What did I do?

I stopped my track, realization rushing in like heavy rainfall.

WHAT THE HECK DID I DO?!

Did I just do that? Did I just walk away from Vitto? What the heck was I thinking? Right when he needed me by his side, I stupidly walked away and left him like that. He was upset but I decided to make the situation worse by erupting because of jealousy. And now what? What should I do?!

I turned around, but immediately stopped by a very serious looking Brail in front of me.

"We need to talk." She demanded.

"We can do it some other time. I have to go talk to Vitto—"

"We have to talk about him." She cut me off and I take a deep breath maintain my patience.

"He said you does not concern our relationship. I'll only believe what he says." I countered coldly.

She smirked, throwing me an acid look. "He said that to calm you down because you're jealous."

"What did you say?" My eyes narrowed.

"Do you really want to talk about this here?" She leered, "where other people can hear us?"

I looked around and true to her statement, other passersby are already watching us seemingly waiting for the beef to be revealed. We're in a middle of a covered pathway leading to the university square where we start to slow the movement of people.

"I'll give you ten minutes." I offered.

"I'm not into long discourse. I just hope that you're smart enough to understand what I'll say." She threw insults. I closed my hands and mentally count into three, willing myself to calm down when all I want to do at the moment is explode.

We moved into a café and managed to find a spot in the corner where we could have privacy.

"You better start talking now." I told her icily but what came out her mouth was colder.

"Stop dragging Vitto down so breakup with him."

"What?" I huffed in disbelief. "If there's someone who's trying to drag her down now, I think it's you!"

The way the corner of her mouth turned was sinister. She adjusted her eyeglasses and the light that reflected it directly pierced my eyes. "He does not tell you anything, does he?"

My hands fisted on my lap as I gritted my teeth. "Are you going to waste my ten minutes listening to you prattle like that?"

"Did he tell you that he was offered an internship at Botanical Research Institute of Texas?" She asked and my body tensed. He never told me anything about it. Truth to be told, he never told me anything about his plans of interning. My fisted hands shake, my chest tightening like a vice grip.

"It was his dream; do you know that? It's the reason he worked so hard all these years. And now he just declined it easily like that because of you!"

Her revelation soaked me like a bucket of cold water. The constricting of my throat was painful it was almost a burden to speak, "I—I do not know." I muttered more to myself than her. But if only I have known, how would I react to this? Tears pooled the corner of my eyes as I realized what I possibly might done.

Being my jealous and selfish self, I would have cried and begged him to not leave. Because I do not know how much he likes this. I do not know it was his dream. So, I would go with my irrational reasons of telling myself that I could just compensate this by loving, caring, and protecting him. I even thought of protecting him from the likes of Brail, when in fact... he should be protected from me.

"That opportunity would have made Mom accept her openly, Oreo. How can he throw it away because of a girl who couldn't even finish her basic Math assignment alone?" She threw at me accusingly and my insides shatter.

So, my hunch was true, that her mom was the reason of their breakup. But more than confirming their relationship, the truth that Vitto turned his back away from his dream because of me has a different level of slap. Me that couldn't even study independently. Me that could only cry when things aren't going my way. Me that only could only be proud of my pretty face and my dad's money. Am I even enough to compensate Vitto's dream? But if I step back and let go of him...

Pain was clawing my insides, twisting it that I suddenly felt the need of cowering to protect myself. But from whom?

Silence sliced the space between us like an edge of a knife sinking in my gut.

I thought you can only receive heartbreak from other people. Like the heartbreak I received when my mom left me and dad, when dad constantly make excuses from being present in my life because I remind him so much of mom, when Giro gave up on me and chose me over Rosenda... Who would have guessed that I will also cause my own heartbreak? It was the selfish me... who has yet again brought myself into this.

"You're a pretty shiny thing that other guys would want to have." Blair started again, "but you're not the kind of shiny that Vitto needs right now. Don't allow him to waste opportunities away just because you made him excited with your little stupid infatuation over him. He's been looked down enough, Oreo. This opportunity is a perfect chance for him to show those people that he is more than what they think of him. I only hope that you know what to do now."

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

Brail said I should know what to do by now...

How can I? When I don't even know where I'm heading? Why am I not even crying right now? After hearing all those things, I should be bawling my eyes out now, sobbing like the loud bratty girl I was. But why won't I even shed tears anymore?

She just indirectly told me to break up with Vitto, didn't she? And she told me I only know what to do... But can I—can I be separated from him when I'm utterly, madly in love with him already? I was only away for a mere 15 minutes from him but I want to be with him again. I miss him. God, I miss him so much.

I want to sit with him and silence and take comfort in that wordless and reassuring moment with him. He would have enfolded me in his arms now, rubbing my hair soothingly with his gentle hands... he would smile at me kindly and I will feel better. He does all those things for me... but what did I do for him? When he brought calm in my life... what have I brought him?

I felt suffocated with the absence of tears. My throat was scorched, paining like a huge lump was stuck in there. What should I do? Vitto is better off without me... but I can't. I can't even think of being without him. But that opportunity... his future...

Brail's words kept repeating in my mind like a ghost that has found the darkest corner of my soul.

". . .He's been looked down enough, Oreo. This opportunity is a perfect chance for him to show those people that he is more than what they think of him. I only hope that you know what to do now."

"Oreo!" A huge frame of body appeared in front of me and I halted, soullessly lifting my head to see who was obstructing my way. "I've been calling you but you seem out of it. Are you okay?"

"J- Jax..." I mumbled, and as I awake from my trance, I realized I'm heading straightly to the university fountain and if Jax wouldn't have stopped me, I had surely fallen to the huge pool surrounding the waterscape.

"What made you looked depressed like that? Did you flunk yet another basic Math assignment?" He tried to joke.

"H- Heaven... P- Please call Heaven for me." I asked, remembering that I haven't replaced my broken phone yet. "P- Please ask him to see me here. Please." My voice strained making his smile disappear. And I was silently thankful when he pulled out his phone from his pocket without word and called my cousin.

Jax silently led me to a sitting area under the long line of flowering acacia trees along the roadside of the campus. Heaven rushed towards me after parking his flashy car on the sidewalk. He nodded towards Jax direction and the latter did the same before walking away.

"Are you feeling unwell?" Heaven asked as he stood in front of me, "Let's take you to the hospital. Should I call Vitto?"

"No... and no."

"The let's go buy you a new phone—"

"Heaven, I'm selfish, am I not?" I looked up at my cousin who was surprised by my sudden question. "A- Am I not?"

"Are you seriously asking me that now, Oreo?" He uttered incredulously. "You always do whatever you want even when it makes people around you go crazy. You like making people worry and you don't even pick up calls from your dad. Now, do you want me to say you're not?" Looking at my cousin, I realized I easily make people exasperated and I can feel the corner of my eyes crammed with tears.

"Th- Then... am I even worthy of Vitto?" The volume of my voice dropped. His shoulder slumped.

"So, this is about him?" He sat sluggishly beside me as if talking to me drains his energy. "Did he dump you?" He craned his neck to look at me.

"No." My voice hitched, "B- But he dumped an offer of internship at Botanical Research Institute of Texas because of me."

"What?" He turned his body at 180 to face me, his eyes widening in disbelief. "He did what?" Silent sobs finally escaped my throat as tears came rushing down my ducts. "That... that really sucks if it's true. But—but are you sure it's really because of you?"

"He kept it a secret from me. Why do you think he'd done that. He always looks after me." I said in between soft hiccups, "He always worries about my eating habit and even my studies. If he told me about that in advance, how do you think am I going to accept it?"

"You will probably cry loudly and cling to him more." My cousin replied honestly and more tears came out. "Or maybe you will tell him to go and he doesn't like that." His last statement had me frozen for a moment. I turned to him and I see the flash of concern in his eyes when he takes a good look of my now swollen eyes.

"D- Do you really trust me enough to believe that I would tell him to go? I've always been selfish, Heaven." I rasped as tears were falling uncontrollably. I sniffed, dropping my gaze at my now reddening knuckles of left hand as I restlessly rub my other hand's fingers against it as if it would save me from misery. "The truth is, when Giro broke up with me, it rubbed me off my confidence and used my arrogance as my defense. I- I thought I will always be better than anyone because of my pretty face, and I did not care if that made me petty as long as I can always walk around with my head held high. I used to always want to show Giro what he had lost." I heaved a deep breath to stop a sob and it only made my tears rush even more.

"Then... then there came Vitto, Heaven." I smiled sadly as I looked at my cousin who was silently watching me, "Selfishly, I only was supposed to use him for my own benefit. But now I love him so much I can't even think straight if I don't see him for a day." My voice hitched and my cousin looked away wearing a strained expression, "And learning about his internship offer, I feel so guilty because I know I would have done anything to stop him if ever I knew. Because I'm selfish... and because in reality I don't have any confidence that my face is enough to make him want to stay." I wept, my shoulders shaking softly as my tears flow in steady stream. "But more than that, I feel so heartbroken having been the reason why he wasted an opportunity to prove himself from those who looked down on him. Heaven, I don't want to ever see him hurt. How more seeing him being looked down by anyone? Just thinking about it hurts my heart so much." Heaven pulled me into his body and rubbed my back soothingly as I silently burst into tears.

"You've been keeping this to yourself all this time. Why did you not tell him?" Heaven asked softly.

"I don't want him to keep me out of obligation. I've been known to nag a lot or to cry to have my way. I don't want to be like that anymore, Heaven. I want him to stay because he wants to be with me."

He held my shoulders and pulled away to meet me in the eye. "Even during this time, you're still so stupid, Oreo. You just told me he hasn't told you about the internship and declined it without your knowledge. When will you realize that he didn't want to go because he wanted to stay with you?" I still haven't recovered form initial shock when he looked behind me and clicked his tongue, "Seriously, bud. I want to salute you for being able to put up with her all this time."

"I prefer it that she cry in front of me, though. Not do it in hiding like this."

My body tensed upon hearing Vitto's voice, my eyes widening as I gazed at my cousin and he smiled at me apologetically. "I'm sorry, Oreo. Inasmuch as I hate hearing your loud cries, it's more heartbreaking to see you weep soundlessly." He looked behind me again and nodded in acknowledgement before gently patting my shoulder and walked back to his car.

Realization hit like cold water and I hastily wipe my tears to no avail because they just kept on pouring the more I try to dry them. Before I knew it, Vitto was already in front of me grasping my hands away from my face and I can only look at him with my tear- stained face. He gritted his teeth, face hardening as he looked at me and I yank my hands away. I heard him heave a breath.

"I wouldn't know how to fix this if you don't tell me what's wrong, Oreo." I felt somehow relieved realizing he hadn't heard everything from my conversation with Heaven.

I looked away, wiping my tears through the back of my palms. "I'm sorry." I muttered hoarsely. "I'm sorry that you have to give up on your dream just because I'm a crybaby." My voice hitched.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, clearly confused.

"Your internship!" I snapped my gaze back at him, "At Botanical Research Institute of Texas." My voice dropped low.

He blinked, looking vulnerable as realization hit him but he immediately regained his resolute expression and challenged, "Would accepting it make you feel better?"

I was planning to show same level of stubbornness but I was so afraid he'll go pack his things the moment I say yes. And I will be left here alone... but his dream. His dream is more important that a dumb girl like me. I started to shed tears again with the weight of my dilemma.

His handsome face softened as he reached out to wipe my tears through his thumb. "I decided it on my own, Oreo."

"Why would you do it? Why would you waste a dream to stay with me? When I'm not even half as smart as Brail?" I cried, finally letting it out my chest. And because I already allowed my sobs to escape, it became uncontrollable that I was almost unintelligible. "I- I even could not understand basic Algebra without your help but she doesn't need you to understand those awful equations because she's as smart as you. She can make you engage in a conversation and pull those reactions from you when you're almost not interested talking to other people if it doesn't involve science and numbers." I stopped, willing the hiccup to pass, wiping my tears away before continuing my outburst. "She knows the things I do not know about you and I couldn't even get mad at her because I know that more than me, she's... she's more worthy to stay by your side."

"Just because she's smart?" He asked incredulously.

"Because she understands what's good for you. She won't stop you to do the things you need unlike me." And this made me even more defeated. "Why didn't you tell me in the first place? Isn't it because you know that I'll have my way by crying just to stop you from leaving?"

He breathed deep and reached for my hands, looking at me with understanding in his face. "What should we do then, bunny?"

It was almost painful seeing him look at me so patiently. Where does he get all this tolerance despite my childish attitude? "Sh- Should... Should we break up?" I sniveled, finally having the strength to say it out loud but he only flashed me an amused smile.

"Should we?" He echoed and that made me burst into sobs again. He chuckled softly, pulling me against him for an embrace until my sobs subside.

"That's better," He sound relieved and I was confused, "hearing you cry like you used to. This way, I know that you're just being the honest and expressive you." He softly held into my shoulders and pushed back to look at me. "Oreo, now I want you to listen to me." There was no humor in his eyes anymore and that made me anxious again. His hand slide down mine and he fiddled with the couple ring in my finger. "I think it's time to remove this now."

My world fell over with what he said. "W- What do you mean?" I asked shakily.

He let go of my hand to remove his own ring and put it on his palm. My body remained hardened as I watch him in confusion. He smiled at me sadly as he waited for me to remove mine. Are we really breaking up now? If we do, I just want to turn into dust to not feel anything anymore. But if staying with him means I'll watch him waste away an opportunity of a better future, then what's the point? Perhaps, I already love him so much, unconditionally, that I won't ever allow anyone to look down on him most especially Brail's mother.

My body moved on its own volition, slipping out the ring from my finger while tearfully staring at his eyes. I dropped the ring on his palm and it made a tiny clanging sound as it hits his ring, but enough to shatter my heart into pieces. After this, I would need to run as far as I could from him before I turn into my crazy self and beg him to take me back. Yet, it felt like I'm in a bad dream. If only I was so I could only force myself to wake up and everything goes to normal again. But tomorrow, I have to wake up of being not Vitto's girlfriend anymore. Then everyday will seem like a nightmare.

He closed his palm and smiled, now more genuinely, as he reached to wipe my tears.

"Now, can I take you out tonight?" I only frowned in confusion. He's making my head go haywire with his randomness and it's already too much for my dying heart. "Since you already broke up with the Vitto who only knows how to hide, I want you to meet who the real Vitto is. Then, you can only decide if you still want me."