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Ryu's POV
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Light.

I haven't seen it for what seems like years.

But I don't want to see it.

Not while I have this... Hate washed over me.

Its like a blanket. Covering me, and keeping me warm.

But it's fake. It's a fake warmth. It's a warmth built from the negativity that I feel.

I don't want this warmth.

But it holds me anyway.

It holds me and drags me towards the light.

I don't want to go to it.

Not right now.

So I try my hardest. I try my absolute best to break free from this grasp. I release screams after screams, but they never seem to come out. Yet, I still do it.

I still scream as I become enveloped by the light. This time, it spreads throughout my surroundings.

A bright white room. Barred windows opposite the bed I'm on. It's a room of purity.

The size of the room is something special as well. Nearly 40 beds are spread throughout the room, with space for a table and chairs in between.

Its an infirmary. That's what I deduced.

I deduced this within moments of opening my eyes.

But I didn't have a second longer before being enveloped again. But it was stronger now.

Just like my scream from before, the hate spread throughout the room, reaching every crevice, every crack.

Its an awful feeling, like something was being sucked from me. Whether it be my mana or my emotions, I don't want anything taken from me, but it was happening anyway.

And a searing pain seemed to coincide with the darkness that had spread throughout the room.

It seemed to throb from my left eye in coordination with the negativity.

I want this to stop. Please. This pain. This feeling. I want it to stop.

And a voice seemed to call out for me. It beckoned me to answer.

So I did.

And I was only pulled back to reality by a gaze from within the room.

The Knight.

Why?

Why does she have the same gaze as everyone else?

Fear.

Shock.

Why do I see those feelings in your eyes?

But she seems to overcome them as she takes one step towards me, then another, and another.

"Sto- don- come close-" (Ryu)

I don't want those gazes near me.

Don't look at me like that. Please.

"I'm going to help you Ryu, just keep trying to pull it in." (Airi)

What do you think I've been doing?

I've been trying to get rid of this blanket of hatred before I was forced into the light.

And help me? How? How do you understand the hate that warps around me now?

And as I think those distasteful thoughts, I once again fall into the darkness.

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Its the same.

Its the same darkness.

The same blanket.

The same nothingness.

But a different pain.

A pain from my head-- from my eye.

And a tint.

A tint of purple.

Purple in a state of nothingness.

Incredible.

I've outdone myself now.

All I need to do now is to get this hate under control.

But that's easier said than done.

Even thinking of doing so makes my eye burn.

Burn with pain. And burn with memories.

Like a movie, my memories playback through the sight in my eye.

But it doesn't help.

It only show the memories I've repressed.

There're no happy memories shown.

Its a torture device. One to make me breakdown. One to make me accept this blanket.

But I don't want to.

I want to be happy.

I don't want to drown in self-pity.

I don't want to drown in selfishness.

I want to swim in happiness.

I want to be happy.

...

Am I not allowed?

Is that something forbidden for me?

Am I not allowed to have a pinch of a normal life?

Were those times spent with my parents fake? Built upon by someone to fool me into thinking I had happiness?

I don't want to think so.

But it keeps finding its way into my head.

Whether it's through rewatching my memories, or through the anxiety of not knowing if the precious memories I've held so dear are fake, it keeps pushing to the front of my mind.

So I'm going to contemplate it.

Was I truly happy in those dear memories?

Were those dear memories fake?

Were they built by someone who wants me to suffer?

Yet no matter how much I search, how much I think, I can't find an answer.

I just want an answer.

So why can't I get one?

Why can't I get an answer to something I wish to know?

I've never been able to get answers.

Not from my parents, the gang, or the villagers. I never get answers.

Is it me?

Am I the reason why?

Maybe.

Maybe I'm the reason why everyone hates me.

Maybe I'm the reason why I'm not allowed to be happy.

Maybe it's the choices that I made that led me to this point.

Maybe it's all my fault.

Its my fault that I was caught in the village. It's my fault I'm stuck in this darkness. It's my fault that I was betrayed.

Maybe... Maybe it's my fault.

No, I need to stop thinking like that. The hate is encapsulating me. Holding me, as if I was it's prey. And it only gets stronger as I pity myself, as I brood on past mistakes.

What I can do now has no effect on the past, only the future, so I don't need to recall anything. I just need to keep going forward.

But it's like a magnet, it's constantly pulling me back, forcing me to relive traumatic memories. Memories I want to forget.

This is hate. Something that takes you and doesn't let go. Something volatile. Something contagious.

I want to escape from it. Force myself back to the light. But not with this. I want to escape in my own.

I want to be free.

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Author Notes
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Hey, this chapter didn't take as long as the last one, still took too long though.

Still, a Ryu only chapter. I'm hoping for him to wake up pretty soon, so I'm getting excited for writing that.