(7pm)
(Genda)

It's driving me insane.
I felt so unbelievably guilty leaving Sakuma this morning, I've been taking extra shifts and I know it's affecting him and I know I should be there for him, but if I'm going to propose I need to raise a little capital, just another extra shift today and I'll have enough to buy a ring.
In a way, it's rather fortunate that Kidou is here, obviously I feel terrible that he and Fudou are going through a rough patch, but at least this way he can keep an eye on Sakuma for me.

I don't know if what I'm doing is right, I mean it's not wrong but what if now just isn't the right time? Sakuma's been so quiet lately, I know his dad's been bothering him again and I've tried to help him but it seems like my usual tricks aren't working. I suppose it's because I'm so tired, and since I'm not around as much. I just can't seem to do anything right lately.

I yawned as I stepped off the bus, I had to be up at 4am this morning and I didn't trust myself to drive, so the bus was the best option. I remembered debating whether to wake Jirou up, deciding against it since it's important that Sakuma sticks to a good sleep routine, I didn't want to mess that up. I left him a small note. I forgot to open the window before I left though, so that he could hear the birds in the morning- I had to quickly text Kidou once I remembered, but he said it would only let bugs in. Once I explained it he complied though.

I walked down the street to our house, lost in thought, I felt so bad about how little I've been there for my boyfriend, and this whole marriage thing... I thought I'd made my mind up on this, but those doubts, they kept creeping in...
We just never talked about it, never. It's crazy, all I want to know is if he wants to get married, but then again I want it to be a surprise, I want to see his face light up when I ask him the question. But what if I get turned down? I don't know how I would feel about that, I mean I know it would be what he wanted, and I would respect that but...I just really want something solid, I don't just want Jirou to be my boyfriend anymore. God, I've never actually thought about it like that, I always thought that I was happy with the way things are but, I guess I'm not.

Before I knew it I was at the house, I turned the key in the lock, opening it and heading inside.
I need to talk to people, I didn't think there was much point in talking to my family since apparently they've all already decided for me. I wanted to ask Kidou- but I guess now probably is not the greatest time to ask him... "What are you thinking about?" I turned around to see Kidou standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a mug of hot coffee. He really looked like crap. He had bags under his eyes, I guessed he'd probably been crying not too long ago too because his eyes were puffy as hell. I've never seen Kidou cry before. Clearly something serious happened with him and Fudou.

He seemed to follow my gaze and frowned "If you were wondering, my eyes are only puffy because I've been dehydrated, hopped up on an outrageous amount of caffeine and spending the night staring at my computer screen." He stated matter-of-factly, taking another sip of his coffee. I just nodded, not wanting to annoy him with any accusations of crying.
'There's nothing wrong with crying Yuuto, you don't have to be embarrassed by it. It's good to cry sometimes.'

"There you go again, spacing out." He said, taking a sip of coffee as I just gave an apologetic smile "Sorry."
He took another sip before looking me dead in the eye and lowering his voice suddenly "Sakuma didn't go to work today."
I put my bag down, shrugging my jacket off my weary shoulders. I sighed, this wasn't news to me. Sakuma's taken days off before, luckily his boss is very understanding, but I know how bad he feels whenever he does it. I keep telling him it's alright but he won't believe me.
"I came home at lunch and he was sitting here, in the dark, in a blanket, crying his eyes out."

My heart sank, I thought back to earlier- I popped in around 4pm to check up on him a little before heading back out. He seemed really exhausted so I told him he should take a long nap, in fact I was just about to wake him up. If I'd known he was so upset I-
"-He didn't want to tell me what had happened. But after a while he just said that, and he really didn't want me to tell you this but...he's not been to work all week." Kidou stated, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I was taken aback, usually Sakuma will only take a maximum of two days off at a time, since it makes him feel like "a horrible employee and a waste of space" otherwise- I keep trying to tell him that's not true but he won't take it in. To hear that he took a whole week off...and the crying on top of that, he must really be suffering. I hate it when he's upset like that, and it seems to be getting worse and worse, he just lately seems to be always sad, and I can't seem to make him feel better.
'Well it's your fault for leaving him in the first place, maybe if you were there for him he wouldn't have ended up like this.' I tried to push the thought away, feeling even guiltier now.
If I can't make him even smile anymore then...will he even accept me as his husband...

"How can I ask him to marry me now?" I thought and saw Kidou's expression change dramatically, he looked shocked. Wait. Oh crap. I said that out loud didn't I?
"Marry him?!"
Yes, yes I did. "Er...yeah. I was going to tell you sooner but...I didn't think now would be the best time-"
"Really Koujirou. That has nothing to do with what's going on with me and Akio okay? Why wouldn't I want to know about this huh? My friend's happiness is just as important as my own." I sighed in relief.

At least now I can actually tell him without feeling really guilty about it. I took a deep breath "Well, a couple of weeks ago my family came to visit, Chaya kinda pulled me aside and started questioning me-basically ranting to me about why I hadn't proposed to Sakuma yet or whatever. I guess that got me thinking about it, we've never actually talked about our future you see so the thought never even crossed my mind. But then, Sakuma's been so miserable lately and I started to think 'Why haven't we ever talked about it?' I mean it's a big step but it's not like I want to be with anyone other than him, so it's not like I'm worried about being with him forever-that's what I want, I want to be with him forever."

Kidou stared at me before smiling slightly "That's your answer then."
"But I-"
"You love him don't you? You said you want to spend the rest of your life with him, didn't you?"
I scratched my neck "Y-yeah I said that, but-"
"Then why are you wasting your time talking to me then?!" He gave me a look that told me he was right, I thought for a second before smiling brightly at him "That's it settled then!"

'You should go comfort Sakuma.'
'You should go and buy a ring.'

I turned on my heel, walking over to the front door and grabbing my coat. "Where are you going? Aren't you gonna wake Sakuma up?" Kidou asked with a confused look on his face. I smiled at him "I'm buying a ring!"
"What, now?"
"Yes, I know the perfect one, I've been eyeing it for the last three days." I replied, feeling so giddy, that giddiness- I suppose it must've been adrenaline, it helped mask the guilt I was feeling about leaving Sakuma, again.
Kidou raised an eyebrow "What am I supposed to do until you get back?"
"Just stay with Sakuma, keep him in the dark." I gave my friend a thumbs up sign before heading out.

(Kidou)
"Jirou...you okay?" I opened the door and peered in, seeing my friend bundled up in the blankets. He sniffed and looked up at me, gesturing for me to come in "You look like crap." He mumbled.
I smiled at him "I could say the same to you Sakuma." He sighed and lay back down, pulling a pillow over his face. He mumbled something and I walked over to him, perching on the edge of the bed and gently pulling the pillow away from him "What was that Mr mumble?"

He sighed heavily and shook his head before suddenly looking back at me "Where's Gen?"
"He went out." I said and I saw his face fall "Avoiding me again..."
"No, no. I...I had something I needed to do and Genda offered to get it for me, because I didn't feel like going out, you know because of my situation..." I blagged, but his face didn't change at all, he turned on his side away from me and huffed frustratedly.

He muttered something under his breath again and I crossed my arms "What?"
"I said it's stupid." 
"What's stupid, look at me already Sakuma stop being so antisocial-"
"Your situation! Why did you two break up huh, you two were perfect together and now you just turn up here saying you two are 'on a break'? Everything's just going wrong you know!" He shouted at me and I was really shocked, tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as he looked at me for a second before trying to dive underneath the covers. I grabbed his arm "Let go! Look at me I just shouted at you for no reason, I'm such a horrible friend!-" he cried, going limp in my grip. I sighed frustratedly, I'm no good at this, I'm not like Koujirou.
"Sakuma. Just stop it okay. Stop acting like everything wrong in the world is your fault, cause it's not okay." I tried, finding it a little hard to toe the line between supportive and motivating. Genda's much better at this kind of thing.
I so desperately wanted to tell him that Genda was about to propose to him but I had to restrain myself.

"But-"
"But nothing! You've got a man that loves you more than the world itself, all he wants is to see you happy and all you're doing is moping around everyday like a miserable little piece of shit instead of spending time with him." Okay, so that was harsh. I didn't mean it to come out like that. That was neither supportive nor motivating. I'm sure it was nicer in my head... "You know, you're completely right Yuu...that's exactly what I've been doing." He looked angry but his eyes started welling up with tears as he balled his hands into fists.

"Sakuma I-"
"Yeah I have been moping around all day, but do you know why? Because my dad's been messaging me, horrible, hateful things that make me feel like shit every single fucking day Kidou! You know what the latest one was? He told me to go kill myself, and that the world would be a better place without me in it! How can a father even say that!" He shouted as the tears streamed down his cheeks.

"No wonder Genda doesn't want me anymore..." My eyes widened, his father was still harassing him? I thought that had been dealt with. It's been going on this whole time and neither Genda nor Sakuma thought to tell me? I felt...really left out....
"I'm just a stupid guy that cries everyday and mopes around the house, who can't even be bring himself to go outside anymore, to go to work anymore. I'm just a dead weight on him, God I'm so damn selfish, keeping him here with me when I'm sure he'd much rather spend time with someone else! I wouldn't even blame him if he was right now, all I do is bring him down."

My chest tightened, why was I feeling sorry for myself, when this is how he sees himself? I had no idea it was ever this bad- why didn't he ever just come and talk to me? I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I just wanted to grab him and yell at him 'he's going to propose!' but I couldn't. I just didn't know what to do or say, I'd never seen Sakuma so depressed like this before. And then, it just got worse.
"Sakuma! Can you come down here?"

Genda was back. I ran downstairs as quick as I could to see him grinning like a child. It was a strange look on him.
"Hey so how's Sak-"
"Genda we have problems, I really don't think now's the best-"
"Genda? Whaddya want?" Sakuma was at the top of the stairs, he looked angry but the tear stains were visible. Genda just smiled at me before beckoning for Sakuma to follow him into the living room. "Um, I'll just be...in the kitchen..." I said hurriedly, this was not going to end well...

(Sakuma)
I sat down heavily on the sofa, just wishing my boyfriend could leave me alone. Genda looked unbelievably happy for some reason and grabbed my hands, staring deeply into my eyes, I suddenly felt really self conscious-what was he so happy about? Everything's seemingly going wrong and he's just right as rain, I don't get it. Usually when he smiles at me like that it makes me want to smile at least a little, but right now? Right now it just made me so annoyed to him him so happy.
'Can't you see that I'm upset?'
'He's just trying to help-God you always have to make things about you, always make people feel bad just because you feel bad!'

"So Sakuma...I was wondering..." Genda said before I could choose which voice I wanted to listen to. "What do you want already? I wanna go back to sleep Genda..." I replied lazily and saw his smile drop slightly but it was quickly replaced.
"Ah, you know what? I'm really bad at this kinda stuff but whatever I'm just gonna for it."
"Gen I'm sorry but can this wait till some other time? I'm just...today's been a really bad day and-" I began, trying to stand up but he grabbed my arm lightly.
"Sakuma please listen, I just wanted to-"
I pushed him away. "Gendaaaa, not now-"
"But Sakuma I wanted to-"

He started to lose his smile, becoming more frantic as he kept trying to speak to me.
"Koujirou I just-"
"-wanted to ask you to marry me!" Genda practically shouted, I just stared at him in shock as he pulled a small box out from his pocket, opening it towards me, a happy smile now back on his face. I blinked down at him. "What do you say?"
"No."

(Genda)
'No?'
"But Sakuma-"
"I said no, now just leave me alone already!" He shouted and I let my arm fall limp. How could this even...happen? I thought...I thought he would want this....thought I was doing the right thing... There were so many questions swimming around in my head. "Why Sakuma? I, I don't understand, what did I do?" I just couldn't accept it, I know it's selfish, I know I said I would respect his decision but...

"Why? You really want to know why?" Sakuma said, voice a mix between anger and sadness, he moved out of my grip and hugged his body tightly, trembling as he spoke. "It's n-not you that's the problem, it's me!" I shook my head, getting up and trying to hug him. "No, Jirou, you're not a problem. I love you." I said, but he pushed me away as soon as I got close to him, staring at the floor, eyes scrunched like he was about to cry.
"For now! Look at me, I'm an absolute wreck, I can't let go of anything, I'm weak and I can't even defend myself! I've not even gone to work for the past week, I can't face anyone or even bare to go outside anymore, it's stupid and cowardly but that's all I am, just a stupid coward! I tried to act like it didn't affect me, I tried so hard, but it just hurt so much; and it hurt more to have to see you constantly coddling me like I was a helpless child or something.

You don't need that, I understand that Genda, I don't want to hold you back anymore you deserve better than me! You do! I don't want you to have to put up with a burden like me for the rest of your life, it'd be better if you just....found someone new! Things were going so well and then my dad just had to come and ruin it, like always! He said I was going to die alone and now I really will!" Tears pricked at his eyes, he didn't bother to wipe them away "You see? Just look at me!" He yelled, knees buckling under him. He dropped to the floor and I caught him in my arms, pulling him close to my body as he just wailed and wailed.

I just held onto him as tight as I could, trying to formulate a sentence, something to reassure him but it was impossible. I bit my lip. There were just too many emotions in my head; guilt and anger at myself, fury at his father for saying such horrible things, distress at how worthless Sakuma thought he was. 'How can you say that to your child?' How can you make him feel like that, like he's somehow not worthy to be my husband? That's bullshit.'

(Sakuma)
I just cried and cried. I'd finally told Genda everything and now I didn't know what else to do. I'm so pathetic. I could feel his warmth around me, I tried to get out of the hug but he held me even tighter "Let go Koujirou..." I pleaded uselessly.
"No Sakuma, I'm not letting go of you until you realise that I'm not just going to give up on you, give up on us. I don't care what you dad says I love you and that's all that matters, I want to spend the rest of my life with you Sakuma you mean absolutely everything to me and so I'm afraid I won't just let myself give up so easily."

"But I-" I tried before he held me in front of him, his expression cutting me off.
"You're not a burden Sakuma. And I know you want to be 'perfect' but no one's perfect Jirou, not me, not Yuuto; we all have our flaws but those flaws don't make us bad people, they don't make us any less deserving of love, they make us human. You deserve to be happy Sakuma, and I want to be the one to make you happy. I care about you, I want you to know that no matter what it is, no matter where you are, the time, the circumstance, I'll always be there for you. But I can only do that because you are always there for me when I need you, we need each other Sakuma, this isn't a one sided relationship. I've had periods of darkness too, and in those moments it's always been you I've turned to. Even if I don't outright say it, even if I appear like nothing's wrong, I depend on you, on your warmth and love, on your smile; you're the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning and that's important to me- I don't ever want to change that.

I know it may be hard for you to believe it right now but I love you so much. Sakuma I love you, and I want to be with you forever, I want to get married Sakuma. I love you so much and it would be my dream for us to be together like this, for people to know, that our love is genuine and true. Jirou, I know it might be tough for you right now, and that's okay, but I want to do everything in my power to make you understand just how loved you really are, how precious you are to me, how beautiful. I love you Sakuma, more than anything in the world, and it would make me, so unbelievably blessed if you would do me the honour, the absolute pleasure, of marrying me."

In that moment, everything that had been dragging me down, crushing me and making me feel so depressed was just taken away. I felt like a huge weight has just been lifted off my chest. I looked up at Genda, his eyes were filled with so much love, kindness and compassion, I could tell he meant every word he said. I couldn't speak, the words just wouldn't come out. He pulled me closer to him and gently placed a finger under my chin, I closed my eyes and felt his soft lips upon my own. I never realised how much I could miss a kiss, it was just so perfect.

"I'll take that as a yes then?"
"Yes yes a thousand times yes!" I smiled for the first time in ages as I hugged my boyfriend, no, my fiancé tightly as he laughed. I saw Kidou emerge from behind the door, looking tearful "Ki what's wrong?" I asked worriedly. He shook his head smiling "Nothing, I just, I need to call Fudou..."