(Hey school just ended for me and I have time to do ally update again! Also I noticed how I started this book off with the POV saying I a lot and now it just says John did this and that)

It was the night of Alexander and Eliza's wedding and John wasn't ready in any way, shape, or form.

John remembered the happy looks on the newly married couples face when they kissed. Now, it is the after party and John was talking to Angelica.

"I'm happy for them but I wish it could have been me you know?" John said to the eldest Schuyler sister. Angelica was the only person, other than Lafayette and Hercules and possibly Eliza, who knew about his love for Alexander.

"Hah! I get what you mean" She said and continued, "when I found out she was getting married before me I didn't believe it! I always thought I would be married first," she chuckled and looked over at the couple.

John looked down at his hands and sighed "Angelica I need to be honest with you" he said breaking the silence, "I'm planning on killing myself when I get home. I just can't live anymore, and I've been so alone recently it's just getting to be overwhelming," he said with tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Angelica looked at him shocked but nodded understanding what he meant.
"John just remember, we will always be here for you no matter what," she said looking him in the eye. John smiled slightly and looked up at her and looked her directly in the eyes.
"I'm sure this is what I want. Please, don't stop me," he pleaded her and she sighed and nodded "I won't stop you, it's your choice. I physically can't stop you." She finished and walked away when she was called over to take pictures with her sisters. John was called over by Alexander to also take pictures. Little did Alex know, this was the last picture John would be taking. Alive.

I hope I can finish this book this summer. I'll try and work on it tonight some more.