katie porter
- january 2, 2020 -

"WHAT ARE WE DOING CALEB?" The chill nipped at our noses and snow drifted down from a cloud covered sky. This town hardly got snow and when it did, it was gone by lunchtime the next day.

Caleb glanced down, just under the rim of his glasses. His lips tipped up at the corners before breaking into a grin, "Walking. I thought you'd be familiar with the concept."

Rolling my eyes, I pushed his shoulder, "Shut up."

He tipped his head back and laughed. His laugh was like summer and sunsets all rolled into one. One of those days that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.

I bristled and sighed inside. I wanted my brain to let him go. I didn't want to think about him anymore. Every time I saw something to do with that dumb Star Trek, I thought of him. It was something I'd never been into, but since Caleb and I met, I've seen every movie and episode of the series. And I can say without a doubt, I'm still not a fan.

Our shoulders bumped as we continued down main street. When the backs of our hands brushed against each other, Caleb scanned the area. He scooped my hands into his. His fingers slipped between mine as if that's where they were always meant to be. They were long and thin, kind of like the rest of him.

My head spun, but it was nice. My entire body went to war with itself. No matter how good it felt to have his hand in mine, a small knot rested in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't quite shake.

I leaned against his arm, keeping him close. He always smelled like coffee and pine trees. I relaxed with his body heat seeping in through my winter jacket. It sent butterflies through my chest making it hard to breathe.

He was all long limbs and angles, but it fit him. They weren't harsh like you'd think they would be.

We cut through the park in order to enter the apartment complex from the back side. When you thought about it, it was a faster path considering I lived in the back of the complex unlike Caleb who lived in the front.

Streetlamps lined the path between the thickets of trees and bushes. Someone could get lost for hours in a park like that if they didn't know their way around. It was rumored that time actually slowed down when you walked through the tall trees.

It was a dumb thing to believe in, yet I caught myself hoping it was even a little bit true. I wasn't quite ready to get home. Not when I had Caleb with me like I did.

Light snow filtered down through the branches, covering the path in a thin layer of white powder. One landed on my nose and I crossed my eyes to look, but it melted on contact. Winter was far from my favorite season with the chilling winds and festive lights; however, it was slowly working its way up the list with moments such as these.

I smiled one of those easy smiles I got when I was with Caleb. Glancing over, I watched him. His head was tipped back and his eyes closed, letting the snow drift down and melt on his face. Peaking over, he let a large smile spread across his lips.

"The snow is so peaceful, don't you think?" He whispered, not wanting to disturb the silence of the place. And that was Caleb. Never trying to disturb or take up too much space. He was always so considerate of everyone.

"I'm starting to think so, yeah." I buried my face in my scarf. It instantly warmed from my breath and made my nose tingle.

He sighed, "It's like the entire world slows down and gets all quiet. Everyone appreciates things a little more and they're more kind than necessary. That's pretty great if you ask me."

"You're amazing."

Caleb laughed and nudged me with his elbow, "Yeah, well. You're not so bad yourself, you know."

"Oh, I know." Jogging ahead, I turned in my heels, "I'm a walking goddess. You'd be lucky to catch someone like me."

He leaned back, raised a brow, and shoved his hands in his pockets, but something swirled in the depths of his eyes, "Is that so?"

"Yes, but I forgive you for not seeing the halo sooner," I said, turning my back on him and clasped my hands behind me, lazily dragging my heels against the ground as I walked.

"I saw it."

"Did you now?"

"I was just too focused on the devil horns holding it in place to comment on the halo properly, my apologies."

Twisting on the tips of my toes, my jaw dropped open.

He didn't... Did he really just say that?

I crossed my arms over my chest and stuck out my tongue. I couldn't let him say something like that and just get away with it, now could I?

His nose scrunched, "Is that really how you want to play this?" He pulled his hands from his pockets and dashed towards me.

Jumping, I yelped and took off down the path. I could hear his feet pounding the pavement behind me. His arms wrapped around my waist and he spun around. Laughter ripped up my throat and I grabbed his hands, "Put me down!"

His laughter bounced around my head. Putting me back on solid ground, his hands landed on my hips as if they were made for them. Slowly, he turned me around to face him and I looked up. I could see each breath we took twirling together in the small distance between us.

He leaned in slowly and closed his eyes. I knew what was coming. Quickly, I placed a finger on his lips and whispered, "May I remind you; you have a girlfriend."

Caleb nodded in agreement. I mentally kicked myself. I should have kissed him. I could have seen if these feelings were actually there or if I was just making it all up in my head.

Smiling, I tapped him on the nose and twirled around so we could continue our journey. The chill settled into my bones causing me to shiver. I don't think I'd warm up anytime soon.

We walked towards the apartments with at least a foot of distance between us. As if that was the only way to keep our hands to ourselves which for me, it was.

Now that I knew he thought about kissing me the same way I had multiple times before, made it difficult. It was hard not to imagine grabbing him by the collar and kissing him. My hands twitched at my sides as we went.

We reached my apartment door quicker than I thought. More importantly quicker than I wanted us to. I let a frown settle on my face. My stomach always dropped when it came to this part; the leaving part. I dug the keys from my pocket, letting them dangle from the tips of my fingers. I forced a smile and tossed it over my shoulder to Caleb.

"Have a goodnight. I'll see you at coffee on Friday, yeah?" As I spoke, I turned the key and pushed open the door with a little more aggression than I meant. Maybe in the long haul, I did mean it. My head had been so foggy lately that it was hard to tell my right from my left.

His hands raked across the back of his neck and he shrugged, "Yeah, of course. Missing that would almost be a crime, wouldn't it?"

The smile that pulled at my lips crinkled the edges of my eyes, "Federal crime, for sure."

"I guess if it's a choice between federal prison and coffee with a bunch of weirdos, I'd have to take the coffee. Purely for sanity reasons."

"You couldn't make it in prison," I laughed.

"Oh, no. Absolutely, not." He smiled, leaning back the way he always did, "They'd chew me up and spit me out in pieces."

Grabbing the door trim behind me, I balanced myself with it, "With a face like yours? I think that would be the least of your problems."

He looked at the ground and chuckled to himself. I pushed off the trim and gave him a nod, "Well, night."

Waving, he nodded back to me, "Night."

Swirling around on his feet, I watched him take two steps and stopped. He stood there for a moment and turned back to me, whispering, "Fuck it."

I stood in the doorway with my brows furrowed. He grabbed me with one arm and the trim with the other. His lips met mine before I could even think of stopping him this time. Swinging forward, we tumbled back, but Caleb used the trim to spin us.

My back landed on the wall inside my apartment. My hands reached for his cheeks to pull him closer to me. Grabbing my wrists, he pushed them up and over my head. Keeping my arms up with one hand while the other moved behind my neck. He moved to be flush with me.

Every thought that had once been in my head suddenly evaporated. I couldn't think. Every spot in which we connected shot a new spark through my body. I'd been kissed me before, but never like that.

I couldn't get enough of him. His touch. His smell.

Pulling back, he let his eyes linger on my lips a moment longer. He let go of my hands and grabbed my cheeks, planting one more brief kiss on my lips. As if signing his work. When he was done, he rested his forehead against mine.

"I—" he breathed, "I had to know."

He looked me in the eye, his lips pulling into a slow smile, "Let me take you out. Really take you out. Say yes, Katie. You'll say yes, won't you?"

"Yes," my voice came out so low that I almost didn't hear myself answer the question at all. His smile grew and he was about to speak when my phone ran in my back pocket. Who knew how many messages I probably had. It'd been on silent for hours now.

We both froze in place for a second. He leaned close to my ear and I could feel his breath on my neck and I lost concentration all over again.

"I should go." I nodded my head and he slipped out the door without another word, shutting the door behind him. With the ringing of the phone long gone, I let myself replay the kiss in my head.

My phone started up again and broke what little train of thought I had left. There was a twitch in my brow when I reached for it. Scrolling across the screen was the name; SOUTHERN MAMA with a picture of Ann-Marie squished against a piece of glasses with all her blonde curls.

I slid over the green answer button and placed the phone to my ear which was a huge mistake on my part, "FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!" She screamed and I swear I heard a ringing in my ear afterwards, "Don'tcha ever answer the phone anymore? I swear, Darlin'. I'd have a better time phonin' the Holy Man himself at this point."

"Sorry, I've been a little busy lately. Skating, you know me."

"Yeah, yeah," she rambled on, with me only listening to about half the things she said. Her voice was warm like honey, but with just a hint of that southern twang of hers. I remembered when my voice used to do that; it was just a Texan thing.

"He asked me out, Ann." The news simply burst out of me before I could choose whether or not I wanted to actually tell her, "On a date. A real proper date."

"Who did?"

"Who do you think?" I laughed, "Caleb, of course."

"Bullshit."

"Just now. I swear to you."

She breathed out a sigh, "I can't believe the kid actually cowboyed up. Weren't him and Melissa together for a couple of years? I reckon it was pretty bad."

"Well—"

"Kately Cynthia Porter, so help me God, the next words out of the pretty little mouth of yours better be that she took the break-up really well or your fixin' for an absolute chew out."

I swallowed around the lump in my throat, "well—"

"Oh, for heaven's sake." A rustle came from the other end of the phone, "Were you raised in a barn or somethin'? Really, where did your manners go? You leave 'em back here in The Lone Star State?"

"Will you just—"

"Le you explain? Darlin' you're barkin' up the wrong tree. What's gotten into you lately?"

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. She didn't understand the situation. Every time I was around Caleb it's like my brain wouldn't function properly; or at all for that matter. I shook my head. If she could just see this from my perspective.

"This would be so much easier if you were here. I miss you."

"That's a good thing because I'll be there next month."

"Do you need me to pick you up?"

Ann-Marie laughed, "That would be great. I'll text ya the details. I gotta go practice. Try not to do anythin' more stupid."

"I guess I'll be seeing you then." I pulled the phone away from my ear and ended the call. Locking the front door was about all I could get done before my phone went off again. Rolling my eyes, I slid the screen over without looking, "What did you forget this time?"

"Just to tell you, I love you. In case you forgot," Caleb spoke quietly. A smile pulled at my lips, but I was quick to shake it off.

"I don't think we can do this, Caleb. Think about it. Really think about what it would do to Melissa. You know I'm not her biggest fan, but you taking me out. You kissing me. That's cheating and it's not fair to her."

"I know," he said, "I want to take you out. I want to see if this has anything real to it or if it's all just in my head. All I think about is kissing you. Holding you at night. I want to see if we'd even work."

He sighed, "What if we go on a date and realize we were blowing all of this out of proportion and we hate the idea after doing it. Wouldn't you want to know before making any real commitment?"

"And what if we're not?" I whispered, "What if we're not blowing it all out of proportion? What then?"

"Then, I guess we'll just cross that bridge if we ever get there?"