katie porter
- february 23, 2020 -

            I SAT AT THE COUNTER with a coffee in one hand as I punched numbers into a calculator with the other. I hadn't heard anything about numbers from Elisha in the last week, but we were so close. Barely over a thousand dollars left. We could easily make that.

A pounding came from my front door and I glanced from my coffee to my phone multiple times. When it didn't stop, I pulled the door open. Who could possibly need me that badly right now?

"Finally," Caleb stormed in without a second thought, "I can't believe you."

"Sure," I closed the door behind him, "come on in."

"You can't actually be serious? That Shakespeare guy? That's who you're seeing? So what? You went with the first guy you could find the first time I disappointed you?"

Taken back, I laughed, "Disappointment. You want to talk about disappointment. Yes. I'm disappointed in you, but most of all I'm disappointed in myself."

He rolled his eyes, "Right, because it's all about you."

I threw my hands in the air, "Yes, for once, it's about me. And what I want and what I need. You have a girlfriend. How do you not feel ashamed about kissing me or taking me on dates while you're still with her? How are you so okay with having her, but still telling me I have to be alone?"

His jaw clenched, "Because this has been so easy for me, right? I've been in love with you for years and—"

"And you still chose her!"

How could he not see how messed up this entire situation was?

Shaking his head, he tried to step towards me, but I backed away, "No, I didn't. I haven't chosen anyone."

"You staying is choosing her. You've chosen her over and over again and I am not going to be someone's second choice. I won't be someone you can fall back on because you're lonely or bored in your relationship. I am worth more than that and it's a real shame that you couldn't see it."

"Katie, I've always known that."

"Then you should have acted like it," I snapped, "You had the opportunity to treat me the way I deserved. I loved you. I loved you and I wasn't afraid to show it. I wasn't afraid to show the world. And I deserve someone like that. I deserve someone who gives me the stars!"

My phone started ringing with Walking On Sunshine, but I ignored the caller.

"But it doesn't matter. You don't get a say, Caleb."

"Katie, you're seeing some older guy. You really think that's going to end well? You're not even in the same spot in life."

I laughed, gesturing between us, "Like we are!"

My phone rang again with the same song and I stopped. Elisha never called twice in a row like that. I grabbed my phone from my pocket, "Hello?"

"Really? You have to answer that now?" Caleb called after me, but I shook my head and walked out the front door. I couldn't focus in there. Hell, I could barely even breathe.

"Elisha?" Nothing came from the other side, "Elisha, what's wrong?"

Sobbing came from through the phone then, "Max—"

My stomach dropped.

"Are you in the emergency room?" I heard nothing, but crying for a while then a faint yes came through. I almost missed it, "I'll be there as soon as I can."

I hung up the phone and immediately called Jackson, "Hey, you." My heart broke. I could practically hear him smiling through the phone.

"Can you take me to the hospital?"

I heard a chair roll in the background and some shuffling, "What? Are you okay?"

It wasn't his fault, but I was starting to panic. I kept rubbing my hands across my face. I was running through everything I would need in my head. My voice even wavered when I spoke, "Yes."

"You're, okay? You're not hurt, are you?"

That's when I let a couple tears fall, "No, but I need to go to the hospital."

"Okay," I could hear him mumbling to someone, "I'll be right there. Don't worry. I'm coming."

I realized I was nodding along, but not actually saying a word. I breathed out a small reply and wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand. Jackson was the one to end the call. I just stood there at the top of the complex steps, unsure of what I was supposed to be doing.

The worst-case scenarios kept flashing through my mind. I pictured him with all these tubs coming out of his mouth and monitors beeping along with his heart. I picked at the side of my jeans when a hand planted on my shoulder.

"Katie, what's happening?"

I brushed off Caleb's hand, "You need to go. I have to, um," I looked around, "I have to get my purse."

"Hey," he followed me back to my apartment, "talk to me."

I twisted around and the tears fell. I didn't know what to do with my hands, but they just kept forming fists and then releasing them, "No! I don't want to talk to you or see you or be around you! I don't want anything to do with you!"

"I trusted you and I don't anymore! I don't trust a single word that comes out of your mouth. Now, get out!" I wiped my face and took a breath. I started to pull things from my purse that I didn't need, only to put them back, "Just please. Please, leave."

"YOU REALLY DON'T NEED TO stay," I spoke as Jackson took off his helmet and started to follow me to the hospital.

"I got the rest of my classes covered. One of the Deans owes me a favor." He paused, "Unless, you'd rather I not stay. I can leave."

I shook my head, resting a hand on his arm, "No. That's not what I meant. I'm glad you're here."

He rested his hand on mine and I took a deep breath. Walking through the doors of the emergency room, I had no problems finding Elisha huddled up in the corner. She had her knees pulled up to her chest with clear tear stains down her cheeks. Sitting there, looking out the window, she chewed on her fingernail.

She looked broke. All the light she held was bled from her very skin. Her hair was pulled into something that was supposed to resemble a bun at the top of her head, but half of it was falling out of the tie. I stopped for just a second. My hand found my lips and I had to close my eyes.

Jackson rubbed my shoulder, "I think she needs you."

I nodded and left him standing there. I walked slowly at first and the closer I got, the faster I moved. She looked up at the movement. She broke into more tears and rushed through the chairs towards me. I stumbled back when she slammed into her, her arms wrapping around my neck.

Rubbing her back, I held back my own tears. Now was not the time to cry, that would wait for later. We stood there for a while with her crying into my neck and me doing nothing but holding her.

I kept glancing at Jackson who'd taken a seat. I couldn't quite believe he wanted to stay. He got his classes covered just so he could come and sit in a hospital with me.

"Mrs. Beanblossom?" a sweet nurse walked up to us, her voice soft, "Your husband is awake and asking for you."

Elisha wiped her face, "He is?"

"I can take you to see him now if you'd like."

"Yes," she didn't spare me a second glance, but I also didn't blame her, "please."

I watched the nurse walk her around the corner before they disappeared. That was a good thing he was awake right? That meant he was doing, okay? I felt so numb. There were too many unanswered questions.

Walking over to Jackson, I flopped down on the seat next to him, "It's okay if you want to cry now."

I leaned into him as the tears fell. They fell from frustration and relief and everything else. His arms slipped over me and he rubbed my back just as I had been doing for Elisha.

How was it possible for so many things to go wrong in such a short amount of time? It seemed that every time I started to figure my life out, something came in to blow it to pieces all over again.

Everything except my friends. Somehow, they managed to pick up even the tiniest pieces of glass and hand them back to me. They never ran from the chaos, in fact, they stood right next to me the entire time.

Maybe that's what love was. Not the people you ran away from in the hard times, but the ones you ran to.