(Side note- the heathers will still be called the heathers but everyone will be like "oh yeah there's no reason for that it just sounds nice" and also I usually hate double entering but I'm doing it on this book to show emphasis and because in the cafeteria scene there's so many tiny things happening at once so yeah )

The three girls sipped from their teacups, sitting daintily on the white lawn chairs. One of them, the one wearing all cerulean, tightened the scrunchie holding her long black hair in a high ponytail. One by one they stood up, stepping in time and dragging the croquet mallets behind them. It was really dramatic, really. Anyone who was watching and didn't know what was happening would probably think that these girls were on some kind of drug. They stepped over a tiny white fence and on a couple bunches of tiny pink flowers. They were then standing over a row of croquet balls, each ball matching the color of the girls outfit and mallet. The fuchsia girl stepped up to take her swing first, and missed the target. "Vriska, your turn." She sighed, stepping back to be aligned with the others again. Vriska turned to fuchsia. "No Feferi, it's Terezi's turn." They turn to Terezi. "Terezi." Vriska says, clearly annoyed. The teal girl looks up from her book and steps forward. She swings, but misses. Now it was Vriska's turn. She picked up the cerulean ball and kissed it, leaving a slight lipstick stain. Placing it down on the ground again, she aimed and- "Ow!" The target was hit. A girl with round glasses and long black hair's head is sticking out from the grass. She huffs, and the girls laugh. "Dear Dairy. Vriska told me she teaches kids real life."

The long haired girl was walking through the halls of a school, kids pushing around and fighting. "She said, 'Real life sucks losers dry. If you wanna fuck with the eagles, you've gotta learn how to fly.' I said 'So you teach people how to spread their wings and fly.' She said, 'Yes.' I said, 'You're beautiful.' " She sat down on a staircase, writing ferociously in a tiny journal. Someone wearing pink stockings kneed her, causing her to topple over. "God, move it, Jade" Jade ran her hand through her bangs and looked up angrily. "What is your damage, Fef?" Feferi rolled her eyes. "Hey, don't blame me, blame Vriska. She told me to haul your ass into the cafeteria, asap. Back me up Terezi." Terezi gave a slight nod. "Yeah she really wants to talk to you, Jade." She said matter-of-factly. Jade furrowed her eyebrows. "Okay I'm going, Jesus Christ." She gathered her things and walked off with the girls.

They walked into the caf, where you could see a large variety of students gathered around the simple wooden tables. Well, actually, to the Heathers, it was more like nerds, jocks, and wannabes. But that doesn't really matter. They walked over to a girl that was wearing a plaid blazer and a cerulean skirt. "Hello, Vriska." They said in unison. She turned around. "Jade. Finally." Vriska smiled, but you could tell how fake it was. "I got a note of Karkat Vantas'es." She began. Jade rolled her eyes slightly, she knew what Vriska was about to ask. "I need you to forge a hot and horny, but realistically low-key note in Karkat's handwriting, and we'll slip it onto Nepeta Leidumb's lunch tray." Jade sighed. "Shit, Vriska, I don't have anything against Nepeta Leijon." Vriska looked amused that Jade was trying to stick up for the poor girl. "You don't have anything for her either! C'mon, it'll be sick. The note'll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks." She finished, smirking widely. The other girls exchanged glances, laughing to one another. Jade rolled her eyes again. "I'll think about it." "Don't think." Vriska turns to look at Nepeta, who was carrying her lunch tray to the cashier. She looked unhappy, and Jade felt terrible for her. She was relentlessly picked on at Westerberg, and there really weren't any good reasons for it. She was pretty, the perfect weight, and extremely nice. She did have a huge, obvious crush on Karkat Vantas, the most popular jock. It was ironic, though, because he was one of her biggest tormentors. She handed the cashier her lunch money.
Vriska looked back at the group. "Jade needs something to scribble on. Terezi, bend over." Terezi immediately obliged, bending over to provide Jade a smooth writing surface. Jade looked the handwriting over, and took it in her mouth. Vriska started to describe the note. "Dear Nepeta, you're so sweet." A guy who was leaning on his hand was staring at Jade. He had platinum blonde hair, pale skin, freckles, and was wearing dark sunglasses that hid his eyes. He made a perplexed expression, furrowing his eyebrows at the group.

"I'm telling you man, it would be so fucking sweet to be in a Jade Harley/Vriska Serket sandwich." Karkat smirked. Eridan chuckled. "Oh, hell yes. I wanna get a Heather, put her on my Johnson, and just start spinnin her 'round like a goddamn pinwheel." He made a swirly motion with his finger. Karkat gave him a confused look but laughed it off. "Punch it in!" They gave each other a fist bump.

Jade ripped the forged note out of the notebook and handed it to Vriska, who handed it to Feferi. Feferi folded it in half and slowly walked over to Nepeta. Slowly and carefully, she slipped the note under Nepeta's arm and placed it on the tray. She than grinned and ran back to the group. The girls just stood there, watching Nepeta's every move. They were all smiling but Jade, who watched her walk with a very worried expression on her face. A kid started yelling. "Westerberg feeds the world! C'mon guys, let's get that leftover lunch money to people who don't have lunches! Those tater tots you threw away-" his voice was drowned out by Feferi's sarcastic remark. "God, aren't they fed yet?" The Heathers sat down at the lunch table. "Do they even have Thanksgiving is Africa?" Jade laughed. "Oh sure, pilgrims, Indians, tater-tots. It's a true party continent." She took one of Terezi's tater-tots. Vriska reached for a notepad. "Harley, guess what today is." Jade looked at her. "Ouch. Lunchtime poll?" Terezi piped up. "So what's the question this time?" "Goddamn, Terezi. You were with me in study hall when I thought of it." Vriska sneered. She looked down. "I forgot." She rolled her eyes. "Such a pillowcase." Vriska wrote something down on the paper. "This wouldn't be that ridiculous thing that you were babbling about over the phone last night, would it?" Again, the blonde kid was staring at the girls, brows furrowed and lips lightly upturned. He was cracking his knuckles with one hand. "Of course it is." Heather stood up, cueing Jade to stand up too. "I told Equius if he gives me one more political topic I'd spew burrito chunks." Jade drowned her out, looking at that weird kid. He stared back, raising an arched eyebrow and smiling a little. Jade's cheeks turned bright pink. The kid kept smirking at her, and he started resting his head on his palm again. Jade smiled at him, but she tripped over a students chair. She gasped, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Oh, Jade, I'm sorry." Jade grinned at the sight of her old friend. "John Egbert, gosh. Hey, I'm really sorry I couldn't make it to your birthday party last month." John shook his head. "It's ok. Your mom said you had some big date. I think I'd probably miss my own birthday for a date." He laughed. Jade poked his arm. "Don't say that." "You know what? I was looking around my dad's office the other day, and I dug up, uh, these" He rummaged around in his backpack. "Old photographs." They both laughed. "Oh, these are great." The photos showed Jade and John on Halloween when they were little, Jade dressed as a white dog and John as a little clown. Or a harlequin, as his dad referred to them. Vriska was clearly getting impatient, and she grabbed Jade's arm, forcefully pulling her away. "Come on Jade." She dropped the pictures and was dragged away. "I was talking to somebody!" She protested. John reached down and picked up the pictures that now had a deep crease in the middle of them. He sighed and went back to eating.

Nepeta took a sip of her milk carton, and picked up the note. She examined it, turning it over to see if it had anything written on the outside.

Porrim leaned forward and rolled her eyes. "Oh great, here comes Vriska." Rufioh turned to his friends. "Oh, shit." Vriska came over to their table, holding up the lunchtime poll. "Hello, Porrim. Love your cardigan." Porrim smiled. "Thanks. I got it last night at The Limited." She leaned forward. "Totally blew my allowance." She laughed and turned to Vriska. Jade shook her head and looked away. "Now check this out. You win $5 million from the publisher's sweepstakes's, and the same day that big ed guy gives you the check, Aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow up the world in two days. What do you do?" Vriska prepared to write their answers. "That's easy." Rufioh grinned, turning his head to face the girls. "I'd just slide that wad over to my father, because he is like one of the top brokers in state." Jade gawked at him and rolled her eyes dramatically. "If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless. Every cent." Said Porrim. Jade looked at her in disgust. "You're beautiful." She walked away as Vriska gave her the death stare. Vriska walked away with her.

"If you're going to openly be a bitch--" Vriska began. "It's just, Vriska, why can't we talk to different kinds of people?" Jade said, emphasizing the word different. "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa? If I did, I probably wouldn't mind talking to the geek squad." They glanced over to a table full of nerds, and one of them spit out the milk they were drinking all over themselves. "Did you see that?" He said to his friends. "Vriska Serket just looked right at me." All the boys looked at them in surprise. "Does it not bother you that everyone in the school thinks you're a piranha?" Jade raised her eyebrows at the cerulean-clad bitch. "Like I give a shit. They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped at Westerberg, and I'm only a junior."

Nepeta read the note, glancing over to Karkat. Karkat glanced back, giving her a dirty look. She looked back down at the note, furrowed her eyebrows, and kept reading.

"I can't believe this! We're going to a party at Remington University tonight, and we're brushing up on our conversational skills with the scum of the school." Vriska gave Jade a dirty look. In response she crossed her arms and walked away. Vriska followed, defeated. Jade walked over to the geek table, smiling. "Hi!" She said enthusiastically. "Hi." They said in unison, clearly nervous. Vriska took a deep breath. "So this is what's called a lunchtime poll."

"You win $5 million from the publisher's sweepstakes's, and the same day what's his face gives you the check, Aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow up the world in two days. What are you gonna do with the money?"

Once of the geeks answered. "I'd go to Egypt. With a girl." He smiled sheepishly. John answered "I'd use the money to have an awesome end of the world get together." Eridan said "I'd pay M. Claire a million bucks to sit on my face and have her ride it like the Kentucky Derby." He thought for a second. "She should pay me though." Some guy with crazy hair just said "Thats gotta be the most spooky ass question I've ever heard." With a blank face. The guy that was yelling before, Tavros, said "All right, this is important. After taxes I'll only be getting about 4.8 million, and then there's social security, legal fees, " A hippie guy with long hair and weird goggles replied "So you go to the zoo, and you get this majestic horse, and then you put a remote control bomb up its butt. You push the button on the bomb, and you and the horse die like one." And a guy who was smoking weed simply replied with a disgruntled "What?"

Nepeta took a bite of her lunch and took one last glance at the note before standing up and walking over to where Karkat was sitting. Vriska and Jade walked back to where Terezi and Feferi were standing. "Oh my god." Feferi grabbed Vriska's arm. "Here we go." The three Heathers laughed while Jade started angrily. Nepeta stopped in front of Karkat and placed the note on the table for him to see. He picked it up and after reading the first sentence burst into obnoxious laughter. The girls were laughing too. Soon the whole cafeteria was laughing at poor Nepeta's embarrassment, and she walked out of the cafeteria with her head in her hands. Meanwhile, Jade noticed that guy staring at her again. Now he was biting his lip, his hand resting on his forehead. He raised his eyebrows, shook his head, and made a "I can't believe these guys" motion. Jade looked at him, confused by his actions. The girls kept laughing and Jade walked away, angry. She walked to the "Westerberg feeds the world" table, run by Tavros Nitram and Equius Zahhak. "Hey Jade, five keeps the neighborhood alive." Tavros waved a five dollar bill. Jade sighed and turned away. The boys looked at her, concerned, and Vriska pulled her away. "You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique in school. If I wasn't already the head of it, I'd want the same thing. Come on, Jade. You used to have a great sense of humor." She smirks. Jade rolled her eyes, following Vriska to wherever she was going.

Feferi and Vriska fixed their makeup in the bathroom mirror, and Jade just stared at herself with dissatisfaction. Terezi poked her head out of the bathroom stall. "Jade, could you come back here?" Jade wagged her finger at the two other girls. "A true friends work is never done." She walked into the stall Terezi was in. "Gross." They said in unison. "Grow up, Terezi. Bulimia is so '87." Jeered Vriska. "You know, maybe you should see a doctor." Jade informed, filing her nails. Terezi sighed. "Yeah, maybe." Vriska giggled. "Come on, Terezi, let's take another look at today's lunch."

The lunch lady poured the rest of the disgusting pot pie into the garbage, and it fell with a cringe-inducing squelch. The blonde kid was looking right at the Heathers now, just raising his eyebrows at Jade. She looked at him and smirked. He looked back, played with the sliver earring in his right ear, and grinned at her. "God, Jade, drool much?" Joked Feferi. "His name is Dave Strider. He's in my American history." Jade hugged her books to her chest and walked towards him. He licked his lips and raised his eyebrows, smiling a little at her. He scratched his neck and looked up to meet her eyes. "Hello, Dave Strider." She said, playfully. He looked down and smiled. "Greetings and Salutations, you a Heather?" He exhaled and pointed slightly to the girls. "No." She shook her head."I'm a Jade. Harley." He nodded and looked at her. "This may seem like a really stupid question" She began. He waved his finger. "There are no stupid questions." She smiled cockily and waved her head a little. "You inherit $5 million the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in two days. What do you do?" He furrowed his eyebrows and thinks for a moment. He blinked a couple times and laughed. "That's the stupidest question I've ever heard."
Eridan glares at the exchange happening across the cafeteria. "Who's that guy in the coat think he is anyways? Bo Diddley? Heh." "Jade's into his act, no doubt." Karkat huffed. Dave shifted in his seat. "Ah, I dunno, probably row out in the middle of a lake somewhere, bring along a bottle of apple tequila, my turntables, and some Bach."  He smirked at Jade. "How very." Is her simple reply. Vriska walked up, who seems to have lost her patience. "Come on, Jade." She glares at Dave. Jade looks back at him and smiles a bit. "Later." He nods. "Definitely." They exchange smiles and Vriska pulls her away.

Eridan turned to look at Karkat. "Lets kick his ass!" Karkat looked back at him, a concerned look on his face. "Fuck, Eridan. We're seniors, man. We're too old for that kind of crap. Let's give him a good scare though." Eridan smirked  and they stand up. Dave watched them approach with a slight simper on his face. Eridan stuck his hand in Dave's lunch and leaned in really close. "You gonna eat this?" Karkat piped up. "Hey, what did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio?" Dave raises a perfect eyebrow. "Answer him, dick." Karkat turns his head to face Eridan. "Hey, Eri, doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags aloud rule?" Eridan blinks, and Dave finally responds. "Well, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes though. Don't they?" He beamed. Karkat and Eridan exchange a look of disbelief, and look back at the shade-clad blonde. "What did you say, dickhead?" Dave huffs, shifting a little in his seat. "I'll repeat myself." He stands up, pulls out a gun, aims it at Karkat and Eridan, and shoots twice.