(Tuesday-12.30 pm)

He thought he'd be okay with this by now. He thought he'd be able to cope. Everything had been going fine, never a bad day-but this, now, it was getting too much.

He didn't have the strength.
He wished he did. Wished it so bad he could feel it, feel it slipping away from him. Draining out of his body.

It wasn't supposed to be like this, he wished it wasn't. He wished...it wasn't anything like this...for just a brief moment, he looked up at the ceiling and wished none of this was happening-

He stopped. He couldn't think like that, no, that was wrong, so wrong. But it felt like the walls were closing in, and he couldn't push them back, couldn't do anything to stop it, they were coming closer. The walls were crushing him.

His pleas fell on deaf ears.
"Please, please stop crying, please!" It didn't help, not one bit. "Please Tamal! Please!" He tried a goofy smile, surely that would work? Another fistful of green mush flew past him, splattering the wall. Nagumo cursed under his breath, the place was already a mess without Tamal's little tantrum making things worse. "Tamal stop it already!" He yelled, banging a hand on the table in frustration.

Tantrum? Nagumo cringed, how could he call it that? Act like his little baby was just in a bad mood, lashing out? That wasn't it. He sighed "I'm sorry, I know you're sick, and too young to understand what that even means. All you know is that you're in pain, and you can't understand that..." he picked up the spoon and tried again "But if you eat you'll feel better okay Bean? Come on, don't you wanna feel better?"

But the boy would not cease his crying. What was even the point in trying to reason with a baby? "You can't even understand what I'm saying." Nagumo muttered with a sigh.

"Papa..." the redhead whipped around to see his little daughter standing by the kitchen door, tears in her eyes. "Tamal is so loud. Can't sleep!" She wailed and Nagumo sighed again, he knew how much of a light sleeper Anais was, and the fact that she was just as ill as her brother only made things worse.

He dropped the spoon back into the pot of baby food and stood up. He squatted down so he was the girl's height and felt her forehead, she was burning up. "I'm sorry little lady but, you're just gonna have to try. I can't do anything about it I'm afraid."
Anais wiped her nose with her sleeve and sniffed before Tamal began screaming, banging his little fists on the high-chair tray.

"Okay Tamal!" Nagumo exclaimed, picking the spoon back up, but the boy was in no mood to eat. "Come on, stop crying! I'm trying to get you to eat so just open up already!" He exclaimed, trying to shove the food into the boy's mouth-but Tamal was keeping it firmly shut, moving his face to the side and swiping his arms around furiously.

"Stop-trying-to-urghhh!" The redhead yelled before sighing in defeat "But you like mushy peas, they're your favourite!" Tamal whacked the spoon out of his father's hand, splattering yet more food everywhere. Nagumo was losing his patience.
"Fine what do you want me to do then?! What do you want?!" He yelled. Tamal stopped flailing and turned to look at him, before his face crumpled and he burst into tears.

"Oh...no Tamal I..." Instant guilt washed over the redhead, he tried to hush the boy but it was no use, Tamal just cried harder. "Uh uh..." Nagumo picked him up in a effort to stop the crying "There there, shhh, I'm sorry okay I'm sorry Tami, I'm sorry I shouted please stop crying!" he pleaded, rocking him, but it didn't seem to help.

"Tamal! Stop cryiiiiing!" Anais complained, tugging on the leg of Tamal's babygrow, causing him to shriek and kick out at the both of them. "Anais stop that-Tamal stop kicking!" Nagumo snapped, trying to avoid the boy's flailing arms once again.

Tamal was not calming down, nothing was working at all. Nagumo just kept on rocking him, trying to tune everything else out, he just closed his eyes muttering absolute nonsense until Tamal was just whimpering, seemingly having exhausted himself. Nagumo gave out a huge sigh of relief "Finally!" He murmured before deciding this would be the best time for Tamal to have his nap. He creeped upstairs as quickly and quietly as he could, trying his best not to disturb Tamal whose whimpers had since mellowed out a little.

"That's it. Papa's just gonna put you down...nice and cozy there...so you can finally go to sleep already..." he muttered placing the boy in his cot and slowly backing away, Tamal gave a tiny whimper but that was all. Nagumo continued backing out of the room, slowly and quietly shutting the door behind him. He let out a huge sigh. Then made it halfway down the stairs before Tamal started crying again.

It was almost an hour later when he managed to finally get Tamal down. And almost an hour after that when he remembered, halfway through cleaning up the kitchen, that he was supposed to have Anais take her medicine again.

"I don't wanna!" Anais squealed, trying to 'hide' behind Cookie.
"You have to, or you won't get better Anais." Nagumo stated tiredly.
"But it's so yucky! No!"
"Anais..." Nagumo warned, really not in the mood to argue about it, Anais pouted. Nagumo huffed, not wanting to lose his cool and shout at her, like he had with Tamal. "Fine, I promise that if you take your medicine now, I'll let you have some of Daddy's chocolate ice cream okay?"
"Okay!" Anais beamed, so easily won over. Nagumo would have laughed, but he was much too tired for that.

"Oh for fu-frick sake!"
Just his luck, of course, that he would drop the medicine bottle.
"Stay back Anais." He mumbled, the bottle had stayed mostly intact, but its contents were now all over the floor now. "Great, now I have to go out and buy some more." He grumbled to himself, wiping the floor with a damp cloth.

'I mean...or I could just get Fuusuke to pick some up on his way back from work? No no, it'll be too late by then, I'll have to go and get some myself. It shouldn't take too long, besides hopefully she'll be able to sleep after that; then I'll finally be able to relax...' he thought before sighing "Come on little lady, let's go, I need to buy you more medicine."
"Awww really?"
"Yeah, now come on, quick get your shoes and coat on." He replied, doing the same, before opening the front door and unlocking the car.
"Papa!"
"What?" He said, turning to see Anais standing there with a confused look on her face.

"What about Bean?"
Nagumo blinked before realisation hit him "Uh yeah of course I, was just about to get him!" He said quickly, hurrying past her and heading up the stairs, stepping on Cookie's tail in the process.

He couldn't believe it, to just lose focus like that...he really wasn't with it. "Please don't wake up, please don't be angry, please don't be angry!" He whispered as he picked Tamal up and carried him downstairs.
"Ah coat." He remembered, before just grabbing one of Anais' and bundling him in that.

Tamal was fine until they actually reached the shop, that's when he started crying again.
Nagumo tried to keep him quiet but it was no use. "Where is it, where is the one Fuusuke usually gets?" He grumbled, peering at the different bottles and medicine packets. He'd forgotten his glasses too.
"Dammit." He picked up a bottle that sort of matched the one at home, squinting to read what was printed on it.

Tamals cries had turned to screams and Nagumo could feel the countless eyes boring into him as he failed to calm his child down. 'For fuck sake, stop staring will you? It's not like it's abnormal for a baby to be crying is it?' That didn't help though, they were still staring, and he hated it, absolutely hated it. He only just noticed that Tamal wasn't wearing any shoes, no wonder he was screaming.

'This is the worst, just what I need right now too.' "Sorry Tamal I-we'll get you home soon okay? If I can just find this-"
"Can't you see he's in distress!"
Oh for crying out loud. He tried to ignore the woman, but of course she strode right over to him, determined to make herself be heard.

"He's clearly uncomfortable, won't you do something?" She shrieked, poking Nagumo incessantly "He's not even got any shoes the poor thing!"
The redhead bit his tongue, now was not the time to get in a fight with some random stranger, if he could just find the damn medicine he could be out of this wretched place already.

"Honestly, I say it all the time, this is why men are not capable of raising children! Where is your wife young man? The baby wouldn't be screaming his head off if she were looking after him now!" Nagumo bit his tongue to stop himself from snapping at this damn woman, but it was so damn difficult-yes, he'd matured a bit, well actually a lot since he was a kid; the realisations of adult married life and looking after kids had changed him, but that fiery anger, it had never truly left him. But he'd made a promise, a promise to Fuusuke, to Anais, to Tamal too, that he wouldn't let that side of him come out.

Well it looked to Nagumo like he was about to break that promise.

He got slowly to his feet, Tamal still crying his eyes out "You know what?-"
"Hey leave him alone already, he's trying his best." Nagumo stopped, there was another woman now, confronting the other. "It's not easy raising kids but it's a damn lot harder when random strangers try and tell you that you're doing it wrong! Mind your own business and stop meddling in others!" She declared, Nagumo noticed the other people in the aisle, those who had just been plainly staring at him before, had nearly all backed off, telling their children that it was rude to stare.

'What hypocrites.'

The annoying woman opened her mouth to say something before shutting it tightly and just storming off instead. The other woman sighed "I mean it's 2019, come on, who still has opinions like that?" She muttered, hands on her hips. 'You'd be surprised.' It was already bad enough that he and his husband couldn't even go to pick up Anais from school without getting stared at.

"I'm sorry about that, I know you're just trying your best. I have kids too, four of them actually, they're such a handful!" She laughed before patting Tamal's head "He's a little cutie isn't he! There there, no need to cry little one." She looked up at Nagumo "What's his name?"
"Uh, Tamal." He answered before going back to his medicines search.

"Here, do you need a hand? I can help you." She offered, crouching down just as Nagumo found the correct bottle. "I got it. Thanks." He replied getting to his feet as Tamal began to get exhausted again and his sobs quieted. 'Finally we can go.'
He turned back to the woman "Uh thanks, for before." He mumbled a little awkwardly, the woman just smiled brightly at him. "Don't you worry! It's always a little hard at the start but I know you're just trying your best, you'll get the hang of it eventually!" She said happily, cooing at Tamal again.

'You know, you don't need to keep saying that, I get it...' Nagumo thought to himself. He was painfully aware of that fact. His best was nowhere near good enough, and he was never going to be good enough, not like Fuusuke, Hitomiko, Afuro, no one. He didn't need reminding of that.

"There, look he's fallen asleep now, wasn't that easy! See, sometimes all we need is a little help sometimes-"
"-I'm in a rush, excuse me." Nagumo rushed past the woman, determined to just get home as quick as possible. "Come on Anais, lets go home."
There was no reply.
"Anais?" The redhead turned around quickly, scanning the aisle for his daughter, but she was nowhere in sight. "Anais?" He called out. He was sure she'd been by his side the entire time, sure of it, she wouldn't just run off, no Anais was sensible! "Anais!" He called, louder this time, his walk becoming more brisk now; he didn't want to upset Tamal, and more importantly, he didn't want to attract any more unwanted eyes.

"Anais where are you?!" He called out, even louder now, some people began to look at him but he just tried to brush it aside as before, he just needed to find his daughter. Tamal woke up, obviously wondering what all the commotion was, luckily he was still too exhausted from earlier to start bawling again, something Nagumo would have been happy about, had it not been for the crippling fear he was feeling that he'd just lost a child.

'Oh my god where is she! Fuusuke will kill me for sure! I'm not cut out for this shit I told him that, I fucking told him that but did he listen to me, no! Because he only cared about what he wanted and-' He stopped himself. He'd almost let those thought in, again. He was panting, trying to calm down a little "What am I thinking? She's a smart kid, she won't have just left the store or something, she has to be here somewhere. I'll just go and make an announcement, that'll work." He said, steadying himself a little. "Yes, yes I'll do that."

He was so preoccupied that he almost walked into her.

"Papa!"
He didn't quite register it at first, in fact he was so unaware that he would have surely knocked her over, had she not jumped up at him at the last second. "Wha-Anais!" He bent down and trapped her in a tight hug, overwhelmed with relief that he had found his precious daughter. Then he stiffened.

"What were you thinking! You can't just run off like that! How many times have we told you that, how many times?! I was so worried Anais!" He yelled, this whole day had been utterly frustrating for him and now this? He'd never felt so panicked before. "But Papa I-"
"No buts Anais! You know better than to do that! We taught you better than to just run off!"

The little girl in front of him balled her little fist before smooshing them into her face and letting out the one sound Nagumo had really had enough of today.
He could barely make out what she was saying through her bawling, and it didn't help that now everyone was staring at him again. 'Oh great.'
"Anais, hey Little Lady, hey please stop crying would ya? Look I'm sorry I shouted I was just worried honey! You can forgive your papa right?"
"I ju-jus wanted ta-ta ma-maaake you more ha-ha-happpy!" Anais garbled through her incessant sobs.

This was the second time in a day he'd made his children cry. 'Nice going, you've totally got this parenting thing down.'
"Look Anais I'm, I'm sorry alright? Please, please just stop." He pleaded to the small child, only now noticing the small chocolate bar she was squishing in her tiny hands "Is that? Is that for me?" He asked cautiously, hoping to distract his daughter. She looked up at him, eyes big and still shedding tears "Yuhuh! I just w-wanted y-you to be happy papa! Coz sweeties make me happy s-so I got one f-f-for yoooouuuu!" She cried before throwing the treat on the ground at his feet and crossing her arms, sniffing. "Anais!" Nagumo retorted, picking up the bar, his daughter just turned away from him.

'She's never like this...she's never naughty and she never sulks like that!' His conscience shouted. Anais was always...pleasant and sweet, such a kind little girl... 'Well you keep yelling at her for a start. Fuusuke never has to yell, Fuusuke's a good parent, he knows how to look after children, he knows what he's doing. You? Oh please, you don't know the first thing about what it means to be a parent, you're hopeless without Suzuno, you have no clue what you're doing. But hey, you're trying you're best...'

He tried to block it out. All the negativity, all the anxiety and nerves, all the...anger at those stupid people who were still staring at him, at this stupid waste of a day, at his kids that just wouldn't give him a damn break, at his husband for putting him in this situation in the first place!

"Hey."
He barely registered it the first time, or the second for that matter.
"Hey? Haruya?"
Nothing, well he must've said something since Suzuno quickly disappeared out of view before reappearing again. The kitchen was tidy enough, you wouldn't now there had been a battle in there before at least. Tamal was in his crib, asleep, for now. Anais was in her room, sulking, or perhaps she was asleep too, Nagumo couldn't care to check. The sofa, the sofa contained Nagumo. He was practically a part of it now, just lying there, motionless, spread out like a pancake.

It looked funny.

"What are you doing?" Suzuno asked with a slight chuckle, taking in the slumped form of his husband. No reply. It was a quick switch-Suzuno wasn't stupid after all, it was clear something was wrong. "Hey, are you alright Haruya? You look-"
"-Like shit." It was all he could muster. Suzuno raised a brow at him but said nothing of the remark-he'd figured the kids must be asleep.

Nagumo sat up a little, trying his best to look a little less washed up "No, I'm fine just had a bit of a...crazy day haha...you know how it is..." he trailed off, way too exhausted to keep up the stupid smile he had been sporting.
"They give you a tough time?" His husband asked, bending down and gently pushing back a few vibrant red hairs that had fallen out of place, well, more than a few. "Do you want a little help, just while they're sick? I could try and sort something out with work or-"
Nagumo moved away from his touch, straightening up even though his body screamed at him for doing so "What? No, no I'm fine I've got this Fuusuke. You don't need to do anything I am...fully in control."

The other male straightened up, arm falling limply to the side "Haruya..."
But his husband just gave him a tired smile, running his fingers through his fiery red hair before sighing. "It's just the way it is, no need to worry." He said in a voice only just above a whisper, staggering to his feet even though again, his body screamed at him not too. He hadn't realised how much pain he was actually in. Was this what it felt like to get old? Everything just gets worse with age, Haruya got that now.

"Haruya, look at you, you're in pain." Suzuno stated, trying to place a comforting arm around his partner, Haruya just swatted him away "I already told you, I'm fine." He replied through gritted teeth. His husband scowled, icy gaze making Haurya uneasy "Like hell you are. You're completely worn out, just let me help you or at least...arrange for a babysitter or something-"

"-We don't need a damn babysitter I've got this!" He yelled, attempting to move past his husband, only for his legs to momentarily give out. Suzuno caught him. "Clearly you don't Haruya." The other retorted, voice raising to a similar level as his husband's, both men seemingly forgetting that their precious childrens' slumber may be broken at any moment.

Nagumo's face flushed red, he quickly pushed away from his partner, finally being able to gain his footing. "You seriously think I can't do this? You think I'm useless, don't you Fuusuke?!" He yelled, balling his hands into fists.
"Haruya that's not what I meant and you know it." His husband replied, lowering his voice in an attempt to calm the atmosphere.
It didn't work.

"You're just like the rest of them! Just like everyone else! I'm fucking trying my best here!" Nagumo continued, not even stopping to consider his choice of language, the children were asleep anyway. Suzuno frowned, he couldn't remember the last time Nagumo was riled up like this, the last time he really really yelled like that. No, Nagumo had left that part of him behind when they started to get serious; Nagumo had changed.

Or maybe, maybe that was just what Suzuno wanted to believe.
Suzuno himself had to learn to be less...rude, sarcastic...cold. People found him 'difficult to approach' apparently; 'You'll never get adopted with that attitude' he could never remember exactly who it was that said those words to him, but boy did they stick. So he tried, really hard, to be likeable, friendlier, more like Midorikawa or Hiroto...but the years went by too quickly. It was too late by then.

It was funny, Nagumo had been given the same lecture, but the reason couldn't be any more different; Nagumo was always too loud, too angry, too in-your-face. The polar opposite to Suzuno. Nagumo was never adopted either, and even though he always acted like he didn't care, Suzuno always knew how much this had bothered him.

That's why he wanted to do this. For Nagumo. To prove to him that just because someone couldn't love him, it didn't mean he would never be able to love someone else.
'No. You did it for yourself. You knew how Nagumo felt, how scared he was, but it's not like you cared. You only cared about what you wanted!'

"I just-I just can't do this Suz-"
Fuusuke guessed he must have zoned out, since his husband was now sitting back on the sofa, head in his hands. Nagumo wiped his cheek and it was only then that Suzuno realised his husband had been crying. "Haruya..." he took a seat next to his husband, tentatively pulling him into a hug, afraid the other might lash out at him again. But that was not the case, Nagumo held onto the other tightly, fiercely, burying his face into the soft shirt Suzuno was wearing. The quiet sobs soon petered out but Haruya did not move, he just kept holding on.

"Just breathe, just breathe Haruya..." the other murmured softly.
'Just breathe Haruya, you don't need to cry. I'm sure someone will want you eventually.'
Suzuno squeezed him tighter. "You're perfect Haruya, the children love you, I love you, you're doing absolutely fine. You're amazing and I love you, you put a smile on my face whenever I see you, you bring me such immense joy and happiness and and you're so worthy Nagumo so deserving of love and attention and happiness and comfort and-" he sighed longingly, choosing instead to place a lingering kiss on the redhead's cheek.

It was difficult for Suzuno to keep stringing along so many kind words. At least he was getting better though, Midorikawa had been right.
Nagumo didn't seem to mind, after all, that was just the way Suzuno was.

"We should both get some rest, yes? We can talk about options in the morning." Suzuno mumbled, lightly stroking the other's hair.
"Sure."