AZALEA

The night was chilly. I walked outside, to the balcony, inhaling some fresh air, wearing my thin nightdress, while my bare shoulders were covered by a thick white shawl. My long red waves were blown by the gentle wind as I stared down at the dead rose garden and leaned closer on the marble balustrades and rested my elbows on top of it.

The days in the palace were surprisingly peaceful and I wondered how long it would last. Well, this was just the third day. And the Queen wasn't even interested on our classes or maybe she wasn't interested on how we were all faring.

My stare focused on the dried leaves and crisp rose branches. Surprisingly, the sight of it was comforting despite its gloominess. But it would be better if I could grow roses on it and cultivate it. I imagined it would be a beautiful sight to behold and I was suddenly lost in my thoughts, perceiving images right in front of my eyes–almost like daydreaming.

Celeste walked around the maze of red roses. Once again, her feet found their way to the garden despite what happened the other day. Despite knowing that there was a chance to meet the Prince again. Or maybe, deep inside, she just wanted to meet him. She was not afraid of him. And she could tell, he was not using his authority over her.

The rose he gave was still blooming on her makeshift vase–a glass she stole from the kitchen wares. A small smile crept on her bow-shaped lips. She unconsciously tucked the red loose strands behind her ears, thinking how ridiculous she acted. And it was so funny for her–too funny.

After cleaning the guest chambers, washing linens, and scrubbing floors today, she found her rest here, right after dinner, which was absolutely prohibited. If the Head Maid discovered this, she would be punished or worst, be locked in the stables or warehouse for a whole night. Slaves didn't have enough freedom, well, they didn't have any freedom at all. But she was someone who was breaking this absolute rule–secretly and discreetly.

And this sanctuary was the perfect place to hide and be free. No one ever guarded this rose garden and no one would even dare to come here–well, except for her.

The silvery moon above was full and beautiful, mesmerizing even. She envied it for being free. Maybe someday, she would be able to buy her own freedom and leave this place to start anew. Maybe someday, she would be able to earn money. But slaves in this kingdom, didn't have the right to earn any money. And all that she had in mind – these ridiculous thoughts – were just wishful thinking. She would probably die as a slave without redeeming her human rights at all.

After breathing fresh air and calming her nerves and senses and after finding strength from the beautiful scenery, she decided to return to her room–the maid's common quarters.

But when she turned around, she found the prince behind her, a few meters away, with a small smile curved on his lips.

"Hey. We meet again," he greeted lightly.

She blushed. She was caught again. Although she somewhat expected this. But she shouldn't be here. She was not allowed to be here. And she was kind of ashamed of her hardheadedness. She lowered her head and greeted him with respect. She suddenly realized she didn't know his name yet.

"Good evening, Your Royal Highness. Please forgive me for being here–again," she apologetically said.

The man chuckled, clearly dismissing her apology. "It's alright. You can visit this garden from time to time. I give you my consent."

She was taken aback. She didn't expect he was this kind. He was too kind–too good to be true even. She bit her bottom lip. She was lost for words. And her heart raced back and forth, a little nervous of his sudden appearance. But she found courage to peek on his handsome face, cautiously, to check if he was really sincere.

"How's your stay in the palace?" he asked. His blue eyes shone under the silver moon's light. Even his golden-brown hair was sparkling despite the darkness of the night.

She didn't know if she should answer honestly. "I'm still adopting. Thank you for asking, Your Royal Highness." Since she was a noble, she wasn't good with household chores but she must keep up. Her life was already different from before. Her once soft hands seemed rougher now. She always had back pains and sore feet. The bed was not too soft unlike before and she was having a hard time sleeping.

"Is it too hard? Or do you want to become my personal attendant?" he offered. She gazed at him with confused amber eyes. She thought he was being impulsive. And if he wanted something from her. She suddenly became suspicious.

But if she accepted his offer and became his personal attendant, her tasks would be much easier. But that also meant, she would be everyone's enemies. The palace maids would definitely find faults on her. Or maybe accuse her of seducing this prince.

"I..." She didn't know what to say. Was it rude to refuse a Prince? But then she remembered an excuse. "I'm sorry... this is too sudden. I'm still new here and to be honest, I still don't know your name, Your Royal Highness. Please pardon my ignorance." She lowered her head a little, displaying how apologetic she was.

The man chuckled heartily. "My name is Steve. Steve Harrison."

Celeste's eyes widened with shock. She even immediately went down on her knees to kneel. Steve Harrison – that was the name of the current King of this kingdom.

"Please forgive my insolence, Your Majesty," she said, a little afraid. She didn't expect that the king was this young. She never suspected him as the king. She thought he was just a prince. She could only tightly shut her eyes as she lowered her head even more, wishing to be saved from probable death.

"Come on. Don't be like this," he said in a low and kind tone. The King kneeled and assisted her to stand up. "It's alright. I'm not going to punish you or anything. It's really all right."

She didn't know what to do. But the King was also kneeling with her so she had no choice but to accept his assistance. She reluctantly stood up. She couldn't look him in the eye anymore. It was awkward. She made a grave mistake of coming back here.

A familiar sound woke me up from the trance. "Hey, lady! You planning to die?" asked by a loud, urgent voice.

When my eyes refocused and checked my position, I was already near the edge of the balustrades, almost at the edge of falling. Startled, I quickly stood up and took a step back from the marble railings. And then, my confuse gaze turned to Prince Dion. I couldn't help but scrunch my forehead.

"I thought you have some business outside the palace?" I blurted. I was definitely scared but this was the words that came out of my mouth. Maybe, because I didn't know what to say at this moment.

"I just returned. And then I saw you in that dangerous position. You alright?" he asked with concern. His ash blue hair was darker due to the night's dark shade and his blue eyes shimmered with worry. He shouldn't display such emotions – especially with our situation, with our hearts made of glass.

I shook my head. I disregarded his concern. I was not even sure what was happening to me. My face was definitely pale from confusion.

"I... I think I need some rest. I'll be leaving first," I answered listlessly, totally cutting him off. I returned to my room and close the glass doors leading to the veranda without hearing any words from him.

Why am I seeing these odd things?

~~~

Thursday. For our morning class we had music and dance. Well, it was quite okay. The dancing kept me awake and helped me retain my focus. Marchioness Armida taught us some important royal dances for official celebrations. Specially, to prepare for the Crown Princess official selection. We listened to different waltzes and jazz music. I almost slept on the jazz and classical music though.

For our afternoon class, before meeting the Crown Prince for teatime, we had our lessons about love–I mean, lessons on how to not love. To avoid love at all costs.

Marchioness Elise was our educator for this class. She looked strict with her blonde hair tied in a bun. Her thin red lips were small and almost pressed into a thin line. She didn't reveal any emotion on her small, pretty face.

She scanned our faces without revealing a smile. We were all sitting on a cushioned sofa while she stood in front of us with a book on her hand.

"Well, I'm not standing here to force you not to love but to remind you that loving can only lead to death. As the Crown Princess, you must be secured, confident, and powerful. You don't need a man. If someone's trying to topple you over, don't take anything to heart. Be level-headed and don't let your emotions rule over you. Always be logical and practical. Most people just want to test your worthiness to the crown so don't let them win over you. Prove your worth."

We were all quiet. She was speaking on a more personal level and it was a serious one.

"You have to remember... your hearts are fragile and you're the only one who can take care of it – who can keep it safe. You're the only one who can guard your heart. Don't let anyone drop your heartglass as if you're unworthy. Don't let anyone have a control over your heart."

This class was like a reminder to all of us–that love is poison.

"Now when you become the Crown Princess, you will have more chances of interacting with the Crown Prince. Be reminded that you must establish clear boundaries when interacting with His Royal Highness. Avoid romantic gestures and intimate touches. Don't dream of being loved back. Don't even ask for it. Don't have unnecessary expectations. Just do your responsibilities as the Crown Princess. And if you feel like you're already falling, work through your feelings. Focus on yourself. Totally give up on the idea of love."

Marchioness Elise looked at everyone of us as if she was giving us clear warnings. But most specifically, her gaze lingered longer on me. As if all the words were directed only to me.

"Control your desires to find love. Just give up on love. Don't be attached to someone, anything or something. Don't worry about losing them. Be independent. Just focus on the Kingdom's affair and businesses. Recognize your emotions. Don't let it get in the way. Hold off on getting physical. Maintain distance."

She sighed.

"When you become a queen, the king won't stay or sleep in your chambers unless you are scheduled to do your duties as husband and wife. This is to ensure that the queen and king will not disastrously fall in love with each other. The King and Queen shouldn't build special attachment to anyone or that would only lead to their downfall. Don't worry. The close attendants will always be there to remind you if you're getting too attached. So that you can pull back and reassess yourself."

Everything sounded complicated when love was already involved.

Can someone really evade falling in love with this setup? I wonder. Because sometimes, the more you suppress your feelings, the more it grows. Love is absolutely as complicated as this vast universe.

***