It had been her largest undertaking since she had woken up. She was going to make it from her room in the tavern to her favorite overlook of the city. It was far away but she had been preparing for it. Every night, once Tuni had come around for her checkup and Theo had dismissed all visitors, she would take a walk. Each night since she had gotten out of the infirmary she had taken it further and further. Finally, she had felt physically able to undergo the hike up the mountain. Her ribs were healing and breathing in didn't cause her to feel like she was being stabbed-- which helped. Her scabs had given way to fresh scars and she was feeling stronger overall.

Even with the cold air, she had managed to work up a sweat by the time she had reached the base of the mountain. The trek up it was arduous but one that would not have even made her hesitate a cycle before. Ulises Vaith had taken her strength from her and had made her weak. It might have been that reminder that he had almost ruined her that kept her from having visited him in prison. The crew had kept him alive in absence of a command from her to kill him. So, he was rotting away under the jurisdiction of Corinspe. He hadn't only made her physically weak, but mentally as well. She was cowering from him, afraid that his face would bring back the memories she had suppressed.

There was so much she hadn't faced and she didn't want him to be the key to unlock all of what she had been holding in. Her walks provided her with much-needed serenity. All sun, every sun, she felt like she was buzzing. The energy from preparing for new projects was infectious and she couldn't wait to get back out on the ocean but when the work distraction would wane at the end of the sun, she needed a way to keep her mind at ease and empty. Her walks provided that. She wasn't looking at her issues in the face, she was pushing things away. Only looking at the surface level of all her pending emotions. Perhaps this would be the place to clear her head, to finally deal with everything she had done.

Theo was not in a good way. As her feet dragged her up the last incline, her heart was pounding, her sides hurt more than at any point since she woke up and she felt faint. She paused before reaching the summit, unable to wait a few feet before having to take a breath. Bending over wasn't an option because of her irritated, broken ribs, so her hands found her hips and she took three deep, even breaths. Finally, she took the last steps through a narrow rock formation until she arrived at a peaceful place.

Except she wasn't the only one that was searching for a place away from all the commotion of the island. Sitting on the bench, long black hair pulled into a ponytail was the unmistakable silhouette of Xyra. Theo briefly considered turning around; they hadn't spoken much about serious matters and Theo felt that if they were alone, it would come up. She had spoken to Cooker about their feelings and each of their actions a little bit at a time, throughout the suns since she had been awake. It was a nice feeling, being able to be open with Cooker when usually they had the hardest time getting emotional with each other. Theo had apologized, profusely, for abandoning Cooker when she was clearly spiraling and Cooker had apologized for letting pettiness play a factor in her keeping the secret.

Theo wasn't avoiding an emotional talk with Xyra because she didn't want to apologize, or because she didn't want to hear an apology. On the contrary, Theo thought it was needed and she should have been the one to initiate it. What she didn't want to happen was for the conversation to start poking into personal matters, specifically Red and her capture. On her walk up she had considered the possibility of confronting it all but at the sight of Xyra and the chance that she would actually need to face her thoughts, it wasn't something she wanted any longer.

But the walk up the hill wasn't subtle, with rocks crackling beneath Theo's boots, and Xyra had caught wind that someone was there. Her head turned to look at the intruder and Theo had been caught, there was nowhere to run. Xyra nodded her head towards Theo and Theo returned the gesture, an unspoken invitation and acceptance. As she marched toward the bench, a game of Titan came into view. It was a smaller set, an intricately carved travel box that Captain Barge had gifted Xyra on her 13th commencement anniversary. It was fully set up, with a game seemingly mid-progress. Theo looked around, she had missed that someone else was with Xyra at first glance. But as she looked around, only Xyra was on the mountain with her.

Theo scoffed and shook her head with a smile, "You can't be serious. How are you managing that? Titan can't be played alone."

"Titan can be played by yourself," she informed Theo, "almost every non-physical game can be played alone."

"You sound like you are speaking from experience," Theo laughed as she sat down on the bench, holding in the grunt she wanted to let out at the effort, "Is playing alone some sort of hidden hobby of yours? The dark side to Xyrabellis."

"I was stuck with long nights doing reconnaissance since you and Cook were too unscrupulous to take on that kind of job. There were hours that I sat alone waiting for people to show up somewhere, or say something so I learned to play quite a few things by myself. It's not an important skill, so I do not need to go advertising it," Xyra explained and then turned back to her game with a shrug. Theo watched as she moved a piece. Even against herself, Xyra was relentless, she had put herself in some serious gameplay.

"That's a bit sad isn't it?" Theo laughed.

"Most of our childhood seems sad when we look back on it," Xyra shrugged.

"Wasn't all bad, right?"

"I enjoyed some things," Xyra looked up and flashed Theo a smile.

"Me and Cook?"

"The gold," Xyra laughed.

Theo joined her and then looked down to watch Xyra play again as they quieted down.

"Play a round with me?" Theo asked and Xyra silently began to rearrange the pieces, striking down her game to set up a new one.

The air filled with muted thunks of wooden pieces being set down and the silence was familiar, Theo and Xyra had worked alongside each other in comfortable silence for the past few suns as preparations for their Nivealan journey was underway. Things had been light, friendly and less gloomy than before. But so much was still hanging in the air and even though Theo didn't want the doors to the unknown to open, she needed to have a conversation with her friend.

"Youngest starts," Xyra called the rules and Theo made her first move without thinking.

She always did the same thing. No matter who she played, chances were she would pull the same piece out every time. Everybody that ever tried to get her to strategize by the book looked at her like she was crazy but Theo knew that true talent in Titan wasn't in the first move, as most people supposed. True talent was in those that adjusted their plans and strategy according to what the other person put down. Xyra, knowing where Theo would place her piece, still took time to analyze the board and pick her strategy. Then, she moved her first piece.

"We haven't really spoken much," Theo mentioned as she quickly placed her next piece.

"We have spoken every sun," Xyra hummed as she calculated her move.

"I didn't mean like that," she shook her head and Xyra took her turn. Theo paused for a moment before taking hers, "I meant that there are still things we haven't talked about. Important things."

Xyra grabbed one of the pieces off the board and held it in her hand as she surveyed her options. They were each paying attention to the board and not each other which made the conversation a bit easier and she hoped it would stay that way. For a brief moment, Xyra looked up and acknowledged Theo with a nod.

"I know," Xyra took her move, "Heard you talked things through with Cook though."

"Aye, she came to me the sun after I woke up or something like that," Theo shrugged, trying to play it cool even though the mended relationship was a weight lifted off her shoulders. She had found a new depth to her relationship with Cooker, one that had been a long time coming, "she's been the portrait of maturity lately."

"It's disconcerting," Xyra chuckled and prompted Theo to make her move.

She rolled her eyes. There was a game being played, how dare she take her time between moves.

She put her piece down, bait. A move that was aimed to trick Xyra into thinking Theo had made a mistake and to come after her. It would have worked for anyone else but they had played the game too many times together for Xyra to fall for elementary tricks. Xyra ignored the taunt and moved along with whatever strategy was already in her head. It was quiet once again, the back and forth of the pieces took over their attention for a few minutes.

"Xyra, I know I already said this but I'm sorry," Theo stopped her turn, taking the moment to apologize once again and Xyra visibly sunk at the words, a sigh escaping her lips. It caused Theo to laugh out of shock, "excuse me for acknowledging that I did wrong by you."

"I am sorry," Xyra rubbed her forehead and shook her head with a frown, "It's not you... I just wasn't prepared for this conversation but we may as well have it."

"That is the spirit," Theo finally placed her piece, "I've never seen a better disposition towards the potential for reconciliation."

"Snarkiness will get you nowhere," Xyra retorted then flashed a small smile Theo's way to let her know she was teasing as she placed her next piece, "I am also sorry. For lying to you. For doing it for so long. I know I already explained myself but I wouldn't have kept it from you if I thought that we would have had a chance at surviving the voyage without falling apart. That isn't an excuse, it's just context."

"I just wish you would have trusted me to make the right decision, trusted me that I wouldn't have kicked Red off the ship," Theo faced the board, unable to make eye contact and give away how much the subject still ached.

"To be fair, you found out who she is and now, she isn't here," Xyra pointed out and Theo couldn't even fault her for it, "but your potential anger with her wasn't the reason I kept it from you. Your obligation to be honest with the crew and the potential that the crew would remove her was the deciding factor for me."

Theo nodded, accepting the context and the answers Xyra was giving without much pushback.

"You hurt me," Theo found herself saying even though it wasn't something she readily wanted to admit, "I never thought I would have had to feel that way and that it would be caused by you and Cook... And Cook has made some questionable decisions before so she was less of a shock but I couldn't believe you would lie to me the way you did..."

"I know I hurt you," Xyra stopped looking at the board and looked up at Theo, but Theo didn't meet her gaze, "I am sorry for lying. And then I am sorry for the lack of remorse I showed during my trial. I hurt you and I hurt a lot of other people too."

Theo finally looked up and she caught Xyra's apologetic, wide eyes, "I am sorry too. I hurt a lot of people too... You especially. I shouldn't have shut you out like that, I didn't even check on you..."

Xyra broke their eye contact and briefly looked away, Theo could see the pain flash across her face and Xyra took her bottom lip in between her teeth. It didn't seem like she was going to say anything else.

"It must've felt like shit when the crew you've dedicated yourself to practically exiles you... And I know that my actions and words at the trial impacted the outcome and I apologize for my role in that. I was angry and lashing out. Controlling my temper is something I need to work on..." Theo admitted again.

Xyra took a deep breath and then exhaled as she turned to face Theo.

"I forgive you and it's not something I want to dwell on anymore. I know you, T, and I know that you learn from your errors," Xyra looked down at the board and took her move, "want to speak about the others you've hurt?"

"Is that your unsubtle way of bringing up Red?"

"No," Xyra chuckled a bit, "It was my subtle way of bringing up Navi but now that you've mentioned Red, I think we should speak about that. How are you feeling about it?"

"Haven't really grappled with it yet," Theo crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at the board, "it's locked away in a dark storage closet."

"Aside from the personal benefits it will bring, you need to find a way to confront your actions," Xyra advised and Theo could feel eyes on her, "word is going to get around about what happened. People will know we had a Vaith on our ship and that you shipped her back to Elox and you need to be ready when it gets brought up."

Theo shook her head but more at Xyra's choice of approach rather than what she was saying. She knew that Xyra was right, that both for personal and professional reasons, it was time to deal with what she had done.

"Before everything else happened, before the capture, I was going to let her go after the fight. It wasn't something I admitted to myself though. In the back of my mind, I knew her being in jail was never permanent but I was so blinded by my rage and feeling so wounded that I willed that part of my consciousness into submission. But, I was going to let her out eventually," Theo spoke about the situation willingly for the first time.

"Even if you had, it wouldn't have changed the fact that you had left a crew member in jail without consulting with the rest of your crew first."

"You're such a comforting person to talk to," Theo scoffed a bit, "I know I shouldn't be absolved of my crimes. I already admitted those to our crew and apologized for it."

"Sorry," Xyra briefly apologized and then took a sharp inhale. She looked to be debating bringing something up and one side one out over the other, "I am also sorry for the role I played in letting her get sent away. When you made the decision to put her on a ship back to Elox, you were delusional. You should have never been given that power."

"That's not your fault," Theo pointed out.

"It is, though. I was acting captain and I gave command of the crew back to you when you were in no state to make commands or decisions. I did not properly assess the situation and out of fear of personal retribution for not letting you take command of your crew, I relinquished my duties" Xyra insisted.

"You can't always take the blame off me," Theo shook her head, "I sent her away... I put the person I loved on a ship as they begged me not to."

"Theo..." Xyra reached out and put her hand over Theo's, leaving their game of Titan abandoned, "You aren't blameless for the things that happened before but for this, you cannot take all the blame. You were manipulated and tortured into thinking she was the enemy. You were not in your right mind."

"I was lucid enough to remember her admitting to me one time that she would have rather died than ever be sent back to Aubermasse," Theo confessed and the guilt ran through her body, manifesting itself as ice coursing through her veins, "I was lucid enough to make a calculated decision, knowing the effect it would have on her. I had made the choice with the intention that she would suffer just as badly as I had to..."

Xyra didn't answer, probably because the evilness of the thought had shocked her. Theo couldn't believe she had admitted that. Since finding out about Ava's innocence in her capture and her lack of involvement with her family, the logic of sending Ava away had been running through her mind. The lack of regard for her life, the feeling of wanting to hurt her as badly as she had been hurt was an emotion she was not familiar with. Theo had always considered herself to be fair, level-headed with punishment, and even overly sympathetic. But one action, one thought, that was all it took for her to question herself. She was going through a crisis, fueled by the lack of recognizability of her actions. Was she always like that on the inside? Was her nature to be evil and the helpfulness and niceness was just a facade? Theo closed her eyes and tried to push away the negative thoughts she had been avoiding all along but the jar had been unsealed and the putrid aroma that was hidden inside had begun to permeate all around her.

"Whatever you are thinking, we cannot go back and get her," Xyra said and Theo's head snapped back up.

That hadn't even crossed her mind. She had been so busy pushing away dealing with the emotional consequences of shipping Ava away that she hadn't even begun to consider what to do next. How would she right her wrongs? How would she rescue Ava from her own torture and save her from her family? Ava belonged with the crew. She couldn't believe that she had allowed someone to convince her otherwise. All Xyra's words did was egg her on, push her towards finding a solution.

"Theo," Xyra warned and shook her head with a huff, knowing what was going through Theo's head, "Damnit, I should not have said anything."

"There has to be a solution," Theo shook her head, "we can't just leave her with her family."

"She is most likely going to be locked away in one of the towers at the Aubermasse estate, not even an army can penetrate those walls," Xyra shook her head, "Theo, there is nothing we can do now. Red is gone. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear but we both know I am not the one to come to for comfort."

"Well, it's something you need to work on as captain of your new vessel," Theo snapped back, a bit too rude for what the conversation called for. Xyra tone hadn't been pointed or rude, just matter of factly.

At the mention of Xyra captaining, she clammed up. It was her turn to face away from Theo, turning physically from the conversation. Theo's eyebrow raised up and her head tilted, she knew that Xyra could see the confusion in her periphery, so Theo let her take the lead on what was going on in her head.

"Theo-" Xyra began but cut herself off, taking another deep breath. She could tell the hesitation in her voice, the slight shake, the nerves, "I need a break."

The confusion over what exactly Xyra meant must have registered in Theo's expression because Xyra elaborated.

"I need a vacation, I should say," Xyra laughed but it was nervous, "I know I just left for a whole cycle but it was hardly a break..."

"Okay," it was Theo's turn to reach for Xyra's hand. She squeezed it, "Whatever you need."

"Theo, I mean I want to leave the ship for a bit," Xyra clarified, "Step down from being captain, first mate, all of it. I want to go on land."

"I figured, Xy," Theo nodded once again and offered a smile, "just give me your plan once you have one. I trust your skills at making an itinerary and you are freakishly efficient at everything. I am sure this break will be no different and you'll be back to bother us in no time."

Xyra wasn't taking Theo's words with much glee. Her frown set in further than when she blurted she needed a break.

"But I would just be leaving the crew stranded at the beginning of a big voyage, our first one as a fleet, to go visit family," Xyra was shaking her head.

"I don't feel that way," Theo shrugged, "you are doing what any person is allowed to do, which is take a break from work. We encourage that in the businesses we protect and mandate it in the ones we now run. Why is this any different?"

"It just is."

"Then that is just a thought you need to deal with on your own."

"I will be back soon," Xyra promised.

"Take as long as you need."

Xyra's thumb was in her mouth as she chewed on her nail. She was tense, her shoulders were stiff and her posture perfect.

"This is your best-case scenario, why can't you relax? I will even officially relieve you from any ship duties on our journey over to Nefriti— I'm assuming that is where you're going."

Xyra didn't answer and Theo rolled her eyes. She turned back to the board. She didn't remember who had gone last but she went anyway. At the sound of the piece, Xyra shifted. Pausing her biting to tap her foot as she looked at the board in concentration. She drummed a finger on her chin one, two, three and before the fourth, she moved her piece.

The frown hadn't left her face and it was paired with a scrunch of her nose. Her face stayed like that for a few rounds until Xyra had enough of internalizing it.

"Uncilo would kill me for just leaving you at a crux in our crew's history," Xyra blurted.

Theo rolled her eyes, "Fuck that guy. We are our own people, Xy. You are my fucking sister but I am not your only family. You have some more waiting for you on land and if you need a break and want to go see them, then you should be able to do that. You've always told me that I can do this by myself and you aren't the only reason I can succeed. If you believe that, you wouldn't be worried."

Xyra pursed her lips then nodded with a bit of a roll of her eyes, "You are absolutely right. Fuck, how are you two lengths younger and more mature than Cook and I combined."

"You seem to have forgotten my angry rampage where I burned several dozen bridges," Theo laughed and Xyra couldn't help herself from joining.

Once it died down, Xyra seemed more relaxed. A rarity. The game had been once again forgotten and Theo watched her friend settle into the bench and look up to the sky. It was cloudy and not much could be seen. Theo looked up anyway.

"Can I ask you something?" Xyra hummed, "To be candid, it is probably uncomfortable."

"I'm too tired from the walk up to walk away so I guess I have no choice but to listen to it," Theo replied.

"Do you see me any differently?" Xyra asked, "now that you've been tortured, I mean..."

Theo laughed but it wasn't because anything about the situation was funny, "On second thought, I think I have rested enough to run away from this conversation now."

Xyra looked over but she didn't look upset, "Does that mean you do see me in a new light and you don't want to admit it?"

"It means I haven't dealt with everything that happened on the ship and would rather avoid touching on topics related to that time," Theo clarified.

"You can talk to me about it, you know" Xyra offered.

"I can't."

"I know maybe it's because of the wrong reasons, but I know a lot about your situation without you having to say much," Xyra shrugged, "it's okay if I'm not that person for you but I am here for you with open ears."

"I just can't talk about it at all, Xy, it's not you..." Theo shook her head and then let out another laugh, "we just aren't very good at processing what happens to us, and this is no different."

"Do you think that's Uncilo's doing or we would have wound up this screwed up either way?" Xyra mused.

"I think we were destined to be avoidant with anything having to do with weakness or emotions."

"Is that why you haven't processed it? Because you associate that time with weakness?"

"Careful, I wasn't joking. I'll walk," Theo warned with a small smile.

Xyra shook her head and reached over to squeeze Theo's thigh, "Sorry, mate. I will stop the badgering."

Theo nodded a bit and placed her hand over Xyra's, "I don't see you any differently, by the way. You are still Xyrabellis to me. Your past with torture doesn't define you."

"It quite literally does..." Xyra answered and Theo had nothing to answer to that. She was right. Amongst people outside of the crew, that was what Xyra was known for.

"To me, you are much more than that," Theo found a middle ground.

Xyra opted out of a reply and turned to the board instead. Again, Theo didn't remember whose turn it was but allowed Xyra to go, she needed it. Theo was winning, or at least she thought she was winning.

"I will still be with you until we reach Nefriti," Xyra spoke up, "I will search for my replacement in the meantime and make sure they are well trained to take over the mantle of first mate and captain of a new ship. Have anyone in mind?"

Theo snorted a bit and she moved her piece, "Between you and Morgana leaving, that leaves me with five officers. I'm at a loss with who would be able to replace any of the five we are missing."

"Morgana's leaving?"

Theo shut her eyes and sighed, "Fuck. I wasn't supposed to say anything until she announced it."

"She's leaving the crew?" Xyra's brows furrowed.

"No, just going to see family."

"Tuni's not going with her?"

"Tuni doesn't know yet but no, she isn't going with Morgana."

Xyra's mouth was hanging open the slightest bit and her face was what Theo must have looked like when Morgana told her she wasn't bringing Tuni along.

"I would comment on their relationship but I have no room to speak. I blew it with Navi," Xyra admitted.

Theo made her move, "At least there is some sense of normalcy around here. You and Navi fighting is the only thing that has made sense these last few cycles."

"We are not fighting," Xyra clarified with a shrug, "she's just stepping away from me right now. With good reason."

"You think Navi will want to take over your spot?" Theo switched the subject and waited for her turn.

"No. I am sure that being the lead navigator for the fleet and being at the helm of the light bringer is more enticing to her than captaining a ship," Xyra shrugged and made her move, "but I do not speak for her, so you need to have this conversation with her."

"Do you think asking will put her in an uncomfortable position and be pressured to say yes?" Theo asked and then bit her thumbnail as she moved her piece, a difficult move to counter.

"If you are so worried about it, just ask Blue and not Navi," Xyra suggested and swiftly blocked Theo's offensive maneuver.

Theo clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth at the move and shook her head, "No men captaining a ship that big on my fleet."

"It would only be temporary. Until we find a suitable replacement or until I come back," Xyra shrugged.

"I don't want to set a precedent that a man can advance more quickly than others on my ship."

"You would not be doing so. You're so stubborn, Theo," Xyra shook her head and prompted Theo into action, "Blue is a captain for fuck's sake. And not to mention, it is and always has been illogical to assume that men will have no involvement in whatever new endeavors we take over."

"I can dream."

"But it's just that, a dream," Xyra was ready with her move seconds after Theo finally went, "once we recruit, train, and prepare enough of the new recruits we are collecting on the way down to Niveal, we can shuffle positions around according to merit but what we have now is what we need to deal with. A good leader understands that sacrifices must be made, better it be in this area and avoid giving up something more in the future."

Theo sighed, "I don't want to be a leader."

"You've always wanted to be one," Xyra smiled a bit sadly, "it's just harder than you expected."

"You said that not too long ago," Theo rolled her eyes, "I hate that you know me so well. I could get away with a lot more without you around."

"I'll be scarce for a few cycles, so get all your mischief out then," Xyra joked, "although, Cooker's been on a strict streak. She might fill the void of a guard in my absence."

"Cooker will not be able to resist my antics, she'll join me before she ever scolds me," Theo bragged.

Xyra shook her head with a smile, "Has she brought up The Grotto yet?"

Theo tilted her head, "No?"

"Since we are leaving, she wanted to float the idea that we all take a few suns to stay there. Say goodbye to the island, connect with each other before we all go on our separate ships for the voyage."

"Instead of a few suns, let's make it a few cycles," Theo chuckled, although it wasn't quite a joke.

"I am sure that would be lovely, but I don't think we can spare a few cycles," Xyra took her move, "maybe in a few lengths we might be afforded one cycle off."

Theo whistled a bit, "Lengths..."

"That's probably the next time anything resembling leisure will be a luxury we can have," Xyra's words were more threatening than she knew, "A fleet, a new island, a rebellion organizing as we speak, we are in for a shocking reclassification."

The thoughts of a break were swirling in her head. She wanted to retire at the grotto indefinitely. She wanted to keep Xyra there to lighten her load. She wanted nothing more than to run away. To get a small sailboat and leave, without ever looking back. No more pressure or expectations. The last time she thought of it, she was watching Ava mess about in a mirror, with Theo's shirt on. She remembered slinking up behind her and wrapping her arms around Ava's waist, kissing up her neck, and asking her to run away together. It seemed like a lifetime ago and her heart ached. It was the first time she had thought of the redhead and the stake in her chest reminded her why she had avoided it before.

Theo stood up and cleared her throat, "Feeling a bit tired and it's best I head back now while the moon is bright to clear my way."

Xyra's face gave away that she wasn't buying it but it didn't matter, she stayed quiet. Giving Xyra a nod as a goodbye, she made her way down the mountain.