Another city had come and gone and they found themselves at sea again. Slowly but surely making their way to Gossem. It had been close to a cycle since Ava had started training with Theo and every day was harder and harder. For lengths, she had lacked attraction to men, and subconsciously pushed her feelings for anyone else aside. That meant that attraction and the fiery feeling in her belly upon seeing Theo was new to her. She had thought that the longing and the pining would ebb over time. That maybe it would even just stay at a constant.

She was so wrong.

Every day was an uphill battle to not just grab Theo by the coat and smash their lips together. Why wasn't there a handbook on these things? She wanted to be able to read about the symptoms and the process of attraction to better understand it the same way she read about the continents or their history. Unfortunately, no one to her knowledge had sat down to pen a novel about the complexities of whatever she was feeling. Lust? Longing? Either way, she was able to focus on her tasks but just barely.

It was fine when Theo wasn't around. Ava distracted herself with other things around the ship. She had nothing left to learn from Tuni. She had learned everything she could at the moment, healing was more of an on the job learning thing. So Tuni allowed her to make herself useful in other places. Ava had helped Evana, Pearl, Cooker, Xyra, Iona, Morgana, countless other girls, even Miss Yurwa. Granted, Miss Yurwa just wanted Ava to run something up to Theo but she counted it. For a few suns after getting officially assigned to Tuni, she moped around; upset that she couldn't make a significant contribution to the wellbeing of the ship. Running around doing small things to help her crew made her feel useful for the first time since arriving on the ship.

An added bonus was the trust she was gaining with all the women. Keeping up with various jobs around the ship wasn't the only thing she was doing. Some nights when she was finished with Theo and the lower deck girls were still up, she would join them. Ava had always chimed in here or there with some advice but recently she had been getting more involved. She moved away from making quips from her hammock and had joined the girls in a sort of pseudo- circle they would form on the floor. They would drink, smoke, laugh, and have a grand time with nothing but each other's company.

Ava found herself being quickly accepted into the fold. It helped that she had Oceane to vouch for her, who was a staple in the lower deck community Ava had found out. As each night passed, Ava thought less and less about winning over others and getting votes. She wasn't in the clear yet but she was confident she would get the votes needed to pass. The women had accepted her and Ava had gotten over the biggest obstacle between her and an actual future for herself.

The problem now lied with whatever was going on with Theo. What had started off as an inkling of attraction towards the captain had now spiraled into an unstoppable force. The mere sight of Theo was enough to get her blood rushing and her face a little hot. Everything Theo did seemed funnier, more charming, and sweeter than the sun before. When Theo was being harsh during training, Ava's emotions were all over the place. Frustration from being pushed to her limits was always present but recently something else was bubbling at the surface. Theo being demanding and strict drove Ava mad. Less in the peeved way and more in the 'I cannot get you out of my head' way.

Ava was still testy, giving Theo a slight push back for everything the captain instructed. That only seemed to drive Theo to be more commanding, harsher, tougher which was not good for Ava. It was hot, who was she kidding. To make matters worse, it wasn't like Theo was fully clothed either. As their training sessions got more intense and Ava learned more, Theo was now her training partner. It got hot in the lower decks and both of them would always end sessions in an undershirt. Theo's sweaty pumped up muscles, and arms on display was a recipe to make Ava weak at the knees.

It was more than just physical training, it was mental too. At least now Ava knew she could withstand any distraction while fighting.

The icing on the pastry was that they had progressed past small touches once in a while to correct a position and into hand to hand combat. Which put them in close proximity to each other very often. Very, very often. So to recap her hardships, Ava was growing more and more attracted to Theo as the suns went by and Theo was not making it any easier to resist her. Cheeky smiles and sweet talk during casual conversation meant Ava was falling fast. It wasn't only a burning attraction to the Captain, it was deeper than that. There were feelings she didn't recognize and she was too afraid to name them.

At first, as the cycle progressed, Ava had convinced herself that those feelings were one-sided. Now, she was beginning to paint a different picture in her head. Theo might not have liked her but the attraction was there, Ava was convinced of it. If there was one thing Ava knew for certain is that the journey had taught her to trust her gut. She was right about a lot of things she had picked up only through observation: relationships on board, job responsibilities, crew's emotions. She was almost sure she was right about this one too.

Ava remembered the first time she was given an inkling as to how Theo felt. It was on their 20th-night training, Ava knew this because she had been keeping track in a journal she had bought in Undis. They had just landed somewhere for the aftermorning, long enough to restock and then be on their way. Theo hadn't seen Ava all day and Ava noticed Theo seemed to miss Ava as much as Ava had missed Theo. Of course, this was unspoken, Ava only had her intuition to go off of. On that 20th night, they had begun sparring together. Ava had learned enough hand to hand combat to go toe to toe with Theo.

Theo won every round that night but Ava didn't care, she was having too much fun. Ava's energy was infectious and even Theo loosened up that night.

"Let's go a few more rounds," Theo had reset to the middle of the room, "There are a few things I noticed from the last round. First, keep your guard up. That is the most important thing."

Ava rolled her eyes and brought her hands up to guard herself. Theo had been telling her to do it all night and Ava just couldn't remember.

"Second, don't be afraid to throw out combinations. A stray punch or kick isn't going to do anything. You won't hurt me, don't be afraid."

"Is that all?" Ava asked, challenging Theo to get started.

Theo chuckled with a nod and got into position and Ava launched forward. She tried kicking Theo's side but Theo slid back with ease, avoiding the impact. Ava took Theo's advice and threw in another punch and then a successive kick. The punch missed but the kick managed to land on Theo's thigh. It wasn't a hard kick but Ava was still proud of herself. Like most of the other matches, though, Theo quickly turned the tides. Within a few minutes Ava was flat on her back the wind knocked out of her. Theo walked over to try and give Ava a hand but Ava had another idea. Ava kicked out her leg in a swiping motion and managed to knock Theo straight off her feet.

Theo tumbled forward and landed on top of Ava. Or, Theo would have landed on top of Ava if she wasn't holding herself up. Ava had strong, tattooed arms boxing her in. Looking up she found a surprised Theo, a slight grin on her face.

"Who taught you that?" Theo chuckled, hovering over Ava.

Ava had learned it from watching the soldiers train in the garden from her window, "Instinct."

"I could have crushed you," Theo said, not moving from above Ava.

Ava grinned and raised her eyebrows suggestively, "Not when there are big strong arms ready to catch you."

Ava reached out and squeezed Theo's forearm, feeling the muscles there under her grip. Theo went silent and stared down at the redhead. Ava went quiet too, staring up at the brown eyes looking back at her. There was a thick tension around them and the air was heavy. Her breath felt like it wasn't ever going to re-enter her body. Ava could drag Theo down right there and kiss her. Ava saw Theo's eyes flick down to Ava's lips and Ava almost fainted right there. Theo cleared her throat and got up immediately after but Ava had seen what she did. Theo had been thinking about the same thing, Ava was sure of it.

That night she could barely sleep, a permanent grin stuck to her face. She tried not to get ahead of herself, it was a small gesture that could have meant nothing. At least she thought that until something similar happened to her the next night. One of their sparring matches had ended with both of them on the floor, Ava on top this time. Ava, lacking the arm strength to hold herself up for too long, was sitting on top of Theo refusing to get off.

Theo had grabbed her wrists and tried to wrestle her off by tipping her balance over but it didn't work. All it did was bring Ava forward so her face was inches away from Theo's, wrists caught in Theo's hands. They went from laughing loudly to quieting down very quickly. Ava stared down at Theo and saw her swallow. Theo looked a bit nervous, caught off guard. Once again, Ava caught the Captain's eye flick down to her lips then back up. Theo squirmed under Ava, attempting to get out. Theo looked sheepish, something Ava had yet to witness. It would have flown over Ava's head, all of the little signs if Ava had not been feeling the exact same way.

The lump in the throat, the inability to take her eyes off of Ava, her flight instinct kicking in.

Ava wasn't just relying on two instances though, every night after that they had ended up in a compromising position. Every night, Theo acted adorably weird about it. And every night Ava wanted to throw caution to the wind and just do it, just kiss her but she stopped herself every time. Ava had to think about the consequences and the long term effects. Theo was her captain and while Ava had a feeling Theo felt the same, she could always get rejected. She also had to think about the long term consequences if she wasn't rejected. Where would it go? Where did she want it to go? She was still living a lie, telling everyone she was someone she wasn't. That mixed with being involved with Theo could only end badly.