(Scene 1)
[Max's house, Wednesday, 5.30pm]

(Kazemaru stands in the hallway of his friend's home as Handa shuffles around in the kitchen. He returns, wearing a tatty old jumper with fraying hems- it swamps him-Kazemaru's gaze is drawn to it.)

Handa: Can I get you something to drink? Kaze?

Kazemaru: (distant) Huh, sorry?

Handa: (softly) I said, you want something to drink? I've got like, every type of coffee imaginable.

Kazemaru: Right, sorry, it's been a long day. (Follows him into the kitchen) Uh, surprise me.

Handa: (pulls two mugs out of the cupboard)
Alright, I'll do us both a cappuccino then? (Opens another cupboard) You want any syrup or something?

Kazemaru: (shakes his head) No I'm okay. (Eyes up the many different coffee flavours, syrups and toppings on display) You have quite the collection.

Handa: (pulls down a large bottle of vanilla syrup) (softly) It's Max's really. He practically lives off the stuff. (Laughs lightly) He gets all the really high-end stuff from his parents' coffee house.

(He closes the cupboards and starts making the coffees, as the door closes Kazemaru can't help but notice the half-drunk bottles of rum and spirits hidden away behind all the fancy coffees.)

Handa: (gives Kazemaru his drink) Careful it's hot. (Smiles) So, what brings you to my humble abode Kaze?

Kazemaru: (takes a sip of the coffee before speaking) Well my conference finished early. I was going to head home but I thought I should-

Handa: -Come and see little old me? That was nice of you.

Kazemaru: (frowns, wary) Well, I mean-

Handa: (hurriedly, waves his hands) No I meant it! (Laughs awkwardly) (softly) Really, thanks...it's nice of you to come and see me. Sorry, I guess I've got a bit of a reputation now huh?

Kazemaru: (relieved) I wouldn't say that. (Sudden) Hey, about the other day-

Handa: (interrupts him with a shaky laugh, rubs the back of his neck) -That? It's kind of embarrassing, I guess I was just really overwhelmed at the time. I was having a pretty shit day to be honest and I guess having Afuro brighten it up made me a little excitable... (looks down at his feet, then up at Kazemaru) It was such a small thing really, and it did help, for a while at least.

Kazemaru: (Puts his cappuccino down) Hey I was thinking...maybe you should go and see a therapist or a counsellor?

Handa: (scrunches his eyebrows) What?

(Kazemaru softens his voice and inches closer to the other, but Handa backs away from him. He grasps his mug tightly in his hands)

Handa: (frazzled) I- I just told you I'm feeling better- why would I need to see someone if I'm feeling better?

Kazemaru: Because you're going through something very tough at the moment. It could do you a lot of good you know, to talk to a qualified professional. (Sighs) You know, I saw one when I was depressed-

Handa: (interrupts him, bitter) -Well I'm not depressed Kazemaru. (scoffs) I'm not paying a therapist to tell me what I already know is wrong with me.

Kazemaru: Handa...

Handa: (shakes his head, the grip on his mug even firmer now) (low) I know what's wrong with me, and that's not anything anyone can fix alright? (Waves a hand) The only 'real' issue right now is the insomnia- but that's nothing new, I've had that for a couple of months now, I'm used to it. (Kazemaru tries to say something but Handa interrupts him again)
-And before you say anything, I've already seen a doctor for that, so...it's...fine. (Breathes out heavily)

(Handa is shaking, but he doesn't realise it. When he speaks again he sounds close to tears.) Can we just...like leave it, please? I don't wanna talk about it anymore...

Kazemaru: Okay. But will you promise me one thing? (Holds onto Handa's shaking forearms, looks him directly in the eyes) (sincere) Will you promise me that you'll ask for help if you need it? I'm your friend, and I'm here for you, but I can't help you if you don't talk to me. (Softer) Don't close yourself away.

(Handa nods weakly.)

Kazemaru: (smiling) Good, because I don't want a repeat of last time.

Handa: Last time?

Kazemaru: Well yeah, after high school I didn't hear anything from you for like three whole years. (Laughs) It was like you'd just fallen off the face of the Earth or something! (Suddenly sincere) You can talk to me about anything you know? Whatever it was, I would've helped you...

(Handa tries to speak but he can't, he looks down and mumbles a 'sorry' but Kazemaru doesn't hear him. After a minute of silence Handa speaks up again, suddenly seeming full of life again.)

Handa: I could really do with some fresh air for a bit, you know? (Looks into his coffee cup then back up at his friend) Yuki's had me off work for a bit and I'm slowly running out of things to keep me occupied here.

Kazemaru: (nods) (brightly) Yeah sounds good, you know my therapist said taking a walk or absorbing nature is a really good way to-

Handa: (interrupting him, excited) (grabs Kazemaru's arm) There's this lake Max used to take me to sometimes, it's really pretty. We could go there!

(Kazemaru tries to say something as Handa quickly rushes off, muttering something about where he left his car keys. Kazemaru catches up to him and grabs his hand.)

Kazemaru: (smiling awkwardly but trying not to show it) How's about I drive? My treat- as thanks for the coffee?

Handa: (hesitates for a moment, low) Okay...

Kazemaru: (walking out of the kitchen hoping the tension will dissipate) Just to be safe yeah? (He pulls his coat down) I'll call Mamoru and tell him I might be back late.

(Scene 2)
[out of town, by a lake, 6:15pm]

(The two sit around a small fire, Handa is wearing a large Spider-Man hoodie over his jumper- Max's- and smoking a cigarette, Kazemaru is sitting up and throws another stick on the fire as Handa shivers a little)

Handa: (sentimental, quiet) Max used to always take me out here. We'd build a little fire and roast marshmallows...or sometimes hotdogs, and we'd just...talk. Talk about life. About us. You guys... It was just peaceful you know? I loved it. (He pulls his arms around his body, shivers, he stares up into the evening sky) We didn't really get to spend that much time together you know? I worked during the day and then I'd come home and Max would be doing a Twitch stream, or working on his game with his developers. (Sighs heavily)

He doesn't really have a romantic side, and he doesn't exactly do date nights- heck I don't even know when our anniversary is! (Laughs half-heartedly) But...we had this. This was our special place and if I'm honest, I'm okay with missing out on all the romantic stuff because I knew at least we had this. Just being able to be with him was enough for me.

Kazemaru: (places his hand on top of Handa's giving it a small squeeze, softly) Then I feel honoured that you shared it with me Han.

Handa: (smiles then shivers again, Kazemaru scolds him for not bringing a coat before giving up his own and draping it over Handa's shoulders) Thanks. (Gently) You're a good friend. (Stares at the ground) I really mean that you know? I feel like I can be like 'real' with you, you know?

(He takes another drag of his cigarette and runs his fingers through his hair) (quiet, low) I was...in the closet for a long time. And I really never had anyone to talk to about it all. I was so...lonely and confused... (lets out an exaggerated sigh, trying to lighten the mood) It definitely wasn't all fun and rainbows for me.

(A couple of frogs croak in the distance, before a soft splash sounds is heard. Handa smiles softly, remembering something)

Hey, do you remember that time we were supposed to catch frogs for Biology? And then you- (chuckles quietly) -opened all the cages and set them loose around the classroom?

Kazemaru: (shakes his head) Hey! I heard we were going to have to dissect them later, it just seemed so cruel! Besides, I wasn't planning on letting them roam like that, but they were too quick! (He laughs too, Handa nudges him)

Handa: Well anyway, Mamoru took the fall for you didn't he? You know, everyone teased him about it, said he did it because he had a crush on you...

Kazemaru: (rolls his eyes) What? No, all the way back then? No way. (He picks up a twig off the ground, snapping it and throwing it onto the small fire in front of them.) Endou always said he didn't realise he liked me like that until the last year of high school. We'd always just been friends before then.
(Pauses to think) Like you and Max I suppose; I remember you always used to spend your time with Ryuugo before you suddenly became best friends with Max. Though wasn't there that rumour about Ryuugo and you-

Handa: (suddenly bitter) -Things change. People who you thought were your friends turn out to be dicks so... (takes a long drag of his cigarette)

Kazemaru: Oh, sorry. Didn't know it was like that...

Handa: (eager to change the subject, clutches the cigarette to his forehead, lays down)
I've been thinking a lot, about the future and stuff. (Sighs) Seems kinda redundant now, all things considered.

Kazemaru: (curious) Marriage, kids?

Handa: (furrows his eyebrows) What? Oh no no. Max doesn't want to marry me, he's never shown an interest in anything like that. To be honest I just want it to be us, we're fine as we are.

Kazemaru: (blasé, throwaway comment) Well, I'm sure you'll change your mind soon.

Handa: (a little frustrated but tries not to show it) Well, for now we're just going to do things our way, no one else's. (Sighs) The point is Max doesn't want kids, so that's it.

Kazemaru: Well, what about you?

Handa: It doesn't really matter what I want, besides, if they're anything like my niece and nephews then I'm really okay.

Kazemaru: (concernedly, leans closer to him) Hey, what you want is important too you know? I didn't really think much about having kids at first, but I could tell Endou was so passionate about it. He really wanted it. So we sat down and had a really long talk about it, because I knew it was important to. Open and honest dialogue is really important in good relationship. And being able to compromise too.

Handa: (turns his head to the side) Open and honest?

Kazemaru: (nods his head) We talked for a long time and we decided we should give it a go, and I can honestly say it's changed my life looking after Quinn and Micah. It's brought Endou and I so much closer too. It was the missing piece we were both desperately searching for. It's made us happier than we've ever been.

Handa: (whispers) Shit...

Kazemaru: Huh?

Handa: (sits up quickly, almost panicking) I- I want to make Max happy too. All I want is to make him happy! But I don't even know what he wants!

Kazemaru: (trying to get Handa to calm down) Well that's okay, that's what the talking is for (stops) you can talk to him when he wakes up. Open and honest remember?

Handa: (quickly) B-but what if, what if you had to lie, to protect them, and yourself from the truth? Is that wrong?

Kazemaru: (stumped for a moment) Well...

Handa: I should've talked to him before, then I'd know what he wants! Because I really want to make him happy you know, because he's done so much for me and I like, haven't given anything back to him at all- I just want us to have a normal relationship, but what if I'm going about it all wrong!

Kazemaru: (raises his voice louder) Hey it's okay! There's no right or wrong way to go about a relationship. As long as there's love and trust there I'd say you two are fine!

Handa: (visibly anxious now, he grips his cigarette so tightly that it almost stubs out) Oh I should've just been honest with him from the start! I should've just- (he holds his head, the cigarette glowing dimly now) -I just want a good, normal relationship...
I've never been in good relationship, even when they start off good they always end up with one of us getting hurt!

Kazemaru: (noticing his friend is getting worked up, scoots over to him and places a reassuring hand on the other's shoulder) Hey... (comforting) Most relationships that happen when you're young aren't...the greatest (smiles softly) but it's all an experience, a test run until you meet the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Handa: (distressed, shoves Kazemaru's hand off of him) An experience?! A test run?! Well that's just great to hear, just perfect! I'm not talking about some fucking high school romance like you had Ichirouta- I'm talking real relationships, real bad relationships! All I ever wanted was to be loved, but I was never allowed that!

(Kazemaru doesn't know what to say, he keeps his mouth shut. An ember flitters off the crackling fire, exploding with a pop before falling to the ground. The two say nothing for a while, until Handa speaks)

Handa: (meekly, embarrassed) Sorry...for getting so worked up...I'm just stressed you know?
(Kazemaru nods, pulling his knees up to his chest in awkward silence. Handa sighs and grabs a neatly wrapped parcel from his bag) Will you help me with this? I can't manage it on my own.

Kazemaru: What is it?

Handa: (unwrapping the parcel) Red Velvet cake- Fubuki dropped it off this morning. (Sighs) He keeps giving me cakes. I think he must have my routine sussed out by now because he always manages to corner me before I head off for work.

Kazemaru: I see.

Handa: (low, regretful) They're always good, but I can't enjoy them when I feel so guilty. He doesn't even really say anything to me, just stands there with a smile on his face. Makes me feel like even more of a jerk than before...
(Sighs deeply) I've been so mean and angry lately- like with Fubuki- he was just trying to help but I was hurting, and he came in all chipper and I guess I just wanted him to hurt too... I didn't mean it, I really didn't, I didn't even register the words before they came out of my mouth. (Shakes head) Didn't help that I was pretty drunk too when I said it. I wasn't thinking.

Kazemaru: Well there, you didn't mean it, so you should just apologise. Shirou will forgive you.

Handa: (huffs in frustration) Obviously I want to but how can I? (Voice raises, sarcastic) You make everything sound so easy Ichirouta.

Kazemaru: (pleadingly) He'll know you didn't mean it, if you just explain. He was just concerned for you and how much you were drinking, as a friend.

Handa: (disbelief) A friend?! He told me to kill myself!

Kazemaru: (a little taken back) Seriously?

Handa: (rubs the back of his neck) Well...in a...in a way.

Kazemaru: (takes a deep breath) Well... he was really very hurt because of what you said, you know what he's been through. You were both saying things you didn't mean.

Handa: Right sorry, no one can criticise him because he's the traumatised one.

Kazemaru: (breathes in and out deeply before replying) I get that you're lashing out. But I'm only trying to help. (He moves a little closer) Fubuki wasn't the only one concerned you know? I am too... (pauses) and not just about the drinking... (concerned, quiet) I love you but as your friend I can't keep silent on it, your coping methods aren't healthy. You're smoking suddenly, drinking way too much... (lets out another deep breath) and I had to pick you up from that hotel.
That was quite a shock.
(Shakes his head in disbelief) I mean, your boyfriend's in the hospital.

Handa: (taken aback, physically flinches) (low) I-I already told you that wasn't-we didn't-
I told you- he told you we didn't do anything!

Kazemaru: You're going through a really difficult time right now, you feel lost, hopeless, angry, and you just want to feel something.

Handa: (balls his hands into fists) Stop telling me how I'm supposed to be feeling, you have no idea!

Kazemaru: (moves closer to Handa) What I'm trying to say is...I can understand how it happened

Handa: (Agressive, tears falling) You're not listening to me! Nothing happened!
I was just super drunk and-

Kazemaru: (grabs his friend's hand, sympathetic) -one thing led to another-

Handa: (pulls his hands away, shocked) -nothing lead to anything! I was too drunk to get home and he was concerned, so he brought me back to his to sleep it off. That was it! Why won't you believe me?!

Kazemaru: You said you felt like you can be real with me, so let's do that, yeah?

Handa: (voice cracking) How can I, when you've already made your mind up on what you want to believe?

Kazemaru: I'm saying I get it. Relationships are complicated.

Handa: (scoffs and wipes a tear from his eyes) Oh I am not taking relationship advice from you of all people!

Kazemaru: What's that supposed to mean?!

Handa: (practically shouting) How about all the fights you two had? All the time you threatened to break up! Or did actually break up?

(Kazemaru doesn't reply, just sits there with a frown on his face. Handa takes a drag from his cigarette, blowing the smoke out towards the crackling fire. Kazemaru lies down on his back, finally speaking in a low voice.)

Kazemaru: I keep telling myself you're just lashing out, but that doesn't make it any less fair you know? (Handa doesn't say anything) I'm just trying to help you okay, because I understand. When I was depressed I did some pretty stupid things too-

Handa: (jumps up to his feet, furious) Will you just shut up?! There you go again making everything about you! How many times do I have to say it? I'm not fucking depressed Kazemaru! We aren't the fucking same! (Throws the cigarette on the floor and stamps it out, Kazemaru's jacket falls off his shoulders) I'm tired of hearing about your fucking depression, I don't give a shit Kazemaru! I'm too busy worrying about my own fucking problems- real problems!

(He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head in anger as Kazemaru just stares up at him completely dumbfounded)
I don't want to hear about your fucking therapist! I don't wanna hear you talk about you and Endou and how fucking perfect it all is now! I don't want to hear about your damn kids or about how 'I'll feel different about it later in life'! Just because you had some doesn't mean I have to! Kids can't just magically solve the fundamental problems in a relationship!
Stop acting like you know best!

(Angry tears fall down his cheeks as Kazemaru gets up slowly, dusting the dirt off his clothes and picking up his jacket. He grabs the cake, re-wrapping it before handing it to the other who tries to refuse it but Kazemaru just sighs and pushes it into his hands.)

Handa: (holding the parcel with trembling hands, almost hysterical) Aren't you going to say anything? Say you hate me for saying things like that?!

Kazemaru: (quiet and nonchalant, matter-of-fact) I think you've said everything you needed to, got it all off you're chest.

(Handa watches his friend head off in the direction of the car, pushing a couple of bushes aside and almost disappearing from view. He tries to find his words, but he stumbles over them before finally regaining his voice.)
Handa: (yells) I'm sorry! I'm so sorry Kazemaru! (He runs after the other, desperately yelling those same words) I'm sorry- please! Kazemaru!

(He stops in front of Kazemaru who has reached the car. Handa wipes his face furiously with his hands as Kazemaru just sighs, placing his hand on the brunette's shoulder.)

Kazemaru: (low, tired) Forget it, it's over now.

(The fire crackles in the background, dying out, thunderclouds roll in from the distance, Kazemaru looks up)

Kazemaru: (softly) Besides, it looks like it's going to rain. We should get out of here.

Handa: (quietly) ...Okay..

(Scene 3)
[The Park, Thursday, 4.25pm]

(Natsumi is sitting, slouched, on a bench under a large oak tree, she is wearing a large and unflattering coat even though it is still quite warm out. It is clear she has been crying. Kazemaru is walking through on his way home when she spots him)

Natsumi: (wiping her eyes hastily) What are you doing here?

Kazemaru: (Bitter, sarcastic) Last time I checked this was a public place. (Natsumi rolls her eyes at him) Whatever, not like I want to talk to you anyway, so I'll just be going. (begins to walk away, hands in his pockets)

Natsumi: Wait. I wish to speak with you Kazemaru.

Kazemaru: (turns halfway, snarky) Well I do not wish to speak with you, Miss Raimon. (Natsumi huffs in annoyance and crosses her arms. Kazemaru waves his hand at her dismissively and begins to walk off again)

Natsumi: How dare you walk away from me when I'm talking to you!

Kazemaru: (sudden, furious) How dare I? You think I care what you of all people think? You? You're a lying, manipulative bitch!

Natsumi: (gasps, offended) How can you say that!

(Kazemaru bites his lip, feeling a little bad for that. He decides it's better to just ignore her, he walks off again)

Natsumi: (regaining her composure, crosses her legs in a effort to seem unaffected by his comment) So you don't want to hear the news then?

Kazemaru: What news?

Natsumi: (snide) Well that got your attention didn't it?"

Kazemaru: (shakes his head) You know what? Forget it. Nothing that comes out of your mouth is worth listening to.

Natsumi: (desperately) No wait Please (quietly) Please...
(Kazemaru stops, he wants to say something but is unable to)
Please... (She looks around cautiously before sighing and unbuttoning her thick coat, revealing a small baby bump)

Kazemaru: (in a state of shock, sits down next to her slowly) Who knows about this? (Can't meet her eyes)

Natsumi: (quiet) No one. I've not seen the girls in...God, weeks...

Kazemaru: Are you...seeing someone?

Natsumi: (Hesitant) ...Yes...

Kazemaru: (Probing) And does he know? (She looks at him then at the ground)
(Louder) Does he know Natsumi?
(She avoids eye contact)
(Frustrated) Why are you even telling me this? Like I even care about your personal life-

Natsumi: -The baby-

Kazemaru: -I don't-

Natsumi: (quickly) -It's Mamoru's.

Kazemaru: (blinks, laughs in disbelief) What are you talking about? You're joking right?

Natsumi: I'm not! I'm telling the truth!

Kazemaru: (sudden change in demeanour) No, you're lying!

Natsumi: (taken aback) Kazema-

Kazemaru: (shoots up, angry) You're lying! All you ever do is lie! You're a liar! You're just trying to make me mad!

Natsumi: (angry) I'm telling you the truth! Endou, we-

Kazemaru: (shakes his head in disbelief) I can't believe I'm even entertaining you with this! It's so obviously a lie. (Seething) I know my husband, he wouldn't do something STUPID like that. He picked me Natsumi, deal with it!

Natsumi: (clenches her fists and squeezes her eyes shut, sounds close to tears) We had a life together you know; Mamoru and I, we were happy! (Opens her eyes and glares at him) And then you had to come along and steal him away!

Kazemaru: I didn't steal him, he chose-

Natsumi: (Crying out in frustration, tears start to fall from her eyes) He promised me! He said he loved me!

(More tears fall from Natsumi's eyes as Kazemaru just stares at her, not knowing what to say. He's never seen her like this before. Finally he begins to calm down, he wants to be angry but he knows there's no point now, he doesn't have it in him. He slumps down on the bench next to her as the woman desperately tries to wipe away her tears.)

Natsumi: (in between sobs) He promised me. Back when everything seemed to make sense, back when he was my everything... We would sit together, talk about our future-like it wasn't already so close...  He said he would look after me, no matter what. (She almost smiles at the memory) He was so kind, funny, motivated; he treated me like just another regular person-not a princess for once. That was what I loved about him. (Her smile fades) Yosuke is nothing like that.

(She places a hand over her bump protectively) (softly, quietly) I thought I could just pretend. Mamoru seemed to act like it wasn't happening, like you weren't coming over every time we had a fight (glances at Kazemaru) and 'comforting him'. (Looks away from him) As if I didn't secretly jump for joy whenever he told me you two had fallen out...

Kazemaru: (regretful) It was like some sick competition between us. With Endou as the prize we were both desperately trying to win. (Stares down at his wedding ring) It was all so pathetic.

Natsumi: (sniffles) I didn't hate you you know? In fact, I was really rather fond of you in high school. (Gives him a tiny smile) Remember how the three of us used to go to RaiRaiKen together after school?

Kazemaru: (chuckles softly) And you would always buy the most expensive things on the menu.

(They both softly chuckle at the memory before it goes quiet again. Natsumi speaks up)

Natsumi: I really wanted to hate you. I wanted to hate you for taking my boyfriend away from me, I really did, and yet... (lets out a deep sigh) as time went on it was plain to see he was so much happier when it was you he was with. The spark between us just wasn't there anymore. And try as I might, nothing could re-kindle our relationship. He chose you.

(She pulls a pack of tissues out of her handbag and dabs her eyes) I remember when he came to tell me you'd said yes to his marriage proposal. I was heartbroken, and I wanted to hate you so much for that...but then Mamoru was just so excited, he was happier than I'd ever seen him (smiles fondly) and even though I couldn't bring myself to go to your wedding I did see the photos- the two of you did look very happy. (Her face falls drastically) I would never want him to be unhappy. Oh god, I'm so sorry Ichirouta. I'm so sorry! I said something so awful and untrue!

(She starts crying hard again and Kazemaru pats her shoulder awkwardly, telling her not to cry. Neither say a word for a couple minutes as Natsumi sobs, before she finally starts to quieten down)

Natsumi: (Voice barely above a whisper) Yosuke doesn't want it, he's made that exceptionally clear. (Sniffs and dabs eyes) He said I either get rid of it or we're through...

Kazemaru: And what is it you want?

Natsumi: Me? I... (Rests a hand on her bump) I want...to keep it...I want to have this baby.

Kazemaru: (Stern, places both hands on her shoulders) Then, if he can't accept that then you're better off without him.

Natsumi: (shakes her head furiously) No, I cannot do this on my own, I just can't!

Kazemaru: (squeezes her shoulder comfortingly) You're not going to be on your own, your friends and family will support you. (Chuckles jokingly) Hey where's the strong Raimon Natsumi I knew from school huh?

Natsumi: (exhausted) She's gone now.

(Kazemaru stares at her defeated form before pulling her into a warm embrace, she tenses up at first but quickly leans into the hug, wrapping her arms tightly around him)

Kazemaru: I'll help you get her back, I'll...support you. This isn't easy for me but...yeah, I think you're...incredibly brave and I want to help, if you'll let me. (Pulls away from her and looks deeply into her eyes) I'm tired of it. I'm tired of all this fighting.

Natsumi: I'm tired too. (Sighs) I'm so so tired of all of this....

Kazemaru: (gentle) Come on, I'll walk you home...

Natsumi: Thank you, Ichirouta.

((Oof this one took me a long time
@LeahGoretti I know I told you it would be a couple days 🌚 yeah sorry I had a lot on (mainly trying to get Chapter 6 of Butterflies and Hurricanes up) but anyway it's here now!

I'm really glad about the change, it kinda ended up going in a different direction which I think fits the story WAY better (rip to anyone that read the old version 😬)

What did you think about the different format? I considered changing it back when I was re-editing, but I really liked it like this (besides I have other chapters in this format too so I'd have to eventually change them all otherwise and I ain't gonna do that 😤)
Anyway, it was kinda refreshing to use a different format, and it was quite freeing too ngl! Don't worry they won't all be like this!