From Joey:

"Um hi, I know you're mad at me and have every right to but Ijust wanted to let you know even though we're probably not friendsanymore I'm still here for you today (and always). In my thoughts,Tommy".

"This stupid moron" Louisgrumbled to himself when he read the message as soon as it had comein.

That idiotic text message has beenthe only one Louis has received from Zayn since they had had theirargument on Tuesday evening. It was Sunday now and Louis hadliterally never felt more alone. Through Niall he had known for a fewdays now that Zayn was thinking they weren't friends anymore butLouis had clarified that right away. Well, in Niall's presence andnot with Zayn directly but he had thought Niall would tell Zayn thisand they would just push past this stupid fight and go back to lovingeach other. This wasn't the case apparently.

That's why he immediately jumped up,put on some shoes without any socks, grabbed his coat and ran out ofhis flat, slamming his door shut loudly. Not caring about the factthat he was only wearing some stupid red sweatpants and a looset-shirt, he sprinted through the streets straight towards Zayn'sapartment. Luckily, he knew a shortcut. Like this, only a few peoplegot a look at the crazy-looking state he was in right now, probablycoming off as a maniac.

With his spare key he unlocked thefront door and crashed right through it, not bothering to use thebell. Presumably, he had scared Zayn to death because all Louis heardwas a startled scream before Zayn came running out of his bedroom,looking like a mess. As soon as he spotted Louis in his living roomhe froze in his spot. Louis wasn't having any of this. No, he wantedthem back to normal.

So, he slammed Zayn's door close andran right into his arms, taking Zayn by surprise. He stumbledbackwards a bit before he wrapped his arms around Louis to keep himclose.

"Don't ever say again that we'renot friends anymore, Joey. I need you and I love you. You know that,right?" Louis mumbled into Zayn's neck emotionally.

"I love you too, Tommy. And I'm sosorry for what I said about you and Harry. I ... I know why you wereso angry at me. I crossed a line. I never meant any of it but thisdoesn't matter. I still said it, so I'm sorry. I just thought youcould never look at me again after what I said and I really justwanted to slap myself for being so stupid and hurting you and ..."Zayn rambled guiltily, not noticing how he had started to cry.

"Sh, Joey, it's okay" Louisstroked soothingly over Zayn's back with one hand while caressing hishead with the other hand softly. "I'm not angry anymore. We all saystupid things during fights. I did, too. Harry could tell you ...Nevermind. What I meant was that I know why you got so riled up. Iknow you get overprotective and then your brain tends to shut down.All you ever wanted was to protect me and I know this. I appreciateit but this time you simply can't, Joey".

"But I can't just sit by and watchyou get hurt. You're my best friend, Tommy" Zayn noted tearfully.

"All I need is for you to be therefor me when it gets tough. I can fight my own battles now and knowhow to protect my heart the best way, in a way, at least. Joey, yourfriendship and support and comfort is simply enough. You're my hero,no matter what. You already saved me once. No need to save me again.I can save myself now" Louis loosened their embrace a bit so hecould look into Zayn's eyes.

"I'm so proud of you, Tommy. You'vecome a long way and I love to see you like this. Strong andindependent. Kind and gentle but still my Mister Sassy and Sarcastic,right?" a smile started to grow on Zayn's face.

"Always and forever. You won't getrid of that, Joey" Louis hugged him again tightly.

"And I don't want to, Tommy" Zaynsighed deeply into the crook of Louis' neck.

This hug was so comforting andheartwarming to Louis. In Zayn's arms he always felt protected andsafe and warm and loved. A familiar and welcoming feeling he neverwanted to miss for so long again for such stupid reasons. For a longperiod of time Zayn has been his anchor but now Louis didn't needthat anymore. He was able to be on his own. Nonetheless, he alwayswanted Zayn by his side.

After some more hugging and cuddling,Louis decided it was time to go home. Obviously, Zayn had insisted onhim staying so he wouldn't be alone today but Louis knew Zayn hadwork to do for his upcoming shooting tomorrow. He really didn't wantto bother him. Besides, he was really trying to not make such a bigdeal out of today but everyone around him was treating him like glassthe whole day, which didn't make it easier not to break any second.

Reaching his home, Louis closed thedoor and leaned with his back against it. He let out a shaky breathand could feel the tears threatening to fall down already. He willedthem away and took off his coat and shoes. Barefoot, he padded intothe kitchen and filled a tiny pot with water to put it on his stove.He was hungry but couldn't possibly do anything more than some simplepasta.

While Louis was waiting for the waterto boil he scrolled through his phone. He had three new textmessages. From Niall, Àmber and even his stepfather. All three ofthem were asking how he was holding up. The sentiment was welcomedsomehow but it only made this day so much harder than it already was.He texted Niall he was fine and just copied that text for his sisterand stepfather. No one needed to know that he had been looking atpictures of his mother the whole morning with tears streaming downhis face. Just like right now at this very moment.

The sound of his buzzing bell scaredthe shit out of him. At first, he didn't move because he wasn'texpecting anyone. He didn't want to see anyone today. But when theringing didn't stop he stood up and marched over to his door, tearingit open with an insult ready on his tongue. All those words got stuckin his throat when he saw who was standing outside of his door. Itwas Harry.

Louis opened his mouth to saysomething but no words were coming out. He didn't know what to say.Harry was the last person he had expected to see today. Or on any dayin the near future actually. Wiping his tears away quickly, Louistook in Harry's appearance. He looked like shit. Don't get him wrong.He was still beautiful but he looked sad and guilty and just fuckedup.

"Look, I'm so sorry for botheringyou. I just came back and saw all the texts. They confused me butthen I saw that I had forgotten my ... wait, what's that smell?".

Louis barely registered any ofHarry's words, only hearing the slightly familiar sound of Harry'svoice, until he mentioned that smell. Immediately, Louis sniffed theair and panicked. Of course, he would forget about the water on hisstove. A classic Louis move from his side.

"Damn it" Louis cursed and raninto his kitchen, leaving the door open.

The intense smell hit Louis nostrilswhen he reached the stove. Looked like the water has been overflowingand now it was dried out and the pot was burnt at the bottom. Todayreally wasn't his lucky day. Almost burning his hands, Louis threwthe pot into his sink, letting cold water stream over it. Letting outa mix between an annoyed sigh and a strangled groan, Louis banged hishead against the door of his fridge, cursing under his breath.

"Do you um ... want me to leave?"Harry's voice sounded behind him, starling Louis once again. He hadforgotten about him for a second, thinking it was only just a dream.

"You wanna know what I want?"Louis turned around to him sternly, seeing how Harry visibly gulped."I wanna know why you're here right now".

"I was hoping I could explainmyself. Please, I need to. I don't know what you think but you'reprobably wrong. This has all just been a huge misunderstanding. Orwell, not really. A stupid mistake. From my side" Harry rushed outas if he was afraid Louis wouldn't listen to him.

"Go ahead" Louis said neutrallywhile opening the kitchen window, so that the strong smell of burntwater could vanish.

For a moment, Harry was just lookingat him, probably trying to figure out if Louis meant what he said ina positive or negative way and if he would stay where he was or sitdown. But Louis had no intention to move away from the supportingcounter. He needed something to hold on to. A part of him wasn'tready to hear what Harry had to say.

"Okay, thanks. Um ..." Harry bithis lip nervously, wrestling to find the right words to say. Louisonly stared blankly at him, waiting for a rejection unknowingly."This whole thing isn't what it looks like, I swear. I was withAndrew for the week. We had made that deal a while ago. You know?That I would live with him for a week to find out what I wanna do. Ijust came back and saw all of your guys' messages and was so confusedthat no one seemed to know where I was".

"You just left, Harry. How could weknow?" Louis pointed out tensely.

"I know that's what you think andit makes me look so bad. Cruel even. Like a total douchebag. Aplayer, but I'm not. Really. I ... I um ... I never planned for us tohave sex that day. I knew I would leave the next morning and I feltso bad for leaving you like this but you were still sleeping. Ididn't wanna wake you up" Harry stuttered helplessly.

"Why not? So you wouldn't have toexplain yourself after just taking what you've wanted all along?Leaving without facing me sounds like an easy way out to me" Louisasked bitterly, not meaning what he was saying. He knew Harry didn'tuse him but a part of Louis felt betrayed. Used.

"Oh God, No! Please, don't thinkthat, Louis. I never meant for us to have sex on our date. I wantedus to have an innocent date but then things happened. I mean, I don'tregret it. Don't get me wrong. I loved it but I knew I would be gonethe next morning and felt bad for ..." Harry rambled out anexplanation, that really didn't make things better.

"For what? Making me feel used?"Louis cut him off, getting angry now. "Why didn't you just wake meup? I wouldn't have cared at all! Can you even imagine how I feltwhen I woke up alone after we ...You could have just called or textedme later that day, you know? To clarify that you did not use me forsex. All our friends are convinced that you did. Do you know how hardit was to argue with them and insist on them being wrong? I almostlost Zayn over this and it would have been partly your fault forbeing so stupid. Who leaves without a word when they allegedly didn'tjust use you? Tell me!".

With every new word Harry lookedsadder and more guilty by the second, hanging his head low in shame."I'm sorry, Louis. I really can't imagine what you must have feltthis whole week but I didn't know what I was causing in my absence.Honestly".

"That makes no fucking sense,Harry" Louis snorted.

"For you it doesn't. For me itdoes. I um ... I thought you knew or else I would have broken thedeal's conditions and called you immediately" Harry murmuredquietly.

"First of all, that deal soundslike shit. And second, how could I have known? I'm not a mind reader,Haydo" Louis grew impatient.

"I wrote you a note" Harryrevealed to him shyly.

"No, you didn't. There was no note"Louis blinked confusedly.

"Because I'm an idiot" Harrysighed heavily before he looked up at Louis again with tears poolingin his eyes. "After I woke up and left your flat I went home tograb my stuff. There in my kitchen I wrote you a note. A longishnote. I explained everything shortly in it and planned on leaving itby your door but I ... I forgot about it. I know what you're about tosay. How could you possibly forget about it?! Andrew had called me toask if everything was settled and we went over everything on thephone, which made me realise I forgot a few things. I picked them upin a rush and Andrew was only making me go faster. In all that hecticrunning I left the note on my kitchen table but when I thought backabout it I was sure I left you the note because I had written it. So,when I saw all those texts of Niall, Sean, Zayn and the others when Iturned my phone on again, telling me to call you or asking me where Iwas I've never been more confused. Until then I was convinced youknew and everything would be okay between us when I would get thechance to explain everything in more detail than in the note. Butthen I spotted the note on my table and never felt so cold. I readover all of your texts and my heart broke with every single word. Notonce have you asked me if I had used you, only if I was okay and Ididn't understand that. You couldn't possibly have faith in me afterleaving you without a word. Now that I knew. I'm so sorry, Louis. Inever meant to leave you like this and hurt you so much. I'm anidiot".

Louis' brain was working overtime andhe just knew a headache was on its way by now but he didn't care.Harry's stupidly rambled explanation was worth it. Louis studiedHarry's face and could see the pure pain, guilt and panic reflectedon it. Desperation. Harry really wasn't expecting Louis to believehim and that saddened Louis the most. All this time Louis had beensure Harry had a reason to leave, maybe not such a stupid reason buta reason nonetheless. So, he has been right and Harry has never usedhim.

"Mh, yeah. Maybe you are, Harry"Louis let go of the counter. "Who writes a note and forgets to handit over?".

"I know I'm stupid and you probablydon't believe me but I have the note here with me to prove ... Louis,I'm so sorry" Harry choked on some tears, taking out the note.

"Did it work then? Did you find outwhat you wanna do? Was the week worth the trouble?" Louis walkedover to him but Harry wouldn't look up.

"It doesn't matter. All thatmatters is you, Louis. I'm so sorry for breaking your trust andabandoning you like this, especially with everything I know. I shouldhave stayed until you ... I'm so sorry, Louis. I could say a milliontimes sorry. I just hope one day you can find it in your heart toforgive and maybe even believe me" Harry snivelled shamefully,clutching the note tightly.

Carefully, Louis approached him andtook the note out of Harry's tight grip. Instead of reading it, Louisstepped even closer and stroked Harry's long hair out of his prettybut sad face, cupping it in between his hands. That made Harry stareat him in pure confusion with red-rimmed eyes.

"How about a billion times, Haz?"Louis smiled understandingly at him. "Even though they won't benecessary".

"No?" Harry frowned adorably."But I ...".

"Made a mistake and yes, this weekreally wasn't nice but you're back and you had a reason to be gone.You explained yourself and apologised quite some times. Give yourselfa break, Haz. I'm just happy you're back and okay" Louis caressedHarry's wet cheeks gently.

"But are you okay? How can you beso understanding after I made you think ...".

"You didn't make me think any ofthose you things you made up in your mind" Louis cut him offdeterminant. "The only thing you made me think was that somethingmight have happened to you, which had made me worried but it wasokay. You can ask every single one of our friends. I did not thinkthat you used me for sex or just played me and left. Not for onesingle second. Yes, I might have said some things earlier that madeit sounds like I probably did but I never meant them. I was simplygetting anxious you might ... I don't even know myself".

"So, you never needed my note asproof? You ... you trusted me" Harry stared at him in pure shock.

"You got that right" Louisoffered him a cheeky smile, letting go of Harry's face. "But I'dstill love to read it".

"Of course. It's yours anyway"Harry cleared his throat, touching his cheeks when he thought Louisdidn't see.

Lou,

when you read this you alreadyknow that I'm gone but don't worry, everything is alright. I had thebest day of my life and last night was unexpected but perfect. Iloved every second of it. But sadly I had to go and leave you thismorning because weeks ago I've made a deal with Andrew. I'm gonnastay with him til next Sunday evening to figure out what I want inlife, job-wise. He lets me work with him and his clients, so let'shope that'll go well.

I really wish now though that Ididn't have to leave. I would prefer to wake up in your arms insteadand see your beautiful blue eyes first thing in the morning. Please,don't think this is a made-up excuse to cover up that I used you forsex. I didn't. I care a lot about you, Lou. I would never do this toyou. I hope you know that.

Well, guess I see you in a week. Ihope you won't be too made at me. My phone will be off this wholeweek, by the way. I really don't know how I am supposed to survive aweek without you ...

Anyway, before this gets to cheesyI'm just gonna say I hope you're fine and I can't wait til the weekis over.

Love,

Harry.

"Thisisn't a note. It's more of a letter" was the first thing that cameout of Louis' mouth after reading all of this. "But aren't yousupposed to be still with Andrew? You wrote Sunday evening. It'smidday".

"Thatwas the plan but I explained to him that I just had to leave earlier.I could've never left you alone, today of all days. I wanted to behere for you. With you" Harry confessed.

Louislooked up at him in surprise, understanding the meaning behindHarry's words. "You didn't have to come back just for me, Haz".

"Yes, Idid, Lou" Harry was now the one caressing Louis' left cheek gently,making Louis lean into the touch.

"Thanks"Louis got all emotional now, his throat closing off and going drywhile his stomach felt weird.

"Do youum ... wanna sit down and talk or eat something? You were about tocook something when I interrupted you" Harry asked hesitantly.

"I'dlove to eat because I'm really hungry but I just burnt water. I don'tthink I should try that again" Louis joked with a heavy heart.

"I saw.Never knew that was possible. How do you burn water?" Harrychuckled to lighten the mood.

"Justlike that" Louis watched how Harry took out another pot to startcooking. "You don't have to cook for me".

"But Iwant to. Let me help you out here, okay?" Harry pleaded hopefully.

"Okay"Louis gave him permission.

"Pasta,I guess?" Harry glanced over his shoulder at him.

Louis onlynodded. After that, it was silent between them. Wordlessly, Harryprepared the food while Louis was watching him. It all felt surrealfor some reason. The aching pain in his heart and chest wasn't reallyhelping the situation. Having Harry here with him was helping but thepicture of his mother was still open on his phone that was burning inhis hand underneath the table.

"I madea version of my special sauce. I hope that's okay" Harry clearedhis throat awkwardly when he placed a plate in front of Louis on thekitchen table.

"That'sfine, Haz" Louis swallowed down his feelings to focus on the foodand the man right in front of him.

"Are um... er ... are you and Zayn okay?" Harry stuttered out when theywere eating in uncomfortable silence. "I just ... you said youalmost lost him over me and I ... er".

"Yeah,we're fine. Made up earlier. It was a stupid fight over nothing. Hesaid things he didn't mean because he gets overprotective and Icouldn't handle that anymore. He thought our friendship was over butI could never live without him. So, yeah. We cleared the air but um ...I wouldn't talk to him for a while, if I were you. He was prettypissed at you" Louis reported awkwardly.

"He hasevery right to be pissed, Lou" Harry pointed out responsible.

"Maybebut he should have never accused you of anything without knowing yourpoint of view just because it effects me. You two are friends, too.He should have trusted you a bit more" Louis countered surely. "Heknew you changed".

"Ireally don't know what to say anymore. I'm blown away by your trustin me, Lou" Harry was baffled.

"I trustyou blindly, Haz" Louis shrugged blushingly.

"Ireally don't deserve you, Lou. You're too good for this cruel world.I gave you every reason to mistrust me but you didn't. You had faithin me and what we have although this week is so tough for you. Andall I can say right now is that I will always be here right next toyou from now on. I promise you everything will always be okay,Buttercup" Harry started to ramble again, making Louis freeze atthe new nickname. Harry also directly paled on the spot. "Sorry, Imeant Louis. I don't know where that came from. I um ...".

"Whatdid you just call me?" Louis asked flabbergasted.

"Ididn't mean to call you that. I'm sorry. I know this must be weirdfor you. I'm gone for a week and then I come back with all of thesefeelings and nicknames, that make no fucking sense. I just came upwith that when I looked at you" Harry panicked directly.

"No,Haz. It's okay. I'm not mad" Louis assured him calmly.

"No?"Harry stared at him in disbelief. Louis only shook his head. "Butwhat ... Lou, are you okay?".

"Honestly?No, I'm not. This whole day I was trying to keep it together buteveryone kept asking how I'm holding up, which made it ten timesharder not to cry all the time. And then you show up and that made mehappy for a short moment but all I can think about is my Mum. I ...she called me that when I was younger" Louis opened up to him.

Harry'seyes grew ten times bigger hearing that. "Oh God, I'm so sorry,Lou".

"Stopsaying that, please. I don't wanna hear anymore sorry's today, okay?And, it wasn't a bad thing actually. Yeah, I was shocked to hear thatbut it was kinda nice, to be honest" Louis fiddled with his fingersnervously. "Can I um ... can you ... er ...?".

"What isit, Lou?" Harry asked softly.

"Can youcuddle me, Haz? I could really need a hug right now" Louis startedto cry now. It was all just too much.

Fast aslightning, Harry jumped up from his chair and sprinted over to Louis,engulfing him in his arms. Emotionally, Louis attached himself toHarry's chest, clutching the t-shirt tightly. Carefully, Harry madethem stand up and stumble over to the couch. Together they sat downin each other's arms and Louis let all of his tears out until therewere none left. But he still didn't let go of Harry's shirt. No, itwas way too comfy cuddled up like this. He wouldn't let him leave.

"Youknow, I've been at her grave today. I told her about you" Louismumbled shyly into Harry's t-shirt.

"Youdid?" Louis could feel Harry's heartbeat picking up.

"Mh. Itold her you're special to me" Louis nodded lightly, nuzzling hisnose more into Harry's neck. "She would have liked you, by the way.I'm sure of it".

"Wow. Idon't know what to say. This is ... Wow, I ...".

"Oh,God. I'm sorry now, Haz. This must be hard for you as well. You know,me talking about my Mum and stuff" Louis realised suddenly, feelingguilty.

"None ofthat" Harry brought some space between them so he could look Louisin the eyes. "I'm here to comfort you today because I want to. Ican handle this, don't worry. I wouldn't be here if I couldn't h ...that's a lie. I would be here anyway".

"Andthat means a lot to me, Haz. You know that I'm also always there foryou, right?" Louis made sure Harry knew that. Indirectly sayinghe's gonna be there on the death day of Harry's sister and later hismother as well.

"I know.We can be sad together then" Harry poked Louis' nose with tearsswimming in his eyes.

"Togethersounds good to me" Louis gazed deeply into Harry's eyes,unconsciously moving closer.

"Soundsgood to me too but slowly. Baby steps now, Lou. Back to baby steps,please" Harry stopped them from being too close to each other. "Istill left you behind and made you question everything, maybe onlydeep down but still. I wanna gain your trust back before anythinghappens between us. I know you said you still trust me and neverstopped but I feel like I've broken something between us and I wannafix this".

"Haz,you didn't ... Okay, whatever you want" Louis decided on simplyaccepting this. He had no energy left for more discussions.

Somehowthis was cute, in a way. It showed that Harry was really one hundredper cent serious about this. About them. But did baby steps also meanno kissing or anything apart from a hug here and there to comforteach other in sad times? Hopefully, this phase wouldn't take forever.Louis didn't need those baby steps anymore but if Harry felt like heneeded to fix something Louis would let him. This was about both ofthem, in the end.