stevie hopkins
- december 21, 2017 -

WE ALL CRAMMED INTO LUNA'S silver car. Voices yelled over each other as people tried to get comfortable in the limited amount of space. The only people even remotely fine were Luna who was driving and Jackson in the passenger seat. Everyone else had either someone on top of them or an elbow digging into their ribcage; me included.

            "You really should have sat on top of me instead," Chelsea laughed, her back against the door and her feet twisted with Nichole's as they laid across the laps of everyone else.

            "No, it's okay." I smiled, "I wouldn't want my boot getting in the way. Plus, from my point of view, I've got a pretty good seat."

            "Is that right?" She asked, her eyes locked with mine as her hand came up to run through her hair. It always looked so perfect with it's neat little curls. I never understood how she managed that. Half the time mine just looked like a mess of frizz on my head.

            When she smiled, I felt as if I couldn't quite breathe properly. How could she do something like that so effortlessly? Steal my breath with a smile or a quiet giggle.

            "Of course, but I love your feet only because they walked upon the earth and upon the wind and upon the waters, until they found me."

            Chelsea's brows shot up, nervous laughter escaping her. I smiled at the sound, "D-Did you just come up with that?"

            "Are you impressed?"

            "Depends," she turned to me and whispered, "did you write it?"

            "I found it on the internet."

            Her smile widened, "Ah, the internet is all knowing."

            I laughed, "All knowing, but never understanding... Some things it just can't seem to grasp."

            She glanced around the car before raising a brow at me, "And what is it that the internet doesn't quite understand?"

            That statement had been a poor decision. Why it even came from my lips, I'll probably never actually know, but I could feel my face start to heat up, "The same things I don't, I guess. I know numbers and equations and statistics. It's the human things, the important things that it seems to miss."

            She laughed, nudging me a little, "Look at you being all sentimental. What a turn of events we have here."

            I pretended to shake it off my shoulders, but still smiled, "You're absolutely right. I didn't like that one bit. It was weird to say the least."

            She rolled her eyes playfully, "But, seriously, you've never once driven down Christmas Lane."

            "Nope. Never. I only moved here for school."

            She squealed, "It's amazing! It's like Santa dropped a bag of lights and glitter all over the place. It's kind of like noon in the dead of night. I can't wait for you to see it. It's the best thing in the whole world."

            "Sounds pretty."

            "Pretty?" Chelsea gasped, "Pretty is an understatement. It's unimaginable. It's your entire childhood in touchable form. It's every good memory you've ever had. It's—" she sighed, "it's pure and utter joy."

            "I can't wait," I finally said.

            Luna turned down street after street and she paused just outside one of the few suburbs Kensington had. She turned and smiled at us, "Are you ready?"

            Chelsea and the rest of the car cheered while Ethan and I shared a look with each other from either side of the back seat. We had no idea what we had agreed to when we said yes. This was something they did every year. Something they are never tired of.

            That was a lot of pressure. Pressure to like it. Pressure to be amazed. What if it wasn't as amazing as Chelsea said. What if I wasn't wowed? Was I supposed to lie and say how beautiful it was? How could I not when it made her so excited?

            Lune drum rolled on the steering before turning into the suburb. I wanted to look at these lights, but instead my gaze stayed glued to Chelsea. I wanted to see her see them first. But she frowned.

            I instantly looked out the window. Not a single light on the street was lit. Don't get me wrong; Christmas lights were strung across every porch and front eave, but not a light was shining. My heart dropped to my stomach.

            "How could they not be on?" Chelsea's voice barely came out above a whisper.

            Luna pulled the car to the side of the road and we all simply stared down the street. Street lamps were the only lights for what seemed forever.

            "I'm so sorry," Chelsea turned to me, but looked down rather than at me. "This was supposed to be amazing."

            I closed my eyes for a second and I grabbed her hand. I couldn't look at her. I couldn't see that crushed expression on her face. It hurt. How could something like that hurt me?

            Squeezing her hand, I maneuvered my way out of the car with more apologies than when I got in that damn seat. I stood with the car door wide open and Chelsea staring up at me as if I'd lost my mind completely.

            "What are you doing?" She asked, looking up and down the street like I was about to commit a heinous crime.

            I took a deep breath, trying to make sure my words didn't shake the way my hands were at that moment, "We didn't come here for you not to show me these lights. These are supposed to be life changing lights. These are supposed to be utter joy and every good memory I've ever had."

            "What? Stevie—"

            I walked away before she could finish. I was nearly a house away before I heard car doors shutting behind me. Turning sharply, I walked up to the first door and slammed my fist against the wood.

            "Hey! Turn your lights on!" I backed up and saw a light switch on in one of the second story bedrooms. A smile crept onto my face and I went to the sidewalk and cupped my hands around my mouth.

            "Turn the lights on!" I yelled, "I have a girl that wants to share your joy with me!"

            I continued down the street, yelling at each house until a light came on somewhere inside. Laughter echoed from behind me and it wasn't long before the rest of the group joined in. An entire grove of college students yelling down the road.

            Something shined in the corner of my eye and I turned quickly. One of the houses lit up entirely in Christmas lights and I clapped. I would have jumped, but I'd rather live to tell the tale. Ethan and Chelsea have been keeping close eyes on me ever since my last doctor's appointment.

            However, the rest of the group cheered and ran up next to me. On the opposite side of the street another house turned their lights on and it was as if everyone followed suit. Soon the entire street could be seen from anywhere in the world. I almost wanted a pair of sunglasses.

            Chelsea grabbed my arm, squealing as she jumped, "Look at them! Look at how pretty they are!" She giggled.

            I smiled. She was right. It was like every good memory, but I don't think it was the lights that were beautiful. She ran out in front of me, hopping and skipping as she went. I laughed watching her go.

            "You got it real bad," Ethan stepped up next to me. When I looked over, he was smiling.

            Something stirred in me, "I've never felt so much in my entire life. It's all very confusing."

            He laughed, "Sometimes the right person, they help us grow. They help us understand things that we couldn't before."

            I breathed a sigh, my smile faltering only a little, "It scares me. She terrifies me. And all these feelings, they're weird."

            "The only way to learn is to embrace the unknown. You don't know, until you know. Don't think of it as this big, terrifying, thing. Think of it as something to learn, like a math equation. Some things just take time to understand and that's perfectly okay. But, you know, not everything is meant to be understood. Some things are just meant to be felt."