I was born in Bataan, Philippines. Throughout my childhood and even when I was a teen, I had this constant nagging question. What's wrong with me? I found myself asking the same question again and again, but no proper answer came back. As a child I saw my peers- girls playing with barbies and makeup, and boys running around wild, holding cars. Now when I go back and think about it, society has this specific line drawn up since ancient times.

       It's a boy!! It's a girl!! the doctor shouts even before you take your first breath, and the identity of your gender is stamped on your birth certificate. This line is a little blur when we are kids; but it grows into a wall as we get older. 'Boys aren't supposed to do this'. 'You are a girl, act like one'. These short phrases are so common that we stop noticing them, we stop classifying them as wrong. There is always Romeo and Juliet, Adam and Eve, have you ever heard of a story that included the love of two women, even of two men in our textbooks? Most of our society still considers homosexuality, LGBTQ as a sin. And then there are the people saying 'I'm ok with it unless its someone from our family and unless we have to talk to them'. Sometimes these people are part of our families, forcing you to fit in the rigid box that society made, even if that meant forcing their own child to change into someone they're not.

      I was no different. I was also among the people who were too afraid to come out fearing the reaction of their family, worrying about what other people would think. Who could you blame for the negative comments and bullying that scours over the net, after anyone takes up the courage to come out are terrifying enough? Growing up you get certain looks, double-takes from people categorizing you as different. You try to fight those feelings, your emotions, fearing people will notice, the same people who you may not even meet a second time in your life. You have to suppress your emotions, lock them away just so that you are valid for society.

       I too, tried to suppress my feminine side, and it caused a lot of frustration and anxiety. I didn't feel complete. It was a constant struggle between my body and my mind. When you finally decide to give in, a whole new battle starts. I was relentlessly bullied by my classmates. The people who called themselves my friends slowly abandoned me, not wanting to be called 'the queer's friend'. Right when I was grappling with this turmoil, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Seeing life seep out of her and wipe her beautiful smile away was one of the toughest moments of my existence. It was a hard time for our family, and especially for the 9 year old me. In 1990, after my mother's passing I moved to Victoria, Canada to live with my father and his new family. You know when you want someone to understand what you are going through, but when you raise your head, all you can see are the judging eyes of people. When my father came to know, he abused me, physically, emotionally, and mentally. There is nothing worse than seeing the disappointment in the person's eyes who gave you birth, who is supposed to love you, all parts of you. It turns out the love of our parents is also based on stereotypes. It hurts. 

         When I finally came out of this, finally fought through the dark tangled web in my mind; when I finally realized that I have the right to exist, to be who I am, to be happy, people stopped considering me as a person. Many of my acquaintances may not know this, but I was sexually abused by my relatives. Not once or twice, but for 5 years. The stains that such a heinous act leaves on your heart cannot be washed away. The trauma leaves you haunted for life. These are the people who we are supposed to trust. These are the people whom I leaned to for support and for strength, and these are the people who saw me as nothing but a toy with which they could play with - even if it meant breaking me.

       Being young and vulnerable is never easy. But when you are suddenly in a new environment, when you are under peer pressure, the oppression of your parents, the hurtful remarks that you hear, and the fact that no one even tries to understand what you are going through, makes simply existing harder. For a long time, I was constantly overthinking, as I was gripped with fear, guilt, and shame. I tried to please everybody, but nothing seemed to change. All I needed was a tiny voice saying that it will be okay one day...but the voice never came. It was hard listening to people tell me that this was just a phase, the noise of adulthood, just the teenage hormones.

       In my late 20s, I realized that I was non-binary. I used to hear things like, 'how is that even possible? This is delusional, humans aren't made that way'. Tell me what makes you a man, or what makes you a woman. It's not just what body you are in, but how it reacts, and who makes your heart beat faster. The people screaming and shouting at the LGBTQ community calling us mentally ill, should try to stand in our shoes and see how difficult it is; how confusing it is when your heart reacts differently from what it's 'supposed to'. How many barriers do we have to cross through to just gain acceptance on who we are? To just cross the line that was made centuries ago and that still exists...

       Dance found me when I needed it. I have been dancing since I can remember. It helps me let go of myself to express all of my sides. It doesn't have a gender. The music flows through your veins and you get lost in it. It's a beautiful medium where you can fall in love with the genres and feel free. You can be anything you want; you can be whoever you want. 

        I moved to Vancouver to pursue dancing as a career in 2001. The House of La Douche was born to promote the uniqueness and creativity of the LGBTQ community. Our doors are open for everyone who wants to belong. I brought voguing and waacking to Vancouver because it's a language that helps to communicate, to express what we feel. When I am dancing, I love the trust that I receive from people to take me into a journey of my mind. It brings me happiness when they smile. I feel satisfied when I have helped someone get through the path that I once traveled. The House of La Douche is not just a dance troupe, it's my family. We are each other's support systems. I strive to use dance as a voice for social justice, to give light to the struggles of the LGBTQ community. To unite us all together. 

It's rewarding when you give back to the community - when you know you are changing people's views. I am proud of how far I have come. I have had a tough time mastering my mental and emotional well being. I had to prove my worth even when I was pursuing my career. I was bullied then too - but the negativity that previously pulled me back, has helped me push forward. It has now become my strength. I use it as a tool to help me grow.

        There is still a long way for us to go. I wish people saw us as the wonderful humans that we are, no different than themselves. I wished they realized that we too feel love, anger, sorrow, happiness. That sexuality is not a choice, it's a part of who we are. I wish the world would be free from the ancient boundaries, and accept us as we are. Someday, every child would be strong enough to tell their parents about how they feel and what they like, and someday, every parent would accept them instead of turning their backs. Someday….. we won't be bullied anymore because someday people will see us as the colours of the rainbow, all unique but each colour necessary to make it beautiful and extraordinary.

                                           - Jojo Zolina

Instagram- jojozolinadance

Website- www.jojozolina.com

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           I am falling short for words when I say how much I admire you. It takes a lot of effort and strength to be successful, especially with the odds that life has thrown your way. It's even more inspiring that you are taking efforts for your community to grow. There are still so many people in this world that fail to understand that love doesn't have a gender, that sexuality is the individuals part of being and it shouldn't be forced to change just because it doesn't fit in common norms. We all are different but we all are the same.

Jojo Zolina you have given the world the lovely gift of dance. With unstoppable artistry, you have continued to reinvent your techniques and worked alongside several artists including Madonna, Nelly Furtado, Micheal Buble, and La Roux. You have traveled the world and captured the audience worldwide with your signature styles. The list of your achievements is long and I hope it gets even longer. I hope you continue to break barriers and bring out change. You have earned my respect and I'm sure of the other thousands that have seen you perform.

    Pic credits - Kyra Whittkopf
    Instagram - @kyracreative