((CW: Mature themes, sexual themes))

If It Wasn't For The Nights~ ABBA

(A little while earlier)
To say that Matsumoto was pissed would be an understatement. Not only had his ex-boyfriend just ruined his favourite, most expensive shirt, but Afuro had been right.
"Dammit, stupid fucking- I can't believe this!"
He complained, slinging his shirt in the hamper and pulling a t-shirt over his head.

"Well what did you think was going to happen, that he would forgive you? Really?" The voice on the other end of the phone said. A mocking tone, only infuriating the blonde more.

"For a second I thought he might, but he had to bring up that stupid kid again."
His friend gave a quick rebuke "You know, none of this would've happened if you just hadn't cheated on him."
Matsumoto shook his head, not wanting to hear it- how could this be his fault? "None of it would've happened if I'd just not gotten caught. But how the hell was I supposed to know he was gonna be back early? He'd never found out all the other times."

"Wow, classy."

Matsumoto dismissed his friend's comment. It was Afuro's fault surely- he was just so damn amazing that whenever he wasn't around it just left a vacuum, a vacuum that begged to be filled.
"You thought he was going to take you back? Why do you even care so much? Clearly he's over you."
"That's not the impression I got."
There had been something in Afuro's eyes, a glint of something, like maybe he understood. Or maybe that's just what Matsumoto wanted to believe.
"Don't tell me you've gone and caught feelings for him again?" His friend asked harshly.

"I haven't."
"Good. Or I would've said you're an even bigger idiot than I thought."
"I haven't caught feelings- I love him."
Had the other not been on the other end of a phone he would've realised just how serious Matsumoto's expression was.
Instead he just laughed, what an absurd notion. "Love him! Hah don't make me laugh, you've never loved anyone!" Matsumoto Masaki was not the loving type.
"Except for him! He was different from the others!" The blonde exclaimed. Afuro had been different from the rest, Matsumoto did not make it a habit to remember his exes' names, but Afuro never left from his mind.

"You guys we're only together for eight months!"
"We had something special y'know?"
His friend made a gagging noise "Jeez you wanna make me sick?"
Matsumoto rolled his eyes but his friend continued "If you wanna blow off some steam why don't you call Hana for a hook up?"

"Idiot, she dumped me." Matsumoto growled.
"Oh! So she finally got tired of you- can't say I'm surprised really." His friend replied, Hana had always taken Matsumoto back even after all the scummy things he did- he kind of felt sorry for her.
"Fuck off. Anyway I don't want her, I want Afuro." It was always only going to be Afuro, no one else mattered. Matsumoto's friend shook his head in disbelief "Just give him up Masaki!"

But Matsumoto would not listen. "I'm going back. I have to make him listen."
"Didn't he just dump a drink over you- pretty sure that means he's not exactly fond of you." That seemed to be a pretty clear sign- not to Matsumoto though. Surely Afuro was just acting out of anger, he'd get over it soon enough.
"I have to make him understand just how much I care about him."
His friend laughed "How much you care about him? Or how much you want to jump into his designer pants?"

There was a smirk on the other end. "Shut up."

He decided to check the bar first, it was a long shot but something told him to check anyway.
He scoured the room but couldn't see him, just as he was about to leave however he noticed the scarf Afuro had been wearing lying over a nearby booth.
"Maybe he's still here." The blonde muttered, picking up the scarf and inspecting it. He smiled- he'd bought Afuro that scarf. 'I'm surprised he still has it.'
It smelt like Afuro.

"Excuse me? I don't suppose you've seen my boyfriend?" He asked a group of girls in the opposite booth. Luckily it seemed the people who had witnessed their disagreement beforehand had left. He could start afresh.
Matsumoto pulled out his phone, clicking the photos app and scrolling through his Favourites folder. "Here, he looks like this."
One of the girls quickly piped up "Oh yeah! He went to the bathroom I think, looked pretty messed up though..."

"Right. Thanks." He quickly thanked the girls before making a b-line for the toilets. 'He's still here, perfect.'
He looked down at the photo in his hand, a photo he'd taken of Afuro on one of their date nights. Afuro had always said he hated the photo, because Matsumoto had taken it without warning, but the other thought he looked amazing in it, as always. He had plenty more pictures of his ex stored on his phone, saved in his Favourites. He'd never deleted any of them. His other exes were long gone, he didn't even take any pictures with Hana, but Afuro...those photos he treasured.

"Look at yourselff Affuro, Matsu'll never love ya like this..." the blonde slurred, hands gripping the sink tightly.
Matsumoto stared at his ex-boyfriend, he looked so pathetic. He'd been crying.
"Afuro?"
The other blonde just stared back, a faint look of confusion masked behind that drunken glaze.
Matsumoto walked over, landing two strong hands on Afuro's shoulders. "What are you like Terumi? I leave you alone and you've already gone and gotten yourself shitfaced."

Afuro's face twisted in anguish before his set his hands upon the others, trying to push himself away. "Grrreat, you're here."
"Hey, you were the one moaning my name Afuro." Matsumoto replied, keeping his hands exactly where they were, he had always been stronger than his boyfriend, and now that Afuro was drunk it was even easier to overpower him.
Though, it wasn't like Afuro was even trying to get away.

"I wasn't moa- you're the shitty one for leeaviing me-" he sniffed "-Left me all alone..."
"You're so mean to do that, you were so mean..." he mumbled, tears beginning to form in his crimson eyes. Matsumoto sighed, moving one hand to cup his ex's face; Afuro did not move away from the touch, but he did stare at the floor.
"I'm sorry Afuro. I know I messed up, badly. But I just want to fix it, please forgive me."

Afuro slowly brought his gaze up to meet the other's, his voice coming out exhausted "You already said all that, before, why you gotta say it again I'm tired of it so fucking tired of you."
"You don't mean that deep down, I know you don't." He breathed, moving closer to the other "I love you...and I know you love me too- you said it."
He ran his fingers through Afuro's hair softly; Afuro had always liked it when his boyfriend played with his hair, he found it relaxing. "Fuck I forgot how breathtaking you were, you're so gorgeous..." He added lowly, letting the golden strands fall delicately from between his fingers.

"Didn't we have a good time together? You remember the those good times we had. Remember, how we would stay up late watching movies, eating ice cream, you lying across me..." he whispered, the gap between the two becoming smaller by the second.
Afuro scrunched up his face "Yeah, but I also remember how you che-" Matsumoto pressed his fingers to the other's lips "Shhh...we don't have to talk about that right now. Let's just be us again. Just us, together, in this-" he looked around "-Pretty decent bathroom actually." He let out a small laugh before turning back to the other "I miss that, I miss you Afuro."

"And I know you miss that too..." he continued, caressing the other's face softly. "Let's just put all that messy business behind us okay?"
It wasn't just messy business to Afuro though, this was Matsumoto, the man he used to love, the only man he could never seem to get over despite what the other had done to him, the man that had led him to...Arata...
He pulled himself away from the other, tears already falling from his eyes.
"Come on baby, we can move past this right?" Matsumoto asked, a hint of impatience in his voice.

"Don't call me that..." Afuro replied feebly.
His ex let out a small chuckle, wrapping his arms around the other again "Aw, but you used to love it when I called you that!"
The blonde did not respond, he was too busy thinking. He wasn't sure what to think anymore. He couldn't think straight- this wasn't something he could just give an answer to straight away, he needed time to think, needed peace and quiet and not to have his ex's arms around him. The fact he was drunk made it even harder. The thought of his current boyfriend entered his mind again.
"What do you say, am I forgiven?"
Afuro shook his head, trying to wipe the tears from his eyes. "I need...I need to think Matsu..."

Matsumoto huffed, getting a little frustrated now "As if you're gonna be able to think straight." He pressed a finger to Afuro's chest "You're drunk."
The other blonde sniffed, tugging on his jacket repeatedly, his ex getting closer and closer to him until Afuro's back met with the cold tiles of the bathroom wall. His chin was lifted, their eyes meeting. "I can't just leave you like this." Matsumoto spoke softly, almost caringly. He laced his fingers through that long blonde hair once again. "You shouldn't be alone tonight." he whispered "Not like this. At least let me make sure you get home." There was no response. He just waited, staring into those ruby eyes before he was finally given the answer he desired. Not a yes, Afuro could not bring himself to do so, but a solitary nod.

The door opened suddenly, a man walked in, eyeing the two suspiciously for a moment before going into one of the stalls.
"You're drunk, I'll drive you home okay?" He said loud enough for the other man to hear.
He put one arm around Afuro's waist guiding him over to the door.
"I just wanna go home..." Afuro moaned tiredly, leaning into the other for support.
"Of course baby. That's what we're going."

The blonde finally managed to unlock his front door after much difficulty, stumbling inside and bathing the hallway with light.
"Wow, nice place you got." Matsumoto said as he and Afuro took their shoes off. Afuro struggling a little with his.
"It sure set me back a bunch." The blonde replied, wandering off into the kitchen, humming a small tune.

His mood had changed a lot in that long car ride home, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the other's oh-so-charming words, maybe Afuro was just in denial. But neither blondes seemed to care- the why's weren't important right now.
Matsumoto followed, watching as Afuro bent down, rummaging in a cupboard before pulling out a large bottle of vodka. "Ah! Just what I needed!" He announced happily before unscrewing the cap. Matsumoto smirked at him, walking over and grabbing the bottle. "Vodka? Really? I thought you were more of a champagne guy?" Afuro took the bottle back, taking a swig "Hmm, but you can't exactly chug champagne now can you?" He replied before waltzing out of the room.

"Aren't you gonna join me?" He called from the next room.
"Just the teensiest, teensiest little drop?" Afuro asked as his ex plopped himself down on the couch. Matsumoto shook his head "Can't babe, I'm driving. Someone's gotta be the responsible one in this relationship." He smirked. The other rolled his eyes before sitting down heavily next to him, almost spilling the vodka. "I'm responsibable." Afuro drawled before putting the bottle to his lips again.

Matsumoto watched him. 'I should probably stop him. He's sure going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow morning...' He shook his head 'He's on your side right now, you don't wanna jeopardise that.' He inched closer to the other. Somewhere down the line his plans had changed, and it looked as though he was about to change them once more.
"Afuro."
The other paused his drinking, Matsumoto took the bottle from him, setting it aside for the moment. He placed his hand on Afuro's thigh. "Terumi, let me kiss you." He breathed, leaning forward and capturing the other's lips before the blonde could respond. Afuro's eyes widened for a moment before he completely melted into the other's touch, moving himself so he was sitting on Matsumoto's lap. He draped his arms over Matsumoto's shoulders, deepening the kiss. The other took the opportunity to push his hands up underneath Afuro's shirt, rubbing his fingers up his back, smiling at the shivers it elicited.
Afuro pulled away, breathless and red-faced. Both of their chests were rising and falling rhythmically. "That was, incredible." Matsumoto said, Afuro buried his face in his ex's neck.

"I love you so much Afuro." He muttered. "I really want you to be mine." Matsumoto was beyond the point of asking. 'I'm not a bad person. I want him, so it looks like I'll just have to take him.'
'He's clearly very drunk, and yet you think it's okay to take advantage of him like this? There's a word for that you know-'
He silenced the other voice in his mind. For a moment he hesitated, maybe the voice was right, maybe he should stop this here?

"I'm not a bad guy Afuro, I just want you." He said aloud. He'd witnessed Afuro way drunker than this; surely he was capable of making decisions? Besides, he'd gone along with the kiss, so clearly he didn't have any problems. He'd made up his mind.
"Afuro." He rested his hands on his ex-boyfriend's waist. "Let's have some fun, okay baby?"
Afuro didn't respond, head still buried in the crook of Matsumoto's neck.

"Just for tonight, just you and me."
Matsumoto knew he'd never get this chance again, Afuro would never let him get so close again, would never trust him again. 'I love him, and I don't think I'll ever stop. But it looks like I'll have to cut my losses here, take him like a prize- one that I can't keep.'

"We'll just keep this a secret okay? Just between you and me."

I got appointments, work I have to do
Keeping me so busy all the day through
They're the things that keep me from thinking of you

Ohhh baby, I miss you so, I know I'm never gonna make it
Oh, I'm so restless, I don't care what I say
Still it's even worse when the night's on its way
It's bad, oh, so bad

Somehow I'd be doing alright if it wasn't for the nights
(If it wasn't for the nights I think that I could make it)
I'd have courage left to fight if it wasn't for the nights
(If it wasn't for the nights I think that I could take it)

How I fear the time when shadows start to fall
Sitting here alone and staring at the wall
Somehow I'd be doing alright if it wasn't for the nights
(If it wasn't for the nights I think that I could take it)

Two feelings woke the blonde up. The first, an immediate sense that he needed to puke, a feeling he was unfortunately very used to. The second, a much slower realisation, creeping up through his body as he repeatedly retched into the toilet. Slow at first but soon filling his entire body from head to toe, a heaviness, shameful guilt pressing down onto his body as his mind tried desperately to catch up with that awful feeling.

This feeling he had not felt in a long time, but even so it felt much worse than it ever had before.

He staggered to his feet, pulling his hand across his face. No doubt Matsumoto was already long gone. There was no way he would've stuck around. He spied a post-it note on his bedside table.

Sorry baby, I lied.
But thanks for the great sex!

He scrunched it up in a ball and threw it straight in the bin. There was no use in crying.
It wouldn't put right the wrongs, wouldn't change what happened. He walked back into the bathroom, feeling an immediate need to feel clean again; the water roared out of the tap as he just watched the bath fill up. He smelt like Matsumoto's cologne, his body was covered in marks he knew would take a long time to fade. Afuro could not remember much of last night, but he knew one thing- he'd not said yes.

He drew his knees up to his chest, the water sloshing about as he did so, he'd never so felt so vulnerable before, made to feel so worthless, cheap and dirty by someone he loved, someone he thought he could trust. "He really did that to me...even though he knew I was drunk..."

But somewhere, deep beneath all the shame, regret and guilt was a sense of relief. 'He doesn't love me then, not really. He's made that clear now.'
'So I don't have to love him back.'
"I thought I could still love him, even after he cheated on me. But now...now I know I could never love someone like him ever again." Those complex, terrifying feelings for Matsumoto were officially gone. He knew, truly knew what Matsumoto was- what a monster he really was. The rose-tinted glasses had well and truly been thrown aside. Afuro was never going to make a mistake like this again.