Best Friend~ Rex Orange County

((Mature themes, sexual themes))

I should've stayed at home
'Cause right now I see all these people that love me
But I still feel alone

I could've made you mine
But no, it wasn't meant to be and see, I wasn't made for you
And you weren't made for me

Though it seemed so easy
And that's because I wanna be your favorite boy
I wanna be the one that makes your day
The one you think about as you lie awake
I can't wait to be your number one
I'll be your biggest fan and you'll be mine
But I still wanna break your heart and make you cry

"You're right, of course you are."
"I messed up, sorry."
"No, it's all me, my fault, absolutely...no really."
"Right. Yeah."
"It's not like it...even matters...not one bit."
"Doesn't bother me, I don't care."
"I don't care, really."
"Anyway, if you're done talking...good. That's it then. Awesome."

It was almost beautiful, the lights that had been changed from red to indigo, bathing everything in a shimmering sea of darkness and anonymity. He preferred the red for that reason though, to see people's faces, gauge their reactions, he hated all this hiding.
It was almost beautiful, save for the thumping, pounding music which offset any elegance that could have gathered there. That music, that horrible repetitive music, it fit with the dark lighting. It would have never worked with the red. It was funny, under the red it looked almost rosy, somewhat classy actually. Not that this place wasn't classy compared to some others he'd frequented.

The words may have been written delicately, masking intent, but the neon signs, the signs made it obvious what the place was.
"Fancy seeing you here?"
"I could say the same to you." Fudou remarked with a smile, but it didn't seem genuine. Celine frowned, dragging a barstool over to his table and taking a seat next to her friend.

Fudou took another shot of vodka, wincing a little as it stung his throat. "Where's Diamond? I'm getting bored." He said gruffly, looking over his shoulder before raising his hand for another drink.
Celine sighed "Entertaining some loser who I'm pretty sure is married." She looked over at them and scoffed "Some of the guys here are so fucking pathetic- you included, you look like shit."
"I think I've fucked up."
"What's new?" She smirked, grabbing his shot when it arrived at the table and downing it.

"I'm serious Celine." Fudou grumbled, calling the server over again.
"That's what you always say, then you inevitably end up together again. And the cycle continues." Celine didn't even have to ask- her friend had been in this situation so many times that it was obvious what had happened.
Fudou looked down at his shot, voice low "No...I think I really wrecked it this time."

"You look like you could do with some cheering up." A sultry voice added, Fudou didn't look up from his drink "Hey Di..." he sighed longingly as the other women sat herself down on the other side of him, her outfit shimmering as she did so. Celine scoffed "I don't think anything's gonna help this guy babe. Although I on the other hand would very much appreciate some attention-"
"-You can wait til I finish my shift Cel." Her girlfriend retorted, a soft smile on her lips.
"I hate to agree with Cel but I don't think even you could help me out Di. I'm so fucking miserable right now." Fudou moaned, downing the shot before lying his head back and letting out a long sigh.

Éva (or Diamond as she was known to her patrons) leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Fudou's neck and laying her long, slender legs over his lap, she kissed his cheek "You'll just have to tell me what's wrong then." She whispered, turning his head to face her. Fudou looked exhausted, but he nodded anyway, he knew there was no point trying to argue with Celine and Éva- they'd never let him go. He looked around, he now appreciated the dark lighting, hopefully they wouldn't be disturbed. He pulled some crumpled notes from his wallet and handed it to Éva "Don't want you getting in trouble now." He said with a weak smile.

Éva accepted the money, slipping it inside her bralette. She smiled at her friend and stroked his hair, glad he'd grown out of his Mohawk faze. 'That's probably Kidou's doing.' "So, you two are having problems then?"

"Has he ever even had a boyfriend or girlfriend besides you?" Celine asked, crossing one leg over the other and leaning forward. Fudou wasn't sure how the conversation about his relationship troubles had got into this territory so quickly, he took in his friends appearance 'she looks like a damn couples councillor, she's tryna psy- what was it called?- oh, psychoanalyse me or something.' The thought made him laugh, but it was fleeting. Couples councilling, that was always an option... he shook his head 'No way, that's stupid Yuuto would never agree to that-'

"Hello?" Celine asked, snapping her fingers in front of his face.
"Oh, right." The brunette answered, taking a moment to remember the question. He shook his head "Well no, I don't think so-no I'm 100% sure he's never- I would know. He was always too devoted to studying, and his 'father' made it pretty clear that dating was off the cards." Fudou rolled his eyes, he really hated Kidou's dad.

"So, has it ever occurred to you that maybe he's just not comfortable? I mean you're pretty experienced in comparison to him." Celine reasoned. Fudou laughed "Are you calling me a whore?"
His friend glared at him, a serious expression on her face "Akio, you know we don't use that word."
"...Right, sorry." The brunette muttered remorseful, Celine's expression softened a bit. "Well that might be you guys' problem."

"Not to mention, at least from what I've heard-" Éva began, looking over at her girlfriend "-he's not all for that physical love."
"Have you considered he might be, you know, asexual?" The other added. Fudou was a little taken aback "What? No?" He stopped to think for a moment before shaking his head "No because we've..."
Celine crossed her arms and leaned in closer to him "Well that doesn't mean-"
"-Does he ever seem to enjoy-"
"-Yoooo I didn't come here to discuss my sex life, Jesus!" Fudou interjected, face red. 'This is getting way too personal.' He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

Celine sighed and leaned away from him "It's important though..." she muttered. There was a long pause before Fudou spoke again, his voice quick and rather panicked. "Shit, what if you're right? Wait? Was he just acting? Did I pressure him too much? I just- I just thought he didn't really like PDA and y'know maybe he was a little shy about kissing and- oh no, oh nooooo" he held his head in his hands. Why? Why was he only realising this now? 'Stupid stupid! Why couldn't you see that!'
'You're so stupid, of course you'd miss something like that- it's not like you ever listen to him when he tells you not to touch him, you just think it's funny to mess around with him-'
Fudou cringed "I do...I do listen sometimes, I've never forced him to..."
'Don't lie, you used to love doing that kind of stuff, coz you knew how uncomfortable it made him, how it pissed him off! You knew exactly what you were doing...'
"No I-I've changed, really I-" he protested, desperately looking at both of his friends for understanding before hanging his head ashamedly. The two women looked at each other worriedly, Celine placed a hand on his shoulder "That might be your problem."
"I think it's something you should really talk about with him." Éva added, stroking his cheek.
"In case you forgot, he doesn't exactly want to see me right now." He mumbled. The three fell silent, neither of the two girls being able to reassure their friend.

Éva looked up to see one of the other women waving at her, she nodded before standing up daintily "I've got to be on stage in a minute Akio." She said, adjusting the straps on her lacy bralette. "Celine will look after you, okay?" She bent down and kissed his forehead, catching his eyes for a moment "It will be okay, really..." she whispered before giving her girlfriend a peck on the cheek and running off. Fudou leant back into his seat, arms crossed behind his head. It wasn't going to be okay.
"I wonder if...if it was all my fault. If we hadn't have dated, or if I just wasn't around, he'd have been able to finish his course in peace- not self destructed like he did. If I hadn't told him to stand up to his dad- if I'd just let him handle it himself instead of sticking my foot in to defend his honour or whatever... I messed him up, it's my fault."
Celine lifted his chin up with the top of her finger, connecting their eyes "You've got to stop blaming yourself Akio, this isn't all your fault."

"It's always my fault, all I'm good at is ruining things, and pushing people away."
"Hey, that ain't true, you've still got Sakuma and Genda, you've still got me, and you wrecked my car! I ain't going anywhere pal." she grinned, but it quickly faded away at Fudou's distraught face.
"He's right, I am a terrible person."

Celine frowned, she'd been through a lot with Fudou, to the lowest of the lows and the highest of the highs, but she'd never seen her friend like this- just so defeated and exhausted. She placed a tentative hand on his shoulder "Maybe you should take a break from all this, take some time for yourself I mean."
Fudou rolled his eyes "That won't solve anything."
"Akio. Do you even want to keep going with this? Are you sure you want to keep trying? Because maybe this is a sign. You have to start thinking of yourself boo." She pleaded but he brushed her aside.
"What I...want? Of course I wan-" He looked down at the table.
Did he? Did he want to keep trying, try and fix the mess?

He wasn't so sure anymore.

"Um, the bed's kind of small so-"
"I'm sure we can work something out."

Fudou had amassed some pillows on the floor, as Kidou had somewhat of a collection of them, laying a small blanket over himself- it was the kind of blanket that was just too short to be mildly annoying, his toes peeking out of the end. Kidou looked at him pitifully but did not offer him the bed, this was for two reasons. One: Kidou hated being touched, he rarely let anyone touch him, only Sakuma, like back when the poor boy got drunk and would clutch onto him tightly and sob into his chest over how amazing Genda was and it just wasnt fair that he hadn't noticed him yet. Kidou especially didn't want Fudou touching him, no that was entirely out of the question, disgusting really. The second reason, well even if he were able to set up some sort of cushion barrier between the two, his bed just wasn't made for two people, it was just too small, they'd both wake up tired and cranky and that was no way to start a productive day. That was it, just logic and Kidou's own, completely understandable boundaries- although Fudou didn't always seem to get that memo.

He grimaced "I'm sorry about the sleeping situation but you know, there no other way."
Fudou propped himself up on his elbows, smiling at him "No sweat I get it, besides this is a lot comfier than some other places I've slept." Kidou stared at him, wanting him to go on, but trying not to make it obvious. Maybe it was obvious since Fudou went a little red for a moment before sighing "On the streets I mean"
'The streets?"
Fudou huffed, turning so he was lying on his side "Well like outside of shelters and stuff."
"I didn't know you..." Kidou didn't know what to say, he knew a little about Fudou's past but this? Fudou waved it off "It was no big deal just when I was being a stupid kid I used to run off sometimes you know, had to get out of the house. It was okay though, sometimes I'd get a spot but like when there's lots of other kids out, like the girls I mean, I'd sleep outside so they could get a bed. No biggie, it was just kinda cold sometimes you know?"

But Kidou didn't know, he'd only ever known warmth, and maybe it wasn't the loving warmth others describe when they talk of their childhood home but it was warm in the rawest sense, he lacked nothing. Fudou, realising he had rambled, looked down rather embarrassedly "It wasn't like...a big deal or anything. I just kinda-like it didn't even happen that often, because then mum's new boyfriend left so I could just stay at home..." he rambled again, he cleared his throat, throwing up a smile to his friend "You know how it is."

Kidou remembered the first time he met Akio Fudou. Sakuma hated him, and Kidou wasn't too crazy about his obnoxious and aggressive attitude either. However, over time, they started to get along, Sakuma learnt how to deal with Fudou (with Genda's help) and Kidou actually found himself considering the other as a friend. He could at least appreciate Fudou's way with words. Everything changed though when they turned 15, the brunette slipped out of their lives; Fudou's mum fell on hard times (although Akio never shared this with his friends) they had to move away, then she got a new boyfriend. "I just couldn't stay in that house you know? I hated him, I hated her. They were both so useless." Fudou ran away a lot during that time. Sometimes, the thought of going to Kidou's would slip into the brunette's mind- he'd been to Yuuto's once, it was a big house and a far cry from the small dump Fudou had to call home, but he'd broken an expensive bust that one time, and Yuuto's father made it pretty clear that 'people like him' were not welcome in their home again.

Kidou, Sakuma and Genda didn't know the full extent of what their friend was going through; it wasn't helped by the fact that Fudou pretended everything was fine on the very, very rare occasions he would answer any of the calls or texts his friends sent. 'You can't show them any weakness. They'll treat you different if they see how weak you really can be.'
Out of the three it was Kidou who spoke with him the most- and he knew something was up, the brunette may have been good at hiding it from the other two but Kidou was a different story. Despite that- despite the fact that he knew his friend was going through a rough patch he couldn't bring himself to help in any way. Admittedly he'd entertained the thought (just as Fudou had) of offering his home to him, just temporarily. But he knew that'd be impossible. He'd never be able to convince his father, and ashamedly, he didn't think he'd be able to stand having his friend living with him. Fudou had tracked mud into the genkan even though Kidou had expressly told him to wipe his shoes outside, Fudou had laughed.

Truthfully he still felt guilty about it all, he knew Sakuma and Genda did too, that was probably the reason why Sakuma was always inviting Fudou over now they were at university without him, despite Kidou's protests. He did feel guilty, but at the same time he was a realist- pigs would fly before Akio Fudou admitted that he needed help. All they could do now was just act like nothing had happened, like Fudou hadn't disappeared, like he hadn't come back out of the blue, appearing when Kidou was at the crucial age of 17 and a half. Everything was fine now.

But it wasn't fine.

Fudou woke up the next morning to a breakfast of mackerel, rice and greens - brain food Yuuto had called it. It was presented beautifully as expected and Fudou couldn't help but watch as his friend daintily ate from across the small room.
Fudou joined his friend that day, sat in his lectures even though Kidou said it would be boring since he wouldn't understand anything, so he was surprised when he looked over to see the brunette taking notes on his phone.
It looked like, like he was really getting into it- even though Kidou bet he couldn't understand it. Kidou wasn't sure what had possessed his friend to decide to join him, Akio had simply said he would've been bored otherwise, truthfully Kidou was happy for it; the thought of Akio being alone in his room for hours was an uncomfortable one.

'No doubt he'd get nosey and root through my belongings, or worse he'd mess up my work somehow'. Fudou always managed to find a way to ruin something.
'That was a tad harsh.'
There was something else though, Kidou couldn't deny that he rather enjoyed having the other by him, something about his look of concentration, the way he scrunched up his face a little when the lecturer said a word he didn't recognise, the look of subtle delight on his face when he understood something, it was rather...cute, like a small puppy.

"I know I'm hot, you don't have to stare at me Yuuto." The other whispered with his signature smirk. Kidou rolled his eyes and huffed, annoyed at his friend but more importantly, annoyed that he'd been so distracted by him. "Don't flatter yourself."

"I figured you must have been cooking fish this morning, it's practically stunk out the whole flat!" Genda stated before taking a sip from his beer can, his boyfriend draped across him. Fudou had managed to get Kidou to break his 'no alcohol in Yuuto's room' rule, he was currently on his third can of cider.
"Apologies, I'm afraid in my haste to get the breakfast ready for myself and Akio I forgot to open the windows." Kidou explained, a mug of green tea clasped firmly in his hands.

Sakuma sighed, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's neck "That sounds nice, why didn't you make me breakfast in bed Koujirouuuu..." he muttered lazily, playing with the brunette's hair a little. Kidou rolled his eyes.
"I would've, if a certain somebody hadn't been set on making me late for my lecture this morning." The brunette remarked with a soft smile before bending down and brushing a few stray teal hairs away from his boyfriend's face.
"Well I had to get you back for keeping me up last night."

"I assume you are referring to your late night video game habit Sakuma." Kidou stated, pushing up his glasses, Fudou smirked "Of course Yuuto, nothing but family-friendly video games for these two, right Sakuma?"
"Right." The tan male replied, a grin on his face  "What else?"

Sakuma yawned a little and fidgeted so he was more comfortable on his boyfriend's lap, the other looked down at him and smiled before bending down and pressing a delicate kiss on his lips. Fudou made a gagging noise.
"Can you two just go and have sex or whatever already? I'm sick of you two always being all over each other."
Genda made a face, Kidou looked visibly uncomfortable, Fudou smiled inwardly, he knew how much Kidou hated people talking about these kinds of things- especially when it's his friends.
"We're not always all over each other-" Genda began before Sakuma smirked at Fudou, long-since become immune to the others' digs (the alcohol helped too) "Fine by me. Come on Koujirou let's leave these two losers." He said before jumping to his feet and pulling his boyfriend to his feet. He pushed Genda, who had a bewildered expression on his face, over to the door before turning around and sticking his tongue out at Fudou.

Fudou could faintly hear Genda outside the door, asking his boyfriend if he was serious since he apparently had a paper due the next day that he needed to work on. Fudou chuckled before turning back to Kidou, who looked very uncomfortable. "Those two eh?" He said laughing but Kidou just stared at him with those deep red eyes before turning his attention back to his desk. Fudou laughed to himself 'he's such a prude'.

A thought entered his head, a very unwelcome thought. Kidou wasn't all that stoked when their friends announced the news that they were dating. 'Does he not approve of them?' Even Fudou had to recognise that it was a little weird at first-since it's generally weird when your friends start going out, but he totally supports them. He would even call them the perfect couple if the whole idea of couples didn't make want to vomit. And when he mentioned that he was pansexual (or as Fudou has explained it- I don't care what they identify themselves as as long as they're human) -'mentioned' it because Fudou never wanted to make it a big deal; and after the whole Genda and Sakuma revelation it didn't seem to really need to be a big deal, Kidou started to act weirdly towards him. Fudou never really thought about it before but it was kind of disturbing, why the sudden change? He was still the same guy. He didn't want to think it but...what if Kidou really did hate all of this but was just too much a friend to say anything. The thought crossed Fudou's mind to ask him. But that seemed like a bad idea, maybe he would just poke the bear a little more, see what happens? 'That's more fun anyway.'

"You can't keep coming here, I need to study." one night of Fudou staying over was enough, he wasn't sure he could stand much more.
"Hey I'm only here to see Sakuma and Gen, you're just a bonus." The other said playfully.
Bonus? Kidou didn't like that, didn't like the way Fudou said it, smirking like that, and what, was that all he was, a little bonus? Fudou really didn't care at all. 'And good! I didn't want him coming to see me in the first place all he ever does is mess things up!'
Fudou smirked again "That make you jealous?" Kidou scoffed "Please, as if I care about something so childish."

Kidou swivelled back around in his chair, opening up his laptop "Well, you'll have to leave soon either way."
"Nah I'll just move into Sakuma's room, since he's practically living with Genda at the moment." The brunette stated, leaning back with his arms behind his head. Kidou shook his head. "No. You're going home- today. We're all busy Fudou, it's not fair on us, we have lives too."
"Oh come on, you lot'd be bored out of your minds without me around."
"That's just plain untrue."
Fudou smirked "Sakuma and Genda will literally not go out unless I'm here, and even when we do go out you never stay for more than an hour- that ain't living Yuuto."
"I have bigger things to worry about." Kidou stated, typing something. 'Like getting my degree in medicine.'

Fudou thought for a moment before jumping up and walking over to the other, leaning over him heavily, resting his chin on the top of Kidou's head.
"Akio..." The other warned but he just laughed "Come onnnn, I'm not that bad Yuuto. Can't we just bury the hatchet already?" he wrapped his arms tightly around the other "Come on Yuuto, it could be fun..." his hands trailed slowly across Kidou's chest "...just the two of us, alone~"

"Stop." Kidou shot up, knocking the other down to the floor. Fudou couldn't tell his expression through the shadows casted over his glasses.
"It was a joke dude." Fudou replied breathlessly. He stared up at Kidou who just ran a hand down his face and sighed.
"When is it going to be enough Fudou? When are you going to realise that it's not funny anymore, that no one's laughing?"
Fudou blinked.
"No one's laughing with you Akio."
'You've gone too far, you've gone too far again.'
"I-"
"You're just going to keep on pushing and pushing because that's all you've ever done, all you're good at is pissing people off."
'You always do this. What the hell's wrong with you? Why do you always do this?!'
"Look I'm sor-"
"Grow up Fudou."

Fudou sat with his mouth open, unable to say anything, Kidou just shook his head tiredly at him. "Everything is a joke to you." He stated flatly before letting out a long sigh, sitting back down in his chair heavily. Fudou finally found his voice, he balled up his fists. "All you ever do is sigh, just tell me what you really think for once!" He yelled, still on the floor. Kidou didn't move for a moment before swiftly placing the pen he was holding down on the desk, he swivelled back round so he was facing the other.
"Fine, I'll tell you what I think." He said with a calmness that shook the other. He wanted Kidou to get angry, to show some passion like the night before, he hated cold and calculating Kidou.

"You're not serious, about anything. You never have been so I'm not sure why I thought you might change, you could never change. You think that everything revolves around you and will gladly sit there and mess with relationships because you think it's fun. You have no respect for others, no respect for authority and no respect for your friends. You're just coasting through life, not caring about anything, not caring about the mess you leave behind and instead just believing that we'll pick up the pieces. You're going nowhere good Fudou."

Fudou's mouth felt dry, he couldn't form any coherent sort of reply. 'What the hell?'
Fudou always has the last word in an argument, but nothing was coming out.

Kidou pushed his glasses up "I know you had a tough life, but you can't keep using that as an excuse to not do anything with yourself, it takes hard work, like what I'm doing right now, to progress."
Fudou backed up, his facade breaking, Kidou remained stony faced. "I-I told you I've got a job, I've got my own place what the hell?" He said, voice strained. Kidou's expression did not change- at least that's all he could tell with Kidou's eyes still shaded over in the dim light.

"And yet you're here, like always, with your shitty attitude."
Now he was angry. "I have a shitty attitude? Are you fucking kidding me?! You're the one who's always pushing us away, like just the other night you were being such an ass to Genda and Sakuma for no reason! You know what? I think they're gonna have a great time living with Kazemaru and not you, you'd only bring them down."
The other just crossed his arms "I don't see why that's of any concern to you. I already stated my reasons for that decision the other night, I do not wish to repeat myself." He stated nonchalantly.

Fudou got to his feet, even more angry now.
"I know what this is you know! You're trying to get a rise out of me, tryn'a get me angry so I'll do or say something stupid so then you can run along to the others and tell em what a bad person I am!" He hated those tactics, it was was the same shit his mum's boyfriend had used against him. Kidou was going too far.
"As if you don't use that on me Akio- difference is that I refuse to rise to it any longer." The other stated flatly.
"Oh don't give me that!-"
"-Need I remind you of your conduct just a few moments ago, or the other night in fact? Or have you conveniently forgotten about those? Well no matter, there are hundreds of other instances of you being an absolute dick because you thought it'd be funny- your words, not mine. Every time I think you're going to change you go and let me down. I'll be honest, I'm disappointed but unsurprised."

"Yuuto..." Fudou cried meekly. The voice almost made Kidou stop, he'd never seen his friend act like this, sound like this. He almost pitied him-almost.
"I suppose it's not entirely your fault, unlike me you've never had anyone to answer to, no one's ever expected anything from you so why would you ever try to better yourself?"

That hurt.

"How could you- how could you say that?"
The hurt was so obvious in his voice- and Kidou did not care. For once he had the upper hand. For once he was making Fudou feel small.
"You're a terrible person."
"What?" Came the reply, so small and weak.
Kidou turned away.
'The truth is Akio, you're just a terrible person.'

When Akio stormed out of the room and slammed his door shut, when the room momentarily rattled, Kidou sat there, still stony. And he realised, this power, it felt shit.