Ch. 3.2- In the Midst of This Madness
This update's a little short. The next one will be longer, I promise.
- swpoet
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"But I've never left Arzsa!" Halima cries, her golden eyes widening with fear. "I've never even put a foot beyond the city walls!"
"Neither have I," I say, laying a hand on her shoulder to steady her. "But we have no choice, Halima. I need you to prepare yourself, and quickly; we leave in a day."
"A day?!" She exclaims. "Goddess, miss, that's not nearly enough time to pack for a trip north- there's all your silks to take, and your jewelry, and you'll need warm clothes made for the journey-"
"We're only going to Rizsava, not Imgyonstarn," I tell her. "The tunics I have are plenty warm enough. Just pack the silks and be done with it."
"I- yes," she says, grasping on to some solid purpose. "I'll pack the silks. Where is your trunk?"
"Under the bed," I tell her, moving to help her lift the large travelling box. "Just the essentials, Halima."
She's already laying exotic tunics embroidered with golden tassels in the box. "Essentials, yes," she repeats mechanically. "Just the essentials."
I don't correct her when she empties most of my wardrobe into the chest. Her hands are shaking as she packs, her face wan.
She stops, the question I expected first finally breaking through her initial panic. "Why are we going, miss? What's happened?"
"There's going to be a trial," I tell her as calmly as I can. "Sholu Verlaina is trying the Kyorin Dimaraste."
Her already pale face turns whiter still. "Goddess," she breathes out. "He's going to kill them, isn't he?"
"Probably," I answer, thinking it best to tell her the truth. To prepare her. "I expect a show trial and a swift execution."
"Goddess," she repeats, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Her hands clutch at her dress, worrying the fabric. "I don't think I can watch another hanging, miss. I don't think I can stand any more death."
"It will be alright," I say, sitting down next to her and pulling her body to mine. "So long as it's not us, it will be alright."
"Wait," she says, pulling away from my embrace. "Why are we going? Why is he taking you with him?"
"Why do you think?" I ask darkly, my anger rising at the thought.
"He wants to show you off, doesn't he?" She asks, aghast. "He- he'll parade you around to show that you're his prisoner. He'll have you drag your chains all the way from the palace to the north."
"I thought that too, at first." I tell her. "But then I remembered what he said that day on the gallows, why he let me live. The people think I'm a traitor who worked with him to kill my family. What would he gain showing me in chains when I'm supposedly on his side? When I've already been publically pardoned?"
"No," she whispers, her wide eyes filling with understanding. "He- he means to present you as allies, doesn't he?"
"I think so," I tell her. "In all likelihood I'm to be a political prop. It will have weight, if people see me walking willingly by his side."
"That's- that can't happen!" She chokes out, her little hands shaking. "To have all of Arzsa see you standing beside that devil wearing a human skin would legitimize every lie he told on the gallows!"
"I know that," I say simply, cutting through her righteous anger. "You think I don't know what it would mean? But I can't fight this, Halima."
"You can fight anything!" She entreats me. "You're the Izsaiki! You killed two guards with only a blade pulled from your boots! You came back from a breakfast meeting with a knife wound in your hand and blood on your lips! You have to fight, miss, you just have to!"
"If I fight him he'll just drag me there by my hair, Halima. There's no point."
"Let him, then!" she shouts. "Goddess, let him drag you through the whole country with you kicking and screaming the entire way! At least then they'll know you aren't a willing traitor. They'll know those words he spoke on the gallows for the lies they are!"
"You think I don't want to?" I snap. "You think I haven't lain awake at night agonizing over the fact that my own city thinks me in league with the man who took my family, my city, my very life from me? Goddess, Halima, I feel the wrongness of it gnawing at my bones!"
"Then why?" She asks. "Why aren't you fighting this?"
"Because I promised I'd keep you safe," I say seriously. "And I intend to keep that promise."
"What?"
"If I fight, you will be punished," I tell her plainly. "You will bear the brunt of my misbehavior."
She looks horrified, and I see the beginnings of tears forming in her eyes.
"It's perfect, really," I laugh darkly. "Somehow he found the one thing I still care about, the one thing I'd stop fighting for."
"Not me," she says, shaking her head. "No, miss. I can't- I won't let you sacrifice that for me. I'm-I'm just a maid. I'm nothing. I'm not worth-"
"You are worth everything, little dove," I say with a sad smile, wrapping one of her ringlets lazily around my finger. "And I will not have you killed because of my pride. Like you said, I don't think I can stand anymore death."
"You can't do this," she repeats. "I can't let you do this."
"It is not your decision, Halima," I answer simply. "It is mine. You saved my life once; now I will save yours. I'm the reason there's a target on your back, and I'll be the one to see it removed."
"I don't matter," she repeats, grabbing my hand imploringly. "I'd rather- I'd rather die than see you debased that way for my sake!"
"Don't say that," I hiss, pulling my hand away from hers. "Don't you ever say that, Halima!"
"I can't be the thing they use to control you," she whispers. "I- the only reason I still have hope in the midst of this madness is because of your fight, your strength. You've survived so much- you can't just let them win- my life is not worth your soul!"
"My soul?" I ask, shaking my head. "Halima, my soul is already in shreds. Let me barter them to buy a life for you."
"I'm just a maid," she repeats. "You're the Izsaiki. You're the one that matters."
"Me?" I laugh. "I'm irrelevant. I'm a murderer's pet! I'm not even the Izsaiki anymore! I'm just the girl who used to be."
"You're the Izsaiki until you die," she tells me. "It's in your blood, miss. No one can take that from you."
"Then let me save you," I tell her. "Let me be the Izsaiki, the protector, one last time."
"Not if it means you stop fighting them-"
"Only for a little while," I reassure her. "I have a plan, alright?"
"What?"
I sigh, preparing myself for another round of protests. "We go to Rizsava together. I come back alone."
Her eyes widen. "I can't leave you."
"Of course you can," I tell her. "You still have those gold beads and pearls, don't you? If you can get past the guards, you'll be able to disappear into the city without a problem. That money will sustain you for a year, maybe more, and I'm sure you can find work. It might not be pleasant work, but you'll be safe."
"I mean I won't leave you," she says. "How could I leave you alone?"
"You have to, for both of our sakes. You'll never be safe in Arzsa, and as long as you're here, I'll be at Sholu's mercy. I can't fight them knowing they can threaten you, hurt you whenever they want."
"But miss," she protests, her eyes once again filling with tears. "If I leave you you won't have anyone. You'll be alone in a viper's nest!"
"My last duty as the Izsaiki is to kill that man," I tell her. "Sholu Verlaina must die for what he did to my family. Once you're gone, I'll only be gambling with my own life. That I can do. But your life- your life is too precious to waste."
"Do you really think you can kill him?" She asks.
"I don't know," I admit. "But I have to try."
"Then- then I'll go," she concedes. "If I'm preventing you from acting against him, I'll go."
"Thank you," I murmur, taking her hand. "It will be alright, I promise. You'll be alright."
"It's not myself I'm worried about," she says, looking into my eyes sadly.
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