I took a deep breath. I was sitting on my mattress, clad in a T-shirt and pyjama trousers, barefoot, my back leaning against the yellow wall behind me, the paint thinned in places. I was exhausted from having visited my brother, but found that it had been much easier these past two weeks as I'd been energised from my meeting with Tobirama the priest. I had my laptop open in front of me, screen light dimmed down as my entire apartment was out. The power had gone, so had the water, but I didn't care. My laptop was charged. My phone was charged. I'd made a salad with beans to fill it out so I didn't need my stove. It was all I needed.

I opened my Gmail.

But what was I going to write? Was I going to formally thank him for his time? Were we past that? Did I feel daring today? Don't think so much, I chastised myself. If he likes you, he will catch on.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Hi,

Thank you for today.

Izuna, xx 

It took only two minutes before my inbox pinged.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Hey you,

I enjoyed it. I'm sad you're not coming back. You're a great teacher.

T, xxx 

Oh my God... Was he saying "you" as in plural, meaning my entire class, or "you" as in "me"

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Do you mean "you" as in "me" or "you" as in "the entire class"?

Izuna, xxxx 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Of course I liked your class. But I was referring to you ;)

T, xxxxx

Oh, my God... My inbox pinged with another e-mail. 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

What are you doing? How are your surroundings? Sorry I like to build a picture.

T, xxxxx 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You have nothing to apologise for. Dark. Power is out. How about yours?

Izuna, xxxxxx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Sticky... Covered in blood

T, xxxxxxx

I was taken aback.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Oh, my God, why?

Izuna, xxxxxxxx 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It's complicated... Wish you were here so I could talk about it. Will I see you again?

T, xxxxxxxxx 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Do you want to?

Izuna, xxxxxxxxxx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Very, very much.......

T, xxxxxxxxxxx 

I shivered. It all seemed too good to be true. I had a flock of birds flying all over my stomach, and I loved the sensation. Life seemed easy then; my brother, my financial situation, the power cut... It all seemed manageable. 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I will come visit you. Unannounced.

Izuna, xxxxxxxxxxxx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I'm a patient man. I have to, seeing I need to get down on my knees every night to pray to a man who doesn't listen to me ;) Sleep well, Izuna.

T, xxxxxxxxxxxxx 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I could listen to you. Sleep well

Izuna, xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Next Wednesday, I walked to the ward where Madara lay with a spring in my step. It had been a week since me and Tobirama spoke, but he still affected me, and everything I did. I looked forward to seeing Madara now, and didn't seem to forget how much I liked spending time with him in between the visits. I rang the bell of the ward, and Karen the nurse opened.

"Hi, Karen! I- Oh..."

I instantly saw on her face that something was wrong.

"Izuna, darling. May we speak before you see him?"

"Of course." At least the 'before you see him' part indicated he wasn't dead yet. I let my heart rest a little

She took my arm and led me to a cosy room with light green walls, thick dark green curtains and several bouquets of flowers and potted plants. Madara's doctor was sitting there. Fuck, this is bad...

"Mr Uchiha, welcome", he said kindly. He was quite young for a consultant, perhaps thirty-five, and very skilled at what he did. "Please, sit down." I obeyed. "As you know, we found your brother's lung tumour half a year ago. It is extremely uncommon to get lung cancer at his age. He doesn't smoke, and has had no other exposure. He's a mystery to all of us. But we've treated him as any other patient, even more vigorously as he was young and healthy before, while most lung cancer patients are old and frail. He's been fighting for many months now. He's been in severe pain, but he's good at hiding it. But this morning..." Cold dread clustered at my heart. "He deteriorated quickly. We intubated him. We need to put them to sleep for that. Now he can breathe himself, so he's awake." I felt my heart sink like glass to the bottom of the ocean. "We have decided to switch to palliative care. Do you know what that entails?" I shook my head. "It means we give him the best treatment possible so that he won't be in pain or suffer, but we are no longer working actively to prolong his life. We've ceased with the cytostatic treatment as that causes him more harm than good at this point. And..." The doctor sighed. "No intensive care. No respirator, because if he gets into it again, he won't be able to get out of it."

Oh my God...

"I understand", I said, but inside me, the world had stopped. I wasn't sure I did understand. Not truly. My brain felt like it was made of black tar. "How long does he have to live?"

The doctor gave me a sad look. "The most common question, but it's impossible to say. Could be days. Could be a couple of months." The fact that 'a couple of months' were the higher end made me want to throw up.

"I see..." I said. "Can I see him? Is he awake?"

"Yes, dear", Karen said. "He's tired, but he's asked for you all day." My heart felt like it would burst of love. "Come with me."

Madara was laying down, eyes closed when I came in. An oxygen mask was blasting into his face. He was pale, clammy, skin slick with sweat. His beautiful hair was lifeless, despite looking freshy washed.

"Madara..." I whispered.

He just wheezed. It looked so eerie. He pointed to the table next to his bed. On it was a small whiteboard and a blue whiteboard pen; he couldn't use his voice after having been disconnected from the respirator. I handed him the pen and held up the whiteboard so he could write. And he wrote excruciatingly slowly, his hand shaking.

Who is he?

"What? Who is who?"

Madara wrote again

Ur glowing. Have been glowing 4 weeks

"Oh..." I blushed and looked away. Madara gave me a meaningful glance. I wasn't even surprised he knew it was a man, even if I'd never told him I was gay; he knew me so well. So I decided to tell him. Everything about Tobirama. As my story went on, he got the sweetest smile on his face. Then, he wrote again,

Am happy 4 u.

"Oh, brother..."

Madara put a hand on my head as I bent down and leaned my arms on his bed and hid my face in them. We stayed there for a while, two brothers, both on the verge of something completely new and different.

But whereas mine meant a new beginning, his meant the end.