januarie robinson
- june 4, 2019 -

MY HAND SHOT OUT FROM underneath my pillow and slammed against the top of my alarm clock. I know for sure that I didn't set that thing to go off at 5 o'clock in the morning. I twisted in my sheets and pulled them over the top of my head. I'd be damned if I was getting up now. On today of all days.

            The door to my bedroom flew open and although I couldn't see her, I knew without a doubt in my mind it was Nora. I cursed her in my head and before I could get a firm grip, she grabbed ahold of all the blankets and ripped them off of me.

            My pajamas, which consisted of shorts and an old Jaws t-shirt, were not meant for the chilly morning air. Hell, I wasn't built for the chilly morning air. She plopped down next to me and didn't say a word. When I couldn't take it any longer, I peeked through my fingers to find her smiling at me with that devilish grin of hers.

            Sometimes, she reminded me far too much of Victoria and the last thing I needed in my life was two Victorias.

            "What do you want?" I grumbled through my hands. Everyone who knew what today was usually left me alone. I was possibly the only person in the Robinson family tree who didn't celebrate their birthday. Not since dad passed.

            "I'm not watching you do this again." She grabbed my shoulder and shook me hard, "I need you to get up and get dressed. And, dress warm."

            I groaned, "Why?"

            "Because I'm not going to let my happy, bubbly friend be grumpy today."

            "I'm grumpy one day a year," I growled and turned over. "Can't I have that? Can't I have one day to be angry at the world?" I grabbed my pillow and flipped it over my head.

            She ripped the pillow back and jumped from the bed, "Sure. You can have tomorrow. But today, you've got to get up and get dressed."

            "Fine," I rolled over and glared at her, "but don't expect me to be happy and go lucky."

            Leaning against the door frame, she hugged the pillow to her chest, "Maybe I should call Lucas. I'm sure he'd be more than thrilled to get a call from you at five in the morning."

            "You wouldn't dare."

            Nora smiled and raised a brow. She stood there in her patchwork cardigan and skinny jeans, "Are you really willing to risk it?"

            We stared each other down for a few seconds before I broke. Huffing, I rolled to the edge of my bed, "Fine. You win."

            She beamed a smile, "thank you. We have about ten minutes before we have to leave."

            Sitting up, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I went to the closet and dug through my clothes, trying to find something to wear. Hopefully, something that wouldn't make this day completely suck. My eye caught a glimpse of yellow as I was searching through the pants and my heart skipped a little.

            A smile pulled at my lips as I pulled out the pants. The left, front pocket had this lightning bolt embroidered on it and when I flipped them over, I did a small dance at the sight of Thor's hammer embroidered on the right, back pocket.

            That's exactly what I needed. A marvel day. Maybe with superhero items, I'd feel a little bit like a hero. I grabbed my arc reactor shirt and Loki embroidered cardigan. I had to stop at the shoes. Grabbing both pairs, I stared into the mirror and held up one Captain America high top and one Hulk sneaker. I squinted at both and huffed.

            "God," Nora laughed from the doorway, "at this point they should pay you for basically being a walking advertisement."

            I looked at her and scrunched my nose, "Which one? Captain America or The Hulk?"

            She laughed, "The Captain, obviously. Are you almost ready?"

            I bounced on one foot, trying to slip my shoe on. Bruce weaved between my legs, almost pushing me off balance. I patted his head and his butt stared to wiggle uncontrollably. Standing up straight, I gave myself a once over in the mirror.

            I sighed, "ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

            "Good," Nora smiled and grabbed my hand, dragging me from the apartment. We drove in silence for a while, in the dark. She pulled into the parking lot of what we called, 'the hill'. It was a butte on the outskirts of town with this walking tail to the top.

            I turned to her and raised a brow. She said nothing and gestured as she got out of the car. Following her, I rubbed my eyes. I could still be sleeping now if it weren't for her. It was dark enough for it. The sun was wanting to poke up for the sunrise, but we still had a little while to wait.

            I complained almost the entire way up the hill. It was too cold or too dark or too early. Nora simply nodded with a smile on her face. When she crested the top, she clicked her flashlight off and then on again. I took the last step over the top and all these flashlights turned on.

            I stopped in my place and stared at everyone. They jumped and yelled happy birthday, but I stood frozen in place. All my siblings were there and over half the people I worked with. We sat at the edge and watched the sun come up. Joshua and Jacob brought more coffee than anyone could drink while Josie and Jezebel food from the diner before they opened.

            When it was all over, my body felt almost drained. As nice as it was to have everyone together, I still noticed all my siblings were more depressed than usual. I was glad for it to be over. Now I could just focus on getting through the rest of my day.

            We pulled out of the parking lot around 10 o'clock to head back to our apartment. That was giving me just enough time to shower and get ready for my shift. Lucas was going to give me the entire day off, but after begging him not to, he scheduled me to work at least half of it.

            "Admit it, you had a good time," Nora smiled from the driver's seat.

            "Okay, it wasn't horrible." I twisted in my seat to get my ringing phone from my back pocket. Looking at the screen, I'd gotten a text from a number I'd never seen before. I slid over the screen and my brows knitted together. It said my package had been delivered. Last time I checked; I hadn't ordered anything.

            Nora parked on the back side of the bookstore and we climbed the fire escape together. When we reached the door and she slid a key in the door, we could hear Bruce on the other side dancing. I looked around, but there was no box to be seen and I sighed.

            "I'm going to check the mailbox really quickly," I said as I went down the stairs. Running to the front curb, I grabbed the corner of the building and swung around just enough to stop in front of the mailbox.

            Sitting lonely inside was a small box and a note tied with a string. I pulled it out and turned it over in my hands. Looking both ways down the sidewalk, I smiled a little to myself. As carefully as I could, I removed the note;

'Giving you birthday wishes this year.'

            I laughed. Stealthy, but I knew that scratchy handwriting. I held the box for a while, just staring at it. I couldn't imagine what would be inside, but my stomach flipped at the thought of anything in it at all.

            Finally, I pulled the string and it came loose in my fingers. It took me a second to remove the top. Folded neatly was some grey fabric with this green streak across it. I laughed; I really did not understand that. Grabbing it, I lifted it up. Tumbling down was a tie.

            A grey fabric all around, except for this deep green strip that twisted down the tie. Tears started to form in my eyes and I pulled the fabric to my chest, holding it as tight as I could.

            I hated today. I hated that everyone made such a big deal over it. I always told them not to and they never listened. My birthday just wasn't the same. Not after dad passed away. We used to sit in our pajamas and watch our favorite movies. He was obsessed with The Mummy from 1999 and he made me sit through it every single year.

            Even now, I planned to watch it after getting off for the day. I'd watch that and The Artist from 2012.

            "Happy birthday, Dad." I whispered with tears falling down my cheeks. I could practically hear him whisper back, 'happy birthday, kiddo'. People wondered why I hated my birthday so much. Tell me, how could I not hate it. How could I not curse everything on a day where he died and I lived.

            Once all the tears were gone, I wiped the face with the back of my hands and put the tie in the box neatly. I held it in my hand when I entered the apartment. Nora looked over from the couch and smiled.

            "Someone sent you something?"

            "Yes," I snapped back, my face all red and blotchy, "because apparently no one understands the phrase, I don't celebrate my birthday."

            "Januarie," she sat up, concern written all over her face, "we're just trying to make it a little easier."

            "You can't," tears fell again, "this isn't something you can make easier. No amount of smiles and birthday wishes will make this go away."

            She stood from her spot and gave me a hug, "I know. I know it won't spot the pain, but neither will ignoring it."

            I broke the hug by stepping back, "I have to get ready for work."

            "Are you sure you want to go today? You can always call in. Pretend to be sick."

            I sighed, fiddling with the box in my hand, "No. It'll give me something to do rather than just sit around here all day and yell at innocent people."

            I READJUSTED THE TIE AROUND my neck for the millionth time since I put it on earlier. The fabric was so soft that it was hard to keep my hands off of it. It was this dark grey color with a forest green streak winding itself all the way down. Flattening it down, I grabbed the side of the podium to keep myself from fiddling with it anymore.

            Lucas walked up and stood on the other side of the entrance with his hands behind his back. I glanced over at him, but looked straight ahead when a smile pulled at my lips. He cleared his throat and I let my eyes wander his way without actually turning my head.

            "New tie?" He asked as he flattened down his own.

            "Yeah," I nodded, "it was actually the strangest thing. I found it in my mailbox this morning with a note telling me to have a great day. No return address though which is a shame. But, still. It's funny considering few people know what today is. The ones who do, know I don't celebrate it."

            He bit back a smile, "Maybe he thought the tie would make you like it just a little bit more."

            I turned to look at him then, "What makes you think it was a he?"

            "Just my best guess. In my experience women don't tend to buy each other ties."

            I shook my head and finally turned to face him, "It doesn't make me like today anymore than I normally do, but thank you for it anyways."

            "It's my dad's birthday today too," I said looking at the poster in front of me. "How cool is that? Sharing a birthday and a love for movies."

            Lucas nodded, "That's great. Are the two of you going to celebrate together?"

            Now that he'd mentioned it, I hadn't been to dad's grave in a long time. I only worked half the day and now seemed as good as any to visit.

            I breathed a sigh, "We haven't for a long time, but this year I think we will."