My head vibrated and buzzed as I rested it against the window. We turned back onto the highway, and the bus's engine groaned, picking up speed.

I watched Jake from across the cabin, looking for some hint about what was going on in his head—some clue as to whether what I heard was real or not—but he gave away nothing. He lay on his back on the bench, his black beanie draped over his eyes to block out the blaring sunlight.

Liz sat next to me on the couch, holding her head in her hands like she was thinking really hard about something.

"I'm starving." Veronica broke the silence as she stepped out from behind the divider that separated the back section of the bus where she and Reggie had been hanging out. The skunky smell of freshly smoked weed wafted out along with her. A grey haze hung in the air in the room behind her, like they'd been hot boxing the entire compartment while the rest of us had gotten out at the gas station.

"Are we going to stop for lunch?" she asked.

Liz snorted. "Good luck convincing Alex."

"We literally just started driving again." Jake sat up and removed his hat from his eyes and glared at her. "You should've got something when we stopped if you were hungry." He lay back down, replacing his makeshift blindfold.

"I wasn't hungry then." Veronica rolled her eyes and mumbled something under her breath about werewolves being stupid and not understanding the importance of lunch.

How was she so chill about the whole traveling with a pack of werewolves thing? She and Reggie had been dating for years, so she knew him before he changed. What was that like for her—having someone she'd been dating for years suddenly not be himself anymore?

I watched as she scavenged a half-finished bag of salt and vinegar chips from the cabinet. She plopped down on the couch next to me, pulled out a handful and stuffed it in her mouth.

"Want some?" Veronica held out the chips to me.

My stomach did an uneasy turn as she shook the bag. Even though I knew eating something would do me good, after the event at the gas station, I was too on edge. I'd completely lost my appetite. Not to mention I hated salt and vinegar chips.

"No thanks." I shook my head. Joining Reggie and Veronica for a smoke would probably do me better at this point than food, although I doubted even all the weed in Colorado would be enough to calm me right now.

"Suit yourself." Veronica shrugged. After stuffing her face for a few minutes, she crinkled the top of the bag and brushed the salty dust from her hands

"Think I'm gonna take a nap. That party last night was wild." She leapt to her feet and disappeared behind the divider again, leaving me alone with Liz and Jake.

We were silent for another minute. I clutched my forearms, trying to sooth the goosebumps multiplying over them. I couldn't stop thinking about the way my arm had looked halfway through the transformation. What would have happened if it hadn't stopped? What would have happened if Liz hadn't pulled me outside and I'd completed the transformation right in front of that woman? My mind flashed back to Blake's mangled corpse, and I shuddered.

"Liz—" I began.

Buzz. Buzz.

My phone vibrated against my ass, interrupting me before I could finish my sentence. Leaning forward, I slipped it out of my back pocket and checked the screen.

Incoming Call from Derek

My heart leapt into my throat, and I dropped my phone onto the table in front of me like it was hot.

Suddenly, Liz's phone buzzed, vibrating across the table where she had it face down.

My heart slammed against my ribs.

Shit, shit, shit.

Liz flipped her phone over and glanced at the screen. Her lips turned into a scowl before she placed it back on the table.

It buzzed again.

I picked at the fraying fabric of my jean shorts. "You going to get that?" My hands shook as I wiped my sweaty palms over my bare knees.

"It's a text message." Liz looked at me pointedly, like she was trying to communicate something.

Jake groaned and sat up on the bench where he'd been trying to nap as his own phone buzzed.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath when he checked the screen. He stood up and shoved it into his pocket as he headed up to the front of the bus. "I'm going to talk to Alex."

I looked over to Liz nervously, but my gaze was immediately drawn back to my phone. It lit up as a string of text messages rushed in. I couldn't help but read the notifications.

Derek: Allison

Derek: Call me ASAP

Derek: It's about Blake

My hand shook as I picked up the phone. There was no point in putting this off. Biting my lower lip, I braced myself and dialed his number, my finger hovering over the call button for a couple of seconds before finally hitting it.

He picked up after the first ring.

"Derek, what's up?" I asked when I was greeted by silence. "What's happened?"

I heard him breathing before he spoke. "They found Blake."

My heart leapt into my mouth. "Oh, well that's a relief," I finally said when my breath came back. I tried not to let out the terrified, nervous laugh that was boiling in my throat.

"Allison . . . they found his body. Blake's dead."

My hands went numb and a chill rushed down my spine. Even though I knew it was coming, hearing it aloud was something I wasn't prepared for. "Oh my God." I didn't even have to fake the shock. I felt like I'd been knocked over by a wave in the ocean, my face slamming into the sand as the undertow dragged me back out to sea. "Fuck . . . how? What happened?"

I glanced over to Liz for a second. Her blue eyes were as wide as saucers. "Don't tell." She mouthed the words.

"I don't know all the details yet," Derek's voice pulled me back, "but apparently it's pretty gruesome. They found him a mile and a half into the woods behind the venue. Looked like he was attacked by an animal or something."

"That's horrible. Oh my God." I didn't know what else to say.

"Look, we're all pretty shaken up here. It's just, I don't know how something like this happens." A long pause. "I . . . I wish you were here, Ally."

"Derek," I whispered, tears stinging the back of my eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I mean, we're all upset, but I'm okay." He exhaled into the phone again. I wished he was here with me. I wanted him to hug me and tell me things would be okay.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked. "Allison?"

"I don't know." My voice came out weaker than I'd intended. "I just feel so much . . . shock." Guilt.

I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted him to tell me it wasn't my fault. That I couldn't control it. That I shouldn't blame myself.

I swallowed a lump in my throat. I'd never be able to tell him any of it. This secret was one I'd have to drag to my grave.

"I don't think any of us know what to feel right now," Derek finally continued when I didn't say anything else. A heavy sigh. "They're asking some of us questions now."

"What? Why? Like they think one of you had something to do with it?"

"What?" he asked.

I bit my tongue.

"I mean, no," he said. "I don't think anything like that. But they said there were some footprints around where he was found."

My breath caught in my throat as my blood ran cold.

"Footprints?"

"I don't know exactly," Derek replied. "Something about the scene was suspicious, apparently. I guess they're just trying to figure out if anyone knows what he might have been doing out in the woods or anything. If anyone was out there with him. Get a timeline on things. I guess that's what they do."

"Oh . . ."

"Look, Ally, I've got to get going."

"But I'll see you tomorrow in Denver, right?" I clutched my phone tightly. I needed to see him.

A heavy exhale. "I don't know right now. Trev is on the phone with Jake and Alex at the moment. Obviously Gen F aren't coming to Denver." The phone muffled for a second and I heard Derek say, "Just a minute," before he returned to talking to me. "I'll call you back in a bit when I know anything else. Text me and let me know what's going on there when you can."

"Sure," I said.

He was silent for a few seconds. "Allison," he finally said, "I love you."

My nose burned as I blinked back tears. My voice caught in my throat.

Derek waited for three seconds, and then the line cut out.

I lowered my hand, setting my phone in my lap. The emotional shock of everything made me feel like I was falling.

Why had Derek said that? Was it just the idea of mortality setting in? Did he really mean it?

And why didn't I say anything back? Why didn't I ever say the right thing back? Reality slipped away as I closed my eyes, and my mind raced back to a foggy memory—a night only a year or so after I had first met Derek.

Dim streetlights lit up the swirling snowflakes in glowing yellow halos. My feet slipped as I stumbled across the slushy ice coating the sidewalk.

"Stupid heels!" My voice slurred from way too much to drink. "No more shoes!" I kicked them off, letting them fly a couple yards in front of me before they splashed down in the slush. With only torn fishnet stockings covering my feet, I sprinted down the side of the road after my heels like a dog playing fetch with itself.

"Allison! Stop!"  a voice shouted from behind me.

I whipped my head around to see Derek jogging down the road after me.

"Go away!" I scooped my heels up and continued running. A car zoomed by, sending a spray of slush over me, but I didn't care.

"Allison!"

Suddenly, my foot landed on a patch of black ice that had been partially covered by snow. I flew forward, dropping my shoes as I landed on my hands and knees. I skidded a foot across the slick surface. My palms and knees stung as skin broke.

"Shit, Allison!" Derek caught up, immediately kneeling next to me where I'd fallen. He put his hand on my back. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry."

"Ow," I winced, leaning forward like I was about to lie down and take a nap.

He picked up one of my hands and looked at the cut, grimacing. "Shit. You really scraped yourself up."

"I iced it immediately!" I exclaimed proudly.

"That, you did," he replied.

"I'm going to sleep now." I folded forward again, my head spinning with dizziness. I couldn't even feel the cold snow against my skin. All I wanted to do was sleep.

"No, Allison, you can't sleep here." Derek put his arm around my waist and lifted me up to my feet.

"I'll sleep with whoever I want," I slurred.

"Come on, I'm taking you home."

Derek snatched my shoes from where I'd dropped them and supported me as we stumbled down the road together.

My stomach turned as we walked, the shots I'd taken before running out the door of the house party suddenly disagreeing with everything else I'd drank that night. I pulled away from Derek and leaned off the sidewalk and over the ditch at the side of the road, bracing myself at the knees as I gagged.

With a painful wretch, my throat contracted, and a horrible yellow slurry of vodka, tequila, beer and acid surged out of my mouth.

"Fuck me." I clutched my aching head. "Oh my God."

"It's okay." Derek held my hair back as I was sick again.

"I want to go home." Tears streamed down my cheeks as I shivered.

I felt Derek place his jacket around me. "I've got you, Allison, don't worry. I'm going to take you home."

"I'm such a mess," I cried. "No wonder Carter cheated on me."

"Carter's a piece of shit." Derek pulled me in to him, supporting me as we continued down the road. "And he's an idiot. He doesn't deserve a girl like you."

"Why do you even bother with me?" I asked. "All I cause is trouble."

"Because I love you," he said.

"Yeah, right," I said. "No one loves me. I'm worthless."

"Don't say shit like that. Why do you think I'm out here with you? Why do you think when you left that party, all your friends were worried about where you'd gone?"

"I don't know."

"You're worth something to so many people, Allison. Don't forget that," he said. "People are drawn to you and want to be around you because they see something good in you." He paused. "I see something good in you."

My vision blurred as my head spun. We were approaching the turn onto my road. I stared up at the streetlights. Through my tears, the lights became starbursts, surrounded by halos of crystallized ice and snow.

"I hope you'll be able to see it one day, too," Derek said.

I felt like something had been ripped out of my chest. A massive hole had been torn through me, and I was being sucked into it. Tears beaded in my eyelashes before breaking and sliding down my cheeks.

Why hadn't I told Derek I loved him, too? Why couldn't I do that? He was always there for me, through everything.

I tucked my phone between my legs and covered my face in my hands. I leaned over, folding myself into a ball as if that might somehow hold me together—keep me from spiraling apart. I wished Derek was here with me. I needed him.

It was finally all sinking in.

I'd killed someone.

I'd murdered someone.

A man was dead, and it was affecting everyone in my life that I cared about. It was permanent.

She's dangerous.

How many more people will have to die?

I ground my teeth together.

None.

I would make this stop. I wouldn't go on this way. I would never lose control to this thing again.

Panting, I finally lifted my head, looking to Liz through eyes blurred with tears. I clenched my hands into fists at my sides.

"I will not allow this to happen again," I ground out between my teeth. "Teach me how to control it."