Leaning next to a huge window, Louis was watching Zayn doing his thing. A photoshoot for some important high-class campaign was taking place in his photography studio today and Louis was there with him to support him. Or better because he needed someone to talk to before he did something stupid. If that meant standing by during a photoshoot then this should be it. Still better than being left alone with his thoughts after this afternoon.

Before Louis had shown up here out of nowhere he has been in town with Harry. He had picked Louis up from work to go eat some ice cream as they had agreed on the night prior. All in all, a nice little idea and nothing they haven't done already alone or with friends but something was totally different today. The whole mood felt different. Way more tense and electrified and crackling like a small fire has been created between them. Trying to pinpoint and put those feelings into words has been his main occupation instead of enjoying his time with Harry. His head was aching and he needed Zayn. Someone to spill everything to.

"Tommy, you don't have to stand there the whole time" walked Zayn over to him with his camera in hand. "You can get comfortable on the couch or in some of the other rooms. I'm gonna find you when I'm done".

Louis only smiled gratefully at his best friend. He knew why Zayn had offered him to get out of this situation. Zayn's shootings sometimes reminded Louis of the day they met and that wasn't the best day to think about because it led to his downfall. By now Louis should be over it but a trauma could be triggered at any time through anything no matter how much time has passed.

So, Louis took one last look over at Zayn and then left the room, strolling around the huge studio. In total it had five different rooms for shootings or recordings, depending on what theme was needed. By the end of his stroll, Louis found himself in Zayn's music-themed room. Many instruments were standing around or hanging on the walls, such as the piano Louis was walking towards to.

Hesitantly, Louis took a seat on the piano bench and traced with his fingers over the keys. Sometimes he forgot that he even played in the first place because he had no piano or keyboard at home or anywhere he could go except for this place right here. A part of him loved playing. It had become his new passion. But another part of him, the traumatised part, felt guilty for even having a new passion, feeling like he didn't deserve to have anything.

Testing the sound of the piano reminded Louis of a song he had started to write a while back. He had never really finished it obviously but somehow the last bit of lyrics seemed to form in his head at this very moment. It had been a song about pushing feelings away and being scared and not really knowing what was going on but feeling like it shouldn't be happening because it would lead to nothing.

"Baby, why can't you see? You and me shouldn't be here. Can't you see it crystal clear? I need to stop myself from feeling the way I do. I'm not allowed to fall in love with you. I can't let my heart be free. I can't fall in love with you" sang Louis softly over the sound of the slow piano keys. "Cause you're not really here with me".

Closing his eyes, Louis let the song fade out and just pressed down on some random keys. Harry's face appeared on his mind and the melody was writing itself. Those soft curls and fascinating eyes. The dimples, those lips and that stunning smile had him captured for a while but he had refused to acknowledge any of that, thinking it wasn't worthwhile. Now all of these suppressed emotions were coming out all at once.

"I admit that when you smile I always get lost in thoughts for a while. Just hoping you're thinking of me, Baby. I admit that when you laugh all I really wanna do is take a photograph. So I can have you with me all day and night as my leading light" mumbled Louis quietly to himself.

"I know I will never be your first but I really wanna be your last. This whole situation is freaking accursed. Despite fighting against it I fell for you fast" got Louis lost in the music, only seeing Harry on his mind.

"Another's hand has touched your skin. And you've let them all the way in. I'm the one in the back, watching it all happening. Your safe and secure place but slowly I'm breaking in. And I have to admit that it's true. I always knew that I wanna be the only one for you" sang Louis passionately.

"I admit I really wanna tell you the truth while we're still young. Thousands of words prickling on the tip of my tongue that I wanna say. But I'm too afraid you might forever walk away. I still know I will never be your first but that doesn't change the fact that I wanna be your last. I desperately wish the situation could be reversed because falling for someone you can't have is really the worst" were all of those words simply pouring out of Louis' heart and he couldn't keep them in any longer.

"Another's hand has touched your skin. And you've let them all the way in. I'm the one in the back, watching it all happening. Your safe and secure place but slowly I'm breaking in. And I have to admit that it's true. I always knew that I wanna be the only one for you" finished Louis his new song and finally opened his eyes again, letting out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding.

"So ..." sounded Zayn's voice from behind him, starling Louis horribly. He jumped up from the bench and turned around to his best friend, who was leaning in the doorframe. There were no more words needed.

"Yeah" breathed Louis out heavily.

"C'mon. Let's sit down and have a talk. I fetch us some tea" beckoned Zayn him to follow him.

Together they crashed in the kitchen with some steaming tea and Louis felt like he would explode any second. He needed to say it but he was scared of what would follow his confession. With Zayn by his side, he sat down on a tiny couch in a corner, staring at the wall on the other side of the room. Zayn was just looking at him.

"Your song was about Harry" broke Zayn the silence. It wasn't a question. It was a sure statement.

"It was writing itself" admitted Louis meekly.

"Because that's what you're feeling deep down, Tommy," said Zayn understandingly.

"Guess not deep down anymore. It's pretty obvious in the open by now" sighed Louis shakily.

"You're gonna tell him though?" wanted Zayn to know.

"I'm not really sure. I guess, I already kinda did. In a way" answered Louis confusingly, seeing on Zayn's face that he had no clue what he meant with that.

"I don't think I understand. You already told him?" sounded Zayn more than just confused. He was shocked.

"Not exactly. Remember that we were in the cinema with Kayla and Maribel?" went Louis back down memory lane. Zayn simply nodded in confirmation. "That day Harry and I had two or three strange conversations about exemplary imaginary people being in a situation. I used my 'person' to tell him how I was feeling and what I was afraid of and it seemed like he was doing the same but at points, it was so confusing that I wasn't sure what we were doing anymore. It ended in riddles and metaphors and led to nothing".

"So, you talked about it but not really?" tried Zayn to understand.

"More or less. I tried to make him see why I don't make a move on him because there is obviously something unspoken between us. I was hiding behind this imaginary shield for as long as possible until I actually stopped talking about they and them and said I instead. It was terrifying, to be honest," let Louis him know vaguely.

"And what happened then?" hooked Zayn curiously.

"Nothing. We were in town today and it was fucking awkward. I don't know what to do" reported Louis shortly.

"I can only tell you to be honest with him. Like actually honest. No examples or imaginary scenarios. The honest brutal naked truth" advised Zayn him rightfully.

"I know you're right but I'm too much of a coward to tell him how I feel. I can't even say it out loud right now. It just doesn't ...".

"Then say it" cut Zayn him abruptly.

"What?" stared Louis at him agape.

"Say it or I'll make you" repeated Zayn more fiercely.

"Zayn, I can't ...".

"Say it".

"No, I ...".

"Say it".

"Can you shut ...".

"Say it".

"Zayn".

"Say it".

"God, damn it, Zayn! Fine, I have a crush on him!" exploded Louis annoyed, making Zayn grin in satisfaction. "You're happy now, Joey?!".

"Very" grinned Zayn smugly.

"I see that it's amusing to you but to me, it's fucking terrifying. I'm scared shitless. I don't know how to handle this. I can't handle it" picked Louis' breathing up in panic.

"Tommy, you need to breathe in and out. Slowly. Calmly" became Zayn serious, trying to calm him down.

"I can't fucking breathe. Not when he is there and not when he isn't here because he's in my head all the time. This wasn't supposed to happen. I can't fall for him. I shouldn't, Joey. No way. Kyle was different. I never even had a real crush on him. He was attracted to me and showed interest and I just thought why not?! I never dated anyone and thought I need to stop being a grumpy coward and go for it and where did it end? In a mess. Without feelings involved! I can't ... I don't wanna get my heart broken again and this time in a romantic way. How am I supposed to let him in like this when I can't even allow myself to be happy?".

By now he was trembling all over his body and his vision was blurry. He couldn't make out his own words and wasn't sure if he was whispering, shouting or saying whatever he was saying only in his head. He was lost.

"I know why you're scared and I can't tell you it will never hurt but I can assure you it will make you feel better if you let it happen. Let it out. Don't bottle all of your feelings up. I know that's what you're used to but you don't have to do that anymore. You can feel something. Feel the love your experiencing, Tommy" pulled Zayn him into his comforting arms, drawing soothing circles onto Louis' back.

"I don't deserve that love" cried Louis into Zayn's chest.

"Yes, you do. You deserve only the best. You deserve all the love in the world. You are amazing, Tommy" told Zayn him firmly, wanting to make him understand. "Stop blaming yourself for stuff that happened in the past. You couldn't control it. None of it was in your hands. She'd want you to be happy. She'd want you to give Harry a chance".

"But what if he doesn't feel the same and I was wrong? Maybe I read the signs wrong. I did it before. Harry can't want me like this" hiccuped Louis uncontrollably.

"And why is that, Tommy?" asked Zayn gently.

"Because he can have anyone. Because maybe he is different now but he has been such a heartbreaker player. Who am I to change that?" sniffled Louis brokenly.

"You are the person he trusts the most. The person he comes to when something is bothering him or when he wants to talk. He never talks to anyone about the stuff going on in his heart or on his mind except for you. Maybe he has been a player before but even I can see that he has changed for the better and let his true self come out. And it all has started with meeting you" cupped Zayn Louis' face into his hands, locking eyes with him intensively.

"I really didn't do anything" looked Louis down.

"Maybe not because you would never forcefully change a person but the way you are and the way he feels towards you changed him anyway. Slowly but surely in a natural way on his own. You helped him be who he wants to be. No one else was able to do that in the way you did" pointed Zayn out.

"But that doesn't mean he has to like me. Why would he ever look at me that way?" asked Louis stubbornly. He knew better than to argue with Zayn on something he was sure about. It would be pointless.

"Why? Because he already does, Tommy" nudged Zayn Louis' nose. "You light up his whole world. Everybody can see it. Why can't you?".

"It's hard for me to even think about the possibility of him liking me back. If he does what do I do then? He has never been in a relationship and my last one was horrible and emotionless. He only ever had the physical stuff and I never really ... How could that possibly work out?" voiced Louis his honest doubts.

"By talking about it," said Zayn simply.

"That's it?" blinked Louis at him.

"With you two, that's all you need. Talk about it. Be honest about everything. Let yourselves fall completely and trust each other blindly. Not more you can do" smiled Zayn encouragingly at him.

Louis knew Zayn was right. There was something special between them and all they needed to do was talk about it and be honest with each other but was Louis ready to be completely honest with Harry about everything including his past and all the shit he's been through?

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Question of the Chapter: Do you understand Louis' fears?