"ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ᴍɪɴᴇ, ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ'ʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ꜰɪɴᴇ"

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

⋆·˚ ༘ *

My fingers hover over the block button, debating whether I should unblock Avery. Mind control has to be the most difficult thing in the world. Having your brain control your actions is great, but when the brain itself is unsure, it causes a hell of a lot of problems.

Like now.

Ignoring Avery is harder than I expected. She apologized, and I shut her out. After talking to Yashna, it seemed like the right thing to do at the time—to draw a line, to say, "This is enough," and move on. But now, staring at her name on the screen, the decision feels wrong. It's not just about whether I should unblock her; it's about everything that comes after that decision. Instead, I click into our chat history and read.

It brings some comfort to pretend we're in the past again.

It wasn't just her fault, either. It was mine, hers, Caleb's... A lot of people had a hand in what happened that day. Is it fair that I shut Avery out but still talk to Caleb? But then, this wasn't a decision based on who was in the wrong. I chose to do this to make sure my focus didn't dwindle.

Max has his own suggestions.

"You do realize what you did to Avery is worse than what she supposedly did to you." Max isn't angry, but he seems a bit tired of everything that's happening. Our rendezvous in my room is supposed to be for working on a play tactic, but this isn't where the conversation is going.

"Let me think. I think losing out on Notre Dame is worse than the school knowing about your life."

Max sighs, leaning back against the wall of my room. I remember the first day Avery was here and how awestruck she was by everything.

Not now.

"You're missing the point. You're blaming Avery for something that was out of her control. She didn't plan for things to go down the way they did, and now you're treating her like she's the villain. That's not fair, man."

I clench my jaw, feeling a pang of guilt. "She knew why it was important to me, Max. She knew how much it mattered to me."

Max shakes his head. "How was she supposed to know that you had a match? You're not even listening to me. You're so focused on what you lost that you're not seeing what you're doing to her. She made a mistake, yeah, but she's been paying for it too. And now, you're just adding to it by shutting her out completely. Tell me, are you really happy without Avery in your life?"

I stare at the screen again. My finger hovers over the button, and yes, I'm not happy.

"Max," I say slowly, not looking at him, "I'm not doing this because I hate her. I'm doing this because...I need to focus, and I need to keep her at a distance for that to happen."

Max sighs again, rubbing the back of his neck. "Look, I get it. But pushing Avery away like this isn't helping anyone. She did get you better grades, you know that, right? You might be able to get into Notre Dame with just your grades, if not a football scholarship."

When two people give me completely opposite advice, which one am I supposed to take? Both are reasonable, and it doesn't help that it's making me spiral into an abyss. Max is right, of course. Ignoring Avery hasn't made anything easier. It only makes me feel more frustrated. I've been telling myself that this is the right thing to do, that it will help me keep my focus. It's been two days, and I'm already failing at the focus part. Everything just feels like it's getting worse.

And it's not just a feeling. Everything is getting worse. I thought I could reach out and make it all better if I spoke to her again, but timing fucked me up. Her grandmother died that day.

I wanted to say sorry, to tell her it wasn't fair to her. But the words didn't come out right. That sounds like an excuse, but yeah. I didn't want her to leave me alone. But she did. This time, probably for good.

That's why I'm absolutely rabid when I see another guy sitting in my seat next to Avery. I know who it is, of course. The one other nerdy kid who gets grades almost on par with Avery. While I'm a quiet computer scientist, the entire school knows he's a robotics genius.

It doesn't help that he's good-looking. It also doesn't help that he's trying to make small talk with Avery, who's happily indulging him.

My fingers tighten around my phone as I stare at Avery, laughing at something he says. It's a sound I haven't heard in days, one I'd been the cause of, but now someone else is getting the privilege. That realization digs into me like a thorn. The logical part of my brain tells me to sit somewhere else, to let her be. But the irrational part of my brain wins. As usual.

I find myself standing in front of Elliot Ishikawa like an idiot, staring at him and Avery with obvious anger in my eyes.

Elliot looks confused. "Hey, Kyran. What's up?"

"That's my seat," I say, pointing to where he's sitting, and I watch Avery scowl, turning her head to the window. Elliot looks up at me, then at Avery. He must know about our relationship. I mean, everyone does.

Instead of getting up, Elliot gives me a small smile. "Hi, Kyran. Since I moved to this class, Ms. Walton thought it'd be beneficial to have me sit next to Avery. I hope you don't mind."

Well, you little fucker. Of course, I mind.

"Yeah, that's not a problem," I say, turning to the seat behind them, the one next to Max.

Max nods. "Michaela dropped the class."

I hear Avery groan as I take the seat behind her. Max looks at me and shakes his head. He knows this is hard for me, even if he can't fully grasp the mess of emotions inside me.

Avery's laughter is replaced by awkward silence, and Elliot steals a glance at her and then at me, realizing something is up.

"Avery, I heard you want to go to Princeton!" he cheerfully asks.

Avery nods, a smile spreading across her face. "Yeah. How about you?"

"Same! It's my dream college. I want to study Quantitative Economics." Elliot is a charming guy. I'll give him that. He somehow knows what makes her tick, and he manages to hit the jackpot. Now, Avery is in a full-blown conversation with him about Princeton.

I stare at the back of her head, admiring the way her hair moves as she talks.

Max leans over, whispering, "You know, the longer you sit here and sulk, the more Elliot's going to steal her."

I glare at him. "You think this is easy? Try sitting here and not feeling like a complete jerk."

He holds up his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. Just... do something."

I sigh, running a hand through my hair. "I guess I could, but what?"

Max smirks. "How about you start by not glaring at the back of Avery's head like she's the last donut in the office fridge?"

"Can you shut up?"

Avery and Elliot are still deep in conversation. This time, about Electronics. Their heads are almost touching as they stare at a video on his phone. I can see Avery's smile from where I sit.

I tap Avery on the shoulder, and she turns, her face falling when she sees me. "What do you want, Kyran?"

"Can we talk? Now."

Avery looks like she wants to punch me. "Seriously? You've been ignoring me for days, and now you want to talk?"

"Please, Avery," I say. "Just a few minutes."

She sighs heavily, her gaze flicking back to Elliot, who's watching us with curiosity and a smug grin on his face. "Fine."

We walk to the hallway, the crowd still moving around and pouring into classrooms. Avery crosses her arms, staring at me with anger flashing in her eyes.

"What?" she asks.

I take a deep breath, fighting to keep my emotions in check. "I didn't handle things well, and I'm sorry."

Avery's eyes narrow. "Oh, you're sorry now? After ignoring my texts and shutting me out? You think a simple apology is going to fix everything?"

"It's not just about the apology," I say, desperation creeping into my voice. "I know I screwed up, but I want to fix this."

Avery's face hardens. "How are you going to fix it?"

I hesitate. My mind races for an answer, but nothing comes. The longer I stand there in silence, the more Avery's expression shifts from anger to something worse—disappointment.

"That's what I thought," she says bitterly. "You don't even know where to start, do you? You just want everything to go back to normal without actually dealing with the mess you made."

My throat tightens. "Avery, it's not that simple—"

"Stop saying that!" she snaps, cutting me off. "You keep saying it's not simple, but you're the one making it complicated. I've been sitting here, trying to figure out what I did wrong, what I could've done differently. But it's not all on me, Kyran. You can't just show up and expect me to forgive you because you finally feel guilty."

I open my mouth to respond, but Avery isn't finished.

"And you know what? I don't need this right now. I don't need you to suddenly decide you want to talk because you're jealous of Elliot or something ridiculous because you think you're losing control. I don't need your half-assed apologies when you can't even admit what you did was wrong."

"I know I was wrong," I say, my voice lowering. "I'm trying to make it right."

Avery laughs, but there's no humor in it. "Make it right? By doing what? By dragging me out here to tell me something you should've said days ago? By making me feel like I'm the one who's supposed to fix everything?"

She takes a step back, putting more distance between us. "You know what? I'm done, Kyran. I'm done trying to figure out what you want. I'm done being the one who always has to make things okay."

My heart drops. "Avery, don't say that. Please, I need you—"

"You know what Ms. Walton said?" she says, moving a step closer to me. I can smell the familiar jasmine shampoo she's used ever since freshman year. "She said that I don't need to spend any more time on things that are hurting me. And right now, that's you."

I know it's better for me to stay away from her. I know Yashna isn't wrong when she says we'd both be better off without each other. However, part of me is so scared to lose her that I want to cling to her forever. For all the negatives of our friendship, or whatever relationship we have, the positives are much deeper than that.

I go back to my seat, watching her smile at Elliot again. It doesn't occur to me until now that she has very little reason to smile when she's at home, so who am I to deny her the chance to feel a small bit of happiness when she's at school? Even if it isn't because of me?

Everything flashes in front of me, but this time, it isn't about my life. It's hers. She's suffering, and it's not okay. I may have lost a match, but her... every single day is a battle for her. She's living in a place where no one loves her, but she gives them everything. She's surviving, not living.

I feel like the most massive asshole in the history of the universe for spending even a single second comparing my life to hers. I know that Princeton isn't just a college for her. It's a lifeline. A lifeline away from abuse, and that's horrible.

Does anyone deserve a life like that?

I know I'm not worthy of her. At all. If I were in her position, I would've reported my mom and gotten her arrested. But Avery... she loves them. She cares about her family, even though they've never put her first. Ever. Not her father, not her mother, not her sister. I almost want to punch myself for ever suggesting that she's self-centered.

I realize I've just added more to her pain than was already there.

And underneath everything, that's the undeniable truth.

I'm so fucking obsessed with her, and that's going to bite me in the ass every time.

⋆·˚ ༘ *

Hiya peeps,

Welcome back! You might notice the tense in this chapter being the present as opposed to the past. This is just a change I'm adopting from now on, and the previous chapters will change to reflect that as I get to editing them. 

What do we think of Elliot? Do you think this is going to become a love triangle, or is Kyran thinking too much?

Thank you for all the votes and the comments and the reads, guys. I appreciate you muchly. You support me so much and I am so grateful for you. 

Hugs and kisses, 

Dree.💕😘