me more than you know."

"Would you like to talk about it?" Zeal asked.

"I feel I owe you at least an explanation," Ava said, "I don't think I am attracted to men. I think I like women..."

It was the first time Ava had said it out loud.

Zeal nodded, "If you want, I can set you up with any of my friends. They'll give you a good rate. The girls always love other girls, it's a nice break. I'm not saying you need to be laid to understand your attraction to girls but the offer is there."

Ava shrugged, "Maybe. I'm not sure."

Zeal rubbed his hand up and down her arm, "What's on your mind?"

"I have a lot of questions," Ava said then chuckled a bit, "I always do."

"I can answer any questions you have. Well, I might be able to," Zeal offered.

"What do you know about this?"

"I like boys too," Zeal shrugged, "Might not be the same but I think I have some experience."

"Do you feel the same way for both? Like when you are with boys? Attraction is just attraction?" Ava asked.

Zeal thought about his response for a moment, "To me? Yes. I can't speak for other people but to me, if I am attracted to someone I feel it, and if I am not then it's kind of lackluster."

Zeal had pinpointed the exact word Ava had been looking for. Her experience thus far had been lackluster.

"Aye," Ava said, "I know what you mean. That's how it was with you, no offense. You were great but I didn't have that..."

"Oomph?" Zeal made a noise.

Ava laughed and nodded, "Have you ever been told you have a way with words?"

"Once or twice," He quipped back, "You don't need to experience it to know but my offer is still on the table."

"Thank you. I'll pass for now. You can go if you need to though. I'm just going to stay here," Ava said.

"Mind if I stay? I've made my gold for the night and I much prefer your company to anyone else's out there tonight," Zeal said.

"I don't mind," Ava said, "Zeal?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think I am attractive?" Ava asked.

"Yes, I do," Zeal laughed.

"That is so sweet of you to say. I cannot believe it. I'm fetching," Ava said and finally broke free from Zeal's embrace, "You get an extra three gold just for the compliment."

"Why thank you, ma'am," Zeal bowed as best he could from his position.

"We've got a few hours, what is your deal?" Ava asked, ready to get to know the boy who had been so good with her.