(Wednesday, 10am~ Tachimukai's apartment)

Everything was such a mess.
Everything was ruined.
Nothing was going the way I wanted it to and I just felt like shit. I hadn't slept at all last night, the conversation I had with my parents was playing on my mind. I just felt so unbelievably angry and jealous, I'd never felt like this before and to be honest I didn't even know who I was angry at- that made me even more angry because I should know why I'm feeling the way I am right?

I got up and dragged myself to the kitchen, I was so hungry but I didn't feel like eating, I hadn't had a proper meal since Saturday, just cookies and cold toast. Sighing, I took out a glass from the cupboard and filled it up with water. I gulped it down quickly and set it on the side, I turned around, about to head back into dark den that was now my room, when my arm accidentally caught the glass knocking it off and sending it tumbling to the floor.

I jumped back slightly as it crashed on the floor, shattering into a million pieces as I just stared at it. A weird feeling started to bubble up inside of me, I didn't know what it was but for some reason, staring at the broken glass made me feel almost happy. Without thinking I opened the cupboard and picked up another glass, feeling the cold smoothness in my hands. I walked back, avoiding the glass on the floor and raised my arm steadily; I looked around my tiny apartment, somehow afraid that people would judge me, but no one could see me, no one had to know about this. I just let it fall from my hands, just fall gently to the ground.

I suddenly felt very satisfied, feeling all the pent- up anger inside of me slowly melting away. The rest kinda became a blur to me; I smashed up plates and bowls, mugs and cups, I just couldn't seem to stop myself. It was only when I noticed how much I had broken that I realised I should just stop, the broken shards of china and glass piling up. "Ah I should probably stop now-" I said, kneeling down, I didn't even think; trying to scoop them all into a pile with my hands. Obviously I ended up cutting my hand.

Frustrated with myself I shuffled over to the bathroom, running the cold water until the scratches were clear of blood. It was the first time I was able to have a proper look at myself in the mirror; I looked terrible.
'There's no way Jousuke will want to be with you anymore, I mean look how much you've let yourself go in just a couple of days?'
I sighed shakily, trying to calm myself as I placed the plasters on my pale skin, and over the dull ache on my left foot.

"Stupid little..." I mumbled and slammed the bedroom door behind me, I just hated everything right now, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to see anyone, I just wanted to be alone. I heard my phone go and picked it up, sighing at the screen "No please, I really can't talk right now Tsunami-san... I'm pissed off and I just want you leave me alone...." That wasn't true. I wanted him to be with me, to hold me like he always did, let me cry on his shoulder.
'You're always crying on his shoulder, about everything. You can't do anything for yourself!'

Maybe my parents were right; I mean who am I kidding, how could someone like him love someone like me? I thought about that stupid photo again, that stupid photo and my stupid parents who'd ruined everything. Another tear slid down my cheek.

(11.25am)
(Tsunami)
Tachimukai hadn't answered his phone since Saturday and now I was getting worried, I must of freaked him out with the whole moving in thing, that had to be it, I couldn't think of anything else. I should have visited him sooner, but I'd just gotten so busy trying to set up a new website for the club I'd completely forgotten. I was going to make it up to him though, and have a proper talk with him about this whole moving in business- something as important as this can't be done over the phone.

A long time later, I pulled up outside Tachimukai's apartment block and buzzed, waiting for him to let me in, he didn't answer though "hmmm okay?" I buzzed again, and again, and again, and again but still no answer. I was getting a little worried now, not answering your phone is one thing, but not answering the door? That was definitely unlike Tachimukai.

I tried to think again about why he was avoiding me but all I could think of was the moving thing. Maybe Alice knew? I buzzed her flat but again no answer. Just as I was wondering what to do I heard her call my name. I turned around to see her walking up to the apartment block- she was holding a bunch of shopping bags. "Alice, thank god you're here. You haven't heard from Tachimukai have you? I've been trying to get ahold of him for days but he's not answering any of my calls or texts." I was worried about him, I thought maybe he'd lost his phone or something, but he'd left all my messages on read- that made it worse.

She shook her head, a similar worried expression on her freckled face as she let me inside. "Same here, I texted him a few times after what happened on Saturday, but nothing. And I don't think I've seen or heard him leave the flat at all." She whispered as we headed up the stairs, ending up outside his front door. "Though I haven't really been around these last couple of days so maybe we just missed each other."

'He must've taken getting fired really badly...' I thought. 'Of course he would dummy, you heard how upset and anxious he was about it!' Another voice fired back and I bit my lip, I wish I could help him feel just a little bit calmer about it all- I'm sure asking him to move in with me didn't help...
I walked over to his front door and knocked, but there was no response.
"Um I left him some cookies on Saturday after it happened, but they were all gone the next day so he answered the door at least." She continued.

"It was very bad, I could hear them yelling at each other, and he slammed the door when they left. I went to go see him after but he wouldn't answer the door; I suppose he wanted some space, I meant to go check up on him again this morning but-"
I stopped her "Wait what? Someone was yelling?"
"Well Tachimukai's parents came over and-"
I put my arm out, she didn't need to continue. As soon as she said that I understood what must've happened. This was bad.

I sighed "Do you still have Yuuki's spare key?" I asked and she nodded, disappearing into her apartment for a moment. Tachimukai had given me a spare a few months back, but I ended up losing it within a few days.
She returned, handing me the key, a solemn look on her face "I thought he'd at least talk to you, not shut himself away like this. If I'd known I would've just gone in and made sure he was okay but...well I don't think it's my place to stick my nose into something that's clearly a very personal issue to him. I'm sure he'd much rather talk to you than me." She answered truthfully and I gave her a small nod, turning back and opening his front door, closing it gently behind me.

I walked into his flat and was greeted with a pile of broken glass and china "What in the hell-" I stopped when I heard sniffling coming from my boyfriend's bedroom, I ran over and tried to open it but he was propped against it, I didn't want to hurt him trying to force the door open. "Tachimukai it's me, please open the door." I pleaded and looked back at the broken mess on the floor. What had he done? I thought as a wash of worry flooded my mind.

"T-Tsunami?...Go away, why are you here!" My boyfriend shouted at me and I sighed loudly, I couldn't understand why he didn't want me to see him, wouldn't he want me to comfort him? I thought back to his parents-they'd been nice enough when we were just 'friends' but now they really disliked me, no, they really hated me and I never understood why. I was all for telling them that I was I was dating their son but Yuuki insisted we keep it a secret-and they weren't too pleased when they found out.

"Tachimukai please let me in, I know you must be worried about your job and-"
"-This isn't about my job!" He yelled back and I sighed, carrying on regardless. "-And...I know your parents were here, Alice said." He didn't reply so I took that as my cue to continue, moving my legs a little to be more comfortable. I placed my hand on the door, trying to be closer to him. "She said there was a lot of shouting..." Truthfully I was a bit shocked to hear that, I've never really heard him shout or argue so badly with his parents before, usually he just sits there and takes it, then comes to me after, sobbing uncontrollably. I hate seeing him like that.

Though maybe this was a good thing? Maybe it meant that he was finally able to stand up to them somewhat. I hope it didn't escalate too much, that wouldn't be good for any of them; I would hate for his relationship with his parents to be destroyed because of me- I'd never forgive myself. Family is the most important thing in the world. They used to be so kind...
'Their relationship didn't become like that just because they found out the two of you were dating, it was because he was dating a guy.'
I shook my head, now wasn't the time, I was supposed to be helping my boyfriend.

"Look, whatever they said okay, I want you to just ignore it okay? They just want to upset you baby." There was still no answer. I laughed quietly, trying to remove some of the tension. "I guess my name was brought up again huh?"
Finally he spoke, voice rough and hoarse, meaning he'd clearly been crying pretty hard earlier- my heart ached even more. "I was just so- so embarrassed! What they said it was just-!" He sobbed again.

I couldn't bare to listen to any more of his sobs, I needed to go in and see him. I had to do something. "Tachimukai please listen to me. You know I love you more than anything and I want to help you with whatever this is- but I can't do that if I'm not with you. Will you let me in?" There was no reply and I was worried for a moment that he would never let me in, when the door slowly creaked open.

He looked so terrible, like he hadn't slept or eaten properly for days, and his face was so tear-stained, his nose running as he tried desperately to wipe it all away. I wanted to cry myself at the sight of him.
"Yuuki?"
Suddenly and without warning he burst into tears and flung himself at me, almost knocking me over. "JOUSUKE!" He yelled and then started crying again as I hugged him tightly, desperately trying to get him to stop crying his eyes out.

I pulled away from his trembling body and held his face in my hands, he avoided my gaze. "I'm so sorry baby, I'm sorry I wasn't here."
"You probably would've just made things worse..." he mumbled, wiping away his tears sloppily. There were plasters around his fingers and on one of his palms, but I could easily guess where those were from. He caught my eye and then swiftly hid his hands behind his back, muttering about "Some silly accident."

"You want me to sweep all that up for you?" I offered but he shook his head, looking a little embarrassed. "It's my mess, I'll sort it. Later."
I stroked his head lightly, trying to calm him down so we could have a proper talk. "Okay baby. Do you want to just cuddle for a bit, until you feel like talking?"
He nodded his head weakly, wrapping his arms around my waist and laying his head on my chest.

After a little while he pulled back, I wiped the tears away from under his eyes. "You feel a bit better now?"
He half-shook his head, looking sheepish. "I guess I just sort of...lost control...I was just so angry I didn't know what else to do...I actually scared myself a little..." I nodded my head in concern, I'd never seen him act like this before. "I feel so stupid." He muttered harshly.
"Hey now, don't say that." I tried but he dismissed my comment with a wave of his hand, leaning backwards and looking up at the ceiling.

He let out a shaky sigh "It didn't change anything, didn't change what they said."
Part of me didn't want to know, it was bound to be the usual homophobic crap they pull, but the other part of me knew my boyfriend would probably feel a little better if he let it out.
"You can tell me." I muttered, inching closer to him. "You don't have to keep it bottled up inside." I saw his eye twitch slightly, like he was contemplating the thought. Suddenly my eyes met his.
"I finally stood up for myself."

I smiled lightly at him and rubbed his arms, trying to cheer him up a little. "You stood your ground, you should be proud of yourself- I am! I bet you told they to stuff their stupid opinions where the sun don't shine!" I replied enthusiastically.
"Something along those lines- although I was definitely not as polite as that though." He smiled slightly and gave the smallest of laughs, but then his smile fell.

"It wasn't enough though. I kept trying to tell myself that I didn't care, that I wouldn't believe what they'd said...b-but it was just too difficult..." Tears threatened to fall again but I kissed them away gently, I hated seeing him cry. "What they said? Something about me?" I guessed and he nodded his head sadly. He couldn't meet my eyes now, and I was sure he wouldn't tell me, but I had to let him know- I'll share the burden with him.
"You can tell me." I reassured. "I won't get upset."
'At least I'll try not to.'

He took a deep breath before continuing, staring at the floor, his voice so quiet I could barely make it out. "They didn't know we were seeing each other again...they weren't happy to find out."
I nodded, feeling history repeat itself all over again.
"But I didn't care this time, because I was tired of hiding it. I wanted them to understand that I'm a grownup, that I can do what I want. And that was okay until..." his voice wobbled, tears threatening to fall again. He dabbed his eyes with his sleeve.

"But then they started saying all these terrible things about you, calling you a player..."
'A player...wow, so that's what his parents think of me huh? That's awful. How can I prove to them how much I love their son when they hate the very idea of him being with a man? This is a mess.'
"And they started talking about your website and..." he trailed off.
"The surf school?" He nodded embarrassedly. "What, do they hate surfers or something?" I said with a light chuckle but the stern look on his face made me think otherwise.
"There were these pictures of you and..."
I got my phone out, opening the app to try and find out what he was talking about. I couldn't see anything wrong with it. I'd just spent the last couple of hours at Tobi's doing it up since he said it looked really unorganised.

"I'm not sure what you mean." I said truthfully and handed him my phone. He scrolled through the website frantically, desperately, until he stopped on one particular photo. "Yuuki?"
He shook his head "This...this is it but..."
He handed the phone back to me, I couldn't understand what was wrong, it was just me with my surfboard and my friend Megumi, a lifeguard. We were both laughing, I remember it came out pretty candid but we both liked it so much.

"I didn't...I didn't see the caption."
He looked at the floor, embarrassed. The caption was talking about getting lifeguarding and sea-safety lessons. Why else would it be on the website? "Yuuki?"
He shook his head briskly "My parents they- they tried to act like, I don't know like- Oh I'm so stupid!" He yelled, burying his face into his hands as he sobbed loudly.
I shook him lightly, trying to get him to look at me, but it was no use.
"How could I even think that! I'm such a terrible person!"
"Hey sssshhh, it's okay, I don't think that Yuuki." I just held onto him tightly, not really knowing what else to say.

I couldn't quite believe it; having a picture of me and another woman makes me a player in his parent's eyes? Really? She had her hand on my shoulder, that's all!
I looked down at my shaking boyfriend- it couldn't just be that, there had to be more his parents had said, more that he doesn't want to tell me.

"I just..." Tachimukai was speaking again, sounding like he'd calmed down a little. A tear was sliding slowly down his cheek, but at least he wasn't sobbing anymore. He finally let me see his face, and all I wanted to do was kiss away his tears, but he wouldn't let me. "I'm sorry Jousuke."

(Tachimukai)
I was trying so hard to hold back the tears. I had a massive headache and my face was a mess, not to mention I must have looked like such a baby in front of him, crying my eyes out every second.
I just couldn't shake those awful things my parents had said about him, how jealous and stupid I'd been about the whole thing, how I let them just manipulate me like that when I know Tsunami would never do anything to hurt me.

I couldn't bring myself to say it, tell him what they'd said about him and I, about the reason he was with me... I knew it wasn't true and yet...
He's such an amazing man, so perfect looking, confident, funny, charismatic- he could have anyone he wanted. So why choose me?
"I'm not good enough for you." I whispered, looking up at him.

I saw his eyes grow large with shock, then they creased up, a devastated expression in them. "Oh Yuuki, no Yuuki...baby no..." his voice had changed pitch, as if he had a lump in his throat, as if he was about to cry. He just kept saying my name over and over, his eyes going glassy like-
"Jousuke?"
A tear slipped out of his eye, then another, and another. Before I could comprehend anything he pulled me into a tight embrace, holding onto me so protectively. He was crying.

I've never seen him cry before, not like this.
'Don't you remember? He cried when he found out your parents kicked you out. He cried when you told him all the cruel things they spat at you, the way your father smacked you round your head when you told him you were in love.'
"How can you say that?" He whispered next to my ear. "How can you say you're not good enough? You're the only person I've ever loved and nothing is going to change that. You're my everything Yuuki!"

I pulled away from him, placing my hands on either side of his face. He looked a mess.
"Yuuki, I adore you..." he sniffled and I felt my heart completely burst.
How could I think those things, about a man who adores me, who loves and cares about me so much?
"Jousuke I- I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me I-" I scrambled for some kind of an apology, an excuse.
"No I'm sorry." Tsunami said "You've had to deal with all of this on your own, and I now understand just how hard that's been for you."
"You don't have to apologise!" I pleaded, trying to clean up his face with a tissue. "Dammit I did not imagine both of us would end up bawling." I admitted and that made him laugh.

"We're such a mess!"
He pressed his forehead to mine. "A good mess though."
I smiled lightly, cleaning up my own face. He grinned at me, despite it all, finding my hands and holding onto them tight. "Tachimukai Yuuki" He said in the most loving tone I've ever heard "I love you so much and I will only ever love you, everytime I see your beautiful face I fall in love over and over again. You're the only person I've ever loved and it's gonna stay that way. You may say I'm perfect but the truth is I'd be nothing if it wasn't for you-you complete me Yuuki and I think you're truly wonderful, you're such an amazing person you know that? You just make me smile every time I get to see you or even just talk to you. I love you more than the world can comprehend Yuuki. All I want is to...just be by your side."

He stared at me, with so much love in his eyes I knew he meant every single word. I tried to think of all the ways I could tell him I loved him back, all the ways I could show him how much I cared, but when I looked up at that love-struck face of his I could only think of one thing.
Pressing my lips to his so quickly that I almost made him fall over I kissed him passionately, feeling more in love with this perfect man than ever before. He smiled the whole way through.

Things had calmed down a little, as we sat together, on the floor of my bedroom, just appreciating each other. "I wish I could be around more." My boyfriend muttered and I sighed longingly; there was always so much back and forth with us (mainly him), coming and going, him only being able to stay for a little while before having to go off to Okinawa again.
I laid my weary head on his shoulder. "You're around more than anyone would expect for a long-distance relationship."
"Well, I like to be able to see you."
"Even though you hate flying." I mumbled with the smallest smirk. He wrapped his arm around my waist, resting his head atop my own. "It's worth it to see your smiley face."

I looked up at him for a moment then over at my bed "You know..." I began "You don't always have to stay with Tobitaka. You could just stay with me. I mean we are a couple."
It was strange, something we'd never discussed. We were a couple and yet whenever he came to Tokyo he'd hardly ever stay the night at mine. It's like we were teenagers again, scared of being caught by our parents- I shook my head.
I thought about his question. About coming to stay with him. Move in with him.
It seemed like such a scary thought but...

"I was thinking." I said, taking a sip of my tea. He'd helped me clear everything up, and I was glad to find out I hadn't destroyed all my crockery. "What you said, about moving in with you."
He put his mug down, patting my shoulder assuredly "You don't need to think about that right now. I kinda sprung it on you I know, you need time to think about it."
I looked up at him through the haze of the hot liquid. "I wanted to say yes."

"Wait really? I don't want you to feel pressured or anything-" I put a finger to his lips, a soft smile on my face. "Jousuke, I've just quit my job and I'm always complaining about this place, asides from Alice there's really nothing keeping me here." I moved closer to him, resting my hand on his chest. "You said you just want to be by my side, and despite all the unpleasantness that has happened the past few days I think I've finally realised that I'm supposed to be living my life, not just drifting through it. I realised, I want to live it, with you."

I rested my hand on his cheek "Not just the odd weekend or couple of days, or even a week; I want to be with you always." I spoke truthfully. It was scary, leaving everything and everyone behind, but I knew it would be the right decision. I couldn't stand the long-distance anymore, the coming and going. I wanted permanence.

"I want to start my life with you Tsunami Jousuke."