"'ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ, ɪ ꜱᴡᴇᴀʀ ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ 'ᴛɪʟ ᴍʏ ᴅʏɪɴɢ ᴅᴀʏ"

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

⋆·˚ ༘ *

Love makes you happy, but it makes you weak. Hate makes you so much stronger even if it makes you depressed and sad.

Anyone who says love makes you stronger is full of shit.

Trust me, I know.

My mom was harder to understand. I knew that she loved me, otherwise, why would she fight so hard for me to be with her? Inside her, there was probably so much love for me.

Her love for my sister is unparalleled. However, that love made her weak and my sister weak. Eliza is incapable of doing most things and she can't take most things.

Me, on the other hand? I grew up knowing that no comment that people make about me, nothing that they can say will hurt me more than what has already been said to me.

Does that make me unhappy?

Yes.

But I'm trying to see things my mom's way.

I had run away from Kyran now, but I had to see him later. It was inevitable that my life was the embodiment of what others wanted for me. I knew what I wanted. Not that it ever mattered.

I love my mom, and there's no way I'm saying anything about my family to Kyran Drake. He can fuck off.

It's also none of his business. Why does he care so much? I don't understand why he suddenly feels the need to involve himself in my life.

These were the many thoughts running through my head when I was doing the one-hour shift in the morning before the preplanned meeting with Kyran.

When the fated study session arrived, we were both colder than ever. We didn't ask each other any questions that needed to be asked. We pretended as if the exchange from earlier never happened. I was grateful for that because it seemed to me that he finally realized that he had no control over what I did. He also decided that he shouldn't care.

He got an A in his first Biology quiz, by the way. He did study for it for a few weeks after the study session.

He seemed happy.

For the remainder of time, I was trying to keep my life surprisingly low-key, and unproblematic.

It was still early in the morning, just 7:30. I finished my shift in the morning, 2 hours in fact, and I was grabbing my books for the study session with Kyran in the morning. We had decided that evenings would be way too hard to work around, given that he had football practice and I had occasional volunteering to do.

Afternoons wouldn't work either, because he didn't exactly want to sacrifice the time, he spends with his friends for me. I didn't blame him.

Today, we had to go over the Laws of Differentiation before his term test tomorrow. He told me that he kind of understood what to do, but he still fucked up First Principles, so I decided that he didn't know what to do and sacrificed my time to teach him.

I'm such an angel, I know.

It was a classroom on the ground floor this time, and it was easy to book it. There would be no one in here for another 2 hours. After meticulous observation of what rooms are used each week and when this has made it so much easier for me to find a place to work.

I grabbed my Calculus textbook from last year and brought it for Kyran. It wasn't the required textbook; it was on the recommended reading list, but I had safely assumed that he didn't read those books. Lucky for him I did.

Walking to the classroom that happened to be ten minutes away is a very simple, mundane task for most. However, my trek to the classroom in an empty corridor, caused me to nearly walk into a recycling bin, trip on some air, and get hit on the foot by the classroom door.

It felt like even inanimate objects were against me today.

The only thing stopping me from burning this school to ashes is the horrible image of me being arrested for arson.

Two more years. You can do this.

Damn.

With annoyance filling me from head to toe, I realized that going to a study session as a tutor would probably be a bad idea. With a glance at my phone, and assurance that Kyran doesn't usually go anywhere on time, I took a trip to the bathroom to become more Zen.

After spending ten minutes there, I had to practically drag myself out, and remind myself that Kyran would probably scream if I didn't show up. That's how stressed he was for the Calculus test. I'm glad that he cares about Calculus enough to be mad about it though.

It had been clear to me that Kyran was two different people entirely, much like me. He kept his two worlds separate, and I saw the differences. The way he's with me is how he acts with Yashna and his family.

But, the stoic, angry, and self-centered Kyran only exists outside of these people. To everyone else, his supposed friends and girlfriends, he's simply just a jock of limited capabilities.

The difference is so palpable that no one knows that Yashna and Kyran are siblings. He doesn't acknowledge her, let alone talk to her in school. They pass each other multiple times in hallways, as do I, and she waves at me and not Kyran.

My phone vibrated against my pocket, and I pulled it out exasperated. What happened now?

It was from Kyran. He was apparently late this morning and told me to meet him outside the building because he didn't want to waste anymore time. Groaning, I typed back,

I can't be bothered enough to -

I hesitated, and deleted the message.

Fine. 

I felt slightly sorry for him today. Probably because he was already stressed out enough, and I didn't want him to verbal attack me when I was totally not in the mood to come up with good comebacks.

I made my way outside the building only to be attacked by the rain. I sighed, realizing that I'd left my umbrella inside along with my raincoat. 

Today was totally not my day.

Kyran saw me from the other end and smiled as he ran over to me in a waterproof blue jacket that made me incredibly envious. 

"I get first principles, thanks to the Organic Chemistry Tutor. Maybe, I should fire you?" he said as he arrived, and I scoffed.

"You don't have that option, jackass. Organic Chemistry Tutor isn't gonna help you with fucking Biology or English!" I said walking along the path.

"Learn to take a joke, will you? Jeez!" he laughed, raising his arms in surrender.

I quickened my pace on the path, not willing to stay outside for much longer. Just as we were about to reach the door, a car sped by, splashing a wave of water onto the sidewalk, drenching me from head to toe. I stood there, soaked and stunned, my white shirt soaked entirely with my jeans turning a darker shade of navy. 

Kyran who was not too far behind me stood still but I didn't move, knowing very well what a soaking white shirt could do. I pulled the shirt to squeeze out the water to perhaps, make this situation slightly better. My white shirt now clung to my skin, soaked through and transparent, leaving very very little to the imagination.

Why, just why?

I groaned and Kyran shifted around awkwardly, and walked over to my side.  He was still under the assumption that I was in a very dire situation. 

It wasn't an assumption. I was in a dire situation.

"Do you need anything?" he asked, trying to avert his eyes and I shook my head in annoyance.

Key word, tried.

"I need to get inside before someone else splashes me with the entire Pacific Ocean."

"Oh, um, right," he looked at me concerned. "Well, obviously you need another pair of clothes. You can't go through the rest of the day with an um, see-through shirt!"

"I was thinking more along the lines of wearing wet clothes. But I'm glad that you're worried about my shirt being transparent."

Kyran's face flushed scarlet. 

No, I didn't have another pair of clothes with me. Was this supremely bad decision-making? Yes, it was. Except, I didn't expect to have someone who bothered to prank me by throwing muddy water all over my white top and jeans. This situation was entirely unexpected and honestly, I hate these teenage mutants.

Kyran smiled apologetically. "I could ask Yashna if she has anything with her..."

I scoffed. "Yeah, it's not like you acknowledge her existence when you're at school!"

He looked embarrassed. He stared at his shoes as if something would magically pop out of them. "We both agreed to do that when she started last year. I think, she is more embarrassed to be seen as my sister than I am."

I knew what this was. This was his futile attempt at trying to make himself feel better. From the look on his face, I could tell that he was subtly hiding how ashamed he was to be himself here. I knew better than to chastise him for it, given that I do the same thing.

He sighed. "You stay here, I'll get something from her."

With that, he left and I collapsed on the chair next to me in the hallway.  Exasperated, I kept trying to dry my shirt and groaned when I realized it was a waste of time. The damn thing wouldn't dry that quickly. I wanted to cry, not because of the potentially humiliating social situation that it was but because I didn't know whether someone did it out of malice or for humor.

If it was for humor, I didn't understand how this would be funny. Do people enjoy watching someone be ridiculed, laughed at, and called names while they silently marvel at how funny they are?

Well, if it was out of malice, I didn't know what I did to someone to make them humiliate me in a public high school, filled with immature monkeys.

Thank God that Kyran helped. If he didn't, it would've been the most horrible social situation of my entire life and that counts as the one where I never left the house.

I was sitting in the empty classroom, in solitary, with my head in my hands, deep in thought. I immediately sat up when the door sprung open revealing a concerned Kyran and a smiling Yashna.

"Hi Avery!" she waved, and I smiled back, unsure. I didn't know how Yashna was going to help me with this, but we'll find out in due time.

"Kyran told me what happened," she said, walking over to me. I got up, trying to avoid flashing her and Kyran. Yashna proceeded to open her backpack and pull out something with maroon fabric. Dragging it out kind of aggressively, she placed it on the table and grinned.

"No," I replied, and she frowned. "Why not? There's nothing wrong with wearing a dress in school!"

"Why do you have a dress with you anyways?" I asked, examining the dress in detail.

"Emergencies," she said shortly and smiled. "Besides, if anyone attempts to drench you this time, it's faux-leather."

The dress was a simple one. It was plain maroon, and it was knee-length. It was long-sleeved and it wasn't low-necked either. However, I wasn't someone to ever show skin in school, even a little bit.

As I held the dress in my hand, I could hear my mom's voice ringing in my head.

"No one needs to see your wonky legs, so just cover them. Makes it easier for everyone."

I had many insecurities, and my body was the main one. I had grown up with people telling me that, so now, when I had to make a decision that could potentially impact my day, I had to let the insecurities go.

I was making a mental list in my head, calculating my options, and creating a list of the pros and cons of wearing this dress.

Pros: No one would see me in wet clothes and make snide comments.

Cons: They would now see my legs that were 'awkwardly thin' and 'weirdly shaped'

"Earth to Avery!" Yashna screamed in my ear, and I stalked off to the bathroom with the maroon dress, murmuring a quick 'thank you' on the way. My mind was whirring with uncertainty and the longer I stood there contemplating, I knew that time was ticking. I didn't have much time to waste since I had to finish tutoring Kyran and get to class.

I didn't overthink it. I pulled the dress on, fixed my hair and walked out. I could feel Yashna and Kyran's eyes on me. I groaned.

"Come on! Don't judge and definitely don't look."

"Well, it's kind of hard to do that," Kyran said, earning a glare from me. "Just saying. No one here has seen you wearing anything other than a jumper and jeans."

I scoffed. "Yeah, right. As if people notice what I wear."

Yashna and Kyran stared at each other, suppressed smiles, and turned back to look at me. Yashna laughed nervously. "This is high school and you're quite famous."

"For getting good grades?" I asked, with my eyebrows raised. Yashna sighed, and left the classroom, with the door ajar. Kyran swiftly walked over and closed it. Sitting down near the front, he switched on his laptop.

I cleared my throat, "Back to um, trig functions."

We had around 20 minutes left to finish up whatever we could. Although I believe my standing at the whiteboard was too distracting for Kyran as he put it, I sat back down and explained how to differentiate trig and exponential functions before we decided to head to our respective classes.

"Thanks for today. I was panic studying yesterday and nothing would make sense," he said, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, well. You should've just watched more Organic Chemistry Tutor. Seems like he could've done a better job than me!"

I walked off, pretending to be annoyed as the hallways started filling up with people. Kyran screamed after me, "That was a joke, Avery," and caused several heads to turn in my direction.

I turned around in surprise. It was the first time he had spoken to me like that outside of our study sessions and English class. The hallway had gone slightly quieter by Kyran's sudden outburst, and everyone was now staring at him.

And me.

How are we all, dearest readers?

I'm back with a *punctual* weekly chapter once again, and I was panic writing and editing last night trying to finish up the chapter in time.🤭  There's some mega-satisfaction in escaping writer's block when you're under stress. 

Anyways, this week is my last week of holidays before I start college again. *sobbing*😭😭😭 However, college will not and it cannot stop me from updating frequently so you'll be happy to know that every Monday will remain update day.🙌

Q: What is your favorite subject in school/college?

Once again, thank you very much for reading this chapter. I hope that you enjoyed it and if you did please leave a vote!! ❤️❤️

Living the dream,

Audrey. 💕😘