(Thursday, 5.50pm~ Max's house)

"I just noticed, you changed your hair." Handa stated, unlocking the front door.
"What? Oh yeah. I wanted a change." Fudou replied, running a hand through his hair subconsciously. Fudou's hair was messy and long on top, but had been undercut on the back and sides. He kind of looked like one of those K-Pop idols Afuro was always talking about. It looked good on him.
"It looks good on you." Handa blurted out without thinking. He couldn't seem to help himself, he'd been very forward with the other all day but he just couldn't seem to stop. Luckily, Fudou just smiled at him "Thanks man. At least someone appreciates it." It didn't take a genius to figure out who he was referring too.

Handa slipped his coat off his shoulders, hanging it on the bannister. He tugged on his hair, voice low. "Afuro thinks I should get a hair cut, he said it might make me feel better."
Fudou kicked off his shoes before remembering  he wasn't in his own home, bending down and straightening them up "I get that."
The other turned around "I don't know if I could pull off short hair. I know my hair makes me look messy and antisocial but I'm used to it, it's...it makes me feel safe?" To anyone else it might not have felt like a big deal, but Handa has been agonising over the thought ever since his blonde friend had mentioned it.
He wasn't sure why he was telling the other something so...deep and personal, it's not like they were close at all. But Fudou just had an aura to him, the kind that made the brunette feel he could tell the other anything. He hadn't felt that for a long time. The only other person he'd felt that with had been Rowan.

Fudou walked over, taking in the other's look. Handa felt a little uncomfortable. Then he reached a hand out, before stopping himself and asking "You mind?" Handa shook his head wordlessly. Fudou pushed up his long fringe "If you don't wanna cut it, you could always just wear a headband or something." He let go, the hair falling back onto Handa's face. "Or I could cut it for you, if you want. I've done it for myself for years. Hairdressers can sometimes cut too much, but I'll only do what your comfortable with." He offered. "I mean, you are letting me crash with you, I gotta do something to repay that!" He exclaimed, noticing how uncomfortable the other looked. Maybe he was being too forward?
"That...doesn't sound too bad, I'll think about it." Handa said, looking up at him, breaking the awkward atmosphere. Fudou just nodded.

"Do you mind if I have a smoke outside?" Fudou asked.
"Sure, no problem." The other replied. "I'll go open the patio doors. But uh first, what do you want to eat?" Fudou fished in his pocket for his lighter (well, Handa's lighter technically) and a carton of cigarettes "I'll eat anything, I'm not fussy." He said, following Handa into the living room. His host unlocked the doors "I don't really cook these days, but I have some pizza in the freezer that we could share, it's quorn and pesto but it's really nice. I bought it by accident once but I ended up really liking it."
"Like I said, anything's fine by me." He replied, watching as Handa's face lit up just a little bit before he scurried off.

Fudou was smoking in silence, sitting on a patio chair, when the door opened behind him. Handa stepped out and shut it behind him, wrapping his arms around himself tightly to keep the chill away. "The pizza will be ready in a bit." He said before taking the other seat. Fudou looked at him "This okay for you?" He asked and Handa gave him a tiny smile "Yeah, don't worry I won't ask you for one this time. I'm fine." Handa sighed, a little embarrassed "To be honest I just wanted some company. I figured we could just talk."

Fudou nodded before letting out a long yawn.
Handa gave a small gasp. "What?" The other said. Handa pointed to his mouth "You've got a tongue piercing."
"Oh that." Fudou remarked, sticking out his tongue to show off the small silver stud.
"I never noticed before."
"That's because I don't wear it often. Kidou didn't approve of it." He said with an eye roll. It went quiet between the two.

"Did it hurt?" Handa asked after a while. Fudou took a long drag of his cigarette before exhaling, thinking "I guess. But it was over pretty quickly. It hurt more than when I got my eyebrow pierced, but less than when I had my industrial." He pointed to the top of his ear "To be honest I knocked back a lot of vodka before Celine did that one for me, so it didn't hurt too bad. But the next day was hell since I was hungover and my ear hurt- I don't recommend it." He said with a laugh. Handa let out a small chuckle.

"I stopped wearing those two though, just the tongue." He turned to Handa "What about you? Had anything done?" Handa shook his head "I wanted to get a tattoo or something, but I'm pretty scared of needles and stuff."
Fudou nodded in understanding "I've got alot of tattoos so needles don't bother me." He tilted his head forward and pulled down the neck of his t-shirt, showing the other "Got a pair of wings here. And some on my upper arm too- I wanted to get a full sleeve but Kidou didn't like that idea. I'll probably get a sleeve at some point, fuck Yuuto right?"
Handa smiled "Right."
"Oh yeah and I got one here too on my ribs- that one really hurt." Fudou said with a grimace.
"How old were you when you got them?" Handa asked curiously, Fudou took another drag of his cigarette. "My first tattoo I got, the skull, was when I was sixteen. My mum was pissed when she found out, but I didn't care, I was pretty rebellious back then. I mainly did it to spite her stupid boyfriend since he hated tattoos so much."

Handa nodded, if he wasn't so afraid he would've got one to spite his parents too.
"I got my eyebrow done after that, then some more tattoos, then I did my tongue. I got a new couple of tattoos every year. The newest one was this one-" he showed the other his inside wrist "I got this a couple weeks ago." It was a bundle of arrows. "It signifies strength."
Fudou took another long drag, the smoke billowing out of his mouth "I'll show you the others later." He put the cigarette between his lips "If you want." He added. He didn't often get to show off his artistry. Handa nodded wordlessly, it was strange, but he felt such a real connection to this guy, he wanted to know more.

"I'm really into tattoos that have meaning you know?" Again, Handa just nodded. They sat in silence for a little while, but it was a comfortable silence, it didn't feel awkward.
Fudou stubbed his cigarette out, it was getting cold now and he was ready to go inside.

"I'll put the heating on for a bit." Handa stated once they were both back inside, Fudou was glad- the house had seemed a little cold when he walked in. 'Well I guess it's usually only him here...'
"It should get a bit warmer soon." The other said, re-entering the living room, his guest smiled gratefully. They sat together on the sofa in silence before Fudou piped up "Do you wanna see them?"
"Uh yeah." The other said. Fudou sat forward a bit, pushing the sleeve of his t-shirt up fully to reveal his tattoos.

Handa was instantly drawn to the aforementioned skull on his shoulder, it was pretty much what he had expected. His eyes veered down; three small stars and a snake that seemed to disappear around his arm. Fudou twisted his arm so the other could see all of it. "People always think snakes just mean evil and danger, but they have positive meanings too in some cultures like wisdom, rebirth and healing. The majority of snakes are harmless, they shy away from humans and only attack in self-defence. They're intelligent too. They're just misunderstood." He went quiet. Handa didn't say anything, just admired the tattoo- Fudou was right, the snake didn't look scary or mean. The brunette looked further down "You're an Aquarius?" He asked noticing the zodiac sign under the snake. Fudou nodded then pointed to the last tattoo, a tiger, it's tail reaching just below the crook of his elbow.

"Funny story about that one." He began, rolling his sleeve back down. "I got it when I turned 20, I'd wanted another tattoo and since it was my birthday I suggested Genda should get one too because I thought it'd look cool on him. Well Genda said he'd only get one if Sakuma did too, so I got this tiger because it symbolises strength and power, Genda got a panther for strength and loyalty and Sakuma got this really cool geometric bull since he's a Taurus and because it represents power and resilience- since he's been through a lot, like me. Anyway after that Genda suggested they get matching tattoos which is disgusting." He exclaimed and Handa let out another chuckle "Did they get it?

Fudou shook his head, the smile gone from his face "Yeah, I don't really remember what it was though- as soon as we got back to theirs Kidou was waiting and had a massive go at me for not including him, even though we both knew there was no way he was going to get one, I didn't think there was much point in asking. Anyway we ended up having a massive fight and both getting kicked out, so that was a great evening.

Anyway, this is the one I had done on my ribs." He deflected, not wanting to think about Kidou right now. He lifted up his shirt so Handa could see. He didn't even think about it, maybe it was a bit too forward, but what was the point in only showing some of them, besides Handa didn't seem bothered by it. "It's the kanji for Life." He said simply. Handa studied it carefully, the ones on his arms had seemed so typically masculine and cool but this one, with the two swallows adorning it; it was so delicate and beautiful, but no less with a sense of strength to them. He thought back to the tiger and the arrows- so many tattoos for strength.

He looked up at the other "Can I touch it...or is that too weird?" He asked awkwardly, not wanting to make the other feel uncomfortable.
"Nah go ahead."
He reached out, tracing the symbol before pulling back "It feels like skin."
Fudou let out a short laugh, dropping his shirt back down "Well what did you expect?"
"I'm not sure." The other brunette admitted.

Fudou sighed "You wanna know why I got that one?" Handa nodded "It's to remind me what's most important. Life. It's there to remind me that even when everything's going wrong, when you just feel like shit, like nobody understands you and there's no one to help you, you've gotta live. You have to keep living because if you stop then you're gonna miss out on the good things, the great times, because it will get better one day. Even if I have nothing, I'm still breathing, still kicking, still trying my fucking hardest because my life is just as important and just as precious as anyone else's, and I'm not gonna give up on it. You have to keep living."

"Wow." The other whispered. Of course he wanted to say more than that, of course it meant so much more than that but he didn't know how to express it, how to express what Fudou's words had meant to him in that moment, what they had unlocked, what they had comforted and helped fix and-
He just didn't know what else to say. Fudou just smirked, leaning back, his arms behind his head "Yeah, I can be pretty damn poetic when I want to be."

Handa found his voice finally "Fudou I-"
The sound of the fire alarm ripped through the quiet atmosphere. Handa jumped up, rushing over to the kitchen. "Fuck I forgot to set the timer!" He yelled and Fudou just burst out laughing.
They ate burnt pizza that night.

(Friday, 10.30am)

Nagumo took a deep breath, readying himself. He looked down at Tamal who just stared back at him, expressionless as usual. "Lets get this over with." He muttered, walking into the brightly coloured building.

He sat down heavily on the squishy mat, placing Tamal on his lap as some of the other parents began to file in. Well, it was five women, but at least there was another man too.
"But its a 'mother' and baby club Su, I don't think I'm like...allowed to be there..." Haruya moaned. Suzuno rolled his eyes at his husband "Come on Haruya, it's 2019, people don't think like that anymore. Besides I spoke to the teacher and she said it's fine-you don't need to worry."
"But-" Suzuno silenced the other with a long kiss before exiting the door "You'll be fine."

'I've got every right to be here, I'm a parent, like these guys.' He told himself as the man sat down beside him, a young woman sitting down on his other side. She cooed at Tamal but he didn't acknowledge her.
"You got stuck on babysitting duty too then?" The man beside him asked and Nagumo rolled his eyes. "You know it's not babysitting if it's your kid right?" He answered and saw the man's eyes narrow at him before he just let out a bullish laugh "Whatever dude."
'Great we've got ourselves a macho man- awesome'
The woman on his other side tapped his shoulder and he turned to face her.
"I totally agree with you. I don't know how many times I've had to explain that to my husband, and he still doesn't get it! But it's so nice to see a man taking responsibility of raising his child. There should be more men like you!" She said with a big grin on her face.
"Uh...thanks?" Nagumo replied, he really didn't think he was that much of a big deal.

"I assume your wife works?" She asked, bending over slightly from her seated position and again trying to get Tamal's attention.
"Wife? No I'm - I have a husband." Nagumo corrected and the woman's eyes widened
"Oh! How modern!" She exclaimed, clapping her hands together.
"So I guess that makes you the mum then!" The annoying man to Nagumo's right butted in with a smirk.
The red-head turned to face the other, an annoyed look on his face "What? No I'm just- we're both his dads-"
"-But you're on childcare duty." The man retorted, lips twisted into a grin, Nagumo felt his eye begin to twitch. He tried to respond as calmly as he could.
"My husband earns more than me, and he loves his job so, it just made sense for me to..."
Why was he trying to explain himself- no, justify himself to some total strangers he didn't care about?

Suzuno loved his job, so it made sense for Nagumo to be the one to quit his to look after the kids. Of course, they could have just hired a nanny to look after Tamal during the day but the two had agreed they wanted to be able to spend as much time with Tamal as possible while he was still so young- they wanted him to know that he was really loved. And yet...Suzuno, Suzuno who was so desperate to have Tamal, was hardly ever around. The restaurant he worked at had changed their hours so now he was busier than ever. His busy schedule meant he was only ever around in the mornings, when Anais had already been taken to school, when Tamal was usually asleep, and he didn't come back sometimes til 9 o'clock. He only had one day off-Monday.
'Suzuno works hard because he's got to provide for all four of us. And hey, at least he gets Sunday afternoons off-he spends time with them then.'
'He wants to prove himself, you know what it's been like for him that last few months-with the whole Darius fiasco- he's trying to make up for that. He hates being seen as weak.'
'He shouldn't have to though-he doesn't need to prove himself, he doesn't need to take so many shifts, he's got kids now for Christ sake, doesn't he get that!'
'They're so young, he should be spending time with them, he wanted them so badly after all.'
'I want him to spend more time with me.'
'I miss him.'

Nagumo was the one to wake their daughter up, do her hair and drop her off at school every morning and pick her up after. Nagumo was the one to help her with her homework every night. Nagumo was the one who'd wake up to tend to Tamal because he knew how exhausted his husband was after being on his feet in a hot kitchen for seven hours straight every day. Nagumo was the one to cook dinner most nights even though Suzuno was way better at it. Nagumo was the one who dealt with all the tantrums. Nagumo was the one who witnessed Tamal say his first words. Nagumo was the who had to drag Tamal to play dates that Suzuno had organised. Nagumo was the one who had to sit through this awful mother and baby session Suzuno had arranged.
It felt like Nagumo did everything lately.

'I have to tell him. I have to let him know I'm not okay with this. I can't keep lying to him telling him everything's fine because it's not. I have to tell him.'
'But I don't want to hurt him...I don't want to make him feel guilty or...'
He looked down at Tamal, who stared back up at his papa before giving the tiniest of smiles. The redhead's heart softened. 'How could I have been afraid to love someone like you?'

He sat up straight as the class began. Suzuno needed to know, it would be the best for everyone if he just told him how he felt, tried to make him understand. He couldn't afford to just keep brushing it under the carpet, it needed to be out in the open. Suzuno would thank him for it, after all Suzuno was the one who was depriving himself of precious time together as a family, he just couldn't see it.
It would hurt, but like ripping off a plaster, telling him the harsh truth now would be better than letting it get worse.

He just had to have the strength to hurt him again.

(11am)

Endou liked Fridays, he didn't have classes in the mornings so he could stay in bed and relax for as long as he wanted. But that wasn't the case today. Today he was stood outside the front door to Natsumi's house, wondering how he was supposed to be feeling. Kazemaru had said they were 'okay' and Endou really wanted to believe that was true, but it didn't make him feel any better when as he knocked on her door.

She didn't answer. Her car was in the driveway, and her windows were open. There was music playing. Endou strained to hear it, after a while he got the melody and smiled- Juice was playing inside. "She probably didn't hear me." He concluded before knocking again, louder this time. The music stopped abruptly. A few moments later the door was flung open to reveal Natsumi, her face a little red. "Endou?" She asked, clearly surprised to see him, Endou laughed awkwardly-he should have probably called ahead first. He took in her appearance; her long hair was pulled back into a neat ponytail, with loose locks framing her beautiful face, she was wearing a pair of hot pink yoga pants and a matching top. It was clear she was in the middle of some kind of workout. She looked as beautiful as ever. His eyes were suddenly drawn to her mid-section. There was a bump.

"You should...come in." Natsumi stated and Endou's eyes snapped up to meet hers, embarrassment at being caught staring obvious on his face. He accepted her invitation without a word, he wasn't sure what to say. The woman led him into her front room which smelt strongly of lemon and lavender. There was a yoga mat and a stack of pillows in the centre of the room 'So that's what she was doing,' Endou thought to himself seeing that the TV was on, paused on the song that was playing earlier.

"I wasn't expecting you." She said rather curtly, crossing her arms under her chest and taking a seat on the sofa, Endou doing the same. "Ah sorry, I probably shouldn't have just popped in so randomly!" He replied with another awkward laugh. He couldn't hide how awkward he felt, after all, the last time the two had met in person things had got a little...messy.
"How is Kazemaru?" She asked and Endou was a little taken aback-he assumed she'd want to know how he was first. "He's...fine, he's good actually, doing well, he's at work right now so that's why he's not here..." he trailed off, that part was obvious. Natsumi's features softened, She uncrossed her arms. "That's good to hear." She said simply.
"And what about you how are you Natsumi?" Endou asked, desperate to get a proper conversation started, he had so many questions.

He heard her sigh "Well, as you have most likely already realised, I'm pregnant. So there's that." She stated plainly, and once again Endou couldn't help but look. "Kazemaru knows."
Endou looked up again and Natsumi continued "He found out a few weeks ago, and the girls know too now. He suggested I should let you know, which is probably why he sent you to see me." The woman remarked before smiling a little, she had assumed the other would have told Endou straight away when he found out, but he'd kept it a secret as promised. Natsumi wanted to be the one to tell Endou.
"Oh." Was all Endou could manage, it wasn't often that he was lost for words like this.

"I've just hit four months." She said, rubbing her midsection "So I can't hide it anymore. Soon everyone's gonna find out."
He voice went a little quieter, she stared into her lap "I'm not with the father anymore, in case you were wondering- so I suppose that makes me a single mother, which is scary, but I've got a good support network around me. I'll be okay."

She looked up at Endou who's face had fallen "Nats I-" she silenced him "We've both done things we regret, there's no use dwelling on them now, it's in the past." Her eyelids fluttered closed "Kazemaru and I have buried the hatchet. We both realised how stupid we were being, fighting over you all the time when it was clear that in the end you loved him more. I couldn't accept that, but I must." She whispered, Endou drew close to her, hesitating for a moment before wrapping his arms around her delicately "I'm sorry Natsumi, for everything, I never wanted to hurt you but I did, I hurt you so bad. I'm sorry for the way I treated you both, I did everything so wrong and only made things worse between the three of us. Please forgive me." He whispered.
"As I said Mamoru, we've both done things wrong. I've made my peace Endou. Let's not talk about it anymore, alright?" She said lightly, moving herself out of the other's embrace and patting his arm softly.
"I suppose stress isn't good for the baby?" Endou replied with a weak smile.

Natsumi let out a long sigh, closing the door silently. The two had talked for a good hour, it was nice, it felt like old times again. Natsumi was glad she could experience that friendship again. Seeing Endou after so long, after the way she had acted towards him, after what she had done to him; she expected it to be difficult, expected she would crumble, but she'd grown, she was stronger now, she'd learnt how important it was to love herself, to be kind to herself. She was done chasing love, done trying to fit what others wanted her to be. She was Natsumi Raimon, and she was going to live her life as she pleased from now on.

She was stronger than before....

Something was cooking. Natsumi awoke with a yawn, blinking her eyes open as they adjusted to the light flooding into the small bedroom of Endou's apartment. "Mamoru?" She called out, a slight hoarseness masking her usual delicate voice. After no reply she sighed and sat up, the bed creaking as she did so. She pulled her silky pink nightgown off the floor before lightly walking off to the kitchen to find Endou cooking breakfast.

"Mornin' Natsumi." He said with a smile "I was just making us some breakfast, I hope you don't mind?"
Natsumi shook her head, she usually wasn't up this early, and if she was honest she would prefer Endou to come back to bed so they could cuddle a bit. But this was Endou's place after all, he could do as he pleased. "That is fine Mamoru." She answered politely, bending down and opening his small fridge. She grimaced at the slim pickings, clearly Endou had not gone shopping recently; a six-pack of beers, half a block of cheese, some leftover...was it okonomiyaki? And little bottles of blue and green smoothies. 'Kazemaru's been here then, and recently." She deduced and thought for a moment before picking one of the bottles up- they were supposed to be good for you after all.

She opened it up and took a sip of the green liquid. It actually tasted rather pleasant. 'It seems Kazemaru's got good taste.'
"I'm almost done with this Nats." Endou remarked, plating up the eggs he was cooking on top of slices of toast. Natsumi smiled, greasy eggs with runny yolks- Endou knew her so well. Of course Natsumi would never, ever have this for breakfast normally, but she always had it when she stayed over at Endou's. It was their little secret. She took another sip of the drink-well, one of two little secrets.

They sat and ate breakfast at the table, Endou chatting away with some anecdote from work that Natsumi was only half-listening to. He was just so cute when he rambled like that, it was distracting.
"-Anyway, turns out the guy used to coach the Barcelona team, how crazy is that? I got his autograph and then he invited me to this exclusive party that's happening this weekend to celebrate the start of the Finals but I had to decline-I've got work which sucks!"
"That really does suck." Natsumi replied, catching the tail end of the story.
"Ah well, maybe next time. Heh I bet you get invited to tonnes of parties and events and stuff Nats, you must have so much fun!"

Natsumi stared down at her food "Not as much as you might think." She replied simply before biting off a piece of eggy toast. Some of them had been okay, and she had met some interesting people, but the majority of soirées she'd attended in the last few years had been boring to say the least, just full of a bunch of vapid, pretentious people talking about themselves all night long. And since she was always expected to be demure and polite all she could ever do was laugh sweetly and nod in agreement with everything that was said.

Endou's phone rang suddenly. He stared at the contact before putting it on silent, letting it ring out.
"Kazemaru?" The woman asked and the brunette nodded his head, laughing a little "He's mad at me, I don't know what for though! I don't wanna find out!" He said with a grin before getting up and taking away the plates. "I'm gonna wash up, won't be too long!" He called. Natsumi stared at the phone. 'You don't know why he's angry with you? Come on Mamoru, it's obvious, we've been doing this for a year already ...'
It was like they were playing a game at this point, her and Kazemaru, and Endou didn't seem to understand the rules...

The phone blinked multiple times and Natsumi grabbed it, reading the text messages as they appeared on the screen one by one.

YOU FUCKING LIAR

I hate you!

Oh you were 'working'? Bullshit I know you hooked up with that BITCH again.

I'm so fckn TIRED of your SHIT Mamoru just pick one of us! It's not hard!

STOP IGNORING ME

Look I'm sorry okay

I'm really sorry Mamoru I didn't mean all that I'm just so stressed out right now.

I really need you I'm so damn lonely.

Natsumi stared at the messages before unlocking the phone. She couldn't help herself. She scrolled up, two days ago. Two days ago when she'd sent Endou a long text about how much she didn't need him and didn't want to be with him anymore.

I'll come down if I can, I think Sakuma and Genda are going to be away this weekend anyway.

Thanks Ichirouta, I've been such a mess lately, I've missed you so much.

I can't stay for long though, I've got an assignment due on Monday.

I'll make you okonomiyaki~

Fiiiine, but you better not distract me. And...to be clear, I'm not just coming there for another hookup alright?

Of course. You know I love you.

She put the phone down, locking it again, Endou was coming back. She'd seen enough. She needed to try harder.
"You okay babe?" He asked. She pasted a smile onto her face "Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

((Hi all! Just wanted to say that since I'm starting a new term at uni there will be very slow updates, but I wanted to get this chapter out before then.
Also: I know that tattoos are very taboo in Japan bc of its ties to organised crime but try and ignore that for the sake of the story-I just thought it'd be cool for Fudou to have some symbolic ink.
Also also: just wanted to say that bc of Ares/Orion I've got a whole new love for Fudou's character- so that might explain why he's been popping up so much lately :)

Anyway thanks guys! ))