Wedding

JAXXON HEEL'S POV

WORK and passion can both be an amazing thing. Pero minsan nahihirapan ang iba na pumili sa dalawa, pero ako? Pinili ko pareho. Indecisive lang. Charis!

I have read a poem; it was a poem with two roads. The poem's message was clear and simple, it was to choose a road that was not taken by most, instead, it is the road where you chose to go out of your comfort zone and be the version of yourself you did not even know for yourself. Somehow, the poem reflects me, I was once the person standing on the two roads, completely indecisive about what road to take in life.

Ang tigas ko kasi. Ang tigasin ng puso't-isipan ko para isipin na kaya ko naman. That I am a strong person. Well, I guess I am... somehow. I am now a successful artist and a private nurse. I can pay rent, I can afford the things I want, and I am happy with my friends. What more could I ask the heavens for?

Baka sabihin pa ng panginoon ng pagiging masahol kapag nag-inarte pa ako diba? But God don't judge, they say. Only RuPaul. Charis!

But the people closely watching me aren't gods who won't judge. Because people will. Mapagmata. Somehow, they will find a way to scrutinize you and lead you to your downfall and I don't want that. I don't want that kind of life. I want my life now. Hindi man kalabisan pero pipilitin kong maging kuntento sa kung anong meron ako.

I am torn apart from being the idolized Heel and the low-key innocent, hopeless, pessimistic nurse Jaxxon. I love me. I love myself just as how I am obsessed with the idea of falling for someone like my childhood crush, Christobal Achilles Sanchez.

Oh, to be loved by him!

Napakagat ako sa labi sa mga naiisip. Gosh, I am so hopeless! Staring at Achilles' photo in my phone's screen, I could only imagine the unimaginable.

Ever since that night of the concert, I just can't help but be more in love with him. Seeing him with the kid and watching my show was amazing! I did not know he was a fan of my music. O baka naman naka delulu mode na naman ang utak ko?

God, stop it! Jaxxon stop, stop, stop it! I was about to exit my Instagram account when a notification suddenly opened. Tiningnan ko, someone followed me.

Akihito_Ikahito started following you. Wala pang isang minuto ay naka follow-back na kaagad ako sa account ni Aki. Mag-iinarte pa ba ako? Verified ka baks? Charis.

Binaba ko ang phone at tiningnan ang sarili sa wall-sized mirror sa harapan. Napahawak ako sa noo ko, nandodoon pa rin ang peklat gawa ng sugat ko after my face surgery. I just need time. I just need more months or years to finally heal from these scars. At kapag naghilom na ang mga sugat na'to, maybe, just maybe, I could be both Jaxxon and Heel in a stage.

Sana lang ay hindi masiyadong mahangin mamaya para hindi liparin ng hangin ang buhok na nakatabon sa noo ko.

I feel anxious about people seeing my scars, but I did a great job concealing it with make-up and grown hair falling almost to the level of my eyes hides it as well. I look perfectly good in my baby blue suit. I applied a simple no-make-up look.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at bumuga. Isa pang tingin sa salamin to encourage myself and okay na ako, and I am ready for my best friend's wedding!

Iwinaksi ko ang isipan nang tumunong ang alarm ng phone ko. Time to go!

"Come on baks! Male-late na tayo sa kasal!" May kumatok sa pintuan ng room ko kaya dali-dali kong kinuha ang car keys, wallet, and my sunglasses at tinakbo ang pintuan.

I opened the door and saw my other friends. We all look the same! Kaloka! Parang power-puff Girls one color edition ang mga bakla! Ang kaibahan lang naming apat ay ang mga make-up namin.

I have a natural white complexion and I paired it with a simple make-up. France is the 'it girl' among us. He's very good with make-up, that's why he's selling his brand of cosmetics. He's very famous for his make-up looks. Tala is a flight crew kaya gamay na sa kaniya ang make-up niya. Habang si Jayah naman ang pinaka-formal looking dahil sa pagiging business-related ng trabaho niya. He's a pro when it comes to wearing make-up.

"What? I'm done na." Sabi ko at binigyan sila ng ngiti.

Lumapit si Jayah sa akin at inayos ng kunti ang buhok na nakatabon sa mukha ko.

"We figured out na ikaw ang huling matatapos kahit na ako naman ang pinakama-arte sa ating lahat. And you look beautiful, dear." France commented.

I pouted a little at his words.

"Don't you guys start crying dahil ang make-up ko masisira!" Natatawa akong pinanood si Tala na parang batang nagalit.

"Ay bakla ang OA mo na. Tahan na. Hindi ikaw ang ikakasal. Gaga 'to."

Binatukan ni Tala si France kaya mas naging maingay pa ang isa. Nagkatinginan kami ni Jayah and shared the same look. Of course, we can never be best friends without having to fight for senseless cause.

Bumaba kami sa condo building at dumiritso sa car park kung saan naghihintay ang sasakyan namin.

After last night's events, we were early to wake up dahil busy-busyhan ang ganap ni Cloud dahil nga ikakasal na. And boy I was so thankful that we did not drink last night at baka walang kasal na mangyari sa kagagahan naming lima.

Pumasok kami sa sasakyan ko, a red Honda Civic, which I am proud to say I bought with my own hard-earned money from work.

We did our thing, I drive while si Tala naman na katabi ko sa passenger seat ang nagpi-play ng songs.

It's one of the songs I made for the girls. They love it so much and I remembered they were the first to buy my song album. In the back of the car was Jayah singing the song and France, always doing his thing, on Instagram Live sharing his looks while promoting his new cosmetic set.

Not too long, we arrived at the wedding place. The wedding is held in one of the biggest hotels owned by the Ayala.

"Mga ate, hindi niyo naman ako inin-form na ganito pala ikakasal ang kaibigan natin. Aba Met Gala ang peg!" Tala commented while looking at the long red carpet just outside the hotel.

Keber na ito ni France dahil sanay ito sa ganitong mga events dahil sa trabaho niya, pero para sa amin ni Tala at Jayah, hindi namin 'to forte.

Napahawak ako sa noo ko, feeling anxious about the blinking and shuttering sounds of the cameras. If only I am attending as Heel, then I know I'll be confident. Sinigurado kong hindi liliparin ang buhok na nakatabon sa noo ko.

"Good afternoon, this is the way to the wedding hall, sirs." May lumapit na isang babae sa amin, a hotel clerk and guided us the way.

Nagpasalamat naman kami dahil hindi naman required ang dumaan sa red carpet. In fact, it was made for those people big in the industries. France was also with us. Hindi niya raw kami ipagpapalit sa paparazzies niya.

Pumasok kami sa loob to be amazed once again at how filthy rich the event is screaming. Ito ang totoong buhay ni Cloud. Kahit naka-low-key mode palagi si baks ay hindi mo maitatanggi na sa likod ng kaniyang ka-simplehan ay siya ang pinaka-mayaman sa aming magkaka-ibigan.

Kung hindi ko lang alam, kasing-yaman lang ng mga Ayala ang pamilya ni Cloud.

The high chandeliers, rows of flowers, and everything was breathtaking. I am so happy to see this and to be able to witness this for my best friend.

No phones were allowed during the ceremony, so we kept our phones. Only those roaming photographers around the room.

The wedding ceremony started with the oldest Ayala entering the hall. It was so quiet and there were only sounds of piano and violin you could hear when he entered.

"Di ko bet mga baks, ang tanda na pala ng mapapangasawa ng friend natin. Di na 'yan masarap." Bumulong si Jayah sa giliran ko kaya kaagad ko itong siniko.

"Tumahimik ka bakla." Natatawa naman ang tatlo sa sinabi ko. Jusko, ayaw kong mapahiya lalo pa't mukhang kami lang ang bisita sa family side ni Cloud.

Naka-upo kami sa pang limang row ng mga upuan, ako, si Jayah, Tala, and France. The whole row was reserved only for us! Naloka ako dun. May ganito pala sa mga mayayaman? By row ang angkinan? Sa amin kasi, by hectare ng lupain ang angkinan. Charis!

The wedding march started playing and entered the man I was expecting.

Tila ba may sariling isipan ang aking mga mata at kaagad itong pumungay nang makitang pumasok si Achilles. He was walking like the God he is. Ang gwapo talaga!

Kinurot ako ni France pero 'di ko na 'yun pinansin at pinanood na maupo ito sa kabilang row na katapat lang sa amin! Kung siniswerte ka nga naman!

Napatingin ako sa tatlo at pareho kaming mga sira-ulo na nagningiti. Bakit ba? I said I liked him, and I was proud of it. At ang mga gaga kong kaibigan ay supurtado naman ako sa aking kabaliwan. My friends know how much I have a crush on the man seated not too far away from me ever since High School. Most of my songs were about him! Ganiyan ako kabaliw sa kaniya.

Even when Heel was not famous yet, I would save up money just so I could buy tickets and attend his sports and see him race. And seeing him here makes my marshmallow heart melt. Opo, si bading ay may gusto sa taong walang pag-asang mapasakaniya.

Kung walang pag-asa ang isang Heel, ano na lang kaya ang tunay na ako? How can someone from the level of this man see me or notice me?

To him, I am one of his fans. A fan to another artist. Just a fan.

Naputol lang ang walang hiya-hiyang pagtitig ko kay Achilles nang nag-dim ang room at bumukas ang spotlight sa papasok na groom.

I heard a soft melody playing in the background and there I saw my best friend Cloud, walking down the long circle-form staircase.

Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things, you know, are meant to be

The groom stopped in the middle of the stairs, and we watched how Paulo Ayala walked up the stairs to get our friend. The man was teary as he held my friend's hands.

Take my hand
Take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
For I can't help falling in love with you

Mangiyak-ngiyak kaming apat habang pinapanood ang aming kaibigan na ikinakasal.

We're already in our prime years, almost thirty of age and somehow, it's amazing to see and feel that one of us is finally getting married.

I sobbed and cried the whole time, especially during the wedding vows. It was a moment where I somehow felt like a part of me belonged to this. That somehow, in this world full of discrimination and hatred, a ray of hope comes as a blessing to us LGBT people.

On the very hall, dito lang din ginanap ang seremonya at wedding dinner. It was a brief ceremony, and after that, there were cameras everywhere with business tycoons talking about business. Siguro normal na mag-usap ang mga negosyante tungkol sa negosyo lalo pa't may mga malalaking tao akong nakikilala sa loob. I even saw the hospital's director dito! The whole area screams wealth! Ako lang yata ang hampas-lupa dito eh.

Isa-isa rin kaming tinawag magkaka-ibigan to give our message to the newlyweds. Jayah was cracking jokes about the two and it was effective as I noticed the old Ayala laughing with it. Tala was formal and elegantly congratulated the couple. France on the other hand was a crying mess. I did not expect him to cry while reading his message.

And it comes down last to me.

As the host called my name, natatae at nasusuka akong humarap sa dalawa.

"Good evening, everyone." I greeted calmly.

This was one of my very first moments where I had to speak to so many people without a mask, so I was feeling very nervous.

"My friends did amazing delivering their message to the couple, and I wish I could do the same, but I know I will make a mess, so I have prepared a little something instead. But before anything else, I would like to congratulate both of you."

Naglakad ako palapit sa grand piano na nasa loob ng hall. It was not in the middle, thankfully. It was on the lower right side of where the couple was seated.

I tested the keys and the sound of it made people stop with their talks at tumingin sa kung saan nanggaling ang tunog nito.

"Growing up, I have known Cloud like the back of my hand, and I am delighted to see Paulo do the same. Learning to know my best friend and learning to love him. Thank you..." I said those words and began playing the song.

The whole room died down. It was only the spotlight on the couple, the sound of the Piano, and my voice.

Sa piling mo lang nadarama
Ang tunay na pagsinta
'Pag yakap kita nang mahigpit
Parang ako'y nasa langit

Tonight, I am singing not as an artist, but as a friend of Cloud. I chose this song because Cloud, one time asked me to sing this for him. I couldn't do it kasi busy ako. Tonight, I am giving him his request.

Kailangan kita, ngayon at kailanman
Kailangan mong malaman na ikaw lamang
Ang tunay kong minamahal
At tangi kong hiling ay makapiling ka lagi

Habang kinakanta ko ito ay nakikita ko na pinapahiran ng mga kamay ni Paulo ang mga luha ni Cloud. And I couldn't watch because I'm about to cry too. Ayokong masira ang tanging reaglo ko dahil naiyak ako. I calmed myself and continued singing.

Minsan lang ako nakadama ng ganito
Pagmamahal na hindi magbabago
At habang-buhay na ipaglalaban ko

I closed my eyes to ready for the high notes. And as I was singing it, I was trying to hide the way Heel sings. Hindi pwedeng malaman nila, although they would not suspect. I just know they won't.

Kailangan kita, ngayon at kailanman
Kailangan mong malaman na ikaw lamang
Ang tunay kong minamahal
Ang lagi kong dinarasal

I paused and arched my back a little. Tumingin ako sa itaas at ipinikit ang mga mata dahil nararamdaman ko na ang pag tulo ng mga luha ko.

I am just so happy that it made me cry. Sobrang saya ng puso ko ngayon sa higit pang rason.

Kailangan kita, ngayon at kailanman
Kailangan mong malaman na ikaw lamang
Ang tunay kong minamahal
At tangi kong hiling ay makapiling ka lagi

I opened my eyes just in time I stopped playing the piano. With a smile on my lips, I looked at the man I knew I could never have.

Tumitig ako sa kaniyang mga mata. I looked at his eyes, shocked a little when he was staring at me as well.

Parang mga paro-parong nagsiliparan sa tiyan ang naramdaman ko nang makita ang seryoso niyang mga mata na nakatitig sa akin.

He was looking at me as if he knew me. As if he knows something about me, but it's a ridiculous idea.

Again, a ridiculous idea.

I parted my lips a little and looked down at the piano tiles. I looked back up again and smiled at the couple. Cloud was crying.

Kailangan kita, ngayon at kailanman...

I finished the song.

Nagulat ako nang tumayo ang ibang bisita para palakpakan ako. I bit my lips at inalis ang mga luha sa aking mga mata.

Inayos ko rin ang buhok sa noo ko at tumayo. I smiled a little to the guests. I saw my friends cheering for me. Umalis kaagad ako sa piano at pumunta sa stage kung nasaan naupo ang bagong kasal.

I hugged Cloud so tight,

"Thank you, Jaxx. I love the song. I can't believe you sang it for me." Cloud said between his sobs.

"Hindi masiyadong maayos kasi umiiyak ka! Nahawa tuloy ako." Pareho kaming naiiyak at tumango sa isa't-isa.

I hold his hands and look at the man beside him. Bumitaw ako kay Cloud at kinamayan si Paulo. I shook hands with Paulo and smiled at him genuinely.

"Thank you for the song, we both love it," Paulo said in a business-like tone.

Inalalayan ni Paulo ang kaniyang asawa pabalik sa upuan at ako naman ay bumalik sa table naming magkakaibigan.

I continued wiping my tear-streaked eyes and while I was walking back, something urged me to look at Achilles and so I did.

Imagine the shock in my eyes when I saw him closely watching my move. Achilles holding a wine glass in his black tux is something I dreamt of seeing. He was like a tiger, and I was his prey. God blesses me so much for allowing me to see my long-time crush, and with a bonus at that. I get to stare at him for more than a second.

Like I always do, I looked down and hid the smile on my lips. Kinikilig na parang isang dalagang nakakita ng kaniyang crush. Gosh, I sounded so pathetic but who cares, right?

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Note: Soooooo??? I'm working on the next chapter. So far, ano ang tots niyo? Feel free to comment po!