"Where the heck were you last night? I couldn't get through your phone!"

Blair's voice added to the irritating ringing in my ears. I pretended not to hear her as I unrelentingly clicked on my keyboard that the letters on the screen starts to appear like a blur it doesn't make sense anymore. But when I opt to be honest, it's my chest that's hurting the reason why nothing that my eyes see ever makes sense anymore.

"And what is that ugly cut on your lip? Don't tell me you got caught up in a fight?"

My fingers halted from the keyboard, lifting my eyes to Brail although not really seeing her.

"You think you're better than mom and your dad? From how your pretty girlfriend follows you like a bitch in heat, bet you'll soon get her pregnant and your coward ass will bail from her the way mom did to you."

I was still shaking with resentment remembering those trash words from Desmond. I lowered my hands from the desk, fisting them as I still felt the itch of hitting him through my knuckles. It was the first time I reacted to him that my fist went straight to his smirking face and give it to my brother not to turn away from a fight. He strikes back grazing me at the corner of my lips then all hell breaks loose.

Not once that I ever reacted to his insults until now. Not even when he throws slurs to our mom and my Pa. I know better than to bite his bait and feed his ego, but hearing him flinging insults to Oreo finally flipped my switch. How could he ever think that he could spit such venom to my sweet girl? He doesn't even deserve to say her name, or even look at her. But have Desmond finally conquered my mind that his words hold a very heavy weight on my shoulders? What if I'm like my parents?

"Vitto." Blair waved a hand in front me and I blinked, her forehead furrowed while looking at me. "Did you have a confrontation with Desmond?"

I did not answer, choosing to get my attention back to the screen that's starting to look hazy by the minute.

"Vitto, are you even listening to me?" Blair nagged and I pretended to continue typing. I want to get out of here. I want to go somewhere silent— No. I want to go someplace boisterous that it would distract me from thinking of her. My chest twist so bad I only want to be out of this place where my treacherous feet could move any moment now to find her. Because if I stop lying to myself, it's where she is that I'd rather be—

"Where is Oreo by the way?"

It's like the last working wire in my brain short circuited and everything stopped moving. It must be the look in my face that gave Blair the answer as she drooped from her chair and looked at me disappointedly.

"What did you do, Vitto?" She whispers accusingly. I dropped my hands on my pockets to hide its shaking, like I'm suffering from a nasty withdrawal. I almost laughed at myself, thinking that I was stupid to have even thought of surviving the day without my fix. I gathered enough air in my lungs and schooled my expression.

"You should stop asking about her now before the last of my self- control snaps and I'd go looking for her like a maniac."

Bitter realization dawned on her face. "You allowed Desmond to get in your head?" She asked incredulously.

"It was already in my head even without him reminding me." I replied in a hard tone and she huffed out a breath in disappointment.

"Vitto, you are not our mom, or your dad."

"Am I not?" I was fast to cut her off. I didn't need groundless encouragement to make me believe that I'm no lesser man. "If I wasn't, then why am I in this situation right now?"

"You think your dad is a coward?" She huffed in disbelief. "If he was, would he even give up his life of luxury to raise you, Vitto? What happened between mom and your dad does not define who you are. It is what you're doing right now that defines you." There's no hiding the anger in her voice.

"Just stop acting as if you care now, will you?" I closed my laptop and haphazardly dropping it in my backpack, hoping to get away while I still have the energy to escape.

"This is what you're good at. Avoiding confrontations through your cold detachment." She stares at me icily yet her voice sounds hurt. "I only hope that her arms are still open to welcome you back once you realize this is the most imprudent decision your 180 IQ had ever made." She indignantly swiped her purse off the table and left me staring blankly at the space she vacated. There was no denying the painful throbbing of my chest that I began to wonder how on Earth I could still breath.

I tiredly rested my back against my seat hoping that closing my eyes could give me a minute's rest but was I so wrong.

"Tayo pa rin 'di ba? 'Di ba, carrots? We don't need space. You— you told me that you won't get tired of me. You promised, Vitto. You told me you love me."

I opened my eyes in haste as I felt the escape of warm tear on the side of my eye. I never had an ounce of sleep as Oreo's uncontrollable cries played in the back of my mind like it's in an endless loop.

"Please do not say sorry. I- I forgive you. I forgive you now for saying you need time... but please, carrots, please take it back. Take back what you said please."

I'm so sorry, Oreo. I love you so much... but I need time— no— I need you.

I grabbed my bag and left the LRC, my feet taking me to a place where I was hoping to see my light again.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

I lifelessly leaned back against my chair, finally giving up my pathetic attempt to distract myself by working with the thesis paper I no longer understand. My eyes strayed at the corner of my room, to the small dresser where I kept my phone hidden. It's been a test of willpower not to grab the thing and open it. There's no doubt my finger would have their mind of their own, dialing Oreo's number once I got my hands on it. And there's this asshole part of me expecting her to bombard my inbox with messages. If she missed me even half as I missed her, would she be crying right now? Because hell, it's taking every part of me not to bawl my eyes out because it seriously freaking hurt like a thousand tons of weight were squeezing my chest. What the hell was wrong with me? Missing her so much, needing her more than the air I breathe, yet feeling so scared of what this intense emotion would cost her. I have to calm down, to be levelheaded so I'd end up with a smart decision. But would I still be sane 'till then? But what if we'd end up like my parents?

I went to her department while giving myself a pep talk that I'll only steal a glance of her and take off. But I ended up waiting for hours, even ditching a 3- hour laboratory class to no avail. There was no Oreo and I thought I'd go crazy worrying what happened to her and it was a little consolation running into her cousin Heaven, who has kept in him the desire to murder me though it was evident with his eyes.

"It's better if you stop going to her department again. Make yourself scarce and don't ever show your face to her anymore. It's already so hard seeing her like it's the end of her world. Cut her some slack and help her move on by never crossing paths with her."

I thought having born in a kind of family I have had made me so tough. But it was nothing compared to this kind of ordeal I have no idea how to survive. How can I even tell myself that I'm doing this for Oreo when clearly, I was only subjecting her to an insurmountable pain if she's feeling even half of my anguish right now. She said she loves me, but she has no idea that I love her more than she'll ever do. And even half of this pain is enough to kill me, how can I allow this painful love to murder the beautiful light in her eyes?

I rose from my seat in haste, marching towards the dresser and grabbing my phone against my shaking hand, powering it back to life as if my life has depended on it. Because it is. It's only Oreo's voice that can make me survive the now unfamiliar terrors of solitude. Fuck the trauma and all my family drama! It's only Oreo that I need to be at peace.

I felt like my phone can't come back to life faster as I impatiently tap my thumb against the screen. I paced around the room until my phone was ready and the notification tone hit nonstop but none of the messages or missed calls came from her. I was fast to dial her number amidst my shaky fingers but it went straight to her voicemail, something that never happened before whenever I call. I tried again but only welcomed by the recorded voice like the first time. I tried several times until I felt my knees weaken and slumped on the edge of my bed.

"I only hope that her arms are still open to welcome you back once you realize this is the most imprudent decision your 180 IQ had ever made."

The phone slid down my palms as I weakly leaned my elbows against my knees to catch my heavy head in painful frustration. God, what have I done? She blocked my number... does it mean she has nothing to do with me anymore? I was on the verge of tears when my phone suddenly rang making me jumped in anticipation but I only stared at it when I saw my Pa's number on the screen. I ditched the phone on the floor and walked to my study table to grab my keys.

I understand if she doesn't want to see me yet. I would apologize and pursue her until she accepts me again. I only want to see her tonight, to see with my own eyes that she's okay and safe. When I arrived in her house, I wasn't expecting her to welcome me but it was what I learned from their guard that was unexpected.

"Hindi po ba nabanggit sa inyo ni Ms. Oreo, sir? Nagtataka nga po ako at si manong Joaquin at hindi kayo ang naghatid sa kanya kanina sa airport. Magbabakasyon po muna si ma'am sa lola niya sa South Korea." He looked down at his wristwatch and continued, "Nakaalis na rin po panigurado 'yong eroplanong sinakyan niya."

I willed my knees to not give out although my body began to numb.

"K- Kailan po siya babalik?"

The guard hesitated before replying, "E sir, ang rinig ko po, kung makukumbinsi ni sir Heaven si ma'am Oreo na ituloy na lang ang pag- aaral doon, baka 'di na po bumalik dito sa Pilipinas si ma'am."