Despite waking up at numerous points during the night, I somehow didn't hear Teddy leave the next morning. If it hadn't been for the note he'd placed on the bedside table, I could have almost believed it had all been a dream.

Sorry for sneaking out – didn't want to risk another awkward confrontation with Helen so thought I should leave before she gets up. Thanks for talking last night. Ed x

It wasn't clear if he was thanking me for opening up or for listening to him—not that it really mattered. What mattered was that he'd stayed in my bed and I'd woken up desperate to fuck him, despite promising Becca it would never happen. It didn't happen, though. So I hadn't broken my promise.

I threw the note in the bin, then immediately fished it out. Housekeeping could find it, jump to the wrong conclusion, and sell an inaccurate story to the press.

As that thought flitted through my mind, it reminded me why I was in this hotel room in the first place. It had been a couple of weeks since my first exposé on Teddy Stone. Although he'd given me plenty of content last night, most of it was common knowledge, and if I wrote about his relationship with Lacey, it would be glaringly obvious where it had come from.

For this to work, I had to bide my time and be careful. Unfortunately, Becca was not of the same opinion, and she made that clear when we caught up on the group chat at lunchtime.

Becca: It's been weeks Soph. What's going on? Not starting to feel guilty are you?

Me: No. Nothing to do with guilt. This will go tits up if I take a risk. Need to make sure it's something that could have come from anyone

Becca: But you're not anyone. You are getting close to him for this exact reason. If it could have come from anyone then we wouldn't need you there would we?

Ouch, Becca. I could understand her argument, though. Still, she wasn't here, and she hadn't witnessed Helen's meltdown over the Lacey article. I hadn't signed that NDA, and if something too private about Teddy got out, I would top her list of potential suspects.

Gabby: I think Soph is right. No point doing this unless we're doing it properly. If we make a mistake, it will discredit the other information Soph has provided

Becca: Other information being that one speculative article on Lacey Holland?

Sighing, I turned my phone facedown, needing a brief respite from the pressure. I had to remember that Becca was only acting like this because her idol had hurt her, and she was trying to protect herself from getting hurt again.

I really did have to keep reminding myself of that, because the more time I spent with Teddy, the less he seemed like the kind of guy who would behave that way. A one-night stand with a girl? Sure. But treating someone how he treated Becca? I couldn't see it.

Perhaps in the midst of my growing familiarity with him, I'd subconsciously started to wear rose-tinted glasses. Perhaps I only saw the friend side of Teddy, not the side where he owed no loyalty to random fangirls.

But still, why go to so much effort to control the narrative in interviews and project a perfect image when you fucked over girls so readily? It didn't make sense. Unless Becca was an anomaly—an instance of bad judgement—and he really was trying to make things right and prevent his reputation from becoming tarnished.

Not for the first time, I considered the possibility that Teddy was playing me, too. I wanted to believe that wasn't the case, but I seemingly had him fooled with my plan—why wouldn't he be able to fool me with his? Especially if I thought I was the one in control...

To try to distract myself from the swirling thoughts, I concentrated on my Athens notes, planning out the structure of my latest post as I sipped at a coffee in a quiet café. I'd always loved Greece, so finding something to write about hadn't been difficult. The difficult part was writing about it in a way that didn't assume every person shared my opinions.

Half an hour later, I flipped over my phone and scanned through the messages I'd missed. The girls mustn't have been together because the conversation had continued on the group chat and mostly consisted of Becca suggesting that I wasn't taking this seriously while Gabby tried to reassure her.

I wanted to give Becca the benefit of the doubt. I really did. After all, I'd provided her with multiple reasons not to trust me. But her lack of faith hurt. I'd worked so hard to regain her trust—and, for the most part, her friendship and loyalty towards me had never wavered.

This seemed different, though. I was starting to feel like the enemy. Like I'd been contracted to do something and wasn't performing as instructed.

Fuelled by the hurt, I typed out one last message.

Me: Becca, I totally get where you're coming from but please remember this is difficult for me too. I'm supposed to be getting close to Teddy but I'm also pushing him away out of guilt. I'm either all in or I'm not. I can't keep treading a line and hoping for the best. That's why this isn't going as fast as we'd like. Maybe we should call it a day and break the whole thing off. It's clearly stressing you out and I'm starting to feel like a pawn

The ticks turned blue instantly, but nobody typed. I waited ten minutes before dropping my phone into my bag and packing up.

As I travelled back across the city—a quiet public transport route was part of my post—I began to second guess my outburst. This was supposed to be about Becca, not me. I'd agreed to do this knowing it would test my loyalties, but I hated that Becca's hurt manifested as distrust in me. I hated that her hurt was now hurting me.

*

A couple of hours later, my phone pinged with a response from Gabby—this time on our private chat.

Gabby: Think we need to play this differently with Bec. She's stressing out, seems to think you're in a secret relationship with Teddy. Telling her that you need to get closer isn't helping. She's interpreting it as an excuse for you to sleep with him

Me: I can see that. Just don't know what I'm supposed to do. This whole thing started because we decided to take advantage of Teddy's interest in me

Gabby: I know. I asked her whether she'd prefer to bring Teddy down or pull you away from him. She's still adamant she wants him exposed

Me: Then she needs to let me get on with it. I feel like I'm under a magnifying glass

Gabby: Exactly. So do what you need to do Soph. Just don't tell Becca the details. As far as she's concerned, you're still treading the line

I didn't like going behind Becca's back, but I could see Gabby's point. We'd get nowhere with this if I kept friend-zoning him. Lucia might not be a real romance, but how long before Teddy found someone he could fuck and talk to? There'd be no use for me.

I had to keep him interested. And I would justify that by giving Becca the exposé she so desperately craved.

*

I tossed and turned in bed, unable to switch off. The devil and angel on each of my shoulders argued with one another, but rather than making my predicament any clearer, I felt more and more isolated.

Isolated from Becca, whose happiness seemed dependent on me achieving an impossible task.

Isolated from Gabby, who'd become increasingly stuck in the middle of her two friends with each passing day.

Isolated from my family—my sister who couldn't stand me, my mother whose life revolved more around her new family than her old one, and my father who lived at the other end of the country.

Where did I belong? My dad lived hours away. I didn't fit in with the family nearest to me. I let down my closest friends.

Sitting up, I reached for my phone. Not even midnight. Staying in bed wasn't helping me sleep, so I slipped out onto the balcony, resting my forearms on the railing as I surveyed the city of Athens beneath me.

"Can't sleep, either?"

I startled, not realising Teddy stood on his own balcony to my right. Lounge pants hanging low on his hips and wearing no top, he looked like a model you'd see in a magazine—his lean body chiselled to such perfection that it could have been airbrushed—not a real person mere metres away from me.

"No." I straightened up and twisted to face him, leaning my hip against the railing. "How was your interview?"

"Good. Uneventful." He smiled. "Thought you'd be out like a light with the bed to yourself again."

As my mouth dried up, I wet my lips. Seeing him out here—wearing so few clothes and looking so infuriatingly hot—did nothing to ease my frustrated mindset.

"Being alone with my own thoughts is much worse than sharing a bed with you, believe me."

He exhaled a low chuckle, and his abs rippled with the deep vibration. "Oh, I believe you. Anything in particular on your mind?"

Shrugging, I turned back to face the view. The twinkling lights of Athens offered a different kind of beauty to Teddy's enticing muscles.

"Just questioning my purpose on this planet. So nothing big, really."

Teddy's laugh came across as polite this time, like he was acknowledging my joke rather than finding it funny.

"Well, I'm glad you're on this planet, Soph. And I'm glad we met."

Nothing flirtatious coated his words. He sounded genuine and having someone near to me say such a flattering thing helped. Or it helped my ego during an existential crisis, at least, even if I did still feel like I was being tugged in two different directions.

"Want some company for a bit?" he said. "I can stay up."

"It's chilly out here. And if you come inside then I'm sure your men are going to wonder why you keep sneaking in and out of my room."

Teddy grinned, shooting me a wink. "No sneaking involved. I walk with pride and confidence."

I rolled my eyes. "I bet."

"They're paid to be discreet. It's part of their job. You don't have to stress about gossip."

We'd done it once before, and nothing had happened. Plus, he was offering. I was simply accepting someone's company during a vulnerable moment.

"Okay. Let me grab my card and pass it over to you."

"No need. My men have spare cards for all the rooms. Proud and confident, remember?"

While I waited for him to complete the short journey, I scanned my room for anything embarrassing on show. Each stopover was so brief that I didn't put much effort into keeping the place tidy when I knew I'd be packing up and leaving soon.

Teddy rapped his knuckles against the door before swiping the card and letting himself in.

"Nice to see you've made yourself at home since I left this morning," he said, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he surveyed the mess.

"Opposite, actually. Making myself at home would be putting things away."

He nodded. "As opposed to just throwing them all over your desk and floor."

I didn't take offence, hopping up onto the bed and crossing my legs. Teddy's eyes drifted over my thighs and calves, bare apart from my pyjama shorts, and I'd have admired his total lack of tact if it hadn't stirred the arousal that I was trying hard to keep at bay.

"How was your day?" he asked, his tone so neutral that it made me wonder if I'd imagined the way he'd studied me.

Seizing the distraction, I let him read the rough draft of my blog post, and we soon settled into an easy brainstorming session about Amsterdam—our next stop.

As we began to yawn, I slipped beneath the covers and Teddy made a point of dithering.

"You can stay if you want," I said. "You behaved yourself last time."

"If I stay, will you tell me about your existential crisis?" But he had already pulled back the duvet to tuck himself in.

"Just locked horns with Becca, that's all," I said. "Being in a three-person friendship group is tough. One friend is always caught in the middle."

"Gabby?" He rolled onto his side to face me.

"Hmm. I think I'm the problematic friend. Becca and Gabby never argue, and I'm the one who's hurt Becca several times before. I don't have an ally in my sister because she hates me. My dad lives hundreds of miles away. I've never seen the country that's a huge part of my dad's life..."

"Can I say something?"

"Please do."

"I've always believed friends who argue are closer than those who don't. Part of friendship is being yourself around each other, so naturally you're going to lock horns. If you're comfortable enough with each other to do that, without treading on eggshells, then that's friendship. As for Costa Rica... You're only twenty-five, Soph. You've got a lifetime ahead of you. When you do get there, it'll be even more special."

I shrugged, accepting his point, but my eyes had fixed onto his plump lips during his speech and now I struggled to think of anything but kissing him. How would they feel against my own mouth? Would they be soft and gentle, or rough and hungry? Although a distraction from my original crisis, it was just as troubling.

Kissing used to be one of my favourite things. I'd locked lips with many strangers under the flashing lights of a nightclub. But it was always meaningless. Just a bit of fun. An ego boost. Everyone kissed differently, and that was part of the excitement.

Yet once you get to know a person, kissing changes. It's still physical, but it carries an emotional weight, too. You're not kissing them for a quick fix—you're doing it to express feelings or affection or a more deep-rooted attraction.

So as much as I craved to experience Teddy's mouth against mine, I knew we were past the point of it meaning nothing.

"Want to know my existential crisis?" he then said, voice soft.

To prove he had my attention and to get my mind off his lips, I nodded and lifted my gaze to meet his own.

"Hardly anyone knows the real Teddy Stone. Ed. I've got this huge fanbase but who is it they love? A character on stage? And why? Because I entertain them? Because they like to look at me? So what does that say about my purpose in this world? I'm here to make others happy, not myself."

"But you love what you do."

"I know. But part of it is an act. A performance. It has to be."

"Is that why you're trying to tweak your brand? To make it more you?"

"Yeah... Is that lame?"

"Not at all," I said. "But there must be a balance, surely? You can't share your whole life, your whole reality, with your fans. What would you have left for yourself? An act—a stage performer—creates something of a shield. A form of protection."

"You're right. But then I face the issue of whom to let in. To trust."

We lay side by side in silence for several minutes. Although I often wondered if Teddy suspected me—or if he was playing me, too—right then, I didn't care. We were just two people, each feeling trapped, yet with no desire to untangle ourselves.

***

Thank you for reading :) xx

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