It was midnight when my mailbox finally, finally pinged with a message from him.

The last week had been agony. I had really thought he liked me, but he hadn't written anything else since last Wednesday after my last meeting with his class. I thought I'd scared him away. Several times, I wanted to e-mail him myself, but decided against it, not because I wanted to play hard, but because I simply didn't want to scare him any more.

So when my mailbox pinged in the middle of the night, waking me up, I threw myself over my phone, and when I saw it was from him, my heart sang.

But something seemed to be seriously, seriously wrong.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Tobirama, please help me. Please... I can't deal with this alone 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Izuna, what's wrong? I'm worried.

T, xx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I haven't told you but my big brother is terminally ill. He has lung cancer. At a young age, without smoking. They went on to palliative care today.

Izuna, xx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Izuna, darling, from the bottom of my heart, I am so, so sorry. What do you need from me? I'm here for anything. You need someone to cook? You need me to come over? You want me to call you?

T, xx 

I meant every word I said. I would do anything for him, and didn't want anything in return.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Can we please write tonight? Just like this. I need to keep my mind busy.

Izuna, xx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Of course. Tell me about you and your brother. Please.

T, xx 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

We are very close. We have travelled together. He was always there for me throughout my youth. He's seven years older than me. He's thirty, I'm twenty-three. So he always took care of me, and never complained about it. He took pride in it. When our parents died when I was twenty, he was an absolute rock, not letting it show how much he suffered just so he could comfort me. Six months ago, his performance in cardio rapidly dwindled. Then, he started coughing up blood. On that note it is. Tobirama, how old are you?

Izuna, xx

The sudden question about my age took me aback. After all that he told me... My God, this kid had been through some things...

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Izuna, I am so, so sorry. I don't know what your beliefs are and I don't want to ask, but I will pray for your brother if you'll let me. You seem to have a fantastic relationship. He's very lucky to have you. I am twenty-eight. How come you ask?

T, xx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Tobirama, you really are kind... Thank you for praying for him. I just wanted to know. Thank you for asking. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being interested in me. Well, of course you are; you have to be. You're a priest.

Izuna, xx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Izuna, I want you to know... These e-mail conversations are between you, and me as a person, not between you and me as a priest. It's late. I'm not on duty. It's just you and me.

T, xx 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I like it when it's just you and me...

Izuna, xx 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Me too, Izuna. Me too

T, xx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

If you weren't a priest... Would you ask me out?

Izuna, xx

I stared at the screen. My, oh my... Despite the horrible situation with his brother, I couldn't help but smile warmly. I imagined him lying down in his bed, brain numbed with grief making him daring. It was a horrible situation, but it was a situation nonetheless.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I'm considering asking you out DESPITE being a priest.

T, xx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Oh, good. I feel better now. Thank you.

Izuna, xx 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Anytime. And if you need something, never hesitate to ask me. I'm serious. I'm quite homely; I can cook and clean and do laundry. If you need time with your brother, or just need a rest.

T, xx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You really are kind. I want to talk with you all night. But I really need to sleep. I need to go to work tomorrow

Izuna, xx 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Izuna, will you do me a favour?

T, xx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Anything

Izuna, xx 

My heart got stuck in my throat. Anything... It touched my heart.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Don't wait seven days until writing me the next time.

T, xx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Okay <3

Izuna, xx 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Goodnight <3

T, xx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Goodnight, Father Senju <3

Izuna, xx 

I almost choked on my holy water. 

The next evening, I was closing up church for the night. It closed at five, really, but I didn't lock it until I was going to bed, which was about eleven each night. My last conversation with Izuna and his class had planted a tiny, tiny seed within me, and I had decided to go to bed without using the discipline, despite everything that had happened last night when Izuna e-mailed me. 

But I couldn't sleep. The guilt was eating me up, so I tossed and turned in bed. I considered going to the stone room, but I realised I genuinely didn't want to. That my back would do good with some rest from the eternal beating. 

Still, falling asleep was impossible. The only time I was close to falling asleep, I heard someone pulling the door handle of the locked church, causing me to jerk awake. It happened sometimes, but it was still a bit frightening as the sound was deafening. And so I was awake again. Finally, I gave up, and went out of the resting room. I checked my phone; it was past two am. I put on my trousers and black shirt along with my robe, seeing the church was cold at night and I thought I would be up for a while. I even put on the white priest collar and the long, purple one, not feeling comfortable putting on only half the outfit. I walked downstairs and turned on the lights of the church. Being awake so late really was eerie, and I loved it. I walked in between the benches, touching the wood that was shiny with oil. I hummed a little, silently singing a psalm to myself. 

Suddenly, there was a noise that caught my attention. I instantly stopped singing and my footsteps died out. There it was again... It seemed to come from outside, and I could recognise raised voices. It was a big city, so people being out late wasn't unusual per se, but there was something about it... One of the voices seemed alarmed, scared even, the other two threatening. Suddenly, there was a heart-wrenching scream, leaving me in no doubt there was a situation that needed interfering with. I didn't even think. but ran down the aisle to the front door and slung it open. The scream was clear now, sounding like a male who was in abnormal amounts of pain. I also heard one of the threatening voices grunting and the other laughing. Suddenly, the voice of the screaming male muffled out, meaning someone had put something into his mouth. What that was...

I rounded the corner, and came to the worst scene I had ever witnessed in my entire life.