((CW: Mature themes and language, mentions of eating disorder ))

Fix You~ Coldplay

"Do you remember how we first met?"
"Of course. Why are you bringing this up now?"
Laughter
"I just remembered it. It's funny, I've been remembering the smallest things since I got this bump on the head-what was it called again?"
Silence. He takes his hand, squeezes it
"It wasn't-Max-you got hit by a car remember? You were in a coma."
"Oh..."
He squeezes his hand again, eager for a better response, something, anything-a sign that he was still there...
Finally, he musters up the courage to speak again
"Max. You do...remember...right?"
The 165th time. The answer was always the same.
Silence and the sound of a clock ticking somewhere off in the distance. The warmth in his hands dying away, the confusion in his face-the absolute concentration. Followed by that devastated look-failure.
He squeezes his hand tighter, the hot tears pricking at his eyes
"I'm sorry."
"Max no, please don't say that, don't say that-if anything I should be the one to..."
He can never get it out, never admit to it
"It's okay."
And then those dreaded words
"I forgive you."

"I know you love me. I love you too, even though lately you seem so broken to me-so broken you can't be repaired...
But...
I can fix you."

"Hey Han? Do you remember how we first met?"

I batted my eyelids open, breathing in that familiar scent. Coffee. He loved the stuff and so he always had that scent, like a lazy morning, the two of us snuggled up in bed-
"I thought you'd never wake up."
I sat up with a start, immediately regretting that decision as all the blood rushed to my head. I clutched my head in pain whilst frantically trying to assess the situation in front of me; I was lying on a sofa, somewhere I definitely didn't know, with no clue as to how I ended up here.

I got to my feet, staggering somewhat as that voice spoke again from behind me.
"You snore you know." He said with a yawn, scratching his lower back.
"Where am I?" I asked before noticing there was a small window nearby, I walked over, popping it open and letting the cool night air hit my skin. My body felt hot all over. My head was pounding. I wanted to be sick.
I heard a laugh "You drank too much and passed out, so I brought you back here. You don't remember anything?"

I looked back at him, a million and one things whizzing through my head; I definitely recognised him, but couldn't remember anything about the night. He was black with the build of a rugby player or something, strong and bulky, muscular, but with a kind smile and dark eyes. His eyes-they were just like Max's-deep, deep brown, almost black in colour.
"Hello?"
My mind snapped back to the situation at hand. I needed to get home.
"Where am I?" I asked, suddenly feeling exhausted, like I hadn't slept for a week-'because you haven't.'

He yawned again, and it was only then that I took the time to properly check out my surroundings; it was a hotel room, a pretty big one with a living room, a small sofa (no wonder my back hurt), table and chairs, small kitchenette and mini fridge. I finally figured out where the coffee smell was coming from- it made my head hurt a little. There was a room to the side which I assumed must've been a bedroom or bathroom. It was pretty nice actually. "Hotel room." I mumbled, resting my head on the sill and flopping my arms out of the window. I felt terrible-worse than usual. How much did I drink last night?
Night?
I opened my eyes a little, it was pitch black, there were stars out and everything was still, silent. "What-what time is it? I croaked, the air drying up my throat.

"About half three." The voice said tiredly. "And it's Christophe by the way, in case you forgot." He said with a small chuckle-I on the other hand wasn't finding any part of this situation funny. Christophe...The name spun around in my brain but I still couldn't seem to piece anything together; just loud music and the smell of alcohol. I groaned again, pulling myself away from the window. 'Three a.m? I thought you told Fudou you'd stopped drinking- clearly that didn't last long!'

I turned around only to come face to face with 'Christophe', for a big guy he sure can move quietly. He moved closer to me and I, on instinct, moved back as his hands rested themselves on my shoulders. "What are you doing?" I asked, startled at how meek my voice had become. He looked into my eyes and I tried to avoid his gaze but those eyes of his-Max's eyes, I couldn't help myself, and for a moment I was sure he was going to kiss me, and I was sure I wouldn't have stopped him-if only just to look into those eyes again.

"It's late, you should probably get some rest." And just like that the moment was gone. He pulled away from me, smiling tiredly and I suddenly realised the thoughts I'd just had, about this guy, this stranger that I didn't know. And I suddenly realised what a terrible person I must be to want a stranger to kiss me when I have a boyfriend whose suffering because of me and-
The bedroom door slammed open, making me jump out of my skin.

"Fuck you Christophe, you were supposed to tell me when he woke up!" The guy yelled, standing in just his underwear.
"Jesus Christ, keep your voice down will you!" Christophe shushed, walking over to the man and trying to coax him back into the room as I just looked on in confusion 'What the hell happened last night-or tonight?'
The other man didn't seem to take Christophe's actions well, pushing at his chest even though Christophe was double his size. "Shut up Chris I can do what I want!"

Christophe sighed heavily and the other man took that moment to escape his grasp, heading right towards me. "You ready now?" He asked gruffly. My whole body tensed up- something about the way he talked, his tone...it sounded like-
"You fucking deaf or something?" He growled, snatching my arm tightly. I cried out in pain as he yanked me towards him.
"Woah, woah-dude stop that." Suddenly the man was jerked back, Christophe pulling him away from me.

"What the fuck man?! What are you doing?!"
"What do you mean 'what am I doing?'- you can't just grab him like that!"
I tried to control my breathing. I didn't think he was going to just grab me like that.
"He said so before."
"Yeah but-"
"Fuck off!"
I didn't know what was going on, my head felt so fuzzy. 'I need to get out of here. I need to go. I can't stay here.' I began looking for my things before someone roughly pulled on my shoulder. I looked up to see that horrible man again, he sneered at me "You taking the piss? You promised me!"

I didn't know what he was talking about but he wasn't letting me go. "W-what?"
"Fucking let go of me Christophe I just wanna talk to him yeah!" He yelled, smacking his friend back who just sighed and let him go finally. He turned back to me, placing his other hand on my shoulder, seemingly more calm now. "Look." He said, rubbing my shoulders "There's no need for trouble. I just want what was promised."
"Hiro..."
"-Stay out of this Chris!" He growled and turned back to me. I felt one hand slide down from my shoulder to my lower back, he leaned closely to me. I could smell vodka on his breath. "Come on, yeah? Let's fuck."

My eyes widened in horror, I looked over at Christophe then quickly pushed myself away from him, backing away. "So you brought me back here to-" I turned to the other guy "No! Hell no! Y-you can't just ask someone to- what gave you the idea that I-" I couldn't get my words out. He crossed his arms "That's not the impression I got when we were making out."

I clasped my hands over my ears "No I-I never did that-" I squeezed my eyes shut, there's no way I made out with a random stranger, that's not me -'Yes it is, you said it yourself-'I don't know why I suddenly want to make out with every guy I se-' "Shut up." I mumbled shakily, straightening up "I-I need to go-"
"Are you serious?" I tried to ignore him, rummaging around looking for my stuff, frantically searching for my phone and struggling to find it.

"Hey. Hey I'm talking to you! You're gonna just play me like that? What, you trying to fuck my friend instead?!" He accused, I could hear him coming towards me again but Christophe got to him first. "It not like that dude." I heard him sigh loudly "Come on, you're too drunk. He's said no so that's the end of it."
"Oh don't you start giving me that consent bullcrap. He agreed to it!"

I stood up quickly, throwing my jacket to the ground "It fucking matters!" I yelled.
I may not know much about this stuff thanks to Kaido, but I've learnt, recently, what consent is and things. I understand now what it means. "If I say No I don't consent, if you guilt-trip me into a Yes I haven't consented, if I don't answer I don't consent, if I'm drunk or unconscious I can't consent! I didn't consent then and I don't consent now!" I screamed, not caring about keeping my voice down. It needed to be said.

Nobody said anything and I just stared at the floor, already feeling my eyes beginning to well up. Why was I crying, I'd stood up for myself- this was a triumphant moment for me wasn't it? Somehow, I didn't feel like I'd earned it.
"Whatever you whore."

"Right, out NOW." Christophe said, pushing his friend to the front door. I didn't hear his response, only flinched when he slammed the door behind him.
"Shit. Sorry about him. Don't worry, he won't be coming back."
I didn't look up, my body was shaking all over. I headed over to the sofa.
"He's never normally like that, I mean he's a complete asshole but-"
"-Was it true. What he said?" I whispered, feeling the tears fall slowly down my cheek.

"I-I can't remember anything...Usually I...but I can't even remember going home after..." Had I gone straight to a bar? Had I even eaten anything? Seven hours, completely unaccounted for. It was all gone, just a smudgy reminder of the evening, a greasy smear of colours. "I've never...there's just nothing..."
I felt the sofa dip a little as he took the seat next to me. "I'm pretty sure you guys didn't even kiss, I think he's just confused-there were a lot of people. You did kiss me though-on the cheek. You said my muscles were cool." He chuckled to himself.
I couldn't meet his eyes, they looked too much like Max's. "W-what happened?"
"Well...everyone was pretty drunk, and you were flirting quite heavily with us I must admit, but you were also going on about your boyfriend-like, a lot, which was kinda weird. I found you passed out outside so I decided to take you back here to sleep it off."

I grabbed my hair, my head was starting to pound again. 'You idiot!! You stupid piece of shit! All because you were upset about Kidou you went and put yourself into this situation-you proved him right!'
"Oh but..." Christophe was speaking again. "I didn't sleep with you or anything, I only brought you here because I couldn't get your address out of you- you kept falling asleep. I didn't want to just leave you there, I couldn't have you falling into the wrong hands..."

I fiddled with the fraying end of my jumper "I don't know what's wrong with me.... It's like...it's like my mind has just wandered away and someone else-some...bad person is in control..." My hands suddenly flew up to my face as fat tears began to roll down my face "I thought I could manage by myself but I was wrong-I can't-I can't stop it! I can't do it anymore!" My body trembled with sobs.
"Hey-" he placed a hand on my shoulder and I flinched "Please...don't touch me... " Christophe backed up, mumbling an apology.

"Well...you might as well stay until morning- sober up until then." He muttered and I didn't even bother arguing with him, I couldn't go home right now, it wouldn't solve anything. I didn't even know where I was.
"You okay?" He asked softly and I couldn't help but look up at him, at Max's eyes asking me if I was okay, because Max was always asking me that.

"I'm not okay. And I haven't been okay for a long time now." I sniffed, trying to stop the tears from falling but it was futile. "I miss him. I just want him back. I just wish I could tell him that I'm sorry, that I'm sorry and I didn't mean for this to happen!" I grabbed a hold of his shirt, my thoughts unraveling. "I'm a bad person aren't I? I deserve all of this don't I? He was only ever kind to me, and this is how I choose to repay him?! I don't wanna be like this, I just want him to hold me and say-"
I sobbed, letting go of him. "-I need him to lie to me. Just lie and tell me that I'm a good person and that I'm...okay and everything is okay...I want that lie." I leaned against the sofa, a mumbling, crying mess, desperately craving something I didn't deserve to have.

(7.15am)

I let the water flow over me, fall down my face, roll off my skin. It mixed with my hot tears, the salty taste diluting somewhat but not disappearing. The tears just kept on falling, no matter how hard I tried to stop them.
"Hey...you alright?" I heard the door squeak open. I tried wiping my eyes before realising that was futile. "No, not really!" I yelled exasperatedly over the din of the water. I could see his shadow on the outside of the shower curtain. "Well...I was just seeing if you were okay."
I shut off the water and pulled back the shower curtain, so only my face was visible "Do I look okay? Do I sound okay? No, now leave me alone Christophe!" I shouted before immediately feeling bad about my outburst. "I'm sorry it's just..." I mumbled before he shook his head, sighing heavily.

"Forget it. I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving in an hour." He leant on the doorframe "oh yeah, and that guy's here for you by the way."
My eyes widened "He really came?" I whispered.
"Yes, I did." He stood at the door, arms folded, a pissed-off look on his face. I stared at him for a second before quickly pulling the curtain across-thinking, stupidly, that he would leave me alone like that.

"Handa. I'm still here you know." He said and I turned the water back on to drown him out, I heard him sigh.
"I'll just leave you two to it, shall I?" I heard Christophe say over the din of the water.
"Handa. Get out. Now."
This time, I obeyed-there was no point making him any more angry than he already was. I switched off the water, shakily pulling away the curtain only to have a towel thrown at my face.

I hugged the towel to my body. "I-It's not what it looks like Kazemaru..."
"Sure. Now let's go."

(5pm~ Arata's house)

"Hey Afuro?"
He was lying on the grass, taking pictures of the flowers Joseline and I had recently planted. I smiled, taking a moment just to admire him; the way the slight breeze tossed his hair, the slight orange tint it had become as the sunset rays bounced off it, the soft clicks of the shutter going off.
"Are you going to just stand there and stare at my ass all day or are you going to actually say something?"

I quickly snapped out of my daydream, going a little red at being caught staring. Luckily Josie was up playing in her room so there was no way she could have heard Afuro's little 'comment'. He sat up, making a noise of displeasure at what was probably the grass stains on his clothes before standing up and facing me. He tucked a lock of hair behind his ear before placing the camera down on one of the deckchairs.

I tried to seem casual, as if I'd only just now thought of this idea. "Oh yeah. I was just thinking, since it's near my birthday and all, that it would be a nice idea if we could go out to eat. Tonight. My treat." He fixed me a strange look, placing one hand on his hip "If it's your birthday then why do you want to treat me?" He said and I just smiled. "Do I really need a reason to want to do something nice for you?"

I stood, waiting for his reply. The breeze went through him, picking up his clothes a little and tousling his hair as the sun set behind him, bathing him in a gold light. He looked like an angel. Then he looked away, sullen and guilty "I'm sorry but... I'm not really hungry you know, maybe another time Arata..."
"Afuro?" He wouldn't meet my eyes. I walked over to him, so we were both outside, intertwining my hand gently with his. He felt colder than usual "Please? I've already got a place in mind, a Korean place. I just...I'm really thankful for the way you've been so accommodating to the way I and Josie live and I...I just want to kind of return the favour a little, be able to enjoy some of the things you enjoy..."

He lifted his head up a little, seemingly debating the idea for a few moments. He gave a small nod and I let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you." I said, hugging him before letting go and running over to the stairs.

(Afuro)
I watched Shimozuru clambering up the stairs in excitement. My stomach rumbled and I cringed, I was so hungry-I'd skipped out on lunch and Vivi noticed but I just passed it off saying I felt sick. I feel sick now, I'm hungry and tired and sick of feeling so disgusted with myself all the time. But I have to keep doing it. Ever since I moved in with him I've been putting on wei-
"-Yeah, yeah that would be great thanks. No, seriously Josie's been bugging me about it for ages so...yeah... I'm glad...alright see you soon, thanks again!...okay, bye." Josie was bouncing down the stairs as her father grinned at me. I tried to smile back.

"Is Josie not coming with us?" I asked just as said girl attacked my leg, answering my question for me "Daddy's taking me to Ana's! Quick! Let's go go!" She chirped, tugging at my jeans hastily. "Alright, let me get changed then."

(Nagumo)
As soon as I opened the door I was almost pushed to the side by a flying mass of pink that had come charging through. "ANA!" Arata's daughter shouted and I laughed at Tamal in my arms who had an expression of extremely mild shock. "JOJO I MISSED YOU!" My daughter shouted back as the two hugged, they literally saw each other at school this morning-kids. I waved at Arata and Afuro before closing the door, Joseline was standing in front of me with a look of awe on her face.

She made a sort of squealing sound before grabbing Anaise's hand, jumping up and down on the spot "Your brother is so cute Ana! Can I touch him?" She asked, looking at me, I chuckled slightly at the request but kneeled down anyway so I was closer to her height. Joseline walked over cautiously, glancing up at me before lightly poking Tamal's cheek "Boop." She grinned and squealed again "he's so soft!" Before running off with Anaise. Tamal made a face and swiped at the air, I just laughed 'booping' his little nose. He grabbed my finger and tried to bite it-or gum it I suppose. "Ay! Alright I won't do that."

After giving Tamal his bottle I walked into the living room to see that the girls had managed to drag all of Anaise's toys downstairs and into the living room and fashioned some sort of 'city' out of blankets and cushions- I wasn't even mad, I was actually quite impressed at how they'd managed to construct such an architectural feat in such a small amount of time. "Ah! And now for the finishing touch, follow me Jojo!" Anaise's stated and they both rushed upstairs. "What are those two like, eh Tamal?" I said and Tamal just looked at me blankly-well that's what you get for trying to talk to a baby.

I walked carefully over to the sofa, making sure not to disturb any piece of the girls' creation before sitting down. Tamal made a noise of discomfort so I placed him on my thigh instead and handed him his favourite toy-it was basically the head of this bunny rabbit stuffy that Cookie had 'accidentally' ripped off that Suzuno sewed onto a small piece of blanket since Tamal rejected all the other stuffed toys we'd got for him. I don't know why he even likes it-it's literally a body less rabbit-but he won't ever go to sleep without it. He sometimes likes to put it on his head, wear it like a hat. I dunno kids are weird.

He made grabby hands for it and pulled it into his chest, snuggling it. Just then Anaise and Joseline reappeared again "Now we match!" Joseline exclaimed and I laughed, realising what they meant-Anaise was wearing her Stitch kigurumi and her friend was wearing a dinosaur one-I'd dressed Tamal in a brown bear babygrow so that must of been what they meant. "Well it looks like this has become a bit of a pyjama party huh girls?" I said and they both laughed before going over to play in the 'city'.

About five minutes later Tamal patted my cheek, code for me to put him down. I put him on the floor and he sat, looking at the girls for a few moments before crawling/shuffling towards them. Before I could stop him he'd already wrecked half of the city, Anaise and Joseline looked at each other before deciding to join him, making dinosaur noises and roaring about as I just sat there recording the whole thing.

I was laughing off-camera at the three of them when Tamal, who had been chewing on one of the pillows, opened his mouth "Raaawr!"
The rest of us just stopped and stared at him before a grin etched onto my face "Tamal! That was your first word AND I caught it on camera! Hey, hey can you say it again Tamal? Say it for me, hm?" I urged, Tamal just looked at me before turning his back on me and crawling away.

'Why do I even bother?'

(6pm~Arata's car)

"We're not going to the restaurant, are we?" Afuro asked and I gave him a sad smile, placing my hand on his knee lightly "No. I just thought we should talk."
He shifted uncomfortably "What about?"
I pulled up by the park, there were still a few children with their parents out, making the most Sun's few rays.

I turned to him, moving my hand from his knee to his face, stroking his cheek gently. He frowned "What's wrong Shimozuru, are you okay?" He asked and I shook my head, softening my voice "I want you to be completely honest with me."
He moved away from my touch, the atmosphere suddenly became frosty. "You want me to be honest? I haven't done anything?" He answered defensively, but I could tell it was a front.

I didn't want to accuse him. Didn't want it to sound like I was judging, or sticking my nose in somewhere it didn't belong. But I couldn't keep pretending like I hadn't noticed anymore.
I took a hold of his hand softly, rubbing his fingers gently. "It's okay. I'm not going to judge you. I just want to help, I love you Terumi..."
For a moment he just sat there with an  indignant look on his face, then he lowered his head, long eyelashes obscuring his beautiful crimson eyes. "You know, don't you?"

I nodded.
"How?" He asked lowly, I shrugged my shoulders "Little things....You've not been eating much in the last couple of days, and you've stopped making lunches, and I caught you weighing yourself on a couple of occasions too, other things as well..."

"I..." His voice wobbled as he spoke. He bit his lip, hands clenching and unclenching repeatedly. I placed my hand on his shoulder "It's okay."
He opened his mouth as if to speak again but nothing came out.
"It's okay." I repeated again. "You don't have to say anything, and you don't have to feel ashamed. You don't have to give me the why's either- just let me help you. I'm going to help you through this." I reassured, Afuro just nodded wordlessly.

He probably wouldn't want to talk about it, about how it started. It wasn't my place to inquire and poke about, I just wanted to help in any way I could; even if that was just letting him know I would support him.
I'd been through something similar to this before, a friend of mine started dieting to lose weight. I didn't give it much thought at first, after all it was their body, not mine, and they said they were only doing it to get fitter-to keep their place on the team.

I missed all the signs, I missed how thin they were getting, how exhausted and drained they were becoming because of the lack of nutrition. All that time I just stood by, completely blind to their suffering, the self-loathing, the insults. And when I finally opened my eyes, when they finally confided in me because they were so weak they couldn't even play anymore, when they ended up in hospital because of it... I just ran.
I ran. Abandoned them, because I found it scary, I found it- them- disgusting.
When I should've been there for them I wasn't.
I'm not going to make that same mistake with Afuro.

He shuddered and tucked a hair behind his ear, speaking for what seemed like the first time in forever. His voice had lost its usual enchanting lustre, and I realised he had lost it for a while now.
'You're still not seeing. Open your eyes.'
"I was managing for a long time...with Fubuki's help...I thought I was done with it..." He muttered, his voice was so hollow, like all the life had been drawn out of it.
I nodded in understanding as he went quiet again.

His gaze flicked up to mine momentarily before lowing again "Why do you like me Shimozuru, or rather, what part of me do you like? Because right now, right now, I hate everything about me..."

I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned over, holding onto my boyfriend tightly "Terumi, I love everything about you, every last little microscopic detail about you I adore, you are so amazing" I pulled back slightly, staring deeply in his crimson eyes "wonderful" I kissed his cheek "beautiful".
"You're only saying that." He mumbled, turning his face away from me. I shook my head, taking a hold of his chin and gently turning him back to face me. "I'm not lying. I think you're incredibly beautiful Afuro, but not just that, you're kind too, considerate, loving, you treat Jojo like a real proper father should. But most importantly I feel like...being with you I finally feel like I can let go of all my past mistakes, my guilt, my own feelings of inadequacy...you make me feel alive Terumi."

"Y-you really think all that Shimozuru?"
I held his face in my hands "Our worth as people doesn't come from our weight or or size or how we look, it's about what's inside- as cliché as that sounds it's the truth. It's about how we treat others, how we make those around us feel, how we look at ourselves.
I love you so much. I love all you, but if I had to choose a favourite part of you, it would be this bit right here-" I reached down and pinched his tummy "It's so soft..and warm...and I love snuggling up to it." I smiled up at him and he smiled down at me-actually smiled.
We had an understanding.
I was going to help him.
It was silent between us, neither of us feeling as we needed to say anything else.

It just felt...right. I leaned up and captured his warm lips, smiling into the kiss when he wrapped his arms around my neck as I held onto him tightly. It was just perfect.
We were both breathless when we parted, and then Afuro started giggling, I kissed him repeatedly as he kept laughing and laughing.
"I love you Afuro. I really do." I mumbled against his skin, feeling so much love for the man in my arms.

(8.15pm)
(Suzuno)
"What the-" I couldn't even finish my sentence as a laugh erupted from me "Oh Haruya, what even-how?!" I laughed again before snapping a picture on my phone "This is definitely going on Instagram!" I said and he smirked at me before giving me a big hug.

"The girls got bored."

I could've guessed-his hair was in bows, with lipstick smothered around his lips, bright blue eyeshadow, glitter and stickers over his cheeks "Well, I think you look...fabulous baby."
"Suzuzu!"
"Daddy!"
I smiled seeing the two girls running towards me.
Running towards me, with makeup.

'Oh crap.'

((Another long chapter sorry! Despite that I am finally happy with the way this has turned out, in the downtime between chapter 81 and 82 I've been re-editing chapters- this was definitely one that I'd always felt iffy about.
I wrote it a while back (2017 oof) It just didn't sit well with me in its original form; both the Handa and Afuro storylines and I felt I really needed to have a re-think and change them. I was re-editing 66 along with this so that helped to keep me focused too.

I think it's better now, I wanted Afuro's E.D to be more prominent and less 'solved' than it was originally- since these things take time and it's not something a person may just want to talk about, even with someone they love. I also changed Christophe's character to make him more realistic and less complicit I feel. I changed Handa's parts too, not drastically but again more realistic (?), if I can call it that.

I also added Content Warnings because I realised I haven't really done that properly on many of my chapters- definitely something I need to work on.
Anyway sorry for such a long rant I've just been thinking about a lot of things and wanting to better myself, it's kinda annoying because I feel like it's only from around Chs 70 onwards that I actually feel proud of; I've had to work on so many (around 10 now) and I always wish I could've started stronger. But that's the way writing is and I can't get bummed out by it- we all have to start somewhere! I've been really inspired by sinkingwmyships to try and do better and actually fix a lot of the mistakes I've made.
So ahhhh...sorry for the long rant idk? I'll get back to Ch82...at some point!

Bye!))