Absentee~ Jack Campbell

(Wednesday, 6.30pm~ Endou and Kazemaru's house)

"Sorry I'm late..." The brunette muttered, trying to fix his messy hair a little.
Kazemaru cleared his throat before pointing to a sign above the front door- 'Positivity Zone' it said in bright blue chunky letters.
It looked a little tacky.
"No negativity allowed here, positive things only." Endou said, slinging his arm around his husband's neck. Kazemaru crossed his arms and nodded his head "Positive vibes only as the kids would say."
"Right..." Handa wasn't really sure what to say 'I suppose that's aimed at me then'

"They were trialling it at school you see, positive thinking, positive response- I'll be honest I didn't understand it at first, but it really does make a difference, especially in the kids. There's so much power in language you know? The way we use it, how we talk to each other, about ourselves, it has real tangible impacts on us. It's powerful stuff and we should utilise it wisely." Kazemaru said, the passion clear in his voice, he really believed what he was saying.
'I wish I could be that passionate about something...'
Endou laughed "You really sounded like a teacher then you know? That sounded amazing babe!"

"Thanks." Kazemaru replied before looking back at Handa and smiling. "So...that's means, instead of Sorry I'm late, you should say Thank you for waiting for me. Okay? How does that sound?"
Handa looked between the two of them. He looked down at the floor "Right. I think I get it." He said quietly, shuffling his feet a little.
'Hey, at least they've not got Live, Laugh, Love on their wall'
That made Handa snigger under his breath. Something he'd not experienced in a long time. Maybe positivity was contagious?
Kazemaru clapped his hands together "Well I don't know about you but I'm starving, come on in Han."

The brunette entered the house, quickly noticing how warm it was compared to his own. There was a strange smell.
Kazemaru closed the door behind him before grabbing his husband's arm, pulling him close "By the way, I saw Natsumi today."
"You did?" His husband asked, curiosity and concern both adorning his features. Kazemaru gave him a light smile "Yeah. She asked about you."
Endou rubbed the back of his neck, not sure how best to respond "Is she-"
Kazemaru beat him to it. "I think you should go and see her Mamoru. I think you two should talk."
"Is that- I mean would you..." Endou stumbled over his words 'is this some kind of test?'
Kazemaru, noticing the other's worried expression, brought his hand across the other's cheek soothingly. "Don't worry. It's just...some stuff's happened and I think it would be a good idea."

"Oh, uh here-" Handa said suddenly, stopping and turning around to face the other two before pulling a large tin from inside his rucksack. "It's peach melba cake." He said handing the baby blue tin to Kazemaru "I-I didn't make it." He added quickly, a little embarrassed- he wasn't sure how right it was to bring food someone else had made. "I just thought...well I wouldn't be able to finish it all myself anyway..."

Kazemaru accepts the tin with a polite smile, knowing better than to ask, to dig up memories. Handa smiled awkwardly, his voice going a little quieter "I may have...let slip to Afuro that I like fruit in cakes, I suppose that's where Fubuki got the idea..." Indeed that was what had drifted into the brunette's mind that morning when he first received the cake. 'I suppose it's not that strange for him to talk about me.'
'It's not malicious, he obviously only said it so that Fubuki could make you something you actually like- they're good people.'
He waved his hands in front of his face "Of course it could just be a coincidence!" He exclaimed in a high-pitched voice, Kazemaru and Endou just laughed politely before showing him into the sitting room.
'God, you're just embarrassing yourself now.'

He realised now, stepping into the living room, what the strange smell was. It was a vague spiciness, mixed with warm vanilla (which meant there was already something for dessert).
All together it was rather nauseating.

And even more nauseating was the sight that greeted Handa in the living room.
Caramel skin, silky black hair, beautiful hazel eyes.
Rowan Farrow-Singh.
For a moment he forgot how to breathe, only taking in a ragged breath when the other stood up, eyes full of recognition.
"Handa, this is our neighbour-well our neighbours' son, Rowan." Kazemaru stated with a smile on his face.

Handa was pale.
"It's...nice to meet you." He muttered weakly, staring off to the side of Rowan's face. He couldn't meet his eyes. Rowan grinned "Nice to meet you too!" He said, playing along. He thought about giving the other a hand shake but judging from Handa's closed-off body language it would not be appreciated.

"We thought it'd be nice to have you both around for dinner, this way it's a little less awkward." Kazemaru reasoned, the brunette cringed at the irony. "And in honour of Rowan leaving soon, we decided to do Indian for dinner!" Kazemaru stated enthusiastically.
'He's leaving?' The brunette thought. That phrase took on a whole new meaning to Handa. 'I thought I'd never see him again. And now he's here, but he's going anyway.' He felt a wave of relief wash over him. And subsequently guilt at that relief.

Kazemaru clapped his hands together again, stirring the other out of his thoughts. "We made lamb biryani and chana masala-"
"-Spicy chickpeas." Endou clarified before his husband carried on.
"And I made samosas, although I doubt they'll be as nice as Rani's, or Suzuno's for that matter." Kazemaru stated with a small laugh.
"He does make a good samosa." Handa added quietly, eager to seem comfortable and calm, neither of which he was feeling at the moment.

Kazemaru, seemingly happy with his friend's participation, smiled before heading off into the kitchen and Handa hoped his husband would not follow him, so he wouldn't be left alone with Rowan; but of course that was not the case. Endou followed wordlessly and Handa quickly followed too, not allowing himself to fall into the trap that was so clearly waiting for him.
Rowan followed Handa, the four of them now awkwardly squashed into the small kitchen and Handa just wished the ground would swallow him up.

And when he turned around, because of course he was in the way, he was greeted with Rowan standing uncomfortably close to him. He immediately lowered his eyes to the floor, letting out a hasty "Sorry" before squeezing his way past the other man. He debated whether he should sit down at the table, but that created the possibility of Rowan taking the seat next to him. It would be impossible to ignore him then. He decided instead to just hover, the thought of interacting with Rowan overriding his fears at seeming even more awkward by Kazemaru.

As it happened Kazemaru sat opposite his husband, setting the food down on the table before patting the chair beside him for Handa to sit. And that meant Rowan would be opposite him. He cursed himself for not thinking of that sooner- this was clearly a worse option.

"I made vanilla bundt cake for after." Endou stated as he sat down, placing the samosas in the middle of the table. Handa raised an eyebrow. He didn't know Endou baked, the idea would have never entered his mind. It just seemed too...homely for someone like Endou. But then again, the whole house was very homely; colourful cushions, motivational quotes, the odd toy here and there. The brunette had not noticed all the little touches earlier, too focused on trying to give off the impression that he had everything under control. He could vaguely hear a kid's movie playing upstairs- he'd almost forgotten that his friends had children. And it wasn't just the house, Kazemaru and Endou seemed rather homely too; there was a sereneness to them, a comforting aura, a quiet joyfulness.

It only helped to highlight to the brunette how much he missed Max's companionship, and how desperately lonely he was.

"Though now we have two cakes to enjoy!" Endou exclaimed, once again distracting the brunette from his upsetting thoughts. He threw a smile to Handa which the other tried to reciprocate but it came off half-hearted.
"And I bought some naans, masala chai and traditional sweets from the shops because I'm a terrible terrible cook!" Rowan said with a laugh. Handa looked up from the table, confused.
What did he mean he was a terrible cook? Rowan was a great cook.
He loved the homemade naans Rowan would make for him, they filled him up when he hadn't eaten breakfast (which was most days), and Rowan also made the most delicious butter chicken curry. The food was always amazing at Rowan's.

So why lie? Was he trying to act cool or funny towards Kazemaru and Endou? Was he trying to seem young and uncaring? Perhaps he was just too tired or too busy?
Handa could not understand.
And worse, he could not understand why it bothered him so much.

He couldn't help but look into those beautiful eyes, try and figure out what he was hiding, why he would lie. But he got lost in them too quickly for that. He looked away.
'Why does it even matter? It's in the past, it doesn't affect anything now.'

Throughout the meal Handa tried (and repeatedly failed) to keep his eyes off Rowan. How could he not look? Rowan has such magnetism, it was what had driven Handa so head over heels in love with him just a few years ago. Love? Was that really what it was? Handa was sure by now he didn't fully understand the definition of 'love'; and plenty of people had reminded him of that fact lately. He sighed inwardly. There had to be a better way to describe it.
Affection?
Admiration?
Attraction?

Handa couldn't deny the fact that Rowan was a very attractive person, everything about the way he looked seemed perfect. His eyes, they were just so captivating, so beautiful, you could just lose yourself in them- in fact Handa often did. Sure, Kaido was good-looking, but he was nothing compared to flawless Rowan-
'It wasn't just that though.'
'I'm not that shallow. I liked him because of his personality, because of how he treated me, how he spoke to me...it wasn't just because he looked good.'
'That did help though.'

Handa couldn't argue with that. But at the same time the word still didn't fit right with him. It wasn't just an attraction, they wouldn't have lasted as long as they did if it had been. Maybe it was love after all?
'Don't be stupid.'

No. It was more like Friends with Benefits.
The brunette cringed, he hated that term.
It felt...gross to him...wrong...
'That's basically what you were though.'
'No it wasn't! It was so much more than that, it was deeper, more special!'
'What else would you call someone who lets you be with other people and occasionally sleeps with you?'
'He loved me!'

A pit began to form on the brunette's stomach.
"Han, are you alright? You've gone pretty quiet." Handa looked up at Endou before smiling apologetically "Sorry...miles away..."
"It's not too spicy?" Endou enquired, Handa shook his head. Max was a lover of spicy food so this was fine with him.
"Are you enjoying the food? You can be honest." Kazemaru asked, tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear, clearly nervous about the response. He wasn't the most confident of people after all.

Handa looked down at his plate, then back up at his hosts "It's nice." He simply said.
Ever since Max's accident, no even before then, Handa had begun to lose his appetite. Food simply did not taste good to him anymore, nothing tasted nice. He lost weight, it never being too noticeable when he wore Max's oversized jumpers and hoodies.
But in the last couple of weeks he had been seeing some improvement, his appetite seemed to be returning; eating with other people- Afuro, now Kazemaru and Endou, it really helped.

"Well, I always say food tastes better when you have someone to share it with." Endou beamed with that signature grin of his and the other brunette couldn't help but feel just that little bit better.

"That was delicious!" Rowan exclaimed, stretching back in content, Handa had to look away as his t-shirt rode up a little. "You guys are amazing cooks." He continued with a grin and Kazemaru smirked at him "I'll tell your mother you think so."
"She'll kill me." The other replied with a small laugh. His laugh. Oh God how Handa missed that laugh. The brunette got up quickly, stacking the plates up. "I'll wash." He stated quietly, eager to leave the room.

Endou frowned "You sure? You're our guest."
Handa tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, Afuro suggested he should get a haircut- the blonde was definitely right. "I don't mind, really, I enjoy it actually."
Rowan pushed his chair back "Well in that case, let me give you a hand." He smiled widely, gathering up the remaining plates on the table.
Reluctantly, the brunette lead the way into the kitchen, his mind going at 100 miles per hour 'I don't want to talk to him I don't want to talk to him I don't-'
Rowan shut the door behind them.

"So...we're doing this? We're strangers now?" He asked after a lengthy silence. Handa bit his lip, trying his hardest to focus on the washing up. But he needed to give him an answer.
"Rowan I-" He couldn't finish it. Luckily, he didn't have to.
"Oh, no it's not like that, I just wanna make sure I get it right, could get preeety awkward otherwise." The other admitted, scratching the back of his neck. Rowan was always considerate, he only ever wanted what was in Handa's best interest, and if that meant lying he was fine with that. It wasn't as if they hadn't done that for years.

Handa frowned. "Sorry, it's just-Kaze is a bit- I'm finally in a good place with him so..." He wasn't sure how to explain it. He was just so tired of all the misunderstandings. Rowan just smiled at him.
"Totally understand. You don't have to explain. I'll put on my best impression, I didn't go to acting school for nothing!"
Handa raised an eyebrow "You went to acting school?
"Yeah. As a kid."
The brunette let out a small laugh "I'm not sure that counts."
"Oh by the way Han, this is probably the wrong time but I wanted to say sorry for-"
"-Don't. Just, forget about it okay?" The warm, fuzzy atmosphere that had appeared once the two started talking suddenly felt ice cold.

He didn't want to talk about Kaido, didn't want to think about Kaido.
"I didn't mean to tell-" The other tried again.
"Rowan. I don't-I don't wanna talk about it, okay?" The brunette murmured, he didn't want to think about that monster, didn't want to think about Max.
Did Rowan even know about Max?
Did Rowan even know anything about Max? That they were together? That they lived together?
'Does he still think I'm with Someoka?'

"This is kinda crazy though." Rowan piped up, taking a mug and drying it with a towel. "Oh, don't worry, I promise I'm not stalking you, I'm only here for a few days, I've gotta get back to uni anyway."
'I guess I'm not gonna find out.'
'You wouldn't want to find out anyway'
"Uni?" Handa asked, interrupting his thoughts. Rowan sighed "Yeahhhh, thought it was time to go back and finally get my degree. Stop screwing around."
"I didn't know you went to uni-or dropped out I mean."
Rowan put the mug down "Yeah man, I was an engineering student-can you imagine? But I wasn't enjoying myself you know? There was no passion. I was just trying to do what my parents wanted, but it was hurting me, hurting them-there was a strain you know? So I just had to stop, clear my head, think about what I wanted. But I think I've got things figured out now."
Handa never knew about any of this. Rowan never even mentioned university before, in fact he never mentioned anything about his personal life.
Handa didn't know this man at all.

The brunette lowered his voice, staring into the soapy water "I never went to uni. I mean I wanted to, but...I was in a really bad place, with my parents, my friends and things...I guess I probably could've gone, if everything hadn't have happened so fast..."
"What would you've studied?" The other asked.
It was strange, Handa didn't think it would be possible for them to have such a normal conversation after all that happened, he thought it would be too awkward, but it was more like two friends just catching up- maybe that's what they were, just friends...

"Oh? Uh I don't know, probably something like Literature, since I like reading I guess... I didn't really put a lot of thought into it, since I didn't think I was gonna go anyway...though I suppose it worked out, since I became a writer-"
"-You're a writer?" Rowan asked enthusiastically, leaning over the brunette once more. Handa scratched his cheek, forgetting that his hands were soapy. "W-well I mean, I only really have one book, and it's not great-"
"Hey!" Rowan said, placing his hands on the other's shoulders "Remember what Kazemaru said? This is a negativity-free zone!"
Handa closed his eyes, trying not to think about how warm Rowan's hands were. "Sorry."
"Stop apologising, why do I keep having to tell you about that?" Rowan retorted and Handa frowned, that was something Rowan grilled him about whenever they were together.

"Sor-you're right, um...I just have the one book...but I'm writing more so..yeah."
"Better!" Rowan grinned, taking his hands off the other's shoulders. "Well I'm studying History now. I always enjoyed it at school and I thought it'd be a good idea to do a course I was actually interested in."
"You like history?"
"Yeah, didn't you know?" Rowan questioned.
And he realised, again, he didn't know this man at all.

"Uh...you made any friends there?" Handa asked, eager to change the topic.
"What kinda 'friends' we talking?" He replied with a smirk, Handa shrugged his shoulders "Both? I guess?"
Rowan snapped his fingers "Gotcha. There's a couple of guys I'm friends with, mostly older guys because to be honest the young guys are reeeeeally annoying-like I definitely wasn't like them when I was 18. Anyway, they're pretty cool guys, down-to-earth, straightforward- you know I just remembered! There's this guy on the team who looks just like you, like you two could be twins! But he's a complete douchebag though, like one of the worst people."

"The team?"
"Snow sports baby!" He exclaimed with another signature grin.
"Of course, that figures." Handa laughed. Rowan always seemed to make him laugh.
"But yeah, I can't believe I slept with that idiot."
Handa dropped the mug he was holding back into the soapy water.
"Ah not because he looked like you or anything, that would be weird! It was just some stupid drunk mistake and I mean he wasn't anything like you-you know I'm gonna shut up now!" Rowan spluttered, waving his hands in front of his face.
Handa's cheeks turned pink "Y-yeah maybe that's...for the best."
"Wow I really have a problem with oversharing!" The other admitted, laughing awkwardly.
"Just a bit."

"You guys okay in here? You've been gone for ages."
Handa had never been so relieved to see his friend's face. "Yeah sorry just finishing up."
Rowan scooted past the brunette, placing a hand on Kazemaru's shoulder. "Hey Kazemaru thanks for the food but I think I better head home, I gotta sort some...stuff out."
Kazemaru frowned a little but nodded "Oh okay. Well feel free to take some cake home to your parents." He turned to the brunette who appeared to be fishing for something in the water. "You staying Han?"
The brunette looked up quickly, cheeks still a little pink, he hoped his friend wouldn't notice. "Uhh y-yeah sure."

He watched the other man walk away. 'He's really going. For good.' He almost reached out to stop him from leaving, but he caught himself. 'I've got to be strong. I've got to be strong.'

Handa took a deep breath. After yesterday all he wanted was to be able to get on with work, no drama, no stress, just enjoy the peace and quiet.
"Handa!"
Tsuuki. Handa gave her a weak smile as she strolled over to him, trapping him in a tight hug. "I missed you so much, I didn't know you'd come back to work!" She exclaimed despite the fact they were in a library. She gave him a sad smile "How are you doing?" She asked but Handa just shrugged his shoulders- he wasn't too sure himself.

"I just want to get back to work." He said with a sigh and his co-worker nodded in understanding.
The day went along smoothly, no drama, no annoying people, just peace and quiet. The brunette had missed this. He sighed contently, stamping the inside covers of a stack of old books in the office and whistling a small tune when something made him look up, look over at the door. There was an uneasy atmosphere, the faintest flash of dark hair and a tall, slender body.

The young woman felt the change in atmosphere too, the sudden way in which her friend's whistling stopped. She looked over, Handa was crouched on the floor under the desk, shaking violently. Their eyes connected but he didn't say anything, rather he couldn't. Tsuuki looked back over her shoulder, at the man standing just outside the little office; wordlessly she walked out to greet him, shutting the office door behind her.

"Can I help you?" She said politely, smiling at the man before her.
"Yeah, I'm looking for someone actually- does a Handa Shinichi work here?" Kaido asked charmingly, pulling his fingers through his perfectly quaffed hair as he did so. Tsuuki gave him a puzzled look "Handa Shinichi? That name doesn't ring a bell..."
He leaned in closer to her, an artificial smile clinging to his lips. "You sure? Is there a manager I can talk too maybe, it's kind of important."

"You're looking at her." Tsuuki replied and noticed the man's left eye twitch slightly. "I can assure you I don't know of anyone with that name here."
Kaido leaned in closer, his body seeming to grow larger. Tsuuki stood her ground.
"Are you sure? He's about this tall, dark brown hair, dark brown eyes. He might go by a nickname or something, might go by Han?" He asked, that sickening smile still on his face.
She thought for a moment "No, you must have the wrong place. I never forget a face."

Now Kaido was beginning to get impatient. His charming demeanour quickly falling away to reveal his real personality. "Are you sure, don't play games now, or I'll get angry." He growled, trying to intimidate the young woman. But she would not back down.
Handa could not see them, but he could hear their conversation.

This was unlike Kaido, he was always so perfect around other people, he never lost his cool.
'He's changed.'
"Do not raise your voice at me sir or I'm gonna have to ask you to leave." Tsuuki demanded as Kaido got right in her face.

'He always had such a polished outward persona, everyone always saw him as a gentleman, charming and funny... It was that persona I fell for all those years ago... It was the reason why no one ever noticed anything was wrong...'
The door opened a few minutes later, startling Handa.
"He's gone now, I told security to make sure he doesn't come back here." Tsuuki said lowly.
Handa didn't say anything, still kinda shaken. He tried to mumble a 'thank you' but it wouldn't come out. Tsuuki just gave him a warm smile, holding her hand out to him, he took it gratefully.

She pulled him into a hug, and for once Handa didn't mind, it felt good to be hugged. She looked at him deeply in the eyes, her voice soft and comforting. "I had a crazy ex once, that why I moved out here, where he couldn't stalk me. I'm a stronger person now, and someday you'll be too. Until then, I've got your back."

The brunette tried to go back to his work, but he still felt uneasy 'He's come to your house, now he's come to your work. You need to get the police involved or something!' A voice in his head screamed but he shooed it away. 'I can't go to the police, it's not like they'd even help me anyway.'

"Handa." The brunette looked up at the mention of his name, a mixture of relief and surprise on his face. The other man shifted rather uncomfortably under his stare, his usual cool demeanour being offset by his uncharacteristic nervousness.
"Fudou? What can I help you with?" He asked, happy to see a familiar face. 'I suppose he's not avoiding you then.'

Fudou put his hands on the desk heavily, leaning in, his voice low and quiet. "Could I like...crash with you, for a little while? You wouldn't even notice I was there."
Handa stared at him for a moment, completely speechless. Fudou swore under his breath before turning around "Forget it."
Handa quickly reached out, grabbing his jacket without thinking before letting go, Fudou turned back around curiously.
"Ah s-sorry, you just caught me off guard is all! Um why- what's the reason?" Handa asked shyly and Fudou sighed, leaning a bit closer to the other- he didn't want to be overheard.

"I may have gotten into hot water with Kidou and he may have kicked me out." He began. "Look man I know this is weird but I'm only asking you because I don't want to stay with Celine and I can't stay with Gen and Sakuma because they'd just pity me and besides they'll probably take Yuuto's side and anyway if I stayed with them Kidou would probably come round to see them all the time and that's the last thing I want and-" He stopped, embarrassed at his ramblings. "This is stupid." He muttered under his breath. "Look, I'm just gonna say it; you feel shit right now, I feel shit right now, why don't we feel shit together?" He said awkwardly, stuffing his hands into his pockets.
"Yes." The other replied without missing a beat, Fudou looked up at him in shock "Wait seriously?"

Hands laughed nervously, embarrassed at his sudden outburst, he didn't want to seem desperate. "I mean...it might be nice to have someone around, it's been so fucking lonely without Max..." he let out a sad laugh before willing himself to look at the other, Fudou's eyes still showed surprise, and maybe...was it concern, distrust? Handa tried to not think about it. He took in a deep breath, trying to sound more casual "It would be good for us both to have some...normality I guess?"
Fudou eyed him suspiciously "You're being serious?"

Handa let out an exasperated sigh "Yeah I'm serious."
Fudou immediately looked more relaxed, he smiled a little "Ok, cool, I guess."
The other brunette leaned forward "Do you-do you need somewhere right now? I mean because you could come over tonight after I finish here?" He said hastily. He knew he was being too forward but after the whole thing with Kaido just a few hours ago he was a little on edge about spending the night alone in his house. Someone like Fudou would be very useful to have around.

Fudou didn't appear to have anything on him, not even a rucksack, he followed Handa's eye-line before piping up "Oh, Wiktoria let me keep my stuff in her office but-"
"-You really left this late didn't you?" Handa interrupted with a laugh, Fudou crossed his arms defensively "Well yeah, I'm not exactly known for my good decisions." He retorted bitterly and Handa immediately stopped laughing, rubbing one of his arms nervously "Sorry. If it helps, I'm not known for making good decisions either."
"I guess we've got more in common than we thought." The other replied, his voice softer, Handa looked up at him awkwardly "So...tonight then? I can come pick you up from your work or..." he trailed off, this all felt so strange to him.

Fudou smiled "Nah, don't worry, just text me the place and I'll get a taxi there tomorrow, I'll just book into a hotel for tonight-"
"-Really I don't mind, you can come by tonight, honestly!"
Fudou furrowed his eyebrows "Er-"
"Please!" Handa exclaimed, leaning over the desk so he was now on his tip toes; Fudou leant away from him, clearly uncomfortable. Handa hung his head 'Why are you being so weird?'!'
'Careful, or he'll get the wrong idea!'

He sighed, still looking down, his voice quiet "Sorry. I'm not trying to pressure you. It's just-I'm not sure I can handle another night alone..." he admitted. The other was silent for a moment, before nodding, although Handa didn't see. "...Alright then, tonight it is. Send me your address." He said before walking off, eager to leave the awkward conversation behind.
Once outside, Fudou leant up against the side of the building, letting out a breath he didn't realise he was holding "I can't believe that worked."