4 days later
*Zac*
I have just picked up Bella from the airport. I am so happy to have her back with me. These last days has been a black pit of self doubt, pain, regrets and way to much alcohol to be healthy if I have to be honest. Sitting by myself and wondering what to do with my life.

How do pull myself up from this sinkhole ? I need my little girl to keep me together.. she is basically my only reason for living.

She is happily chatting away, telling me about all the fun things she has been doing in Texas. About the horses and her grandparents and I try to be happy for her, smiling and giving the right reactions. Plastering on a smile not to let her know about the pain inside. I don't want her to suffer with me.

"Tena, Tena !" Bella runs inside our home. Looking around for Athena. I haven't told her yet that she is gone. Honestly I have been scared to, knowing how attached my daughter had gotten to her.

She stops and turn to look at me. Putting her hands on her hips in a very Kate like way, that is both adorable and heartbreaking. "Daddy, where is Tena ? Why isn't she here ? I missed her.. I want to tell her things".

"Sweetie listen, Tena don't live with us anymore... She had to go somewhere else okay ? But we are used to being just you and me. We will be fine gum drop, like we always have been". I tell her praying she won't throw a hissy fit.

She stomp her little foot angrily. And I brace myself, this will surely get messy, my daughter is a very strong willed girl.. just like her mother was. "No daddy... I want Tena... I want a mommy".

"Stop it Bella... Tena isn't your mother... She was just your nanny and she should have kept her nose out of things not concerning her". I might be snapping a bit... I have never spoken a harsh word to Bella in her life. Never raised my voice. But I feel my grasp on my sanity slipping.

Her lips starts to quiver slightly. "She could have been my new mommy... If you been nicer to her...She is nice and pretty... I don't want it to be just us again.. it's boring".

"I said stop it Mirabella... Go to your room this instant and I don't want to hear one more word about Tena... She is gone okay and she will never come back". I can't control the pain, it is ripping me apart and I yell at her, it is like the pain is spilling out as words.

She lifts her arms in a protective way.. like I had just slapped her... Her eyes huge and scared. "Don't yell daddy... You scaring me... I don't like it".

"Then do as you are told. Go to your room, NOW !" I need her to get away... I can't let her see me shatter... I can't hold on.. I just can't do it anymore. Everything is crashing down full force.. like an avalanche, burrowing me, cutting of my air.

She looks at me with tears streaming down her face. "I hate you daddy. I hate you".

Then she runs of to her room, slamming the door and I crumple to the floor... I can't breathe and I can't think as waves of pain rips through me. I fold my arms around myself, feeling that I am literally crumbling to dust. Beating myself mentally for hurting my precious princess.

What am I to do ? I wish I could just seize to exist. That I could just perish. Even Bella don't want me. Don't need me. I am absolutely worthless to the world. I have no reason to stay any longer. But I need Bella away from here, away from me.

I manage to get out my phone calling Shekinah, telling her in a raw rambling voice to come get Bella right now. She don't ask why, she just tells me she is on her way.

What to do now ? I am not sure... I don't know what it is I am planning to do. But I do plan on going out the back door when I hear Shekinah's car in the driveway. Then I know Bella is safe...My sister will make sure she is okay and I can.. disappear.

"Daddy ? What wrong daddy ?" I hear her small voice call for me, but I can't manage to do anything.. not even lift my head. Then I feel her tiny hand on my cheek. "Are you sad daddy ? I am sorry I said that... I love you daddy".

She folds her little arms around my neck and rests her cheek against mine. I start to cry in earnest now and pull her into my arms. "I love you to gum drop. I am so sorry I yelled. Daddy is not feeling well  right now..so you need to be with your aunt for a bit okay ?"

"Okay daddy... promise me you won't disappear too... pinky swear.. I need my daddy". She says snuggling into my chest.

I rest my head on top of hers. Letting my tears spill into her soft hair. "I promise you baby girl. I am not disappearing".

This is how Shekinah finds us when she arrive. She sits down beside me, looking scared and nervous. "What is happening Zac ?"

"I need you to take Bella with you okay ?" I tell her. Bella shakes her head against my chest and I kiss her head. "It's okay sweetie. Go pack you best toys okay ?"

She runs off to her room and I get up slowly. My sister gets up too. She is looking at me and I can see in her eyes what she is fearing. "What are you going to do when we leave Zac ?"

"Don't worry sis. I am going to get some help...Some professional help". I say taking a deep breath. "So I hope you are happy now".

She hugs me tightly. "I am... I couldn't be more happy. I can have Bella as long as you need it.. And please tell me if there is anything else I can do okay ?"

"Okay.. Thank you". I send her a small smile. I need to do this. I need to do it for Bella. Her needs comes before mine and I need to man up and get through this for her.