Plans had somehow been made, and the day had arrived. And Sarah really, really wanted to take a rain check. Too late.

Somehow, the group had decided to get together at Sarah's house for fall break. Sarah dreaded this greatly, so much so that she had thrown up the night before, but her mother seemed excited to hear that Sarah was finally making friends again, so Sarah decided she had to go through with it. And a second thought, a thought that Sarah had chewed on for the past few days, my mom will be home while my friends are here. For the first time in years, she will be home just for me. She wondered if it was a selfish thing to think. She works all the time, Sarah reminded herself, suddenly ridden with the familiar weight of guilt.

A knock at the door pulled Sarah back to the present. She watched with gut-wrenching anxiety, palms tacky, as her mother opened it. On the porch of their house stood Mike with a cocky grin, Horus, and Jeremy. Sarah had been waiting on them for over an hour; Horus's dad had given all three of them a ride, and he stood in the door frame with them. He shook Sarah's mother's hand politely, spoke a few words, and then left. Why did I ever agree to this? Sarah thought. Her mother led the boys inside, a slight distaste in her eyes, similar to that of Sarah's. Is she disappointed?

"Well, you three look like quite the bunch," Her mother spoke cheerily, "Do you like spaghetti?" They all nodded. A silence passed. "So.. Do you three have names?"

They all nodded silently again. Sarah covered her face with a hand, this is going horribly already and they've been here for less than two seconds!

"Well...?"

"Horus," the tallest boy said, "And my fair friend and lover, dear Michael, and Jeremy."

"That's sweet," she held a look of slight confusion, then turned to Sarah, "Why don't you take them out to see the animals? Linda will be here soon." Sarah nodded silently, and led the boys out the back door of the house, and outside. It seemed the air was fresher; it was chilly, with a low breeze, and the tension they'd all felt in the house immediately released as the door closed behind them. Sarah sighed deeply.

"My mom," she spoke with disdain.

"She's cool," Jeremy piped.

Mike grumbled sarcastically, "Who's Linda? You didn't say you were inviting your girlfriend."

Sarah chuckled dryly and began to walk out and through the backyard, "She's my mom's girlfriend, actually." The group followed her.

"My," Horus said with wonder, "You never told us of the palace you live in."

"We have a few goats and chickens," Sarah shrugged, "Not much of a castle."

"And a dog!" Jeremy squealed from behind them. Sarah laughed, watching in amusement as their Great Pyranese, who was nearly as tall as Jeremy, pushed against him affectionately, heavy tail wagging.

"That's Borus," Sarah said.

Horus slowly lifted his head and let his eyes go wide, "Oh, my love, our names! It was meant to be!" He dramatically draped himself over the huge back of the dog, who grumbled happily in response. Sarah raised an eyebrow, and turned to look at Mike, who was grinning stupidly. He glanced back at her, locking eyes, and shrugged. The hefty dog leapt up greatly and playfully, knocking down Jeremy and Horus both in the process, whom landed in the frosty grass laughing.

Sarah narrowed her eyes, an idea sprouting, "You guys like dogs?"

"Very much so," Horus replied. She smiled, and then turned, and hollered a name across the lengthy property and wide goat pens. She hollered again, then a third time, and then two large dogs began to bound into view, stepping out of the doghouse sitting alongside the chicken coupe. Two brilliantly dainty and yet large, red and white Collies ran the length of the yard in a matter of seconds to greet the strangers excitedly.

"Horus, Jeremy, Mike," Sarah said, watching all of their faces light up, "Meet Parsnip and her brother, Dashi." The two red giants bounded playfully with the white giant, and then turned and play-bowed directly at Horus and Jeremy, tongues lolled. Sarah and Mike stood and watched as the two boys took to the play, and leapt after the dogs to no avail, chasing each other across the yard. The warming moment lasted for forever, it seemed, as Sarah watched with no other thoughts, no zoning out, but with simple contentment. She breathed in a smile, her breath barely visible in front of her face. Mike's laughter erupted beside her as one of the boys fell, and a Collie stood over him, tail wagging. Sarah watched in wonder, in awe, and in amusement. She admired the play in a surreal manner, in an its never been this good before way. Perhaps, she wondered simply and curiously, this wasn't such a mistake.

Horus stood from the ground breathlessly, brushing his hands off on his knees, and feebled, "Ah, it seems I was defeated by my sworn enemy- uh- Dashi!"

Sarah laughed, noting how red his face had become, "So it seems!"

Mike jumped into a playful fighting stance, "Ah, but I thought I was your sworn enemy!"

"My love!" Horus gasped dramatically, "Why, a traitor!"

"Yep!"

"Well, then, it must be," Horus said, propping himself into a slightly crouched fighting stance, too, "That we must battle! A duel to the death!" Jeremy wandered over to them, panting, pale face red, and stood beside Sarah, propping an arm across her shoulders to sluggishly balance himself. She didn't even notice such a movement; she was too encapsulated by the wrestling friends in front of her, and the smudge of happy she felt all of a sudden. She turned to Jeremy, noticing his black eye was no longer black, and a mere light yellow, barely noticeable, and she smiled even wider. It's almost as if things are okay, she thought. It's almost like this was meant to be us. Like these boys were made for me. Like these boys aren't all too annoying after all.

Maybe, she thought carefully, cautiously, maybe it's time I give them a chance.

Or not.

"I love your house," Jeremy said, "It's a lot nicer than mine. I like your dogs, too. How come you didn't want us to come to your house? Your mom seems nice. I didn't know she had a girlfriend. I also didn't know you didn't have a dad. Wait-" He turned to her, eyes wide, "Do you have a dad?" Sarah shook her head, annoyance building inside of her. "That's awful. I couldn't imagine not having a dad..." His rambling came to a sudden close with that.

"I could," she said at last, "I could imagine you not having a dad." Of all the rude things she had said before, that one took the cake. And yet, of all the rude things she had said before, that was the one sentence she'd never regret. She hated Jeremy, but she was desperate for him to know that his life at home was not normal or right. He stared at her for a while, long and solemn, gently taking his arm off of her, of which she also did not notice. She didn't notice his stare, nor his touch, nor him as a real person; she only merely recognized him as a gentle presence beside her.

"Have you always lived here?" He asked then. "I've always lived where I live now. I don't think we could afford anything different. How do you afford all this stuff? Does your mom work?"

"She works a lot. Also, I just moved here. I just switched schools. Remember? New girl?"

Jeremy grinned, "Oh, yeah. How could I forget?" A short silence, and then, "Is your mom done cooking food yet?"

Sarah shrugged, "Let's go see."

She began to walk back towards the house, but was abruptly pushed out of the way by Mike, who promptly shouted, "Last one to the house is a loser!" How original, Sarah thought gently, though, without meaning to, she could feel her face form a smile, and the group raced towards the steps, all pushing to get in through the door. As the door swung open, they all collapsed onto the floor in a pile. Mike stood up first, helping Horus on the way. "I won," he prompted.

"Bs," Sarah said, "My house, my rules, so what I say goes."

"And, fair lady, what is it you say?" Horus asked.

"You're all-" she paused for dramatic effect, "-losers!". Then, she pointed a finger at Jeremy, "Specially you."

"Why me?"

"Cuz," she said, "You're short."

"I'm pretty sure he's taller than you now," Mike remarked. Sarah gave him a heavy, sarcastic glare before breaking into a grin. She was overwhelmed with feelings, something that was common for her, and yet, she felt different. The smile draped across her face was as effortless as breathing; she felt an urge to be close to her friends as they stood, an urge to protect them, to love them. She shook her head lowly, why, that can't be right. She thought strongly, thinking about the idea of platonic love. It was something that used to come so effortlessly to her, something as effortless as the smile on her face now, or as normal as brushing her teeth day by day. And even then, she didn't know if that was ever love. She didn't know what love was, or what it felt like. She didn't believe in it, and she believed the times she did feel it were fakes, anomalies, things that came and went, few and far between, things that didn't mean anything. The foreign yet pleasant feeling buzzed her body warmly from her face to the ends of her fingertips. She wondered, then, for the first time in a year, if she was capable of love, and if this is what it felt like. She wondered why she'd not felt it in so long, why it wasn't fleeting this time as it had in the past. She wondered, suddenly concerned, if this is love, shouldn't I have felt it for my mother? For old friends? For pets? For anyone? She never answered those questions, as she was snapped back into reality by her mother's voice.

"Food's not ready yet, you kids will have to find something to do." All of the boys collectively groaned in disappointment, and Sarah nearly laughed out loud. "Why don't you show them where you walk, Sarah?"
Sarah's stomach churned with dread (and hunger). She would walk to de-stress, to take her mind off of the burdens of life. She didn't want-

Don't want what? She asked herself silently. Don't want them to be in your safe space? Don't want them to have the joy of seeing the scenery down the road, of having fun along the way?

No, she thought, I don't want to be alone with them.

But haven't I been already? Wasn't I alone with them, just now, as my mother was cooking in the kitchen? If it is love that I feel, doesn't that mean that there is trust as well?

Am I truly afraid, or am I just locked in the habit of being afraid?

"Sure," She said.

• • •

The sun always knew the best way to set. Tonight, she began with a gentle orange and pink and red that laced across the sky like spilled water colours, spilling the golden light all across the gravel path and everyone on it. The golden hour, Sarah admired.

"I can't see a thing," Mike hissed, dramatically squinting in the light.

Sarah turned to face him, walking backwards in front of him, and sniped, "Can you see this?" She held up her middle finger.

"Woah, woah, woah," He said, eyes widening, "No need to choose violence."

"If it's you," she said, "I'll always choose violence."

"Because you're kinky?"

"Because I hate you, dumbass."

He turned to Horus and whispered, "I think it's the first one." Horus laughed.

Sarah narrowed her eyes, "Do I really look like the type of girl to be-"

"Yes," They all said.

Mike added, "You look like the type to use she/her pronouns, but in like, the same way you call a boat 'she' or 'her'."

"Someone asked me what my pronouns were the other day," Jeremy said. "I didn't realize what they asked so I just smiled and nodded..."

Sarah laughed, turning and walking alongside the group instead of in front of them as she was before, "Anytime they talk about you, they're going to smile and nod in place of pronouns." She demonstrated the idea with a mocking voice: "Hey, have you met (smiles and nods)."

Jeremy giggled, "Well, at least I made them smile, right?"

"Something like that," Mike said. The sun seemed to spill more of her watercolour, the dazzling sky growing more vibrant with each passing moment. Cicadas cricketed around them, and a cooling breeze whispered by. The group's walk was suddenly disturbed by the piercing sound of a ringing phone.

"Sorry," Jeremy said, pausing in the road and anxiously fumbling with his hands for the device. Then, he answered, "Hello?" The rest of the group waited for him. Jeremy eyed the group warily, clearly choosing his words very carefully, "Dad..? Are you...?" Sarah stared right back at him now, curious, and oddly afraid. He returned the hard glare. It seemed an unspoken thing lingered between them, still in the tense air, a tension that Horus and Mike seemed to not notice nor care about. Sarah felt something deeply, a thudding of her heart in her chest, a tunnel vision that focused on nothing but Jeremy and his face, pasty and paler than usual. Horus and Mike talked quietly amongst themselves; Jeremy gently waved Sarah over to him. She was surprised at this at first, but reminded herself that her disdain for him was one-sided; Jeremy liked her very much.

"What is it?" Sarah asked, quiet and careful that Horus and Mike did not hear.

Jeremy sighed shakily, "I can't go home. My dad's not... sober."

"We can take you home," Sarah suggested.

"No," He said immediately, "He doesn't want me home."

"You should ask to stay the night with Michael or Horus."

He nodded, "I'll see."