Overwhelming.

That was Louis' only thought as soon as he entered the huge hall Andrew's birthday was taking place at. It was a massive hall with big windows and pillars, a stage and a gigantic bar with what seemed like millions of drinks for the hundreds of guests. And all those guests seemed to be famous and pretty and talkative. It was all too much at once.

Anxiety.

That was what Louis felt since realising how many people were actually here. The whole room was filled to the top with random strangers and it didn't look like there was any free space left to breathe somewhere. There was a patio and a garden but Louis was certain those places were filled as well with sweaty drunk people knowing no boundaries. This was his worst nightmare but he couldn't just leave. It was Andrew's birthday party and today was all about him. Louis simply needed to suck it up and try not to get an anxiety attack at the closeness and tightness in this hall.

Fear.

Suddenly someone touched his arm out of nowhere and Louis startled at the sudden feeling, jumping around towards the cause of his racing heart. As soon as he was faced with a sympathetic-looking Zayn Louis relaxed again. His touch was not only nice but welcome. He needed his best friend right now more than ever.

"You look like you're about to faint, Tommy. You sure you can handle tonight?" eyed Zayn his face worriedly.

"No, not really but I won't chicken out like a coward. I'm here for Andy. I can endure this for a bit, I hope" answered Louis honestly.

"I'm right next to you. I won't leave your side" assured Zayn him softly.

"Thanks, Joey. That reminds me, have you seen Harry, by the way? I promised to help him survive this day" remembered Louis their deal.

"Last I've seen him over at the bar with Andy. Let's get ourselves a drink, Tommy" took Zayn a hold of his hand.

Uncomfortable.

Squeezing through the sweaty dancing crowd towards the bar was no fun. Louis tried to avoid most body contact and walked as fast as humanly possible, almost tripping over his own feet. Finally arriving at the bar, he decided without a bit of alcohol he wouldn't survive this night. Making eye contact with Zayn, he seemed to understand and ordered them two drinks. Nothing too major.

Happiness.

Between all those new people, Louis made eye contact with Harry. As soon as Harry saw him his face lit up and he came over to him. Louis looked him up from top to bottom and he was left breathless. Harry looked stunning tonight. Fancy shirt, simple jeans, beautiful hair and face. It really wasn't fair to the world to have someone like Harry exist.

"Lou, Hey. You're here" beamed Harry happily.

"Looks like I am" smiled Louis back at him, still feeling uncomfortable in this room but Harry made it a bit better.

"Everything alright? You seem tense" frowned Harry, noticing Louis' state.

"Here you go, Tommy. But don't overdo it" appeared Zayn next to him with the drink in his hand, giving it to Louis.

"Thanks, Joey" took Louis the offered drink, feeling Harry's eyes on him. "And yes, I'm good. Now. Don't worry about me, Haz".

"If you say so" shrugged Harry but didn't move his eyes away from the drink in Louis' hand. Seemed like he understood what was going on.

"Lads!" sounded Niall's loud voice close to them.

The three of them turned in the direction of the voice and were met with an excited-looking Niall marching towards them with Liam and Sean in tow. While Sean looked ecstatic Liam looked as uncomfortable as Louis felt.

"Lima, relax. I can feel your nerves through the alcohol" shook Sean Liam's shoulders.

"Sorry. I'm just not used to so many people" looked Liam to the floor.

"It's okay, Li. Enjoy yourself as much as you can. Don't force anything" encouraged Zayn him gently. Years of being friends with Louis had made him a pro in dealing with social anxiety situations.

"I try" smiled Liam gratefully at Zayn.

"Guys, finally we found you. Anyone up to dance?" threw Kayla an arm over Sean's shoulders, startling him, which made everyone laugh.

"I'm in. C'mon, lads" disappeared Niall into the crowd with Sean, who was still glaring at Kayla.

"Nah, go without me. I'm gonna see if I find Andy somewhere. I couldn't congratulate him yet" declined Louis for obvious reasons.

"A minute ago he was over by the stage with some friends from work" let Liam him know informatively.

"Thanks, Lima" patted Louis his shoulder.

Guilty.

With a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach, Louis made his way towards the stage. He felt bad for ditching his friends but he would never dance. Not on the dancefloor here right now nor anywhere else. Not for fun, not for his friends. Never. He simply couldn't without getting flashbacks and feeling everything all over again and he couldn't handle that. He just wanted it to go away but he knew it would never leave him alone. He had to live with it.

Distraction.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally found Andrew close to the stage talking to a familiar face. Louis knew that woman from somewhere but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Here you are. It's really hard to find you, birthday boy" made Louis himself noticed.

"Tommo! I'm happy to see you" exclaimed Andrew excitedly.

"Happy birthday, mate" hugged Louis him shortly. Physical contact was something he couldn't handle all too well yet.

"Thanks. Are you enjoying yourself? Did you have a drink yet?" wanted Andrew to make sure he was having fun.

"I did, yeah. Nice bar but why don't ya introduce me to your friend, Andy. Feels weird not knowing who is standing right next to you" replied Louis funnily.

"Oh, right. My bad. Louis, this is Valentina. Val, this is Louis. I probably told you about him" introduced Andrew them.

"You talked about me? Aww" cooed Louis at him.

"I warned her. That's all. Don't get fooled by his pretty face. He's a bad one" pinched Andrew Louis' cheek.

"You're one to talk" punched Louis him in the side.

"He was only raving about you, Louis. Sounds like he adores you" grinned Valentina cheekily.

"Lies" protested Andrew childishly.

"I always knew you loved me" kissed Louis his cheek exaggeratedly.

"Ew, now I'll get a virus" wiped Andrew his cheek dramatically.

"Lovely you two" chuckled Valentina amused.

"We try" grinned Louis cockily at her but couldn't shake the feeling away that he has seen that face before. "Sorry, but why do you look so familiar?".

"Maybe because she's a famous singer, you noob" slapped Andrew the back of Louis' head.

"Oh" made Louis in realisation. "You're Valentina Julie Prince".

"That's me but please, keep your sass alive. I'm living for your banter" pleaded Valentina jokingly.

"No worries. I couldn't care less but my sister loves you. You're her favourite artist. She loves your music. It's really good, by the way" explained Louis himself.

"Thank you. Is she here with you today?" wondered Valentina curiously.

"Yes, indeed she is. Somewhere in the large crowd. I couldn't find her even if I tried" laughed Louis light-hearted.

"Then I'm gonna tell you a little secret. In a little while, I will step on that stage and sing for that weird birthday guy over there. If you tell me your sister's name I could give her a shout-out and dedicate a song to her" whispered Valentina into his ear but loud enough for Andrew to hear.

"Ey!".

"She will die on the spot. Deal" agreed Louis on that amazing surprise.

"What's her name?" Valentina needed to know.

"Àmber" informed Louis her.

"Beautiful name. Spanish?" guessed Valentina rightly.

"Yes. That's one reason she loves you. You're both Spanish in a way. Well, half Spanish but whatever" let Louis her know.

"We Spanish people have to stick together. Now I can't wait to go on stage and shock her to the core" giggled Valentina excitedly.

"You can go whenever you want" motioned Andrew to the stage.

"Fuck it. I'm going now" decided Valentina spontaneously.

"And she swears. I love her" cackled Louis joyfully.

"You're such a weird bird" shook Andrew his head in amusement. "Anyway, have you seen Harry?".

"Yeah, by the bar. Why?" wanted Louis to know nosily.

"No reason. I only wanted to make sure he is still here and having fun. I know he wasn't so keen on coming here" shrugged Andrew, trying to come off as unbothered.

"He is having fun, Andy. He even wanted to dance with Niall and Sean. It didn't look like he was about to leave. He wouldn't do that anymore" assured Louis him understandingly.

"I hope you're right. Why are you not with him though?" raised Andrew an eyebrow at him in question.

"Because I wanted to talk to you? I don't have to be around him the whole time. I mean, we actually agreed on staying together if he felt uncomfortable but he looked fine. So, now I'm here and he is dancing somewhere with our friends" rambled Louis insecurely, feeling weird.

"I'm sure he'll come around and find you" squeezed Andrew his shoulder lightly.

"Why would you think that?" asked Louis awkwardly.

"Because he always finds you somehow," said Andrew like it made total sense.

Excitement.

Before Louis could reply anything to Andrew, the lights turned down and a big light was thrown on stage. Valentina stepped into the light and people started cheering for her. Louis could only imagine the shock on Àmber's face and her trying to act cool around their friends although she was dying inside. And that thought alone made Louis smile.

Loud.

The whole room was filled with Valentina's voice by now. She had introduced herself and wished Andrew a happy birthday. Apparently, the two of them were working together through Andrew's company. Everyone was jumping around to the music and screaming the lyrics as loud as they could. Luckily, Louis was standing next to the stage on the side and wasn't getting crushed in the crowd. He wouldn't survive that.

"I wanna dedicate my next song to a very special lady in the crowd tonight" started Valentina to introduce her next song and Louis couldn't keep that stupid grin off his face. "A little bird told me she is a huge fan of my music and we fellow Spanish people need to stick together".

Confused people were looking around the crowd but no one seemed to feel addressed at all. Valentina and Louis shared a look and with a smug grin on her face, she turned back to the curious audience.

"Àmber, would you like to join me on stage for the next song?" asked Valentina into the mic.

A gasp was heard somewhere and a second later Louis could see his sister squeezing through the crowd towards the stage. Shock and confusion were written on her face. Shakily, she stepped on stage and stopped in front of her favourite artist. Louis has never seen her this speechless and she had social anxiety as well as Liam and Louis himself, in a way.

"Hello, Love. Are you alright?" checked Valentina carefully.

"Y-yeah, just surprised, I guess" answered Àmber nervously.

"I see. Can you tell me your favourite song?" tried Valentina to take away her nerves.

"Scars" replied Àmber curtly.

"Why that one?" wanted Valentina to know curiously.

"The message behind the song is beautiful and it reminds me of someone very close to me. They are beautiful even after everything they've been through" expounded Àmber why she loved that song.

"Then how about we sing it together, mh?" offered Valentina to her.

"What? Really?" gaped Àmber at her. Valentina only nodded with a smile. "Okay".

Proud.

Watching his sister on stage with her idol made Louis immensely proud. Normally, Àmber would never walk on stage in front of hundreds of strangers and sing flawlessly. She was way too anxious and scared for that. But Valentina made it possible. Seeing her like this brought tears to Louis' eyes and he couldn't help but record the whole thing.

Confusion.

After the performance was done in a total, Louis tried to find Harry. He wanted to see how he was doing. He wanted to make sure he was okay. He wanted to make sure he really didn't leave yet. So, when he couldn't find him at first Louis feared the worst. But then he spotted the familiar head of curls next to a pillar. Walking over there, he felt happy until he realised Harry wasn't alone. He was surrounded by three handsome guys.

Jealousy.

Those three handsome fuckers kept touching Harry's arms or chest or shoulders and he didn't seem to mind. No, he was actually quite enjoying it. Harry threw them seductive and flirty looks and the three guys seemed hypnotised by Harry's mere existence. As close as he was, Louis could hear them flirting heavily with each other and that made Louis furious. So much to meeting his soulmate. Harry really didn't mean or care about that at all.

With jealousy pooling out of him, Louis marched over to the bar and ordered another drink. He downed it in one go and already gave the bartender a sign for a third drink. That whole jealousy feeling was new to Louis and he didn't like it one bit but he couldn't deny it either. The sight of Harry flirting with someone else stung. It hurt. Like hell.

"What the hell are you doing, Tommy?" stomped Zayn over to him in panic.

"Drinking the night away. I don't wanna remember this shitty feeling" took Louis a sip from his new drink.

"What feeling? What's going on?" was Zayn confused.

"Have you ever been in a situation where you've been too scared to let yourself be happy or even think about the possibility of being happy and you only realise you had the chance for happiness when it's taken away from you right in front of your eyes? Have you ever been this dumb?" asked Louis instead, putting himself down with every new sip.

"What in the world are you talking about? You're not dumb" frowned Zayn worriedly.

"I'm the dumbest person on the planet. How could I ever think I'd stand a chance and he would consider me? Me, the guy with too many issues, who's about to get an anxiety attack any second if he doesn't drown his insecurities in alcohol. Pathetic. That's what I am and that's why I never let myself even think about it" drowned Louis in his jealousy and sadness.

Apparently spotting Harry with those bastards, Zayn's face softened and he gently touched Louis' cheek. "Tommy, we need to talk about this when you're sober and when we're alone but getting drunk is not a solution".

"But a way" downed Louis the rest of his drink, ordering a new one. The fourth.

"The wrong way," said Zayn sternly.

"Just because you're all happy and cheerful. You don't understand how I feel" shot Louis back.

"Louis, you can't ... oh".

Perplexed, Louis followed Zayn's gaze, wanting to know what made him stop scolding Louis as if he was a child. Somewhere in the crowd, Louis spotted Liam, who was talking to a pretty girl and that conversation didn't look harmless. That was high class flirting. The girl obviously was interested in him and he seemed to enjoy the attention. Well, looked like Zayn was as unlucky as Louis.

"Joey, what ...".

"You're right. Is a way" downed Zayn a shot before Louis even had the chance to stop him.

Intoxicated.

Like this, the two friends ended up downing drink after drink together until they were completely smashed. Aria and Maribel found them in this state at one point and ordered a lot of water for them, trying to sober them up just a little bit. That led to Zayn feeling sick and leaving for the bathroom with Aria. Maribel left to find Niall and Sean while Louis was left staring at his empty glass. He felt like shit.

Disgust.

Out of nowhere, some decent-looking guy took a seat next to him and offered him a terrifying smile. Not feeling like this at all, Louis stood up and actually went into the tight crowd of dancing and grinding people to get away from that dude. But unfortunately, that guy didn't seem to get the hint. He followed Louis into the crowd and tried to dance on him. It looked like he thought he was doing a good job at pulling Louis but Louis was only creeped out.

"Nice ass, Baby Boy. At the bar, I couldn't quite get a glimpse at it but damn, it's huge" breathed the obviously drunk guy against his neck, letting his hand swiftly touch Louis' bum.

Panic.

Louis' heart was racing and he could hear his pulse loudly. He was unable to say anything or push that guy off. Something about the way he had approached him and was touching him right now was way too familiar and Louis could already feel himself go pliant in that creep's touch. Inside he felt like crying but he showed no emotions on his face. A part of him was still trying to get out of his grip but the wiggling only earned him a slap on the ass.

"Why in the hell are you touching my boyfriend? Get the fuck away from him or you're gonna regret it".

Relief.

Just about the moment Louis felt himself giving up a familiar voice sounded next to him and the hands of that disgusting guy were gone in an instant. Too ashamed to look up, Louis kept staring at the floor when someone wrapped a secure arm around his waist. That touch felt welcoming and protecting compared to those creepy-ass hands.

"Sorry. I didn't know he was taken. Sorry, man" rushed that guy out in panic.

"You should be. Can't you see how uncomfortable he is? Get the fuck out of my way!" growled that voice at him.

And in less than a second Mister Creep was gone. Louis let out a heavy sigh of relief but didn't dare to look up. He felt like he did something totally wrong and would get scolded any second. He could already hear the words in his head.

"Louis, are you okay?" was his chin lifted up and he was met with Sean's worried eyes. That's why the voice has been so familiar. It was Sean.

"I'm good" forced Louis a smile on his face.

"Don't give me that fake-ass smile, Louis. It's okay not to be okay after what happened. How long has he been bothering you?" stroked Sean over Louis' jawline. Right, he had to keep the boyfriend act going.

"Not that long but thanks, Sean. You came right in time" thanked Louis him genuinely.

"What are friends for?! I was looking for you anyway and then I saw you with that creep. Something clicked and I just knew you needed my help. Where the fuck is Harry?" looked Sean around in search.

"Busy flirting" grumbled Louis bitterly.

"What was that?" hooked Sean smugly.

"Nothing. Thanks again, Sean. You're my saviour tonight. Let's just pretend nothing happened, okay?" looked Louis hopefully at him.

"Okay" smiled Sean understandingly. "Do you need anything? Water maybe? I could get you some ...".

"No, don't leave me alone" panicked Louis embarrassingly. "Um ... I mean, can you stay with me for a while? Please?".

"Of course, Louis. Always" reassured Sean him.

"Thanks" hugged Louis him gratefully.

Pretending.

Like this, they stayed on the dancefloor for a little longer wrapped up in each other because that dude was still looking over every now and then. Weirdly enough, Louis felt safe with Sean and had no problem being this close to him, which was strange and it made him think. Maybe he wasn't feeling what he had thought he was feeling towards a certain flirting idiot in a specific corner. Maybe he was finally getting comfortable with people touching him. Friends touching him.

Fun.

Playing Sean's boyfriend turned out to be way funnier than expected. They ended up at the bar right next to each other, always touching in some way and playfully flirting with each other, which made them laugh like maniacs. After some time the guy disappeared but they didn't stop their act. It was way too much fun by now.

"Oh, how much I wish we'd be alone right now. You look stunning in those jeans but maybe even better without" joked Sean madly.

"You're one to talk, Mister. I wonder how my lips would look on your naked chest, Babe" wiggled Louis his eyebrows exaggeratedly at him.

"Not as good as my lips around your dick, Darling" blew Sean him a kiss.

"That's pretty straightforward, don't you think?" scooted Louis closer to him.

"Is it working?" asked Sean in a lower voice.

"Definitely. I can already picture myself on your bed with my dick in your ...".

"What the hell is going on here?" startled Harry both of them.

"I beg your pardon?" pretended Louis to be innocent. He wasn't keen on seeing Harry right now.

"Don't even try. I could see you two flirting from miles away. When did this start? Are you two dating or only fucking?" demanded Harry an answer.

Anger.

Harry was pissing him off right now. How dare he showed up here and made a scene as if he had any right to know anything! Who the fuck did he think he was? He had no right to expect any answers from them after he has been flirting for hours. He really should get lost.

"It's none of your fucking business who I date, H!" snapped Louis angrily at him. "If we're dating what the fuck does it concern you?!".

Furious.

With that, Louis jumped off his chair and stormed off. He needed air. Pushing the door open, he stepped into the fresh night air and took a deep breath. He walked towards an old little broken fountain outside next to a bench and looked up at the clear sky. He tried to calm himself down but he was way too mad to think clearly. And hella drunk, still.

He heard footsteps approaching him and just knew it was Harry. He didn't need to turn around. "Louis, what's going? Talk to me!".

"But I don't wanna talk to you, Harry. What is not clicking?" whirled Louis around to him peeved.

"I thought we wanted to spend this night together. You said you'd be right next to me the whole time but you weren't. Instead, you were flirting with Sean?! Since when are you two fooling around?" hissed Harry enraged, his nostrils flaring.

"Don't blame this all on me now. You were the one flirting with three guys at once. I'm sorry that I wasn't in the mood to just stand next to you, having to watch you pull someone. It's not as much fun as you might think" shot Louis back irritated.

"You could have asked me to stop" claimed Harry cutely.

"Oh really?" cocked Louis an eyebrow at him. Harry only looked down at the grass. "Thought so".

"You really aren't any better. At least, those guys were strangers. You're hitting it off with my best friend and didn't bother to tell me" wasn't Harry having any of it.

"I thought I was your best friend" huffed Louis hurt.

"You're different. Sean is like my Zayn" justified Harry strangely, making Louis look at him funnily. "You know what I mean, Louis".

"Do I? Last I checked you said we were best friends but now you're shouting at me for some stupid bullshit. You never wanted to make me feel small but you just managed to do that" fell Louis silent. This argument was stupid.

"I'm sorry. I was just confused when I saw you with Sean and was wondering when that happened and why I didn't know. Are you two actually dating?" shifted Harry his foot over the grass.

"Why the fuck does it matter?" groaned Louis vexed.

"It matters to me because I wanna know what you're feeling, Lou. I thought we were honest with each other but it seems like I was wrong" sounded Harry actually betrayed.

"No, you're not wrong. I'm just knackered. I drank too much and feel weird now. I'm sorry, Haz" sighed Louis guiltily.

"I thought you don't really drink that much. Why did you get drunk, Lou? Did something happen?" frowned Harry deeply.

"No" lied Louis badly.

"What made you drink so much?" asked Harry again.

"Seeing you with those guys" mumbled Louis barely audible.

"Why would that make you wanna get drunk?" questioned Harry in a weird voice.

"Because I l ..." bit Louis down on his words and decided being honest right now wasn't the way to handle this situation. "I felt boring".

"I don't understand" knitted Harry his eyebrows together in confusion.

"Seeing you having fun and doing something as bluntly normal as flirting I felt like a huge spoilsport. Big crowds make me anxious and the whole time I only wanted to leave again. Seeing you like this made me feel really bad. Like I needed to step up my game. Um ... I mean, like I needed to loosen up a bit and have fun. I wanted to stop being a coward, so I got drunk. Which wasn't such a good idea" explained Louis himself and it wasn't made up. That was actually part of his reason.

"Why do I have the feeling something bad happened and I wasn't there?" looked Harry almost scared.

"Because it did, Haz" cleared Louis his throat. "Some creepy guy made a move on me. He was really touchy and didn't stop. Sean showed up and pretended to be my boyfriend to get rid of that asshole. We kept the act going for a while because that dude was still around. Well, we got lost in it because it was really funny, to be honest".

"Oh" grew Harry's eyes big in realisation. "I'm sorry for accusing you of ...".

"It's okay, Haz" cut Louis him off, wanting to put an end to this night.

"No, it's not okay. I accused you guys of fooling around, fucking each other although I know you don't do that. I ... I'm sorry" hung Harry his head down in shame.

"Over and done, Haz. But why was the thought of me dating Sean so upsetting to you?" wanted Louis to know curiously. A weird mush of hope was pooling in his stomach.

"I wasn't really upset" claimed Harry but Louis only threw him a pointed look. "Okay, maybe I was. But, Lou. You're my closest friend and I only want you to be safe and happy".

"And with Sean, I wouldn't be safe?" quirked Louis an eyebrow up in bewilderment.

"Yes, you would. Of course. Sean is amazing. It's just um ..." was Harry wrestling for words awkwardly.

"It's okay, Haz. I think I understand" freed Louis him from this moment. Seeing Harry's panicked face he thought he understood now.

"Okay" morphed Harry's face into a gentle smile. "You wanna get out of here and eat some greasy fast food?".

A huge grin spread over Louis' face and his heart was beating out of his chest. "Always, Haz".

At ease.

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Question of the Chapter: What did Louis understand?