(At Last~ Etta James)

(Thursday, 9.45 am)

The blinds were opened ever so slightly, just enough to let a small amount of sunlight in, just enough that it was nice without becoming too overwhelming for the man in the room. The brunette lifted up the covers and got under them, shuffling over to his boyfriend, his voice soft and calm. "How are you feeling?" He asked, Sakuma looked over at him but couldn't say anything. He attempted to speak but his breath got caught in his throat.

He took a few deep breaths before being able to speak, his voice just a whisper "I'm sorry. I know I said I would but..."
The other stroked his hair softly "It's okay. I can just cancel."
Sakuma turned away from him "You're always having to cancel stuff because of me. You should go." He moaned
"That's not true." Genda replied softly, caressing his boyfriend's cheek and planting a small kiss on it. The other just mumbled a response.

Genda sat up "Do you want to walk around in the garden with me?" He knew how important it was for Sakuma to be around nature in times like this, and how important it was for him to exercise, even if it was just walking around, stretching or taking deep breaths. The garden was a simple solution to combine the two. He'd recently planted some verbena and lavender, perfect for attracting butterflies and bees. "Gen I...I don't wanna get dressed..." Sakuma muttered, sitting up too. He only just noticed how the room was a little brighter, there was a small breeze too, he looked over at the windowsill where a small diffuser was leaking the soft scent of lavender into the room. Genda always cracked the window open a little every morning. So that even if his boyfriend couldn't get out of bed, at least he could always hear the birds.

"It's our garden, we can walk around in our pjs."
Sakuma turned back to his boyfriend, watching as the brunette took off his clothes and slipped back into his pyjamas. "Now we match." He stated simply, a soft smile on his lips. Sakuma gripped the covers tightly "Koujirou..." he whispered, worry lines forming on his forehead, his boyfriend just sent him a gentle smile.

Genda tried to do stuff with his boyfriend, so he wouldn't feel so weird or lazy; if Sakuma didn't want to have a shower they would shower together, just holding each other, if Sakuma couldn't get dressed neither would his boyfriend. He hoped it would make the other feel normal. He encouraged him of course, but he never pushed him, never told him to be happy or cheer up, just tried to understand him. Sakuma appreciated it.

"Okay." He mumbled before taking a moment for himself, just take some deep breaths. Genda joined in too. When they were done Sakuma reluctantly got out of bed, heading over to the mirror. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to fix it before giving up- Genda took over, humming softly as he did so. The shorter male looked at his reflection, stared at his right eye 'So ugly.'
He went to put on his eyepatch, lips quivering 'I'm even uglier with it on.' Genda helped him tie it securely before planting a kiss on the top of his head, looking at both of their reflections "You're so beautiful Jirou, so perfect." he said, leading him downstairs. Sakuma didn't want to believe that.

They walked around the garden for a bit, hands intertwined. Sakuma felt his eyepatch before looking at the floor.
After the 'accident' he was sent to live with a distant relative, an older woman who he'd never met. She didn't have high opinions of him and blamed him for his parents' relationship breakdown.

He was nervous starting secondary school because of the patch "You'll have to wear it for the rest of your life." The doctor had said. As he had feared, people teased him calling him 'pirate boy' and laughed when he cried or yelled at them- he wasn't good with his emotions at that age. The only good thing, the only thing that made school bearable was that Genda and Kidou also went there. They had asked questions of course, they were curious, but Sakuma just said he was in an accident. It was left at that.

His friends were a great help, they made sure people left him alone; after all Kidou was the school's popular genius and Genda was cool and popular too, Sakuma became popular by association. Then he became one of the stars of the football club alongside his two friends; people began to respect him. He finally felt like he belonged. And then Fudou joined their little group and Sakuma felt self-conscious all over again. He didn't like the boy at first, Fudou was always teasing him because he thought it was funny to try and get a rise out of him, he did the same to Kidou too. Over time however, he got used to the teen, got used to his banter.

Sakuma didn't spend much time at 'home' instead spending most evenings at his two friend's houses, much like when he was a child. He graduated with them, went to university with them. The relative died when Sakuma was in the middle of his second year at university. He didn't go to her funeral. She'd never cared about him, made his life hell and besides he couldn't take the chance of running into his father again. He didn't care if that made him a 'bad person'. Koujirou, Yuuto and Akio were his family now, the only ones that cared about him.

Everything was going okay, he graduated, moved in with his boyfriend, everything was perfect; until (on the advice of his friends) he went to see a poorly-trained therapist who had told him that the only way to deal with his trauma, his distrust of others, his low self-esteem and anxiety, was to face them head on. He had suggested Sakuma try to reconnect with his parents, try to forgive them. He agonised over the decision for a long time, Genda was strongly against it, but if anyone knew best it was a therapist right?

He couldn't track down his step-mum, he figured she must have changed her name and moved away, started a new life. But tracking down his useless father was easy. That's when everything started to go downhill. It was so painful, meeting him reopened all the emotional, and physical scars of his childhood, everything he'd tried to hide. But yet he carried on, even though Genda and Kidou said it wasn't healthy, even though his father showed no remorse; because it had been ingrained in him that he had to forgive his father, he had to be the bigger person. Genda hated it, hated the psychological toll it was taking on his boyfriend, but he couldn't convince the other to stop. In Sakuma's head, this was the only way he was going to find peace.

"Look, polyommatus icarus. A common blue." Genda said in a hushed tone, pulling the other out of his thoughts. Sakuma looked at the small butterfly, so dainty and elegant, yet so fragile. Genda placed a hand under his boyfriend's chin, his other hand reaching up to run through Sakuma's cyan hair "You two match. So beautiful."
Genda smiled at him; Sakuma noticed how ever since the two started dating, the brunette had begun to smile more. Genda never used to be much of a smiler, instead having a much more stoic impression that showed people he was in charge, he was to be respected. But being with Sakuma just seemed to have that effect on him. And now Genda wanted to return the favour.

Sakuma sat in the kitchen eating a bowl of porridge- the food he always ate when he was sad. Genda came up behind him and placed a bowl of freshly cut fruit next to him. Sakuma gave him a tiny smile, he hadn't been looking after himself much the last few days, but the brunette always made sure to make him something nutritious.

"I know we need to see Chaya, but I just feel so messy and gross and unpresentable." Sakuma muttered from the edge of the bed, all previous energy gone. He simply laid back on the bed, feeling so incredibly awful
'I don't want to do anything.'
'I don't want to go anywhere.'
'I don't want to see her.'
He gripped the covers, he didn't feel like he was going to cry- he just felt empty.
Genda laid down next to him, the other instantly rolling over into his awaiting arms, burying his head into the brunette's chest. Neither spoke for a moment, just taking in the quiet moment.

Sakuma squeezed his eye shut, his voice coming out low and quivering, Genda had to strain to hear it. "Sorry, I know other people have it worse than me." He breathed into the soft cotton of his boyfriend's shirt. 'You always have to act like what you're going through is the worst thing in the world, look around you you have a great life and yet you're being so miserable? Grow up. Other people have had family or friends die, have been abused or had terrible, awful things happen to them; how dare you be sad! After all, you're the one making yourself suffer by talking to your dad when you should just block him like Genda keeps saying and-'
Genda sat up, pulling the other into a tight hug "Don't say that." He whispered softly before pulling back and staring deeply at the other "You're allowed to feel like this, you've been through a lot and your trauma is valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." He stated, he hated when people said that, tried to diminish other people's past and feelings. He wouldn't allow Sakuma to feel that way.

Sakuma looked up at the other, his voice cracking "But I should be trying to be positive shouldn't I? Think happy thoughts and stop being so negative all the time right? That's what everyone says, but it's so goddamn difficult to do that."
Genda stroked his hair softly "It's normal to feel negative feelings in situations like this, it's okay to feel like that, you don't have to try and be happy all the time Sakuma. It's hard to do that, to see any good things, and that's okay too."
The other let out a pained laugh "Doesn't that make me a bad person, making others feel down all the time?"
The brunette kissed the top of his head "No it doesn't."

Sakuma bit his lip and moved away from the hug "I just want this...this feeling to stop, I just want to stop feeling like this..."
Genda kissed the back of his neck "You've been through hard times before and come out stronger, you can do it again. I believe in you."
"Thank you." Sakuma whispered. He so desperately wanted to believe him.

He let the other shower him with kisses before he got up, running a hand through his hair. He still felt gross. "Gen..." he mumbled "I want to see Chaya, but I- I know I need to wash my hair but..." he trailed off, looking down. Genda just smiled sweetly at him before disappearing off into the bathroom and reappearing a few moments later.
"No problem, we'll just use this then." He explained, handing the other a bottle of dry shampoo. Sakuma looked at it for a moment before looking up at him shyly "Would you..." he didn't have to ask. "Of course Jirou."

He looked at his hair in the mirror, he felt a little cleaner. He gave a tiny smile, putting on some deodorant because if he couldn't shower at least he could manage that, and gurgling some mouthwash, because he didn't feel up to brushing his teeth but this was the next best thing.
He felt a little better, but still not good enough to leave the house.

"She said we can just swing by for a bit later. Only if that's alright with you though. We don't have to go." Genda announced, coming back into the bedroom. He wanted whatever they ended up doing being on Sakuma's terms.
Sakuma looked at the floor, shrugging his shoulders. The brunette sighed wistfully and placed a hand on his boyfriend's shoulders "I'm gonna fold the laundry. Would you like to help me?" He asked softly, Sakuma looked up at him, nodding silently. Genda smiled down at him.

Soft, calming music played as the two folded up clothes in silence. The brunette looked over, smiling softly when he saw how genuinely content the other looked. Repetitive, productive tasks- he'd read online that they could help a lot with anxiety and depression- it seemed to be working. Sakuma looked over at him before speaking, voice quiet but with a hint of...not happiness per se but something close to that. "When this is done, we can go and see Chaya." He stated simply before going back to rolling socks. "Of course." The other replied with a light smile.

(6pm)
(Gouenji)
I slumped down on the sofa and sighed frustratedly. So much for our anniversary. Fubuki walked in and smiled softly "Don't worry, I never liked that restaurant anyway, too expensive." he stated. "Microwave last night's pizza then?" I replied, a smile gracing my lips. My husband grinned and I followed him to the kitchen, I switched on the radio as Fubuki rummaged through the fridge. I leant upon the island as he placed the cold pizza slices in the microwave.

"This next one goes out to all those lovebirds out there, so grab that special someone and hold them close for this one. It's 'At last' by Etta James, enjoy this one and we'll be right back." The beautiful song filled the room, I looked over at Fubuki who was smiling sweetly at me; he walked over slowly towards me and wrapped his arms around my neck.

We danced in time with the music, I remembered that night; we were both so nervous, this song was playing, I'd never before noticed how beautiful he looked bathed in candlelight, his eyes shone like starlight. "You look just like that night Fubuki, incredible." Fubuki blushed and held me closer. As the song came to a close we shared a kiss. Until we were rudely interrupted by the microwave. Fubuki chuckled and kissed my cheek.

"Voila dinner is served." Fubuki exclaimed as he handed me the steaming slices.
Maybe our anniversary could still be special after all...

((Whoop whoop I finally got round to adding more to this chapter since it used to just be 2 pages long lol. Glad I was able to add in some more Genkuma fluff and flesh out their story more. Also I changed the name to At Last since I think the lyrics and the meaning really work well for both parts. And it makes me feel all squishy inside when I listen to it. :) ))