LIV. Heartbreak Weather

Odessa finally went home. She didn't want to leave her mom alone. But she was scared to be there in case he was there. She came out of her room and looked around the living room, but he weren't there. "He's not here, honey." Her mom voiced her thoughts. Odessa looked into the kitchen and saw her sitting at the kitchen table, smoking. "You don't have to worry."

She took small steps into the dining area. "I thought you gave up smoking." She mentioned.

Thalia took another quick puff. "I just needed a stress reliever, is all." She excused. "Are you hungry?"

Odessa shook her head.

"Come sit down, honey."

She sat at the table across from her. Since her dad arrived, Odessa wasn't sure what to say. She wanted to ask how her mom was feeling, and ask if she was okay, but she selfishly didn't want to talk about it at all. She felt as if it was better to keep how she was feeling bottled up.

"How are you—"

"Are you okay?" They asked at the same time. They laughed in unison. "You always have been my twin." Said Thalia with a small chuckle.

Odessa smiled sadly. "I didn't mean to disappear. I just needed to think." She said barely above a whisper.

"It's okay, baby. I understand." Her mother nodded. She put out the cigarette. "Do you want to see him?"

She immediately shook her head. "No."

"Dess—"

"I can't, mom. I-I don't want to."

Thalia quickly reached across the table and put her hand over hers. "It's okay, honey. Don't get upset. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do. But I want you to know that it's okay if you do—"

"I don't." Odessa said again, slightly harsh. She didn't mean to. "Hailey invited me over for a pool party. I gotta get going."

She stood from the table and her mom frowned. "He doesn't live far from here, y'know?"

It hurt to see her mom so upset. So lost. Because there was a long period of time where Odessa had to see her go completely off the rails. They only had each other. But, like she said, she selfishly felt like she was on her own. She just wanted to get away.

When Eli walked into Hailey's backyard, he gasped. "Whoa, her backyard's huge." He let out and looked around the area with a dropped jaw.

"Yeah, her mom works at a huge company in the hills." Odessa explained.

Seeing the couple arrive, Hailey sat up from the pool chair and waved her hand. "Hello, my second favorite couple!" She shouted from across the pool.

She laughed. "Who's the first?"

Hailey pointed between her and Grayson. "Us, obviously."

"Sup, bitches!" Oliver announced obnoxiously loud when he and Demetri came walking through the back door. "And Grayson."

They scoffed and Grayson jumped out of his pool chair. "What's up, bro?" He shouted and they tackled each other.

"Definitely feels like someone's missing." Hailey spoke sadly, referring to Miguel.

Odessa frowned again. She sat beside her on the pool chair.

"I'm sure Johnny's there now and he'll drag his little ass back in no time."  Said Grayson and he dove straight into the pool. Oliver followed him and did a cannon ball.

The two girls jumped when splashed water all over them. "You asshole!" Hailey shouted. Odessa just laughed.

He floated back to the top and flipped his hair that was now staring to grow back out.  "I know you are but what am I?" He shot with a wink. They all rolled their eyes at them. "So, now that karate's out of the picture,  what are we all gonna do this summer?"

"I heard that Tech Town is hiring." Said Demetri and he sat on the edge of the pool with his feet in the water.

"Like I would be caught dead wearing those uniforms." Hailey cringed and got in the water. She sat on her inflatable chair. "Why don't we work at the mall? We're there all the time anyway." She suggested.

Eli took her chair and brought his girlfriend close to him. "Yeah,  we can work at the stores across from each other and shout back and forth on our breaks." He spoke with a large smile.

Odessa laughed. "We would definitely get fired."

"This Summer's gonna be boring as shit."  Grayson said with a groan.

"Not, it's not. We just have to find things to do. The water park's gonna be open."

"I hate water parks." Hailey said with a grimace.

"You hate everything." Oliver pointed out.

"That's true."

"I'm thinking about getting another tattoo." Eli announced to them all.

Odessa looked at him with wide eyes. "Really? Of what?"

"I found this symbol on Pinterest the other day. I don't really know how to explain it but it looks badass."

"You look on Pinterest?" Demetri asked with a raised eyebrow.

He smiled and pointed at Odessa. "She got me into it."

"I'm still trying to convince her to get a nose ring,"  Hailey mentioned. She smiled at her friend. "Wouldn't she look so pretty?"

His eyes went large. "You wanna get a nose ring?" He asked the girl.

She shrugged slightly. "Just a little stud, maybe." She responded in a quiet voice.

Oliver laughed out loud. "Odessa, you get scared when someone flicks you. You're gonna get a needle shoved through your nose?"

"Shut up, dude. You're gonna scare her." Grayson said and splashed him.

"I just want to do something different, that's all. It's Summer." Odessa responded with a bright smile.

"If you get a nose ring, i'll get a tattoo," Eli negotiated.  He then gasped. "We can go together!"

"Aww, couple goals." Oliver gushed. He looked over at Demetri. "Will you get a tattoo with me?"

"Not a chance." Demetri denied.

When Odessa got home, the smile on her face vanished when she saw her dad sitting on the couch with her mom. Seeing her walking in, Christian and Thalia stood up. "Hi, honey. How was swimming?" Her mom asked with her usual kind smile.

"It was good," she muttered and closed the door behind her. "Feels weird without Miguel."

She frowned. "I know. I'm sorry. Johnny said he's trying."

She tightened her lips and stood there, feeling extremely awkward. Her dad couldn't take his eyes away from her as he desperately tried to get her to look his way. "Hi, Dessa." He uttered.

Odessa chewed on the inside of her cheek. "Hi, dad." She slowly responded.

Thalia looked between them. "I'm going to go grab something from my room. I'll be right back."  She excused and left the father and daughter alone in the living room.

Odessa wasn't stupid. She knew what her mom was doing. She crossed her arms over her stomach and leaned on one hip, still avoiding her father's eye contact.

Christian was hesitant. "Do you want to sit down?" He asked and motioned a hand to the couch.

"Sure. It is my house."  She muttered and went to sit down.

They sat side by side. Odessa felt as if she was sitting next to a stranger. She wore his face, her heart was his, but they weren't the same. Because Odessa would never abandon the people she loved. She'd never leave him or her mom. No, she couldn't look at him. He wasn't her father.

Christian looked at her like he she hung the stars but those stars were dying out. "You've grown so much." He uttered, not knowing what else to say.

"It's been three years." She said back. Her voice was bitter. Her cerulean eyes still stared ahead of her like the wall was the most interesting thing she ever saw. But really, they were burning through the white wood like lasers because she was trying so hard not to look his way.

Christian's lips faltered between a smile and a frown. "Why won't you look at me?" He asked barely above a whisper.

"Because I don't want to." She didn't mean to sound so harsh. She was hurt. Her heart was currently breaking into a million sharp pieces.

"Yes, you can. Please look at me, Odessa. I've missed you so much," her father begged. He would surely get in his knees and beg for her forgiveness if the time comes. "I'm so sorry, Dessa. I didn't mean for any of this to happen.

Her eyes began to water. Dessa. She had many nicknames given to her over the years but Dessa was her father. She was a baby. He stared at her with love. He spoke her name over and over again. Odessa. Odessa. Odessa. Dessa. My Dessa. And Dessa was born. Now every time she heard the god forsaken nickname, she wanted to go into hiding. Because she longed to hear her father call her it one last time. And now he was. And she felt like she was going to crumble.

She hid her face again and felt it start to turn red.

"I knew this wasn't going to be easy. I-I shouldn't have just shown up like this but I couldn't keep away any longer. I know you've been avoiding me and it's okay, but, I'm trying, Dessa."

"You shouldn't have to try!" She blurted out and their eyes finally met. Cerulean blue. She was praised her eyes her entire life. They were her father's eyes. She hated them. "You're my father! You should've been here!"

"I'm sorry, Odessa. Things were getting so dark. You have to understand—"

"No, I don't understand. I don't want to understand. I cried every single night because you weren't here! You used me for money. You stole from my mom. And then you just disappeared!" She spoke all at once and the tears came flowing like a landslide. "Things got dark for me too,  dad. I have suffered for the past three years all because of you. Do you have any idea how hard it is to not have your dad around?"

He didn't answer. He wiped his wet eyes.

Now, she was the one staring at him. For a while, Odessa was staring to forget what he looked like. But he was right in front of her, crying. And it was pathetic. A whimpering noise forced itself from her throat. "I needed you. I needed you so badly and you weren't here. How could you do that to me? How could you do that to mom?"

Christian could only look at her with humiliation and sorrow. "I'm so sorry,  Dessa."

Odessa got up from the couch and ran into her room. Thalia stood on the other side of her door and her hand covered her mouth. Her eyes were closed. Odessa slid down her bedroom door and she gripped her hair. It all came back to her at once. The excruciating pain she felt the first time her dad left. She tugged at the hair tie on her wrist but her anxiety continued to heighten.