CHAPTER FORTY THREE:
LET IT BE WORTH IT

( episode three: prayers )

✲*'。

Like usual, both herself and Kie decided not to mention the heated moment that occurred outside Kie's house. They were angry at each other, for entirely different reasons, but they had more important things to focus on, things they couldn't afford to be divided for. Hell, even Arden was trying her best to keep her temper in check by getting along with Brec; even if it was more for the benefit of getting through Charleston in one piece. It was nice, though. For a moment, she could pretend, and that was something Arden Kim was damn good at.

"My parents are so paranoid of me being a pogue, like it's the worst thing that could ever happen," Kie sighed the moment they got on the ferry. The door to the back of the van had been jammed open by JJ's tool box he'd left in the back seat, allowing the group to sit around on the floor and outside the door as they waited to dock back on land. Kie used this as another opportunity to rant about her parents, though Arden wasn't blind to the fact Kie careful was in choosing her words. Like one wrong move would send her up in arms again.

She wasn't entirely wrong in that assumption.

"Hey, I hear they got good weed at boarding school, though," JJ pointed out as he rolled a blunt of his own.

Kie frowned at him. "I'm not going to boarding school," she insisted, like she had any choice in the matter. "They're gonna have to kidnap me, tie me up and throw me in a van."

"Would boarding school really be that bad?" Brec asked, to which Kie gaped at her.

"Uh, obviously. I'm not made for the boarding school life. I'm a pogue."

Arden harshly bit her lip, forcing herself to not yell the curses so desperately trying to slip from her lips. Kie was lucky, luckier than all the pogues combined. She had two parents who cared about her, would do anything to try and give her the best future they could. That was something Arden nor JJ could claim.

It was something Arden Kim desperately wanted for her daughter. She wanted to give Logan the world; provide her daughter with the stability she never had. And here was Kie, throwing away opportunity after opportunity her parents gave her to provide her with a future.

"Well, I say," JJ cut in before Brec or Arden could hotly reply. "That we just crumble some herbs right now."

Kie took the blunt without hesitation, raising it to her lips and inhaling deeply. Smoke lingered in the air as she breathed out, taking another hit before passing it on to Arden, who took it and handed it to Haven without a word.

"Hey, Kie, have you tried to hit John B back on that number yet?" Pope asked, finally tearing his gaze away from Limbrey's letter. He frowned as he saw the blunt back in Kie's hand but didn't say anything, just looking at her with an expectant glint in his eyes.

"Like, twenty million times."

"That's quite a few times," JJ chuckled.

Arden giggled and adjusted his cap on his head, lovingly brushing some of the hair back from his face. Despite it all, despite the fights and the bleakness of their future, JJ Maybank was her rock, the one solid foundation in her life that could soothe Arden Kim's ire ... the majority of the time. "Kie, your phone bill's gonna be through the roof," she commented, trying to diffuse the tension but Kie didn't seem in the mood for jokes, even then.

"Some random lady at a hotel keeps answering," she told them, blunt raised again.

Pope sighed. "Well, until we hear from them again, we gotta try and clear his name. And right now, this letter's our best bet."

"Right. Stay on task," JJ mumbled to himself.

Haven laughed and nudged his foot with hers. "You think you can stay sober enough for that? No more weed after this?"

"Oh, come on," he scoffed. "There's always time for weed, even on recon missions."

At that, Haven rolled her eyes. "At least try and keep the signal clear?"

Before Arden could even attempt to try and reply, her attention was ensnared by none other than Kie who was hopping out of the van and holding out the blunt to Pope. "What Pope are you going to be today?" she asked, which surprised Haven. Kie used to be so against Pope using weed. But when Kie used it, then it was different.

"I'm good," Pope declined, though it was clear he hesitated. "I'm gonna try and focus."

Kie rolled her eyes but nodded to herself anyways. "Right. Good Pope," she commented, as if that was a bad thing. "Boring Pope."

The other girls frowned at her, even Brec, but they were silenced by Pope shaking his head at them. He didn't want another fight. And as Kie and JJ started switching the blunt between them, giggling to themselves, it was just easier to bite their tongues.

For the first time in a long time, Arden Kim felt like a stranger among her makeshift family.

✲*'。

The ferry ride to Charleston lasted for what seemed to be a bloody eternity. Arden was nothing short of relieved when the car was finally on the road again, allowing her some space from Kie as she sat between Brec and Haven in the back. Arden Kim had no problem picking between two evils and for the moment she would choose the lesser.

"Guys, I've read this thing like a thousand times and it makes no sense," Kie commented about ten minutes into the trip. She had Pope's letter in her hands, the paper worn after so many reads. "I mean, the Limbreys own, like, half of Charleston. What do the Kook kings of Charleston know about a murder on Kildare Island?"

"Yeah, and why you specifically?" JJ frowned, unusually serious as he patted Pope on the shoulder. "That's the other creepy thing, you know?"

Pope sighed, but didn't have a chance to reply before Kie was holding the letter out and pointing to the last sentence. "Please come alone," she recited, her nose scrunching up. "That's hella sus."

"Some horror movie shit," Brec piped up with a shiver.

At that, Arden caught her eyes, a startled grin pulling on her lips. "I was going to say that," she commented.

It was such a shame Brec was friends with Haven, in another life maybe they were best friends. Fat chance of that ever happening now.

Brec shrugged, but her own smile was hopeful, like maybe, she was finally being accepted. The sight of it tugged on Arden Kim's heartstrings. She knew all too well how that felt. "Well, you know what they say. Great minds do think alike, Arden."

"Hm, I don't know about that."

But progress was progress, even if she wasn't ready to admit it yet. Brec Buchanan was like lice, no matter how much you tried to get kill the bugs, they always found a way to creep back in. Stupid Buggers.

Pope and Kie were still talking up front, oblivious to the little interaction occurring in the back, when suddenly, steam started to fog up the windscreen. Arden sat upright stomach dropped at the sight, sharing a concerned glance with Pope.

"I thought you fixed this thing," Haven exclaimed, a hint of accusation in her voice.

JJ quickly raised his hands in surrender, wincing when she leaned towards with a glare of her own. "I did, I swear, but she's never been perfect, I might've missed something."

"Great. Just great."

"Pope, pull over," Kie ordered as more smoke filled the air. It started to filter into the truck, JJ yelling through coughs that he had sensitive lungs. At the overwhelming stench, Arden buried her nose into her arm. "Pope, come on."

"Okay, okay," he exclaimed, struggling to guide the vehicle onto the grass beside the road. Suddenly, they hit a bump, the whole van jolting as it sped down into a ditch. "Oh, shit—"

"Pope," Haven cried out. "Pope, watch what you're doing—"

"I'm trying," he protested, and alas, the van's engine gave out altogether.

For a moment, the group sat in stunned silence. Through the rearview mirror, Arden spotted one of the hubcaps laying out on the road, having flown clear off when they hit the ditch wrong. The smoke was only getting worse by the second, to the point that Arden found it hard to breathe. She didn't bother looking back, leaping out of the car, lungs burning as she kneeled over and gasped for air.

"JJ, I'm never getting into that thing again," Haven glowered from nearby.

"Oh, come on now, that's a bit—"

"Don't even try to say it's dramatic," Arden snarled, sitting upright as a delirious laugh escaped her lips. For once, just once could things ever go right! "Look at it, JJ, it's useless."

"And it looks like it's going to blow up," Kie added, to which JJ frowned in denial.

"It's not going to blow up," he insisted, looking for someone, anyone, to agree with him. Unfortunately, he caught Brec's eyes, smiling hopefully. "Brec, tell them it's fine."

"It does kind of look like it's blowing up, JJ," she winced, causing him to sigh and wheel around to the only other guy of the group.

"Look, you probably just unhooked the radiator, Pope," he told him, then laughed when he caught sight of the hubcap. "Oh, damn. I haven't seen this before. You knocked the entire hubcap off."

"JJ, that's not funny," Arden scolded, but almost immediately, a smirk split across her face. What else could one do? Pope's very clearly disagreed. His face was a picture of pure despair as he struggled to lift the hood of the van. JJ was clapping and hollering as he went to collect the hubcap. Even Brec was giggling, her hair windswept and her eyes bright. At least they weren't all freaking out. That wouldn't do them any good.

"You might wanna reschedule your meeting tonight, Pope," JJ said as he came over to hand the boy the missing hubcap. He took one look at his van and winced. "To maybe, like, next week or something, 'cause that looks messy."

Apart from Pope, the only one who wasn't laughing or smiling in some way was Kie. She had her hands running through her hair in pure distress, struggling to find a solution to this new problem of theirs. "Uh, okay, so Plan B. We could, um... take public transportation! We could hitchhike. We could rent bikes—"

"Motorbikes?" Arden cut in with delight, finally not having to fight the urge to strangle the girl. "Damn, it's like you read my mind, Kie. I've been looking at saving for a bike, you know. I want to be one of those cool mums that Logan can brag about when she's older, and she—"

"Arden," Pope cut in with a pointed stare.

"Yes?" she beamed.

"Not the time."

"Oh," her smile faltered. "Right. Sorry. Back to stressing I go."

It took them a while but eventually, Brec suggested calling a tow-truck and taking the van to a proper mechanic. While JJ pouted and claimed she was denouncing his 'hard work' even he had to agree it was the better choice. So they waited on the side of the road for what seemed like hours, eventually arriving at this dingy workshop right when they were meant to be meeting the Limbreys. It was honestly terrible luck, but Arden had gotten used to it at this point. Her phone was eerily silent until about sunset, when Liam spam texted her videos of Logan fast asleep.

Once Arden had finished bartering with the mechanic, she settled down outside, under the awning, crouch downed, a slight smile on her face as she continued to rewatch the videos Liam sent her. Just the sight of her daughter ( even if it was digital ) managed to quench Arden's blazing inferno. Her daughter was safe. She was content, oblivious to the harshness of the world around her.

It was what Arden Kim wanted for her daughter, to stay as happy and carefree for as long as she could. Everything she was doing was for Logan. Soon she would be reunited with her godmother and uncle and then Arden could say it wasn't all for nothing.

It had to be.

✲*'。

A few more hours passed before they finally got to leave. The van struggled to roar back to life but she did it, and fortunately for them, they all had enough money on them to split the cost for it. Knowing there were no places that would accommodate them at this hour, not to mention that they'd just given up all of their money, they decided to drive out to a nearby field they'd noticed on the way there and just sleep in the car for the night. JJ and Arden negotiated for the front seats, leaving Haven and Brec to share the back with Kie and Pope.

There was no way in hell Arden was sitting anyway near Haven Murphy.

"Well, this is cosy," Arden commented as they closed the van door, silence ensuing. "The pogues, Haven and Brec having a sleepover. Never thought we'd see the day, am I right?"

Call her petty, call her cruel but Arden was tired. She was sick of feeling angry all that time, she was sick of being stuck around Haven, her constant yellow warning; the calm before the storm. Arden had yet to truly unleash her feelings, keeping them locked away in a vault like she was taught to do. As much as it hurt, she couldn't truly lash out at Haven.

Not for JJ's sake, not when it would cost him the loss of the sister he never had.

Instead Arden forced her eyes shut, cuddling in close to JJ's chest as the silent tears began to course down her face. She could endure this, she had been through this toxic cycle before.

Arden Kim refused to leave JJ Maybank down, even if the cost was her own sanity.

✲*'。