Crush 

JAXXON HEEL'S POV

"MANONG, itabi mo lang po d'yan oh, baka kasi mahirapan kang lumabas kapag pumasok pa tayo." Mula sa kinauupuan kong taxi ay ramdam ko ang mahinang daloy ng trapiko.

"Mukhang may malaking kasiyahan na naman sa arena ah. Ano bang meron diyan ngayon?" Nagsalita si manong driver.

Tiningnan ko ang daan mula sa bintana ng sasakyan at mukhang matatagalan talaga ako ng ilang minuto.

"May concert show po." Ang magalang kong sagot dito.

Tumingin si manong sa kaniyang salamin sa harapan. Ngumiti ako ng kunti dito.

"Kaya siguro maraming tao. Siguro sobrang sikat ng taong 'yan. Baka artista, no?"

Ayaw ko naman sabihin kay manong na ang tanging musika na naririnig namin sa kaniyang stereo ay ang isa sa kanta ng taong may concert ngayon.

"Parang ganun na po. At tsaka, basi sa trapik ngayon, mukhang marami ngang nag-aabang sa concert."

Binaba ako ni manong sa may banda kung saan walang masiyadong taong nagsibabaan sa kanilang mga sasakyan.

"Salamat po." I thanked the kind driver.

Kailangan ko pang makipagsiksikan sa mga tao papasok sa arena para lang makapasok sa loob.

"Ticket mo po, sir? Pakitanggal na rin po ng sombrero at face mask mo po para sa security check." Narating ko ang harapan ng ticket booth.

Tumango ako sa babae at kinuha ang isang VVIP ticket dun. Sa isipan ko ay pinasasalamatan ko si Mommy Chris sa pag secure ng ticket ko para sa concert.

"Dito po ang daan papunta sa seat area niyo po. Pakisundan lang ang daan at huling pintuan po. Maraming Salamat."

Pinasalamatan ko siya at simpleng naglakad sa huling pintuan. Bitbit ang face mask at ang cap ay huminto ako sa harapan ng pintuan para ipakita sa security ang ID ko.

"Good evening, Mr. Heel. This way, sir." Isinuot ko pabalik ang face mask at ang cap ko. Sumunod lang ako sa security hanggang sa maabot namin ang areas ng mga make-up artists at stylists.

"Where on earth is he? Magsisimula na ang concert pero wala pa rin si—" Hindi pa man ako nakapasok sa loob ay dinig na dinig ko na ang umuusok na dila ng aking manger na si Mommy Chris.

"I'm sorry I am late. Traffic kasi eh." Hindi ko na siya pinatapos at lumapit sa kaniya para makipag beso.

"Ang tagal mo! Sige maupo ka na! We can't fail this event dahil sold out tayo ngayon, Heel."

Tumango ako bilang pagsagot. And right away, Matilda, my makeup artist started preparing me for the show.

-

THIRD PERSON'S POV

ARTIST and a celebrity to many, an influencer, and a proud Filipino, he is Jaxxon Heel Aquino. Commonly known by his fans as Heel and commonly mistranslated as "hell" due to his crystal-clear gender orientation—gay.

Very typical homophobic remarks from those overly baptized people.

Heel doesn't mind, because for all he cares, he's just selling his talent, and oh, we need it clear, it's his faceless talent he's selling.

Yes, you read it right. Heel is famous, not only for being a singer with a 'golden voice' but an ironically 'charming' faceless face.

Does that make sense?

Yes, gentle readers, Heel is a singer who doesn't show his face like any of those international and record-breaking artists who are known only for their talent but not for their face.

Sa tingin ni Heel ay wala naman sigurong dapat pang ipaglandakan ang mukha kung mas una siyang nakilala sa kaniyang boses, pero sa puso niya, may mas malalim pa na rason dito.

It was never the reason that he could only sell his talent or artistry, but it was his face. Let's face it, when you're ugly and when you're unlikable, you will not sell.

"Hindi bibinta 'to. He's not for the market." The very words from Heel's management when they saw his face.

Unsurprisingly, he wasn't even slightly offended by what the management said. It's a two-way compensation, Heel needed the extra job, and the management needed an artist.

Yes, you guessed it right. Heel is ugly in comparison to the 'beauty' standard set by the establishment, industry, and in general—the public.

Huwag na tayong maging peke dito, dahil alam naman natin na kung pangit ka sa paningin ng tao, kahit na may pa 'golden heart' ka pa o sing-bait ka ni San Pedro, you will not sell. Hindi ka bibinta sa masa. And who would love you? Your fans? How many of them?

Alam ni Heel na masakit man ay kailangan niyang tanggapin na sa industriyang pinasukan niya, kailangan niyang magtago ng mukha.

It was better that way.

And that's what exactly Heel did. He sold his albums without a face. He became the country's sensation. He became famous due to his masked face, and he grew accustomed to it.

It was normalized to the point that it healed his broken soul. It made him think that it was okay to step into the limelight even with the mask on his face.

He never denied that he was unattractive. Heel knew that the bullying he received since middle school was true and it was enough to humble his deluded self that he was not attractive.

The scar on his face made him unattractive. And it was okay. Pessimistic as it sounds, it was okay for Heel that his face was covered.

Heel became the cover of several magazines and there were countless attempts to reveal his face, but none succeeded.

Because in real life, behind the mask and after sold-out concerts, he's just Jaxxon, the 'ugly' looking kid in a simple apartment with a low-key life, unmasked.

At least after his job, he could be someone he truly is. Without his mask, he's just a simple human being who can roam around without the scrutiny of the public and he is okay with it. It's relevant but he's okay with it.

He's not ashamed of it, but what interests most of his fans is his love interest since Heel has been very vocal about it.

The only thing he did not expect was the amount of support he garnered when he entered the industry. He has the voice, but the amount of support was very much unexpected. Most of his fans are from the country and some are from abroad.

His life was never the same after the first release of his song.

In the limelight, his fans tend to understand and probe his identity, but Heel is good at hiding. Unbeknownst to others, their idol lives a normal life.

Jaxxon Heel Aquino is a private nurse, tending to patients who are listed in the elite classes. And overnight, he transforms into someone's idol.

"Bakla ka, ang lakas talaga ng apog mo! Hindi ko kinaya ang pa reveal mo ng name. Nag name-drop ka ba naman ng taong gusto mo sa harap ng libo-libong tao!" Ang eksaheradang komento ni France, ang isa sa mga kaibigan niya. Hinampas siya nito ng throw pillow na madali lang naman niyang nasalo.

Inismiran niya ito pero may namumuong ngiti sa labi niya. A kind of smile that tells how proud he was for voicing it out.

"Ayaw niyo nun? At least alam na niya na Heel likes him. Not a simple like ha. Like as in romantically. At tsaka it's a good thing para naman maka-move on na itong kaibigan natin sa lalaking 'yon." Ang sabi ni Tala, ang isa sa mga kaibigan niya na kadadating lang.

Naka-upo silang dalawa ni France sa pabilog na sofa sa isa sa apartment ng kaibigan nilang si Cloud. Pareho silang nakangiti sa kadadating lang na isa pa nilang kaibigan.

"Buti naman at ikaw ay nakabisita aber. Halos hindi ka na namin makita sa isang buwan ah. Huwag mo naman kaming talunin sa kasipagan anteh." Nagsalita si Jayah na naka-upo sa sahig at umiinom ng wine. Kalaro nito ng tong-its ang isa pa nilang kaibigan na si Cloud.

Lahat sila mga bakla. Hindi lang bakla kumilos, hindi lang bakla kung manumit at magsalita, kundi bakla na bakla talaga! Sirena! Sumusuka ng bahaghari.

"Grabeh naman kayo sa akin. Sadyang busy lang talaga ako sa work, alam niyo naman kapag may anak na." Umupo si Tala sa gitnang bahagi ng kina-uupuan nila Jaxx at France.

All of them laughed at Tala's joke. Of course, it's a joke, it's unlikely for gays to talk about conceiving or giving birth. Wala sila nun. Wala silang fully functional na kiffy.

Hinalikan ni Tala ang dalawa sa pisngi at sa tuktok ng ulo naman sa dalawang naka-upo.

Lumapit si Tala sa kaniya at niyapos siya ng yakap at bumulong ito sa kaliwang tenga niya.

"I missed you and I'm proud of what you did. To not just vocally tell the world that you're obsessing over a guy, but because you're amazing and the whole world knows that. With or without a mask. Jaxxon or Heel."

Inabot ni Jaxx ang isa pang wine glass at binigay sa bagong dating na kaibigan,

"Thank you, baks." Kaagad naman na humiwalay si Tala sa kaniya at hinarap ang iba pang kaibigan.

"Again, mga madlang people, nagmamagandahan lang po ako para may makain at para mapansin ni crushiecakes." Tala voiced out at ininom ang lahat ng laman ng wine glass.

"Huwag ka namang OA, ate. Trabaho na 'yan ni France. Hindi na 'yan ikaw. At tsaka, ni-hindi ka nga mausap-usap niyang crush mo. Anakan ka pa kaya?" Jayah voiced out that made the group laugh.

Well, it's true.

"Well, back to the topic mga sis, palakpakan naman natin ang magiting na sundalo ni papa God, dahil sa ating lahat, siya lang naman ang nag-announce na crush niya ang isang Christobal Achilles Sanchez! Ang pantasya ng bayan!"

Nagsigawan silang lahat nang isigaw 'yun ni France. Pati si Jaxx ay nakisali sa tilian at sabunutan ng buhok.

"Nagawa ko lang naman 'yon dahil sa maskara ko. If I wasn't the 'Heel' at that time, I know I can't do it, to the public at that! Gosh, baka ma-ihi ako sa shorts ko mga ate!" Jaxx laughed but he at the same time felt the chills just imagining when he did it without his mask.

In my defense, I did not know na nandoon siya! At kasama pa yata ang anak niya. Nakakahiya pero handa po akong maging mommy! Charis at baka masabunotan tayo ng totoong ina.

But then again, Jaxxon did not hear about Achilles being a parent or having a wife. Was he too serious in attempting to forget his feelings for him to the point na may nakalimutan na siyang iba pang detalye sa buhay nito?

"At tsaka, hindi naman 'yon papansinin ng isang Christobal Sanchez no. Sino lang ba naman ako sa kaniya? I guess it's normal for a celebrity to blatantly gush out their crushes and then inevitably be turned down." Jaxxon added.

"Baks, don't say that kaya. And you are famous. For sure, napag-uusapan na 'yan sa barkada nina Christobal at Paulo." Cloud gently comforted his friend.

Ngayon lang ito nagsalita. Just like the way Cloud is, the silent and reserved among the group.

Napatingin naman si Jaxxon dito at ngumite. Unlike his friend, Cloud is ethereally pretty. Jaxx is not saying shit when he says that Cloud is the prettiest among the group. With his doll face, soft voice, and kind heart, he could pass on as a celebrity as well.

"It's no biggie naman. Gosh, why are we even talking about my side of the story when we should be celebrating the bridal shower of our dearest-hindi-makabasag-pinggan friend!" Jaxx shouted at pumalakpak.

Kaagad naman na nagsigawan silang lahat at pinagtutulak ang tahimik na kaibigan.

"We should hire strippers!" France suggested and all of them laughed.

They knew that they can't face the humiliation when they do that.

Gosh, mabungaga silang apat pero ni-isa sa kanila ay walang lakas-loob na mag hire ng strippers, mas lalo naman si Cloud na tahimik lang.

"Baks, let's make it casual lang naman. And please, we should not be celebrating that much." Cloud, the soon-to-be husband of Zeus Paulo Ayala said.

"Asus pa-humble ka pa. Kahit naman mag party tayo sa isang private resort ay kayang-kaya ng mapapangasawa mo! Isang Ayala ba naman mga baks!" Tala added. It wasn't an exaggeration because all of them know how filthy rich the Ayalas are.

"Kung ulats man tayo sa pag-ibig na 'yan ay masaya akong may isa sa atin na pinili at minahal ng tama." Jayah commented and hugged their friend.

"Alam mo, tama ka rin eh. Though I kind of expect that Cloud will be the first to marry among us." France said those and pouted his lips as if he was right.

"Eh? Bakit na naman ako?" Cloud asked innocently.

"Dahil diyan baks! Ikaw lang naman ang may tamang pag-iisip dito!" France argued.

Natawa silang lahat.

"Hoy, in my defense, nasa tamang pag-iisip pa naman ako no." Jaxx added while pouting.

"Anong nasa tamang pag-iisip, eh ikaw nga 'tong doble-kara sa atin. May dalawang pangalan at personality ba naman. Kaloka ka baks!" France joked kaya naiiling na lang si Jaxxon kasi tama nga naman ang kaibigan.

Jaxxon likes it when his friends know the deeper reason for his two identities.

"Sana dumating ang panahon na maging totoo ka na Jaxx, kahit hindi na sa mga fans mo, kahit sa sarili mo lang. Huwag mo na kaming isipin dahil kilala ka naman namin kahit noon pa. Sarili mo na lang para maging tunay kang happy." Cloud said and his words cut deep.

Natahimik silang apat dahil sa narinig.

Sometimes, Jaxxon would ask himself in silence, 'Am I doing the right thing?' It's not a good thing to lie or hide forever, but money will always be a good thing. And Jaxxon needs money. Who doesn't right?

Being a private nurse can't pay his bills and food. Other than that, Jaxxon Heel being a celebrity pays him well and he mostly does it for fun and additional money.

Jaxxon being a masked performer made him look unique and it made him confident enough to continue.

"Uhm... so strippers?" Ang sabi ni France kaya muli silang natawa.

Cloud reached for Jaxx's hands and held them. They both smiled at each other in comfort.

Jaxx rides with the fun, like he always does. Sa isipan niya, ay baka mawawala lang kaagad ang issue na ginawa niya.

Naalala niya na kanina pa tumatawag ang manager niya at alam niyang lagot na naman siya neto dahil wala naman sa script nila kanina na sabihing crush niya ang isang car-racer and motorbike-free-styler god-like master na si Christobal Achilles Sanchez.

Tonight, hindi niya iisipin ang katauhan niyang si Heel dahil ang gabing ito ay inilaan niya para magsaya sa nalalapit na kasal ng kaniyang kaibigan.

It brought a smile to his face knowing that among the five, at least there is one of them who can finally feel what it's like being in love and in marriage at that.

"Maglalasing tayo mga bakla dahil sa wakas, ang inosente nating kaibigan ay makakatakam na ng hatdog at sa isang Ayala pa! Bottoms-up girl!" Sumigaw si France at pina-inom ng Yakult ang kaibigan na si Cloud.

Lahat sila natawa sa nangyayari. Kahit gustuhin man nila lasingin ang kabigan nila ay hindi pwede lalo pa at kasal na neto kina-umagahan. And looking at those men in black in the corners of this house, they knew they can't possibly drunk their friend. Super bantay-sarado ang buong lugar dahil yata sa utos ni Paulo, ang mapapangasawa nito.

Naiiling lang si Jaxx kung iisipin niya kung gaano ka higpit ang mapapangasawa ng kaibigan niya. Although he has seen how this protectiveness of the Ayala is coming.

Their so-called party lasted for God knows the time, they just went to bed and cuddled with each other like they always do.

Jaxx while about to sleep could not thank God for giving him the best of friends he could ever ask for.

Since college, they are those who look up to each other until now that they are all mature adults. And they all remained the same, just like this moment, cuddling in one bed, ready to accept that finally, after many years of waiting, one of them will walk down the aisle and will be getting married.

About to close his eyes, he snatched his phone beside him, on the desk, and opened it to be ransacked with all the notifications, and Jaxx knew that it was probably because of the issue he made. Or was it an issue to begin with? When thinks of it, hindi naman 'yun malaking bagay. It's just some of his fans are making it huge.

Kasalanan din naman kasi niya kung bakit nape-pressure siya ngayon. Siya kasi itong tanga at kinompirma ang pangalan ng taong gusto niya, in public!

Unti-unti nang pumapasok ang hiya sa kaniyang sistema at naiiyak siya na parang maiihi.

He shut his eyes and let a heavy breath out. He tried to erase the memory, but his mind was not cooperating, instead, as he closed his eyes, it played the memories of him performing on a stage while one of his fans asked who his crush was.

-

JAXXON HEEL'S POV

"FOR THIS next and final song, I want you to think of a special someone, romantically. Someone you wish will forever be yours. Afraid that you would lose breath when you're not with them. This song is famous, not from my album, but I sure hell know everybody in here knows this by heart. This song is entitled, Enchanted by the one and only, Taylor Swift. I am singing this song to the man I have been crushing on forever. If you only know how much your face and aloof smile and manliness and you as a whole affect my whole system. This is for you Mr. S. and it was enchanting to meet you." In my calm voice, I finished my spiel and looked up to see the audience waving their hands in excitement.

I bit my lips to hide my growing smile after I said those words. I strummed the guitar enough to make the whole crowd scream.

My manager forced me to have a new set of spiels before singing a song. She said that it should be something unique that could blow the fans. Well, based on the crowd's reaction, I think I did the right thing.

"Are you ready?!" I shout just enough for the initial lyrics.

There I was again tonight
Forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired, lonely place
Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is, it was enchanting to meet you

Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?"
'Cross the room your silhouette
Starts to make its way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks
Like passing notes in secrecy

And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is, I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

I hummed as I listened to the crowd finish the song for me.

Napapangiti ako habang tumitingin sa itaas, sa malaking screen kung saan pinapakita ang mga taong nandidito. I even laughed at those gushy couples who shamelessly kissed at each other during fan-cams.

Malamyos ang hangin na humahaplos sa akin balat. Hindi naman ako nilalamig, tama lang para punahin ang pawisan kong noo. Inayos ko ang nakatakip na maskara sa ibabang bahagi ng mukha. It was made of a soft and thin fabric, enough to cover my upper face.

I am sitting in a barstool highchair with my guitar. I continued playing the guitar, just letting my fans enjoy their time singing their hearts out.

"SINO SI MR. S?!" Someone from the crowd shouted the question, just when I was about to sing my part, but instead, it made me and the whole crowd laugh.

"Did you just shout, 'who is?" I asked and the camera landed on the lady who asked the question.

She was holding her IPad in the air with the same question she shouted. Taray sa Ipad ah!

"To answer your question, he is Mr. S. because this night is flawless, don't you let it go...

I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you..."

I finished the song just in time for the crowd to cheer when a camera landed on a specific person.

The person was standing, with a poker face, a cute bunny headband with a little boy on his shoulders. Katabi nito ang isang lalaki na may malaking ngiti na kumakaway sa camera. I know the guy, Ikahito, but my eyes were set on the man with a poker face.

How could I take my sight away from the man I have been obsessing ever since?

Dinig na dinig ko ang sigaw ng mga tao habang nakatutok pa rin ang fan-cam sa lalaki. The man was unbothered like he always does. Even with his fame—considerably, this man is much more famous than I am!

It's him! The Greek god, Sanchez, is famously known worldwide for being a sports racer.

"I hope it's my daddy! His name is Achilles!" The cute little boy in Achilles' shoulders shouted. Ang dalawang cute nitong kamay ay nakahawak sa dalawang kamay ni Achilles na nakataas para suportahan ang bata na nasa mga balikat niya.

Because the crowd was silent, rinig na rinig sa buong lugar ang pag sigaw ng bata.

Kaagad akong napatakip sa aking bibig nang ma-realize na ang taong nakatingin sa akin ngayon, karga-karga ang bata sa kaniyang balikat ay ang lalaking ilang taon ko ng gusto.

The man is Christobal Achilles Sanchez! He attended my show! Think of it, nag sold out ako ng ticket and he's one of those who bought my show's ticket! Ang isipin na isa siya sa mga bumili ng ticket para sa show ko ay nagbibigay sa akin ng ibayong saya.

It made me remember how obsessive I was to him in my younger days. Isa rin ako sa nakikipag-agawan sa pila just to buy his race's ticket.

"Well, I wish I could say how in love I am with your man, baby boy," I whispered but completely regretted it when I realized the mic was still on.

"OH, MY GODDDD!" I heard the fans scream, especially those in front of me.

I looked down with a heated face and saw the shocked faces of my friends, habang si France ay nagsisigaw.

"ANG LANDI!! SANAOL PWEDE BANG MAGING HATDOG NA LANG!" Gaga talaga 'tong si France!

The camera shifted back to me, and all I could say was I was speechless, but I spoke my heart out.

"Tell you, I have a huge crush on a man named Christobal Achilles Sanchez. He's gwapo and a must-have. I wish you would slide on my DM's, Mr. Racer."

I laughed and the whole stage erupted. 

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Note: I am swimming in an uncharted water with these new characters and I pray na hindi ako malunod haha! Sooooooo??? Anong tots niyo? Goods na ba para ipagpatuloy ko???