"I'm literally so fucking hungry," Theo complained, "It took you hours out there!"

She peeked over from her hammock, opting to have slept there rather than in the bed with Cooker. Cooker liked to spread out and without the buffer of Xyra in the small bed, she would have been tossed off the mattress. Cooker came back from the jungle panting and dragging back a baby boar.

"Look what I got," she wheezed out.

"You need to get into better shape," Theo teased and climbed out of the hammock before jogging over to her and helping.

"You are welcome for the catch," Cooker said as she sat in the sand and slung her bag over her shoulder, "fruit."

"Should tide us over until lunch," Theo shrugged and sat down, taking a knife out of the bag along with fruit, "I'll get started on the boar once I eat."

Theo peeled the fruit, giving one to Cooker first to be nice. That is when Xyra decided to show up. Her horse had nothing on it so after the hoof beats came to a stop, it wasn't long before Xyra joined them on the sand by the fire.

"What happened to coming right behind us?" Theo asked.

"I never said those exact words," Xyra interjected.

"Where have you been all night?" Cooker asked with narrowed eyes.

"I had to deal with some crew things," Xyra shrugged, "nothing to worry about. I handled it all."

"You really did sleep with Navi, didn't you?" Cooker gasped.

"I did not," Xyra answered back.

"Oi, it's none of our business," Theo cut in, "leave her alone, Cook."

"It is my business when all Navi talks about is getting over Xyra and all Morgana does is egg her on and talk about Fortune," Cooker looked angry, "all of that listening and empathizing just for her to crawl back to Xyra as soon as she bats an eyelid her way."

"She talks about me to you?" Xyra frowned, "and you've never told me?"

"She's my friend. We talk quite often. I don't know why you are surprised," Cooker laughed.

"Because you're my best friend and you are supposed to tell me when people talk about me!" Xyra snapped, "so all this time, you've known why she was mad at me and didn't clue me in?"

"Figured you also knew," Cooker raised her hands, "plus, you hate help. Anytime I've ever tried to give you advice, you ignore me."

"She's right, Xy," Theo tried to help but shut up when she was fixed with daggers.

"I did not have sex with her," Xyra said.

"Fine," Cooker rolled her eyes, "liar."

"Alright," Theo stepped in once again, "let's leave talk of Navi in the city. This is our time to relax."

It was hard to coax the tension down but when Xyra settled into the beautiful scenery around them, her attitude toned down on its own. From Theo's point of view, when Xyra leaned over to soak up the sun in a certain position, she could see there were purple marks under her coat. There was no question about it, Xyra had slept with Navi. Theo said nothing though; as she had said it was none of her business.

Cooker got up first after her fruit had digested, "I'm going to go for a swim in the Grotto."

Theo waved her hand then put her arm back over her face as she flopped back onto the sand.

"I need a nap," Xyra said a few minutes after Cooker had left, "I will be taking up the hammock. Do not bother me."

Theo didn't answer. She allowed herself to bask in the sun for a little while longer before sitting up with a loud groan. After a while, even the fire and the sun were not warm enough to keep the cold from making her ache. She needed to grab a sweater and begin with lunch but standing up felt like a monumental task too big to accomplish. She felt physically burdened by her injuries and it had been a while since she had felt so weak. Theo took her time standing up. Once she did, she began to busy herself by preparing the boar for lunch. She didn't stress herself though. She prepped and cooked at a leisurely pace. The sound of waves and Xyra's snores were in the background as she cooked.

Theo thought of waking her friend when it had been a few hours, she was bored and needed input for the meal. But Xyra only ever snored when she was relaxed enough to actually get a good rest. She wanted Xyra to be able to replenish her energy after having exerted so much while Theo was incapacitated. She also didn't want to face her wrath. So, luckily for Xyra, she left her alone.

Theo was stuck by the fire for the rest of the morning. She was tending to their stew. Having been inspired by Kaia's masterpiece, she created her own dish. Was it hard work? It was. Was it worth the praise she would get from Cooker and Xyra? Absolutely. Theo stood up and brushed herself off before walking to the river to get more water. She filled a pail halfway and also took the time to take fill their waterskins. Walking back from the river, at her same slowed pace, she saw a thief at her fire. Cooker, with damp hair and only undergarments on, was eating the stew.

"Oi!" Theo put the pail down and ran towards Cooker, waving her hands. It was too much activity at once but she couldn't risk her creation getting messed with. Cooker was known to go rogue with spices, "get the fuck away from my artwork."

"Tastes great," Cooker flashed her a grin and dropped the spoon back in the cauldron. It splashed back and Theo could see some of the droplets on the sand.

She looked up to give Cooker a talking to but the girl was already sauntering off towards the water pail. Theo laughed at the attempt to get off the hook and allowed it. Cooker made quicker work than Theo would have and then took a seat next to her.

"What took you so long?" Theo asked, "Was getting worried that you had been eaten by a sea creature."

"I'm under Riva's protection because of your aura," Cooker shrugged and patted Theo's back gently, "unless the fucked up sigil on your back means your connection is broken, I think I'll avoid being fish food for a while."

Theo felt ice run through her heart. But no one knew about Riva. She couldn't tell anyone. It wasn't like they regularly talked about religion, so she wasn't going to bring it up. She couldn't handle any questions or any pity.

She scoffed and shook her head instead, "You say the worst things sometimes. Do you not realize the words that come out of your mouth?"

"Honestly? Not really. Most times I hear them as I say them," Cooker flashed an apologetic smile for mentioning Theo's back.

"Incredible," Theo laughed

"What is?"

"One would think that you have dozens of stab wounds from running your mouth," she said, "but no, just the one."

"One would also think I have learned my lesson about running my mouth after just the one stabbing," Cooker laughed, "but, no, I haven't."

Theo laughed and pushed Cooker a bit. After a few moments, she stirred her stew and brought it to her mouth for a taste, "Perfection."

"Is it ready? It tasted ready to me," Cooker tried to take the spoon for her own taste but Theo slapped her hand away.

"Go wake up Xyra and get us bowls," Theo commanded.

Cooker wasn't the type to do what was asked of her without complaining but she did it that time. Xyra was easy to wake up and soon they were all sharing her stew. As the sun was high in the sky, it provided some warmth from the cold air but the stew was a better way of making them comfortable. After lunch, Cooker bundled herself in blankets and took her turn in the hammock. Theo would have to put up their other ones because, at some point on that trip, there was going to be a fight over the singular hammock. She wanted to avoid that.

Xyra was sitting by the fire with her stare far out on the horizon like she was in a trance. Theo worried that maybe she never allowed herself to have an idle mind because when it wasn't functioning she would go catatonic. Theo got up, again having to take a while to do so. Xyra finally looked her way and silently watched as Theo stood.

"I'm going into the Grotto," Theo said.

"Do not go into the water unless one of us comes with you," Xyra finally broke her silence, "your ribs worry me. Are you sure you'll be able to climb the rocks alone?"

"Mom, I'm fine," Theo rolled her eyes then grinned, "I'll be back for dinner."

"I'm going to make some rice to go with the stew. We can make use of some of the bread I packed," Xyra said and Theo nodded along with the plan.

"I give you full charge of dinner," Theo relinquished control and then turned to make her way towards the rocks.

Like her morning, she had taken her time getting into the caves. There was no use in getting hurt when she had a few hours to spare. She hadn't brought anything to start a fire or anything to lay on or cover herself with. Luckily, she had been wearing one of the sweaters that Xyra had packed for her so it wasn't too biting outside.

As opposed to before where the isolated place was almost like a sanctuary between Theo and Riva, she felt no presence there. Theo found an almost perfectly oval spot of light shining onto the ground from the holes in the cave above. Sitting on it, she found only dry, warm sand. She wanted to curl up like a housepet but her ribs wouldn't cooperate so she got as comfortable as she could without irritating her injuries.

At first, she didn't do much of anything except stare up at the ceiling of the cave. She wanted thoughts to come to her. She wanted to confront any lingering emotions from the fight and her capture but nothing was coming to her. It was like a metal cage was keeping everything out. Which was ironic given that when she wanted her thoughts to go away, they never would. She even took to hitting her head a few times, to perhaps rattle the cage. Nothing.

"Somehow, I deserve this," Theo spoke to herself and then laughed a bit at how ridiculous she sounded.

After her attempt to heal, or whatever bullshit she had come to the Grotto to do, she closed her eyes and tried to take advantage of the quiet place and quiet brain. Her eyes were closed for so long without falling asleep that she had begun to feel weightless. She felt high yet she was as sober as ever. It was a good feeling, at first. Then she began to feel empty, meaningless, too untethered to reality and she shot up. But even after coming back to the plane of reality, she still felt a gnawing emptiness. One that made her anxious but she didn't know why.

One thought slipped in. She knew why. It was Riva. She hadn't given herself the time to think about her god but it had been hard to ignore the vacuum Riva had left. Her presence had always been there but it was so subtle that Theo had never realized just how close Riva had always been until she was gone. In times where she had questioned if her god was around, or if she had lost her favor, she had no idea what it actually felt like.

Except, Theo didn't lose her favor. Theo had pushed her away. Yelled at her god. Refused to honor her. With all of the chaos she had stirred up, Theo had violated Riva's tenets and then refused to speak to her. She had severed her ties with her and not even a few suns later, she had been captured. A thought had crossed her mind when she had been shackled to the walls, Morgana's scream filling the room and hand pressed to her ribs. It was the thought that Riva had taken revenge on Theo turning away by letting her get captured.

But with the clarity she had gotten since then, she felt sick that the thought ever came to fruition. Riva had told her, explicitly, that if she stopped praying and turned away she would not be able to find her. Theo didn't know exactly how the gods worked, she had enough stress in her life to try and figure it out, but what she had said made sense. And Theo had been fooled before but Riva would have never lied to her.

Except not telling her who Ava was

A small part in the back of her head, the part that had been hard to silence just a few cycles before, nagged at her. The part of her where all her feelings of betrayal, heartbreak, and resentment lay. She had not had a problem suppressing it before but she had let it eat away too much at her. Now, it surfaced more easily. Theo put her head in her hands and took a few deep breaths. There was a truth to the situation that the bad part of her hadn't let her face. The truth was that Riva hadn't really lied, she just never warned Theo. But why would she have had to? Riva could probably sense that Theo would react the way she did. She could probably sense that Ava was in fact true of heart and didn't deserve whatever treatment would be thrown her way.

But the realization had come too late. Theo had already ruined it. Of course, she could try and call back out for her but what if it didn't work? She couldn't grapple with that if it occurred. If Riva was gone for good and there was no way for Theo to get back to her, it wasn't something she was ready to confront. And she was also a bit embarrassed. She acted like a petulant child, when really if she had just not allowed her vision to be fogged up with indignance and anger she would have seen it really was not that serious. Maybe if this had occurred when she was four lengths older it may have gone differently. Kaia seemed to have it all together.

Theo had to physically shake her head to clear the thoughts. It was getting late and she would take triple the usual time to get back. Xyra would likely come looking for her if she wasn't out of the Grotto by sunset. With a strategy she had figured out for getting up off the sand in the most efficient way, she stood up and walked towards home.

Once she was almost there, Cooker caught sight of her and ran towards the water. She stopped right before the waves could touch her feet and she yelled out for Xyra to join them for dinner. From a few dozen feet in the water, Xyra swam back to shore and began to walk out of the freezing water. Cooker held out a towel for Xyra to wrap around herself and Xyra took it before beginning to walk back towards the hut. Cooker stood still for a few moments before turning on her heel and running after Xyra, tackling her from behind.

"Son of a bitch!" Cooker yelled as she sacked Xyra to the ground.

They hit the ground and Theo was already speeding towards them. Xyra had managed to flip them over and now it was Cooker being squashed by Xyra but still clinging to her like a shell on her back.

"I can see the fucking marks she left!" Cooker shouted as her hands were pried from Xyra long enough for the taller girl to be able to get away.

"Stay out of my business," Xyra tried to get out of the grasp and leave Cooker's vicinity but Cooker would not let go of her no matter how hard Xyra was pushing, prodding, and shaking.

"It is my business because your ex keeps involving me in it!" Cooker kicked her legs out and caught Xyra in her bad leg. Xyra let out a grunt and her intention switched, she was no longer trying to get away.

"You are fucking dead," Xyra gritted.

Finally, Xyra managed to grab Cooker's wrist, and in a move that Cooker really should have seen coming, her arms were pinned to the sand, and Xyra had overpowered her without much effort. Theo could tell that Xyra was pissed, she hated getting caught off guard in a fight and Cooker had actually hurt her. Theo could also tell there was a punch was heading Cooker's way if Theo didn't intervene.

"What is your problem? You are the one that made me go talk to her in the first place!" Xyra yelled as she picked Cooker up by the collar and slammed her back down on the ground.

Theo threw her bag at Xyra's back when she was close enough to distract her and get her attention. Xyra glanced back and Theo signaled for her to get off Cooker.

"You are lucky Theo's here to save you," Xyra huffed and stood up, brushing herself off and looking at Theo, "she attacked me."

"I saw," Theo nodded, "can you go serve dinner?"

Xyra caught her breath and rolled her eyes as she walked away. Theo managed to pat her back as she walked by and then looked over at Cooker that was still on the ground.

"Why are you trying to start shit?" Theo sighed and helped Cooker up.

"She hurt Navi and all of that just goes away when Xyra decides she wants to talk?"

"It's not just gone away. Xyra is leaving and she and Navi are not together anymore," Theo squeezed Cooker's shoulder, "just drop it, mate."

Cooker rolled her eyes and began to walk towards the fire, "I don't even get why she's so obsessed with Xyra. She's not even that good in bed."

Theo let her head drop back and she groaned. Cooker had said it loud enough for Xyra to hear.

"You used to be at my room every night, begging for it," Xyra turned back around to face Cooker and gave her a smirk, "Did I say used to? Sorry, I meant you still are."

Cooker wasted no time in dropping her shoulder and running into Xyra yet again, dropping them both to the ground. Theo didn't even bother that time. They had each said fighting words. She turned towards the hut and began to gather drinks and plates for dinner. She figured they would each be nursing injuries so some rum would take off the edge. She felt like it was the right move to just let them get it out of their system. Theo also had just wanted to get away from them. Xyra had made an implication she didn't care to hear more about.

After a few minutes, she peeked out of the hut and saw them slowing down in their tussle. Xyra was holding Cooker at arm's length while Cooker tried swiping at her. A lazy move on both parts, they were tired. She felt it was safe to head back over. As she walked back, the fight broke apart as quickly as it had started and there was peace at camp once again. Theo couldn't help but laugh as she dropped the rum bottles on the floor and handed the plates to Xyra.

"Is it all squashed?" she asked.

Xyra just shrugged and Cooker nodded with a grin. She was trying to act all innocent as if she hadn't brought the whole thing on them.

"Verbal confirmation please," Theo said as she sat down and uncorked a bottle.

"Aye," they both said and Theo handed Cooker the bottle as a reward.

Dinner was served by Xyra, who had also taken care of the sides for the meal. It was a comfort meal and the longer the stew had sat, the better it tasted. Theo went back for seconds, her steady appetite having finally come back.

"Xy, sorry for picking a fight before you're about to leave us," Cooker's voice broke through their chewing.

"I understand," Xyra shrugged, "You have emotions that you do not know how to handle, like a toddler, so you take it out in other ways."

Cooker laughed, "What emotions?"

"Sadness that I am abandoning you."

"Can you blame me?" Cooker played along, "I will be helpless without you."

Xyra smiled a bit and nudged Cooked, "Whatever. You will be fine. You have survived without me before."

"But I had Theo."

"True, you will definitely crash and burn," Xyra teased.

"This is the first time we'll all be a part in a long time," Theo reminded everyone, feeling left out of the conversation.

"In seven lengths," Xyra said and she looked pensive, "since Uncilo's crew."

"You nervous to leave us?"

"Aye, but I would not be leaving if I thought you could not handle it."

"That's kind of cute," Cooker teased as she took a drink from the rum bottle.

Xyra took it from her hands when she was done, "You are the one I am worried about."

"Because you think I'm a drunk."

"And you have an inclination to reach for drugs when convenient," Xyra added on.

"I know," Cooker wasn't getting upset at the observation, she was almost serious, "but I think I've been doing good."

"You have been," Xyra took the time to encourage, reaching over and patting her thigh, "Proud of you, Cook."

"Aye, I am too," Theo smiled, "You've shown restraint and responsibility."

"I just can't be held to the standard of being dry all the time," Cooker admitted.

"Just dose appropriately and be wise in deciding when it is and isn't a good time," Xyra laid out her expectation, "and a ban of loli. No exceptions."

"Deal, but I have one clause in our verbal contract," Cooker said and Xyra motioned her along, "no more sard for you. Go back to not smoking it."

"You are smoking sard again?" Theo snapped her head over.

"Every fucking time, Cooker. For fuck's sake," Xyra groaned, "you're a rat."

"Do you not understand what banned on my ship means?" Theo asked.

"Do you not understand that we are on land and not on your ship?" Xyra returned the question.

"You give up sard, Cook gives up loli," Theo clarified the deal.

"Oi, and what do you give up?" Cooker asked.

"I was tortured and I'm not using drugs to cope with it," Theo reasoned.

"You've got exactly one length until that excuse becomes invalid," Cooker laughed.

"Fair enough," Theo said.

"Fine," Xyra rolled her eyes at her end of the deal, "I'm going to walk."

"Don't get attacked by a boar!" Cooker warned as Xyra began to leave.

Xyra never answered and things went quiet by the fire. Cooker got up after a while and got the supplies to share a pipe of Ravci with Theo. They smoked together and Cooker indulged them in a scary tale she had heard in one of the taverns. The hairs on Theo's arms were raised and she was afraid that something was lurking in the forest waiting to prey on them. She didn't admit that she was scared but she did drag Cooker to bed once she was ready to sleep. Xyra hadn't returned and Theo did not want to go into their dark house alone, with a creature lurking with anticipation to eat them.

She was protected by Cooker, who made sure there were no monsters before Theo went in. Even though Theo hadn't said anything, Cooker had been telling scary stories and Theo had been spooked by them since they were children. She knew the drill. Theo stood at the entrance of the doorway while Cooker lit a candle and then she gave Theo the side of the bed furthest from the door.

She tucked herself far under the covers and rushed Cooker to get into bed and close the door.

"Xyra's going to come in later and you are going to piss the bed," Cooker put on a long sweater and pulled off her pants.

"Shut up!" Theo huffed, "Why would you even tell me that story if you know this is how I get?"

"Why did you let me?" Cooker laughed and got in bed.

"You told me it wasn't that bad!" Theo kicked her legs around under the blanket until she could press her cold feet into Cooker's thighs as revenge.

Cooker yelped at the feeling and tried to get away, "It's not real, Theo. Quit being a fucking rodent, get your ice blocks away from me!"

"It is real, Cooker, all lore has some truth to it."

"Well, I'm sure it won't be lurking around Corinspe of all places," she laughed.

"It comes when you say its name and you said its name at least ten times while telling your story, idiot," Theo pulled the blanket tighter around her.

"What name?" Cooker tilted her head in confusion and reached for the blanket. She quickly pulled it off of Theo and yelled, "You mean, Ergadoon?"

The door creaked open and they both let out terrified screams.

—--------

The Ergadoon was Xyra. As they should have expected. But the fright didn't go away. Her dreams were plagued by the 12-foot tall, limber creature with seven claws on each arm, a hunched posture, and green, shining eyes. It flitted from tree to tree, using its long legs and arms to swing and dance from branch to branch as it chased Theo from overhead. She was deep in the jungles of Corinpse, having found a hiding spot under a large root system sprouting from the ground. But as soon as she let herself think she was safe, a pitch-black mass with glowing eyes popped into view.

The Ergadoon opened its mouth but only piercing screeches could be heard.

Her eyes opened and suddenly she was out of the nightmare. She had escaped. Theo sat up carefully and took deep breaths to try and calm her heart rate. All it took was a silly story and Theo had been tossing around all night. She slipped out of bed and got dressed in her warmest clothes. She left the hut as quietly as possible, grabbed her bag and packed it full of things she needed, wrote a note, then headed to the grotto.

On her walk to the caves, she kept glancing over to the tree line. The anxiety from the dream stuck to her like moss on a rock. She felt jumpy, panicked, and the worst she had felt in several suns. It was light out. And from what Cooker said, the creature couldn't leave the trees. With the self-assurance that nothing was stalking her from afar, she tried shaking it all from memory. By the time she found the warmest part of the Grotto, the discomfort from the nightmare had faded. She had always been scared of the supernatural. If she could get visited in her dreams by a god that controlled the oceans, something like an Ergadoon could exist.

A more relaxed air was around her while setting up her camp. This time, she had brought some fire starters and enough things to make a comfortable environment to stay in. She had told the others in her note that she wouldn't be back until nightfall. Theo walked along the shoreline picking up pieces of driftwood and then set them down back at her spot. She took a blanket out of her bag and laid it on the sand before sitting down and starting the fire. Theo hummed a tune to herself as she completed all her tasks and when she was done, she laid back on the large blanket.

Her hums turned to a whistle and soon a shanty tune filled the cave. But she was only a few verses in before she sat up with a sigh. She hadn't considered the boredom that could have come from being all alone in a cave for hours. She stood back up and walked along the shoreline again, picking up an empty coconut from where it was floating in the water.

"How'd you get here, little guy?" Theo asked and flipped it over to where the hole in the fruit was on the bottom. The seawater drained out and she shook it to make sure it was dry then brought it back to her camp.

With a grunt and a groan, she fell back on her ass and then took a small stick from her pile of wood. She put the stick over the fire and charred the end of it before drawing a face on the husk of the coconut. Then, she put it on the stick before staking it into the ground. Suddenly, she had company.

She laid back down again and stared at the rock above. She often came to the grotto by herself but she never felt alone. That had since changed, she felt so lonesome. Like the sun before, she felt empty. The grotto had always been a peaceful sanctuary. It brought the promise of the ocean just to herself and a space to connect with Riva. Now, she didn't even want to get into the water. In fact, she hadn't been in the water since she had been knocked out in it during the fight. Theo told herself it was because the water was too cold this time of length and she couldn't afford to get sick but it was not that. She was afraid. In the water, she had never had to worry. Currents shifted to make way for her, creatures avoided her area, she even swore that the water was made warmer when she stepped in. But that was because Riva was always there. Not anymore. There were too many unknowns in the water.

"What did I do?" Theo laughed as she looked up at her new friend, "I yelled at a fucking god."

But the coconut didn't respond. Because the coconut wasn't the person she wanted to talk to about it. She wanted someone that would ask questions, that would look at her with excited eyes as Theo explained something new, someone that wouldn't shy away from prying or comforting. She felt guilty that she didn't want to speak to her friends about it. All she wanted to do was talk to Ava.

"I love her, y'know?" Theo sat up and faced her silent pal, "if I told you what I did to her, you wouldn't think I do. But I do."

She frowned and looked down at her hands, tears coming to her eyes, "I've never hurt anyone like that before. I don't recognize who I was when I did that..."

Theo sighed. She didn't know why she was talking to a shell on a stick. Odder than that was that it seemed to almost help get things out more easily.

"I need to figure out a way to get her away from her family. Not because I want her back for my sake, I have to make up for sending her away."

Theo paused.

"If I ever saw her again, do you think she would forgive me?" Theo asked then swallowed shaking her head, "If I had run away from a horrible family, worked my way up to a position of leadership, had at least a thousand gold to my name, and then was sent back, I would never forgive the person that did it to me."

Theo stared at the coconut for a bit then rolled her eyes. Theo took a deep breath and licked her lips, "This is deranged. I am deranged. My sanity was tortured out of me. I need to just get this over with."

Theo stood up and began to take off her clothes, "Would you like to come swimming with me?"

She reached over once she was done stripping and shook the stick so the coconut slightly turned.

"No?" Theo shrugged and backed up towards the water, "your loss. It's a great temperature this time of length."

Her feet touched the water and at the icy feeling, she turned around to face it. It would be fine. It was just water. Uncilo used to have to threaten to throw her in the brig when she was younger to get her out of it. She grew up with water, this was no issue. She just let her mind go blank, step after step. She breathed through the cold, an even draw of air in and then out. She pushed herself until the water was up to her neck and she was floating a bit. The water was unbearably cold but she bared it, somehow. But she didn't feel at home.

Her body was ready to leave and she was trying to see how long she could stay in for before it felt appropriate to leave. That was never a sentiment she had. Her time in the water, cold or not, had always come with thoughts of how long she would be able to stay in for before she had to get out. Floating felt too hard, she needed to touch the floor. She swam until her feet were touching the sand and she planted herself there. There was a small seed of panic that had been forming in her gut but it went away.

Theo allowed herself to relax her body but it took a bit of time. She found herself closing her eyes and exhaling as she dipped under water fully. It was refreshing and Theo came up for air with a slight grin. What was she afraid of? She trailed her hands through the water and dug her feet into the sand. Maybe it was time to face Riva. She needed to reconcile their relationship. Theo let her feet lift from the sand as she laid back and floated in the water.

She slipped into a familiar prayer. Eyes closed and voice barely above a whisper. When she finished, her eyes opened and she waited to feel something. But there was no difference. She felt the same. The sea was still cold and no divine presence could be sensed. Then, a sting ran down her back. Starting at the base of her neck and running down her spine a sharp pain hit her. She righted herself and spun around to see a jellyfish floating by, its long tentacles brushed past her side and leg.

"Fuck!" Theo yelled out and quickly waded out of the water.

She recgonized the type, it wasn't venomous but she knew that it left one bitch of a sting. Her adrenaline that kicked in to get her out of the water wasn't enough to block the initial wave of pain that ran up her back and down her side. She fell to her knees once she was outside of the water and took a moment to catch her breath, inhaling with gritted teeth.

She was a few feet from the fire and she crawled over to it. She at least needed some warmth, if not she would bee a shivering mess instead of just a mess. She let out another yell because the burning sensation had begun to spread and it felt like a torch was being held to her body. Theo felt tears slip from her eyes and fall onto the blanket beneath her. Her hands dug into the sand that lay underneath it.

She had tried to make amends and a message had been sent in return. Theo's stomach hadn't been filled yet but if it had, she would be throwing up. The thought that she wasn't even able to keep herself protected in the water at the Grotto of all places worried her. Her whole career as a captain she had benefited from Riva's protection. Sirens, giant tentacled beasts, blood-thirsty whales; those were just a few of the horrors of the sea she had been saved from. Not just her, her crew.

Now, at the dawn of a new era for their crew. With a fleet to protect, she was alone with no one to blame but herself. The burning intensified and Theo's arms buckled under her but she propped herself back up. She wasn't that weak. She needed to get it together and just ride through the pain. But the constant assault on her skin and the unyielding burn transported her back to a spot she had been ignoring.

She wasn't shackled but she still felt trapped, constricted. Theo shook off the pain and crawled to her bag, pulling out a flask. She pulled the blanket out from under her and wrapped it around herself before drinking half of what was in the container. Flashes of Ulises' face intruded into her mind and she pressed her hands into her eyes to make it stop. His words. His taunts. His hand on her back while the other dragged a knife through it. Everything just came back to her. Soldiers delivering blow after blow. Unlike then, she began to cry. She had trouble catching her breath and her growing sobs became borderline hysterical. She tried to stop herself, covering her mouth and closing her eyes tightly in hopes it would help. It didn't.

The pain hadn't subsided and her mind was running with thoughts of what happened in that room. The more she moved around– rocking back and forth and trying to shake off the crying– the more she aggravated her other injuries. She tried bringing up her knees to curl in on herself but she couldn't since her rubs were still fucked. The feeling she had been running from creeped up on her. It sunk its claws into her, scarier than the Ergadoon. Or perhaps, even the personification of it. Helplessness.

"Run back and grab the medicine bag, I think she's hurt," a voice filled the cavern and slid in next to her in the sand a few moments later, "Theo, you alright?"

Theo shook her head a bit, a sniffle coming through as she looked up at Xyra with watery eyes and a wet blanket wrapped around her. She couldn't say anything but she saw Xyra staring at her for an explanation.

"It hurts," Theo felt the tears tipping onto her cheeks.

"What does? Let me see where you are hurt?" Xyra asked and tried to take the blanket off but Theo held onto it tightly.

"Everywhere," Theo wiped her nose with the back of her hand and took a staggered breath, "nothing has stopped hurting since the fight."

Xyra looked confused and Theo finally got it together enough to show what was bothering her. She let her blanket slip a bit to show her back. Xyra leaned back to see it and she gasped a bit, her hand reached out to lightly touch and Theo recoiled at it. It burned.

"It's all over my leg and side," Theo took several deep breaths, trying to shake herself from the meltdown she was having minutes before. But the emotions were festering under the bubble she had managed to trap them in, "a fucking jellyfish."

"Deadly?"

"Obviously not," Theo replied and looked over at Xyra who looked a little hurt at the attitude, "Why did you come?"

"Heard a scream," Xyra answered and looked towards the water, turning her face away from Theo.

"And you didn't think to bring the medicine bag before?"

Xyra glanced back over at her but didn't say anything. She just shook her head a bit and sighed.

"Sorry," Theo muttered.

"No need to apologize," Xyra replied, "you are in pain. I understand."

"I'm here!" Cooker's voice echoed, "I'm here, I have medicine! What is wrong?"

"Need salve," Xyra held her hand out for the bag and then rifled through it once it was in her hands.

"I don't need salve."

"Theo, if you do not use it you will be in pain for hours and when that goes away you will have a rash for a cycle. Do not be stubborn," Xyra was already pulling out a clay pot.

Theo would rather weather the burning sensation for hours than use the salve. The burning sensation had dulled and she could handle it. She didn't know if she could handle the pain from the salve. When the salve made contact with her wounds, she would have to go through a few minutes of excruciating pain before any positive effects could take place. Theo didn't know if she could handle that level of suffering again. But instead of admitting weakness, she nodded and began to adjust the blanket so her side and back were showing.

Cooker came to sit on one side of her as Xyra sat behind her, the cold salve touched her skin and she flinched away from it. Cooker reached out and held her arm in place, securing Theo from running away. As the salve was applied, Theo felt a bit of relief against the burning sensation she had quickly gotten used to. But her relief was short-lived and Xyra wasn't even halfway done with her back before the searing pain began. Theo tried to jerk forward but Cooker stopped it.

Once again, she felt too constricted. Trapped. Hopeless. Cooker holding onto her was putting her into a state she was uncomfortable with. The bubble was popping and her head began to swirl with memories of pain once again. Of desperation to get away from the torture. Of panic and fear. Theo lost control of herself, she began to pull away from them and only hurt herself more in the process. At some point, the tears had returned; it marred her vision and a cloud came over her senses.

She could hear someone screaming but she didn't know if it was her. Her chest was heaving and she felt her throat moving but it felt like someone else. She had floated away for her body, at peace while whoever was down there was dealing with the consequences. She felt herself being set down on her stomach and could tell her arms were bringing themselves up to provide a pillow for her head, as well as her own little chamber to cry into. Everything felt on fire. It was unrelenting and she could both feel everything and nothing. The pain was there and it was eating at her but it was muted. She didn't understand it.

Theo didn't know how long had passed or what she had done but eventually, reality began to piece itself back together. She could feel the sand under her, a blanket covering some parts of her and not others. She could feel her deep breaths and hear her sniffles. Finally, she began to feel a hand run through her hair and rub her scalp. Cooker. It used to calm Theo down from nightmares when they were younger. Then a dulcet voice filled the air. It made her want to cry all over again. Xyra was singing some old sailors' song, one she used to put Cooker and Theo to sleep growing up. They knew how to care for her and they were about to leave her.

She gave herself a few minutes to wind down from whatever episode she had just endured, basking in the song echoing around the cave and the soothing hand running through her hair. After giving herself time before facing the music, quite literally, she sat up slowly then shifted to face them. The wet blanket had been replaced with a dry one and she wrapped it around herself. Her head turned between Cooker and Xyra and then she looked at her hands. Xyra could hide it better but Cooker's perturbation was obvious on her face.

"What?" Theo asked, looking up at Cooker

"Nothing," Cooker reached up to scratch her head and cleared her throat, "you alright, mate?"

She nodded in response and looked down at the sand, feeling the warmth from the fire heat her up from behind. A brown ball came into view and she saw her decapitated friend roll into her. She looked up and saw Cooker with the stick.

"Not one to judge, but there is a face on that," Cooker said, "was being a castaway all the way out here in the Grotto getting lonely?"

Theo could tell she was trying to lighten the mood and she flashed a small grin, picking up the coconut, "You killed him. Monster."

"If you hate men so much, why did it have to be a him?" Cooker asked.

"And let a woman see me so out of my mind? That will hurt my chances of ever getting laid again. The rumors would swirl," Theo joked and she noticed Xyra withdrawing from the conversation, the music having stopped when Theo sat up, "You alright, Xy?"

"You do not cry when you are in pain," Xyra looked over at Theo, with a gaze that was sinking into Theo's soul, "stabbed, shot with an arrow, broken arm. You never cried for any of it."

"I will make sure to hire you to write my biography."

"You have undergone far worse pain than the jellyfish sting and the salve, Theo," Xyra's tone was not rude or accusatory, "the way you reacted, the pain was not what it was about."

Theo dropped her gaze, tracing a finger in the sand. She wasn't going to deny it, there was no use. She wasn't going to say anything either. Even looking down, she could see Xyra nudge Cooker.

"When you were first getting up and moving around, Tuni was worried that if you put yourself in too much pain, you might have been triggered back to the lightbringer," Cooker's tone was delicate but her approach wasn't subtle, "is it possible that is what this is about?"

"Kinda hungry," Theo commented with a shrug, "did we have anything prepared back at camp? I can go get it for us."

"T, I think you need to talk about what happened to you," Cooker continued, "it might help you feel more in control of it all. Better able to work through the pain of it."

Theo let her head drop further and rolled her head around, relieving some tension in her neck. She straightened her back and while the salve, the blanket, and her stings all bothered her when they brushed against each other, she brushed it off. Cooker opened her mouth to say something but it was cut off by Xyra, who reached over and squeezed Cooker's arm to get her to drop it. Theo realized that no matter how much she ignored them, their worry wouldn't go away. She needed to give them something to hold on to, assuring them that she could talk about it, she just didn't want to. Even if the first part was a lie.

Theo just had to find something that she could face. Something she knew wouldn't send her into a spiral.

"My father had a scar over his right eye," Theo started off shakily but she cleared her throat, "Vaith gave it to me so I could look like him. So we would be alike in face and name."

"And name?" Cooker tilted her head.

"His name was Theo. When I ran off after he died, I started calling myself that," she admitted, "that's not my birth name."

"What was it?" Xyra asked.

"I don't remember," Theo shrugged, "I don't know if I forgot it or I blocked it out."

"Do you want to talk about how you feel about the scar?" Xyra tread carefully.

"No."

"T, we're worried," Cooker said.

"I don't want another word about anything that happened on that fucking ship," Theo stood up, the blanket still around her, "I'm going to go grab us lunch."

Theo didn't need to talk about it. She had figured out what the feeling she was so afraid of facing was, it was helplessness. Just the thought of feeling that way ever again made her gut sink. It all tied back to helplessness. Feeling helpless when she was manipulated by Vaith, when she was shackled with no place to run, when she couldn't help Morgana, when she couldn't hold her tears in, when she let Vaith see her weakness. The thing that was carried across each of those events was being helpless. The way to solve her issues with the experience was not to talk about it, it was to avoid being put in a situation where she couldn't help herself.

Theo climbed through the rocks and made it back to camp, with only a blanket around her. She changed, prepared a basket with their lunch, and then headed to the river to fill up their water. After doing so, she took advantage of the stream of water to splash some on her face and finish composing herself. She still didn't fully know what it looked like to the others, what her screams or cries sounded like and she was too afraid to ask. But by the look on Cooker's face, it didn't seem to assure them that she was fine. She needed to project confidence and strength or her friends would spend the whole time on their own worrying about her. On the walk back, she gathered herself.

The incident wasn't brought up again. They enjoyed lunch and some cigarettes Theo brought over. After they stayed in the grotto for most of the afternoon they headed to camp to watch nightfall begin. Exchanging memories about the visits to their perfect hideaway inspired a plan to wake up and watch the sunrise and sunset for the following few suns they were still there. It was also sort of a silent vow to spend the suns with each other, enjoying everything their little slice of paradise had to offer. They had spent some of their time doing their own thing but not anymore, they were going to be stuck with each other.

After the sunset, which was prettier every time she saw it. They had an informal meeting to review the plan. Three suns from then, they would pack up the Grotto and head back to town. The command to start loading the ships with the crew and necessary supplies would be given and the girls would visit Uncilo to break the news that they were leaving. Once the sun set, they would leave forever. During the meeting, Cooker looked uneasy at every mention of leaving the island but she didn't vocalize the apprehension. They let loose after that. All business was in the past and they had a mission to run their secret stash of drugs and liquor dry before leaving. Even Xyra let loose. Most of their time after that was spent under the influence and reflecting on all their good times on the island.

Theo was sad to leave and she wasn't alone. She could tell that all the reminiscing hit all of their hearts. This had been their home for half a classification. No matter what they had gone through in the last length, the island and the people on it had been good to them. But, she knew that moving on was an important part of life. They were all growing and changing, and the island couldn't do that with them.