(Monday, 6pm- Nagumo and Suzuno's home)
(Nagumo)

"Fuusuke I'm back." I called as I walked into the living room. My husband was sat on the sofa in a blanket, watching some kind of gameshow on TV and devouring a tub of matcha ice cream. He looked over and smiled weakly at me before muting the tv. "Hi baby, how was work?" He asked, voice a little quieter than usual, spooning another scoop into his mouth. I walked over to him and leant down, kissing him lightly on the forehead. I loosened my tie a little, unbuttoning my top bottom too, I was exhausted. Work was hell as always, nine hours of trying to sell crap to people over the phone, I swear I'm losing my mind in that place.

"Work was fine." I said, not wanting to burden him when he was already so ill. I pointed at the tub he was holding "I've told you to lay off the ice cream already. Besides, you're meant to be eating hot things to get better, like the chicken soup I made you this morning-did you even eat that?" I asked, grabbing the tub and placing it down on the table.

He pointed the spoon at me "I wanted comfort food. This is my comfort food." I just rolled my eyes at him. He sighed a little before placing a hand on my cheek, rubbing it soothingly. "I appreciated the effort Haruya, really. Although..." he removed his cold hand, staring up at me pointedly "...your soup seemed to be lacking a vital component..."
I furrowed my eyebrows at him "Lacking? What? No I did it just like you told me. I made the dashi, from scratch, then I added the daikon, konnyaku, burdock, onion, carrot, sake, mirin, soy all of that!" I exclaimed, listing off the ingredients on my fingers. He looked at me expectantly "And?"
I folded my arms, trying to think what I must have forgotten.
"The chicken, baby."
I smacked my forehead, I'm such an idiot.

He gave me a tiny smile "So whilst it was a very nice soup, it wasn't technically torijiru."
Well, I suppose that's what happens when you try to cook a dish at two in the morning. I should've just done it earlier, or heck, just let Suzuno do it himself.
I felt his hand on my cheek again, I looked down to see him smiling gently at me "No more midnight cooking for you okay? I can handle it myself."
"Yeah yeah, I know you're the chef... Well I'm sorry my act of love doesn't meet your esteemed palette ice cream king." I smiled and kissed his forehead.

"Anyway, I added some stuff to it to jazz it up a bit and left some for you for dinner." He explained as I pulled off my blazer, throwing it on the sofa. "Ah, actually I went out for soba with some of the guys from HR earlier so..."
He gave me a stern look but soon moved on from it "Well, more for me then."
"Sorry Fuu..." I muttered but he just brushed it off before letting out a string of coughs.
"Are you sure you don't want to see a doctor or something?" I asked worriedly, handing him some water. He drank it and the coughing subsided.
"Im fine Haruya, I thought we'd already established it was just stress and exhaustion."
I frowned, stress and exhaustion he said it like it didn't even matter. He works too hard.

"Do you remember when we were living with Afuro?" He asked out of the blue.
"Don't remind me." I said with a sigh. I mean don't get me wrong, living with Afuro was fun for the most part, and it's not like we had much choice since there was no way Suzuno and I would be able to afford a place of our own right out of uni. But three people living in a cramped apartment certainly had its challenges, especially in terms of privacy for me and my boyfriend.
"He used to always give us Jook when we were sick, and Baesuk- I remember he used to make a whole big batch of it..." he reminisced fondly. "Maybe I should ask him to make some for me?"
I smirked "Aren't you supposed to be a chef? How hard can it be to make rice porridge and pear tea?"
He just rolled his eyes at me before pulling the blanket tighter around his body, practically cocooning himself. I frowned "Are you cold? I can turn on the heating you know?" I offered but he pulled his arm out of the blanket burrito (with some difficulty) and shooed me. "No, I'm good like this."
I raised an eyebrow at him "Fuusuke...are you wearing clothes under there?" I asked, noticing his bare arm. He let out a long sigh "And if I'm not?"
He locked those beautiful eyes on me.

"I keep having these hot and cold flushes, it seems this is the only way to regulate my body temperature a bit. Besides..." he got up and strolled over to me, blanket held loosely around his frame "This isn't too much of a problem for you is it?" He whispered, pace slowing as he neared me. "I mean, we are married aren't we?" Those damn eyes. He let the blanket slip from his shoulders.
I could feel my face heating up, the tips of my ears going red. He grabbed my tie, tracing the pattern on it with his finger before tugging me towards him.
"It's not a problem...right?"
I scratched the back of my neck, trying to avoid his stare "I-I mean..."
He dropped the blanket to the floor, revealing a pair of Hawaiian-print shorts.

"You really thought I'd be naked?"
He said with a small chuckle, leaning into me. I pushed him away lightly, rolling my eyes at him "Well yeah?"
He rolled his eyes back at me before resting his hands on his waist. "I don't exactly feel sexy when I'm sick."
"You could've fooled me."

"I'm just glad all the applications are done." I said, coming back into the living room, a mug of lemon and ginger tea in my hand. Suzuno sighed longingly, taking the tea from me. He'd changed into some pjs, which was good because I really couldn't take him seriously in those ugly shorts.
"Well, to be fair, it was mainly a copy-paste job for the most part." He reasoned "I kept all the ones from before so..."
I suppose that makes sense, no point starting from scratch... I'm surprised he still had them after all this time...
He exhaled contently, taking a sip of the soothing liquid "Ah, that's nice...thank you."
I just nodded, taking a seat next to him and rubbing his hand, he looked at me softly before resting his head on my shoulder and sighing loudly. "I just can't wait Haruya...I never realised how much I wanted kids until right now."

I know how much he wants this, but it's crazy after the initial excitement we haven't actually sat down and talked about this whole adoption thing. I guess we just got so busy, and Suzuno being ill hasn't helped. It seems he's been thinking about it a lot though.
I was really excited before and I still am of course. I want this for us, for him, but...well I suppose the realities of actually having a child are beginning to catch up with me now.
But still....
This is what he wants, and I'll do anything for him.
He tilted his head, eyes fixed on mine "Who would've thought right?" He laughed lowly "I mean me? I suppose growing up in Sun Garden, around so many children without parents, that sense of family becomes so strong. I want something like that too, for us. I miss it."
I nodded my head, we had been like one big, crazy, dysfunctional family. 

"I was thinking we should adopt from Sun Garden." Suzuno whispered, hand resting on my chest.
"That's...a good idea I guess." I said quietly, his eyes lit up ever-so-slightly, though only I'd be able to tell that. We'd been rejected from another adoption agency when we first applied, just on the grounds that we were a gay couple- I don't know why we didn't just go for Sun Garden in the first place, we wouldn't be discriminated against there. I suppose maybe it felt too weird to go back there? That was my reasoning at least.
"I was just thinking that it would be great to give something back. That place changed my life. Well...mainly because it's where I met you..." I looked at him, he looked so happy; I'd always wondered what my life would be like if I didn't have to go to Sun Garden. When I was younger I always felt like it was almost a punishment for me; like if I'd worked harder then mum wouldn't have left and dad wouldn't have drunk himself to death, I was always so angry at myself and took it out on everyone around me...but then, that one day, Suzuno walked in and my whole life changed.

"Nagumo? You're spacing out." I shook my head and smiled, kissing him on the lips even though he said he felt really gross.
I was about to get up when he grabbed my arm. "I was thinking...a baby."
My eyes widened and I scratched my head awkwardy. 'A baby?'
I can handle bringing up a child but a baby? "Haruya?" Suzuno's blue-grey eyes stared into mine with anticipation but worry at the same time. I gulped nervously "Um well..."
"I was talking with Hitomiko-neesan about our Sun Garden application and then she reminded me of when I used to help her out with the babies, I don't know I guess it was just an angle I hadn't thought of before but she was just so encouraging about it and-"

"-Woah um okay?" I interrupted. He'd already talked to her about this without even consulting me first? "You didn't think to...like discuss it with me first?"
He gave me a strange look "I wasn't discussing it with her, she brought it up. Besides I'm discussing it with you now?"
"I thought you said we were going to make decisions as a team Fuusuke?" I reiterated. This wasn't being very team-like. He tilted his head, glaring at me.
"I only said I was thinking about a baby, what do you think this is, I'm asking your opinion Haruya?"

"Well obviously this is what you want, otherwise you would've asked me before and-"
He pressed a finger to my lips, a stern look on his face. "Okay. I'm only going to say this once more, I was not talking to her about adopting a baby behind your back Haruya, it just so happened that she started talking about babies. And the only reason I was even speaking to her was because I've been stuck at home all day, bored out of my mind, I just wanted to speak to someone! I didn't think I'd need your permission for that."

I shook my head firmly "I-I can't raise a baby, we can't raise a baby!" I exclaimed, grabbing my hair stressily. He stood up, grabbing my hands "Yes we can! This isn't as difficult as you think baby." He let go "How do you think other couples do it? Whether they've planned to have a baby or not planned it they still seem to muddle through! And besides it's not like we'll be alone, we've got friends to help us out; I mean for heaven's sake Kiyama and Ryuuji owe us big time!" He let out a small chuckle but soon got serious again. "We're in a heck of a better position than some people I know."

I pushed him away, shaking my head. No, it wasn't that simple. "That's exactly the thing though, you said it yourself- other couples muddle through it! We aren't like other couples!" I yelled. He walked back up to me, trying to hold onto my shoulders but I pushed him away. "How are we any different to them?"
"We just- if it's a man and a woman bringing up a baby then it's different from us alright!"
"I don't-"
I held my head, feeling a headache coming on "There's certain advantages that a straight couple has when it comes to babies you know? Like a m-mother's intuition, being able to tell what's wrong! And what about the fact that typically the mother would stay at home with the child and get lots of time to bond with it-I mean you can't just quit your job and paternity leave wouldn't even cover-and a mother has like maternal instincts and shit! We don't have that!" I breathed out, feeling the panic start to set in.

"Baby, baby calm down you're going to give yourself a panic attack." Suzuno soothed, holding my arms steadily as the spinning in my head began to lessen.
He spoke calmly, quietly, arms still holding onto mine. "You don't need to worry about all of that right now, we'll sort it out later. And just because we're both men doesn't mean we can't love a child in the same way as a mother would, that bond will still be there. I know how to look after a baby Haruya, this isn't something I've not put any thought into."

I shook my head violently, wanting out of his grip but he wouldn't let me "But I don't know how! I don't know the first thing about-about raising a-if it was a child or a teenager it wouldn't matter but a baby is-"
"That's what I'm here for! I've already told you, we're a team, we're in this together Haruya don't you get that? It's not gonna be easy but when has life ever been easy for us!" He shouted angrily before sighing, clearly feeling bad for raising his voice. He spoke quietly "I...I just want a child that we can raise as our own. Love and nurture...teach, you know? I want them to know that they are loved and not just someone's second choice...I don't want them to have to go through what we went through..." He let go, his arms falling to his sides.

"Well if that's so important to you then why were we even considering a child then?!" I exclaimed, flinging my arms out.
"You can still teach a child, and I want a child I don't just want a baby Nagumo Haruya!"
"But a baby is just...so much more responsibility, there's so many more things that can go wrong and I just-"
He placed both hands on the sides of my face, they were cold. Suzuno's hands were always cold, mine were always warm, I suppose we really are opposites in every way.
His face fell, eyes so full of empathy. I tried to look away but I couldn't, his soft and gentle voice willing me to look.
"Why are you doubting us so much huh? You really think we can't do this?"
I looked into those mesmerising eyes. How could I doubt someone like him? My husband, the man I loved? What was wrong with me.
I felt sick.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I didn't want to have a panic attack.
"I'm sorry Fuusuke, I know you can handle this it's just...what if I drop them, or do something stupid, or what if something happens to them because of me? I'd never be able to forgive myself." My husband cuddled me tightly and I sighed, suddenly his phone rang. It was Hitomiko Kira. I looked at him, then at the phone, then back at him, then back at the phone, then quickly grabbed it and put it up to my ear.
"Hello?"

"Hey Fuusuke, sorry I missed your call earlier."
"This is Haruya."
"Oh! Hi Haruya, is Fuusuke there?"
I looked down at Suzuno who had his arms crossed "Haruya..."
I turned away from him "He's not here at the moment, but I can take a message."
"Okay well...could you tell him that, regarding what we spoke about earlier, I'm free tomorrow at four or Wednesday between eleven and two?"
"Actually-"
Suzuno grabbed the phone when I wasn't paying attention "Actually Hitomiko I'm sorry but I think Nagumo and I will be sticking to our original plan. Yeah we've just been talking and...yeah you understand. Thank you though...uhum...okay...sorry...bye." He put the phone down and sighed, leaning back in his blanket.

"You didn't have to do that." I muttered, sitting down next to him, he just shrugged his shoulders and leaned into me, wrapping his arms tightly around me. "No, you were right. I rushed into that without properly considering how you'd feel. I didn't realise how frightened you would be about it. I'm really sorry baby, really I am." He held onto me for support, eyes downcast "I'm doing that thing again where I try and rush into it. I'm just getting over-excited and trying to get things done as quickly as possible. I'm sorry."
I sighed, annoyed with him but equally annoyed at myself "We both messed up I think."

Suzuno scoffed lightly "Diplomatic. I like it." He yawned and it was clear he was getting sleepy; I probably made him more exhausted with all that arguing.
"So...a kid then? Boy or girl?" I asked, jolting him slightly, trying to keep him awake. "Hm? one?...two?....don't really mind..." he replied sleepily. I nudged him and his eyes fluttered open.
"That's not what I asked." I said laughing, for me I don't really mind if we get a girl or a boy, it'll be great either way. "What about a girl and a boy?..." My husband whispered so quietly that I almost didn't hear. The thought wondered around in my head for a while, I thought we'd decided to just have one child? 'Well actually...'
We hadn't decided anything...maybe we should just talk about that later...

He was about to speak again when he started coughing violently, I tried to pat his back but it didn't work so I ran up to get some more water. I could hear him wheezing from the kitchen it was so loud. I handed him the glass and he gulped it down, the wheezing becoming faint now. "Are you okay? You sure you don't want to see the doctor?"
"Once again, I'm f-fine, you don't need to worry." I rubbed my head "Okay...if you say so. I don't think you should go to work tomorrow." I said and his face dropped "I promised everyone I'd be back tomorrow, plus Darius said everyone's missing me there." He whined, I felt my fists clench slightly "Are you sure it's not Darius that's missing you?" I muttered under my breath. Fuusuke looked up at me sleepily "Huh?..."
"Nothing, go to sleep baby."
He half-nodded before slumping down in a pile to sleep.

((Whoop that's finally done! I'm a lot happier with this now even though it took me ages to finally get around to rewriting this one- I think it's been like 2 years??? Anyway, hope you enjoyed this!
Peace!))