We phoned each other every evening from then.

I was on video when we called, still only letting M see my torso, and he was without video, but it filled us with such a delicious and enjoyable longing that neither of us wanted to take a step further just yet. Sometimes, we spoke. Madara didn't seem to do a lot of things other than work. Except for getting from place to place in first class or his private jet, the man didn't seem to spend his money much.

One day, I was laying on my couch after a particularly harsh shift reading a book, Schrödinger snoozing on my stomach, a mug of hot chocolate on the coffee table I wouldn't be able to reach without waking my cat, when M spoke.

"H?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I turn on my video?" My hart leapt into my mouth. "Not to show my face or anything. I just want to show you the view."

"Of course", I said with a warm smile.

Truth was, I had worried about M. These past few days, he had been a delight to hang out with, but I had noticed he was slowly becoming more and more... sad, I think. I had worried about the cause being me, but him offering to share his view with me felt like an olive branch.

When he turned the video on, and I smiled at the view he was showing me. It was a classical white beach with palm trees and turquoise waters painted a sugared apricot by a splendid sunset. A few boats were bobbing their way out into the sea. I could almost feel the warm breeze on my cheek.

"Wow, M...."

"I know."

But I found I had a very hard time focussing on the beauty of the beach. I was thinking of the man sitting behind the camera. He's there... He's right there... It's almost as if you could reach your hand out and touch him.

"M..." I began, but he had spoken at the same time.

"H."

We both laughed.

"You go first", I said.

"No, it was nothing, really."

"Fine", I said sternly. "Then I'll go first, and you go first next time we find ourselves in a stand-off. Okay?"

M laughed at my quick solution.

"Be my guest."

"I have noticed something is off with you. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy your company immensely! But I'm worried. Would you mind telling me what's wrong?"

I thought I could hear M open his mouth to protest, but then, he seemed to give up.

"I will tell you", he said. "One day. When we meet. But... My schedule is getting to me, H. I'm tired. I only get a few hours of sleep each night."

I sat up, devastated.

"Then what are you doing on a beach with me? Go to bed!"

"No, I don't mean it like that! I mean, I can't sleep. It takes me hours to fall asleep. I'm constantly jet lagged and to be fair, I don't even know what part of the world my inner clock is adapted to anymore. This helps a lot." He shook his phone a little, indicating the beach. "Calming down before bed time. But sometimes, I get too affected by my schedule."

"I understand", I said. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Actually, there is." At this, M turned his camera off. "I really like your tattoo. Or tattoos. The lightning bolts on your hip bones. I would like to see them. And... Do you have others?"

I smirked a little, which M of course couldn't see as he could only see me from my neckline and down to my hips. 

"I thought we were saving that."

"Should we call it a cheat day?" he pleaded. "Can I at least see your lightning bolts, please?"

I thought for a bit, which was ridiculous because I knew that I would never be able to deny this man anything. So I gave in, placed my phone down leaning on my hot chocolate mug (sorry, Schrödinger) and unbuttoned my shirt. When I unbuttoned my trousers, I could hear M gasp, which made me indescribably happy since that had been exactly the reaction I was hoping for.

And I showed him the realistic, black lightning bolts that curved their way around my lower waist.

"I got these done in Canada by a sort of lightning bolt specialist. People who want lightning bolts travel from all over the world to get him. Tattoo-wise, that is." M laughed, but from then on out, the mood changed, became darker, more serious. "I had them done two years ago, and it was my first tattoo. Or my first two. They don't really have a meaning. They're a decoration."

"They're beautiful."

"Thank you. And then..."

I took a deep breath, and showed him my neck.

"Oh, wow, I didn't know you had a tattoo on your neck!"

I did. On the very front of it. A round frame with a portrait of an angel, one of those classical ones that you saw on bookmarks and whatnot.

"This one actually represents something", I said, biting back tears. "I... lost someone."

"It's beautifully done", Madara said kindly, not pushing it which I was grateful for.

"Thank you. I made it last year. The tattoo artist and I discussed it for a long time. We wanted a design that was detailed, but that did not fade too much over the years. And then, last one... And this might come as a shock to you."

I turned round, took my shirt off completely and revealed my black. You saw the tails of the lightning bolts at my waist, but that was not all. Because on my shoulder blades was an entire wing span. But if you looked closely, the wings weren't made of feathers but knives.

"Wow..." M whispered.

"This is my newest one", I said.

"Are you thinking about getting more?"

I smiled.

"Absolutely!"

"Can I come?!"

This was the first time M had displayed a giddy childishness, and I devoured it.

"Of course. How about you?"

"I have some", he said. "And some piercings."

"Oh, wow, where?" I asked.

"Piercings? Navel. Nipples. Three in my left earlobe, two in my write. Industrial and conch in my left ear. A double forwards helix on my right ear. Eyebrow."

"God, you have no idea how much I want to see them."

"As much as I want to trace the lines of your wings with my tongue."

And in that moment, the tension between us became entirely sexual for the first time. I felt my breathing pace starting to increase and was ashamed of it; what if M could hear over the phone? But he didn't seem to be better off himself.

"I wish you were here, pet", I said through gritted teeth.

"If you had demanded I sat myself on a plane and came over to you right now, I would have done it."

"My obedient little toy", I praised.

But I didn't. I didn't ask him to come. I could never demand he put me over work, no matter how badly I believed he needed a break.

I heard the crisp sound of a duvet; he must have walked back to the hotel as we were talking. A soft sigh let me know M had laid down to sleep.

"Well.. What did you think of that?" I asked, drying the cold sweat that had formed on my forehead.

"That it was the naughtiest cheat day I have ever had", he said happily. "And I think you have completely destroyed my ability to sleep, forever. But I don't think I ever want to sleep again, because I don't want to miss a moment with you."

Contact with M became sparse from then.

I could tell something was wrong. He was awfully difficult to get hold of, and when we spoke, he seemed incredibly distracted. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it, but he denied it every time, pleading with me not to worry.

"I cannot decide if I worry or not", I explained to him. "But I can decide what I make of it. I won't ask you again. But if you want to talk about it, I trust you to bring it up yourself. Deal?"

He didn't even answer that, he was so far away in his mind.

Some nights, he didn't even answer the phone. Those nights became more and more common. After a week of no contact, I hadn't any clue which part of the world he was in, which was a strange situation when you were that close with someone. Somehow, I wasn't worried he was getting tired of me; there was nothing I could do about that, anyway. But I was very worried about what very much seemed like a rapid deterioration.

Even if I started to suspect what that deterioration was caused by...

I found it hard to focus at work. The little energy I had to focus was spent on my patients, meaning I was in my own dream world at breaks. I didn't even notice when curly-haired fairy god mother came and sat with my little group and started talking to me.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Vanessa", a nurse sitting next to me told fairy god mother, and I snapped back out of my own sorry mind when people were giving her their condolences.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that, fairy go- I mean, Vanessa", I said, ashamed.

She dried her eyes.

"My son. Just got a cancer diagnosis." She took out her phone and showed me pictures of him faster than I could say wow, this is awkward. He was a handsome man of about twenty-five, with blonde surfer hair and a lean body. "It's terminal. And he was just getting started on his career!"

"What was his profession?" I asked politely.

"A model. Started as one of those half-naked boys standing outside Hollister when he was discovered. And he was just about to travel to Spain for his biggest campaign yet! Now, it's cancelled for him!"

"I know a model", I said before I could stop myself, and cursed myself for being an insensitive asshole.

But fairy god mother, sorry I mean Vanessa, just snivelled.

"Handsome boy like you, you could be one yourself. Actually..."

I ran away before she could try and set me up with her son.

But the next day, Vanessa came up to me again, and there was a light in her eyes.

"Doctor Senju!" she basically screamed. "I spoke to my son! About that photo shoot!"

I was still dizzy from having operated for three hours, and my scrubs were still covered in blood; I was on my way to go change.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I showed my son a photo of you, and he liked what he saw. He contacted the photographer and you've gotten his place in the photo shoot!"

I had no idea how to even begin to contemplate all of this. How had she gotten hold of a photo of me in the first place?

"I'm sorry, what?" I repeated stupidly. 

"The photo shoot is with another male model, hope that is okay. Although you don't seem like the homophobic type." Jesus Christ almighty and all of his twelve fucking friends. "You leave for Sevilla at lunch tomorrow." She turned and screamed over her shoulder. "That's okay, right?"

"Anything you say, dear!" the unit manager screamed back.

"And day off today to pack?" Vanessa screamed again.

"Absolutely! I'll cover for Doctor Senju!"

"Good." Fairy god mother Vanessa looked very pleased with herself. "Here are your flight tickets. I'll email the hotel conformation. Give me your spare keys so I can feed your cat. Now, leave."

And just like that, I was put on a plane to do a fashion shoot in Spain.