Letting the hot and steamy water flowdown his body let Harry's whole body relax. The night prior had beenhorrible for him. He hadn't slept at all. Louis has been constantlyon his mind but this time in a very conflicting way, which had led toHarry being knackered when he had to stand up for work. Never had hehated a morning more than today but somehow work has been able todistract his thoughts for a short while. Well, until he had arrivedback home, not without glancing towards Louis' front door. What thehell was he supposed to do?

He had promised Louis via text thateverything would go back to normal from today on without even tellinghim what the actual problem or conflict on Harry's mind was. He hadnever felt worse in his entire life. For Louis' sake and because hehad made a promise, Harry needed to get control over his thoughts anddoubts and worries and fears once and for all. Maybe he should talkto Louis about it.

"Yeah, definitely not. He's gonnathink I'm stupid" Harry shook his head, stepping out of the shower.

With a towel, he dried himself offbefore wrapping it around his longish hair, cutting off the waterdroplets dripping down from his hair onto his body again. He paddedout of the bathroom and was immediately met with the sound of hisringing smartphone. But it wasn't his new one. No, it was the old onethat he had used for his former 'job' as a heartbreaker. For asecond, he hesitated but then he decided to pick it up and tellwhoever was on the other line off.

"I'm not available anymore. Stopcalling" Harry answered the phone in a rage when he spotted theunknown caller ID.

"Harry? Son, is that you?" thevoice of an older man sounded through the phone, making Harry freeze.

"Harrison?" Harry gulped dryly.This just couldn't be.

"Yes, Harry. It's me. Dad"Harrison confirmed over the phone. To Harry, he sounded almost smugbut he probably imagined that. "Nice to know you still know myname. You're probably wondering how I got your number, right? Well,you see I was looking you up on ...".

"To be honest, I couldn't care lessabout that. Everyone around the world could find this number. Ithasn't been really secret, which was dumb on my part. I know that butanyway" Harry cut him off, already feeling his blood boiling. "I'mway more interested in why you called. Why now?".

"Simple, Son. I wanna be a part ofyour life again. I miss you and was wondering how you're doing,wondering how you handled life on your own after ...".

"After you pissed off?!" Harryinterrupted him again, getting riled up. "Wonderful. Absolutelyamazing. My life was a blessing, especially after Mum killed herselfbecause of you! Being left alone without a real family was great".

"I know losing your mother musthave been hard but her suicide was in no way my fault. It was herdecision. She decided to leave this world, to abandon you and leaveyou alone. I had nothing to do with this" Harrison replied coldly.

"Are you fucking serious rightnow?!" Harry growled angrily. "First of all, you pissed off firstwithout a word after Alex died because of you! Don't try to deny it.Her death is on you! And second, you broke the woman you've claimedto love and left her alone after your child died! How fucked up isthat? Not only did you mistreat her for years, no. You left herbehind during the worst time of her life. Of course, this is yourfault, too. And don't you dare say she decided to leave me when youwere the one actually abandoning me".

"Have you ever been in arelationship, son?" Harrison asked instead, sounding unfazed.

"Well, thanks to you I've avoidedbeing in one for as long as I could" Harry bypassed the actualquestion.

"Which means you have a temporarygirl right now. Great. That means you're ready to talk about ...".

"Guy" Harry corrected him, makinghis father go silent on the other side of the line. "I'm gay, firstof all. So, I'm with a guy and he is anything but temporary. He iseverything".

"How cute" Harrison laughedalmost mockingly. "First relationship, I see. How long? A month?Maybe two?".

"Why do you fucking care?" Harryexploded madly.

"I thought you might be ready bynow to have this conversation. You're twenty-six but you're stilljust a naïve boy. You're not ready to talk" Harrison soundeddegrading and derogatory, making Harry feel small and like a littleboy again, who was being scolded by his father.

"So, you called in hopes of talkingto me about my relationship? That makes no fucking sense, whatsoever"Harry was utterly confused.

"That's not why I called, Harry.I'm not the youngest anymore and you're old enough by now andprobably studied business like I wanted you to and laid the path outfor you. The company is doing good and I'd like it if you ...".

"No fucking way!" Harry gasped inrealisation. "You only called to secure the name of your company.You called with the intention of using me for your own good".

"I don't wanna use you. I wannaupgrade your life under my supervision" Harrison corrected hisassumptions.

"That's exactly what I just said,only ten times worse" Harry laughed in disbelief. "If that wasyour plan then what was this whole relationship talk about?".

"Harry, back then you've been tooyoung to understand me but by now I hoped you'd be experienced enoughin relationships and flings to understand how hard and difficult andexhausting it can be to please one person for a longer period oftime. It's always nice at first and very sexy and hot but then she,or in your case he, wants more and more every day. They want all ofour attention and affection and wanna be exclusive and all romantic,which ends in them acting out of line here and there. It can be sohard to keep them under control. Add kids to the mix, who wanna berebels too and it gets annoying and unbearable. If there is a chanceto get out of this you use it when it's there without looking back.Now that you're with that guy of yours I just know you understandwhat I mean. You're probably at the turning point at the moment.Where the sexy time turns into clingy and embarrassing and out ofcontrol. How do you keep him under control? I only know how to keepgirls in their line. I'm interested to hear how little gay boys liketo be controlled and kept in their lane. Oh wait, please tell meyou're the one controlling your relationship and not the other guy?"Harrison went on and on, making Harry feel sick to the stomach. Hisfather had really never loved his poor mother.

"Are you even listening to whatyou're saying? This is sick. You're sick. Is all you ever wanted tocontrol Mum and us? You never loved her, did you?" Harry couldn'tbelieve it. His father was insane.

"You see, I thought by now you'dknow that love isn't really a thing. All this selfless and purededicated ...".

"But it is, Dad"Harry silenced him strongly, determinant. "I love Louis with everyfibre of my being and I never thought that was possible. All thistime, I pushed every one away because I was scared of letting someoneget close to me and all because of you! But you know what? Louisnever even tried. More the opposite. It was so difficult to make himtrust me and let me into his life because he has been through so muchshit but someday he gave me a chance and even now I'm still tryingnot to fuck it up again because I already did. You know what thedifference is between you and me? I know how it feels like toactually care about someone. Louis means everything to me. He's myfirst thought in the morning and my last thought at night. I cravehis presence and love being around him, even when we're doingnothing. I would give up everything for him and do everything in mypower and beyond to keep him safe. The best part? He'd do the samefor me and I know it. We have such a strong level of trust andhonesty ...".

"You arecompletely blinded by that guy" Harrison cut him off this time inpure horror and disgust. "You sound like your mother, whichconfirms my guess. Louis is the one in control here and not my ownson. I failed".

"Yes,you failed. You failed to be a good father, a good husband and a goodhuman being. You're just sick. No one is in control in ourrelationship because we're equal. We both look after each other andcare for one another. We both can stand up for the other or comfortthe other one. We can both be strong and protective but at the sametime, be vulnerable and weak and soft and just emotional. Louis and Ican both be everything and I appreciate our kind of relationship andthe love we share. Something you don't know and I feel sorry for you"Harry didn't back down. He was over this.

"Sorryfor me, huh? You're the lovestruck puppy getting f ...".

"Keep itto yourself, Harrison. Don't bother calling me again. I don't wantyou in my life. Stay away. Oh, and I never went to college" Harryended the call and could finally breathe.

Riledup but also shaking like crazy, Harry ripped the towel off his headand threw it to the ground. In a turmoil, Harry grabbed his keys andleft his flat without shoes or a coat and his hair everywhere. Hesprinted down the stairs and almost crashed into Louis' door. Takingout the key for emergencies, Harry opened the door hesitantly.

"Louis?"Harry called out in hopes he was home.

"Comein" Louis' voice called back but Harry couldn't quite pin-pointwhere he was at.

"Whereare you?" Harry asked pent-up when he was closing the door.

"Overhere" was all that was said by Louis.

Harryfollowed his voice into the living room, expecting him to be theresomewhere but he wasn't. The bedroom door was closed as well but hewas one hundred per cent sure Louis wasn't in the kitchen. ThenHarry's eyes fell onto the other door. The door to the room. The roomHarry has never been in and Louis had always tried to avoidmentioning although he had claimed it was only full of old garbageand unimportant stuff. Louis couldn't want him to go in there.

"Lou?"Harry knocked carefully on the partly open door.

"Comein" Louis prompted him to come in surprisingly.

Hesitantly,Harry peaked inside the room only to spot Louis sitting on the floorsurrounded by papers and boxes full of photos, apparently. Nervously,Harry stepped inside, which caused Louis to look up at him with abeaming smile. All of his nerves rushed away when he saw nohesitation or fear on Louis' face. Only pure joy. He was glad to seehim.

"Sorryto bother you, Love. I know the key is supposed to be for emergenciesor when you lock yourself out. And it looks like you're busy, so I'mjust gonna ...".

"None ofthis, Haz" Louis stood up and walked over to him, directly cuppingHarry's face in between his hands. "I asked you to come in here,didn't I? And besides, the emergencies might have been an excuse togive you a key".

"Really?You only wanted me to have one?" Harry blinked in shock down at hisbeautifully perfect boyfriend.

"Yes.Makes it so much easier. You can come in without ringing the bell orcome here after work when you want to" Louis blushed slightly andit was so cute to Harry.

"And ifI give you my spare keys you can come over after work as well, so wecan eat together or watch a movie" Harry wrapped his arms tenderlyaround Louis' waist.

"Soundsgood to me, Haz" Louis sighed fondly.

"To me,too, Lou" Harry got lost in Louis' ocean blue eyes. "What wereyou doing here, by the way?".

"Um ...only sorting through some stuff ..." Louis trailed off.

Now thatthe worries were out of the way Harry took a second to look around.The room was identical to his own, only that his room was really onlya messy guest room. Louis' room on the other hand was full oftrophies and certificates and boxes and picture frames on the walls.This room was a representation of Louis' past success. Everything inhere screamed dance and it was painfully beautiful.

Realisingthat Harry was practically standing inside of Louis' heart or brainor past passion made Harry feel guilty. Right now, Louis allowed himinto his naked soul, completely unguarded and open and vulnerablealthough Harry had been such a prick yesterday. Even after makingLouis feel unwanted and unloved yesterday he still trusted Harryenough to let him in here without a second thought. He could haveasked him to wait until he was done in here but he didn't. He haddecided to let Harry see all of this.

"Why?"Harry croaked out awkwardly, wanting to slap himself right after. "Imean, um ...".

"Don'tknow actually. I haven't been in here for ages, it feels like. Thelast time when you came around after you dismissed me in the hallwayon your way ...".

"Tobreak up with Tiffany for Jake" Harry remembered. That has been thefirst time Harry had wondered what was in here. Now he knew withouteven asking anymore.

"Yeah. Iremember how I went straight in here after you were gone. Instead oftalking to you I ended up looking at these pictures and trophies andfelt everything crushing down on me. In the end, you showed up laterthough" Louis mused out loud while looking around, never droppinghis hands from Harry's body.

"I'msorry for ...".

Louispecked his lips before he could finish that sentence. "Don't be.You didn't know and we weren't anywhere close to where we are now. Iget hurt too easily and you were just figuring that out slowly.Nothing wrong was done that day, apart from breaking Tiffany'sheart".

"If yousay so" Harry bit down on his bottom lip.

"I do"Louis pecked his lips again. All of this affection made Harry feeldizzy.

"If youhaven't been in here for so long why now?" Harry wanted to knowinterested.

"I can'treally answer that, Haz. It was a feeling. Maybe because I was readynow?" Louis sounded thoughtful.

"Readyto face these memories?" Harry checked softly.

"Yes,and ready to face my past. Ready to be in here without breaking downlike I normally did. For so long, dance has always triggered me and Ialways only remembered the bad parts, which were a lot. You knowthat. All of it by now. But ... I don't know. You made me see thatnot all of it was completely horrible. Dancing in itself wasn't thecause for my problems and all the bad things that happened. I had apassion once and I achieved a lot with it. Acting like it neverhappened won't help me get over it. When Jayden first hinted that heknew about me I was so shocked and petrified and just scared my pastwould haunt me but it isn't like that. He admires what I achievedwith a passion that he shares. As his teacher and former dancer, Ishould be able to handle those situations better one day. I want to.Being in here today made me see that I'm getting better" Louis lethim in on his thoughts and what was going through his mind. His wordstouched Harry's heart. "Most of this is thanks to you and yourendless support, Haz. You helped me so much".

"I wasonly trying to be there for you as best as I can and support you andcomfort you in every way possible because you deserve the world, Lou"Harry teared up because his boyfriend was incredible. So strong andamazing.

"And allthat although you never wanted anyone close to you" Louis gazedinto his eyes deeply.

"Exceptfor you, Angel Eyes" Harry breathed out quietly, not wanting todisturb their moment.

"I adoreyou, My Deer. But this is getting so cheesy again" Louis startedgiggling cutely, hiding his face in Harry's chest. "Why did youcome here, by the way? Any specific reason you wanted to see me?".

"Oh, um... I got an unexpected call after my shower" Harry cougheduncomfortably.

"Oldnumber?" Louis guessed rightly, looking up at him.

"Yeah,but not what you might think" Harry took a step back, letting out aheavy sigh when he saw Louis' confused face. "My father called me".

"Wait,really? Just like that out of nowhere?" Louis' jaw dropped inshock. Harry only nodded in confirmation. "What did he want? Is hethe reason you looked so troubled when you showed up?".

"Younoticed that?" he asked in admiration.

"Ofcourse, I did. You looked distraught. Stressed. Like something wasbothering, your hair tousled and you smelled like your shower gel butyou didn't say anything" Louis showed him how obvious it had beento him.

"BecauseI didn't wanna burden you with my drama when I saw you in here. Ithought it could be too much without any outside s ...".

"Haz,your problems or issues are never a burden to me" Louis caressedHarry's cheek gently. "You wanna tell me about it?".

Notbelieving this guy was actually real, Harry leaned a bit more forwardto connect their lips in a loving and passionate kiss, taking Louisby surprise. When he broke away Harry tapped Louis' nose before hesettled down on the floor, sitting cross-legged, and Louis followedhis suit.

"Atfirst, I couldn't believe it was actually him. I was so shocked whenI heard his voice but it only got worse. He only called because hewanted me for his company in some way, thinking I studied somebusiness bullshit. His only intention was to use me for his own goodand he didn't even really deny it, only reworded it to make it soundbetter, which it didn't" Harry started to tell him, feeling rageand anger boiling in his veins but Louis' hand holding his own helpeda lot. "He said horrible things about my mother and I realised henever loved her. He is incapable of loving anyone or anything andthinks it's normal to take what you want and control people. He ...he asked about my relationships as well, wanted to see if I could beable to understand him now but I can't. He said it's normal aftersome time that people get clingy and annoying and need to becontrolled, kept in their place before they do whatever they want.That bastard really tried to reason his possessive and controllingbehaviour towards my mother and can't see how he broke her".

"I'msorry, Haz. This must have been horrible and pretty cruel" Louissqueezed his hand tightly in comfort.

"Thanks,Lou. You don't know that but this alone proved that my father iswrong. Before you ask, he said he thought I'd be like him, in controland stuff. But I tried to make him see that relationships don'tconsist of one person always controlling everything and being thestrong one while the other person is weak and needy and small and, inhis eyes, annoying. No, that's not it" Harry continued way morerelaxed.

"Sometimesthat is the case though" Louis pointed out weirdly, his voicesounding off.

"Maybebut those people need to work on that because it's not healthy in thelong run. What I've learned is that equality and support andcommunication are the key elements to every working relationship"Harry contradicted him softly. "That's how we work, Lou. That'swhat I told my father".

"Really?"Louis' head shot up quickly. Harry wasn't totally sure what he wasasking right now.

"Really,Lou. I told him we have each other's backs and blindly trust eachother and are always honest. Step by step but always honest andgenuine. We both support and comfort each other and can both bestrong and weak and needy and defensive and protective and caring.Not just one of us. No, both of us. We work because we lo ...becausewe ..." Harry trailed off unsurely, not knowing how to word this.

"Loveeach other?" Harry heard Louis mumble quietly.

"Yes,because we love each other, right?" Harry repeated Louis' bravewords, trying to sound strong but he was going weak in the knees.Luckily, he was sitting on the floor.

"Right.That feeling is mutual?" Louis stated his answer but it soundedmore like a shy question.

"It'smutual, Lou" Harry smiled, tugging at Louis' hands. He wanted himto come closer. "We're ...".

"Equals?That's what you told him" Louis crawled over to him, his face beingright in front of Harry's face now.

"Equals"Harry nodded, gulping at the intensity in Louis' eyes and the tensionin the air.

"How isit sexy when you say that? This should be normal for everyone. Thebar is so low" Louis chuckled lowly in his throat, his lipsghosting over Harry's lips for a second.

"We canset it up again. You can set the bar right on top again" Harrybabbled stupid stuff that made no sense, his brain wasn't workinganymore.

"Righton top sounds perfect to me. Tempting" and with that, Louis finallycrashed their lips together.

Thefeeling of Louis' lips back on his own made Harry moan at the firstimpact but he couldn't help it. He loved that feeling and the tasteof it. He was addicted to Louis' lips, the taste of him. All ofLouis, actually. He was Harry's drug and he needed him to live, nomatter how scary that might sound or actually was. Harry didn't careanymore.

What hedid care about though was how he had ended up with his back on thefloor and Louis hovering above him. The kiss had deepened and turnedmore heated in a split of a second and Harry felt something stir inhis lower regions. That feeling made him snap back to reality and outof his thoughts and this steamy moment with his boyfriend. With a lotof effort, Harry broke away from their snogging and propped himselfup on his elbows, which caused Louis to back away from him to findsome balance back on his knees. He looked confused and scared andalmost hurt but Harry couldn't help himself. He couldn't do this.

"What...?".

"I'msorry, Louis. I um ... forgot that I um ... err ... I totally forgotthat I'm meeting up with ... err Sean ... Yeah, Sean and I havesomething planned. That's why I showered after work. Sweat and stuff.I should um ... go ... now or I'm gonna be late" Harry stutteredout his embarrassingly obvious lie, seeing how Louis got sadder bythe second with each new word. "I'm really sorry, Lou. I didn'tmean to ... I need to go".

Harryscrambled back up onto his feet and avoided Louis' eyes, which heknew were following each of his movements. He was being such an idiotand a coward and a horrible boyfriend. He knew that but he was scaredand ashamed of talking to Louis about the reason why. It was stupidand he knew that. The reason and that he didn't dare to talk to hisown boyfriend although he had just said they were good atcommunication and it was a key to a good relationship. He was ruiningthis already with his silence.

"Iguess, have fun with Sean then, Harry. Don't bother texting meanother empty promise when you're back home" Louis got back on hisfeet as well, voice cold and dismissive. Without looking at Harry oreven glancing at him, Louis left the room alone.

Quickly,Harry followed him into the living room but he only caught a glimpseof Louis disappearing into his bedroom, his door falling shut withoutanother comment. Harry had known before that he had fucked up but atthis moment, he really had no idea how to fix the mess he had puthimself in. One thing he knew. He should leave.

So,that's how he actually ended up at Sean's front door, hoping he'd behome. When the door opened Sean looked pretty bewildered. "Harry?".

"Can Icome in?" Harry asked downcast.

"Sure"Sean opened the door wider for him, letting him in. "What's wrong,H?".

"I had apretty shitty day and possibly ruined a lot a hot second ago. Oh, andI need to get my number off the internet. My father called because hefound it. That was cruel. Not nice but also not worth mentioning"Harry answered absent-mindedly, walking towards Sean's couch.

"Don'ttake this the wrong way, I'm happy you're here but why aren't youwith Louis? Isn't he the one you go to first when something happens?"Sean sat down next to him, hesitation lingering in the air.

"Becausethis is about Louis. Would be weird to talk to him about somethingconcerning him, duh" Harry snorted fakely cool but then gave uptrying to be collected. "And you're my best friend, Sean. I needyour advice. I fucked up".

"I'm allears, Harry. So, it's about Louis. What happened? How can I helpyou?" Sean wanted to know supportingly.

"Well,you know. It's complicated and a bit stupid. I um ... Louis has beenthrough a lot and since newest, I know the actual dimension of this.I um ... I guess you heard about what happened with Kyle, mh?"Harry started off. Sean only nodded his head. "That incident led toanother round of story time and ... I ... it didn't necessarilychange anything between us. Obviously not. He is still my Louis.That's not the point. But the way he said some things and ... Irealised that he thinks he has to be the bottom, always, no matter ifhe actually wants to or likes it because he thinks he has no choice.Because no one ever gave him a choice. The chance to find out what hewants".

"Youknow, victims of sexual harassment and abuse tend to get lost in thehabit of pleasing their abuser to make it stop sooner and it getsstuck in their heads obviously. It makes sense for Louis to thinkthat he ...".

"Holdon a second. How do you know about that?"Harry stopped him in horror.

"AtAndy's party I didn't just pretend to be Louis' boyfriend becausethat sleazy guy was bothering him. That too obviously, but I've seenhis reaction when that douche had started to touch him. That was morethan just being uncomfortable. I ... I connected the dots when Louisalmost begged me to stay" Sean confessed to him tensely.

"Youknew for so long?" Harry gasped in shock. "I um ... woah. Ineeded a bit longer".

"Andthat's okay. Louis wasn't ready to talk. It was obvious but I assumehe told you everything. No need to tell me. It's not my place to knowmore about this. What I was trying to say was that it's a normalreaction from Louis. When you say he never had a choice it's logicalthat his mind is telling him to ... keep being the bottom becauseit's ... well, not safe but familiar and he knows it, as sad as thatis" Sean went back to his original point.

"Reallysad. This is killing me. He never deserved to be used like this. Iwanna help him and give him the chance to find out what he reallywants and show him ... He has to see that it can be meaningful"Harry was getting emotional.

"Youalready did it, if I remember correctly, right? I think he knows itcan be different because it already has been different. With you"Sean stated softly.

"But notthat different" Harry wailed, earning a confused look from Sean."Thinking back about our first time makes me feel so guilty. Firstof all, I didn't know it would be his first time actually having sexwillingly. I practically took his virginity in a way. Mentally maybe.I had no clue. No, don't say anything. Secondly, he ... he bottomed,obviously. I asked him if he was a bottom because I ... heimmediately said yes but now I know it was just a habit. He thoughthe had no choice. I didn't make him feel safe enough to be honest andask ...".

"Harry,you can't put yourself down because of that. If Louis hated it he...".

"Hewhat?" Harry cut him off, feeling desperate. "Would have told me?I don't think so. I mean, I know I was gentle on him but I still feelhorrible for giving him the impression of ... I never really gave himthe choice either".

"Yes,you did. You asked him" Sean reminded him strongly.

"Butonly because I've also asked him if he had done this before. He hadsaid yes. How fucked up and sad is this?" Harry whined troubled."It was just an empty question and I think he knew that. He knewthere wasn't the possibility of it being different than with ... Iwouldn't have ...".

"Are youtrying to say you would have topped no matter what he ... his answermight have been?" Sean dared to ask.

"Yes?You know I'm a top. I never bottomed and even shamed it at times. Ialways bragged about being a top a ...".

"AndLouis probably somehow knows that" Sean finished his sentencewithout any judgment lacing in his voice.

"Probablybut even if he doesn't would that change anything? He would be rightwith his guess about me. He would be right with thinking there was noway I would ever bottom and give him the chance to top. I can't talkto him about this. He would say it's okay for him to be the bottombecause he wants us to work out but I know it would be a lie. Iexperienced how different he can be. That boy is not a bottom atheart and I don't wanna force him to be something he is not,knowingly or unknowingly. Two tops still don't make a bottom and Idon't want Louis to ...".

"Harry,you make it sound like being the bottom is such a horrible thing"Sean cut him off strongly. "You worry about this so much althoughthe solution is right in front of your nose. Honest conversation. Youneed to talk to Louis about this. He will be honest with you. I knowit. Wanna hear what I also know?".

"Notsure but go for it, I guess" Harry mumbled small.

"Thatyou make this issue bigger than it is, H" Sean told him unbothered."Yes, I know you never bottomed before. You have been the bigplayer, always being the one fucking people but only because you'vebeen scared of attachment and feelings and you know it. Just puttingyour dick in someone is easy and won't make you get attached. You cando this without any real connection and even guarded but lettingsomeone in, mentally and physically can be quite the scary thought ifyou haven't done that yet. And in your case, you've seen being thebottom as such a weak thing in your whole life for whatever reasonbut is Louis weak or needy?".

"No way.He is the strongest person I know and ... oh" Harry realised whatSean has been trying to say. "So, you're saying ...".

"Thatbeing on top or on the bottom doesn't define your personality or yourcharacter or who you are as a person. It's literally just part of aphysical matter and not that big of a deal" Sean nodded with asmile. "Actually, it's quite nice".

"Wait,so you and Niall ... you were ..." Harry was unable to process thisinformation.

"Yesand no. We share, H. That's a thing. Equal. But to be honest, I'venever bottomed before I met Niall. Mostly because I wasn't aware Iwas gay but ...".

"Did youactually like it? Enjoy it although you were used to something elseand liked that quite a lot?" Harry cut him off curiously, needingthe answers.

"I did,yeah. It was strange at first but damn, it's great. That freakingprostate is there for a good reason and when it's being used it'samazing. Topping is great but totally different than bottoming. Bothis good and equally as pleasuring, if you ask me. Maybe it's justNiall" Sean told him without any kind of shame.

"I'mjust scared" Harry sighed out shakily.

"Ofbottoming? I get that. It's okay" Sean put a hand on his shoulderin comfort.

"Thattoo but I'm also scared of hurting Louis. I'm almost afraid oftouching him because I'm terrified of triggering him or touching himwrongly or crossing a line without noticing it. What if he doesn'ttell me and I end up taking advantage of him without my knowledge?What if I hate having a dick in my arse but he doesn't wanna be thebottom anymore? He obviously doesn't. Being on top is part of him. Ican see it every day in little things he does. I can't accept himgiving this up for me" Harry admitted finally.

"Youneed to talk about this, Harry. No one other than Louis can reallyhelp you with this. Be honest and listen to each other withoutassumptions in any way. Make sure you're both comfortable and willingto work this out" Sean advised him wisely.

"You'reright. I'm gonna talk to him tomorrow" Harry realised that this wasthe only right way to handle this.

"Good.Don't worry too much about it, H. It's just sex" Sean laughedlight-fully. "And by the way, I just know you'd like it".

"Why areyou so sure about this?" Harry raised an eyebrow at himsuspiciously. "So good, mh?".

"Yes,actually but ..." Sean trailed off, obviously unsure of how to saythis. "Just picture it, H. Imagine how it must feel having theperson you love and trust the most this close to you. Imagine havingLouis be a part of you for this short amount of time, being thisintimate and private with him, this open and ... Just full of thelove of your life, giving yourself to him completely in blind trust,that I know you two share. It's just ... Sorry, that was weird".

"No,it's okay. Thanks, Sean. I appreciate it. Maybe you're right" Harryoffered him a genuine smile.

While Seanturned on the TV because this conversation was obviously over Harrycouldn't get Sean's words out of his head. Addingly, he thought backto every moment with Louis where he has been bossy and sassy andjokingly demanding and just oh-so-sexy and how it had made Harry feelinside. Blushingly, he remembered how Louis had called him baby boyand Harry had kept calling him Master as a joke. Let's just say, itdidn't leave him unaffected, now that he thought back about it. Maybethat was already his answer. Maybe it was this easy. Maybe not.